D
Deleted member 22126
Iron
- Joined
- Sep 8, 2022
- Posts
- 5,672
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- 11,012
I am a good looking male. I've always been among the most physically attractive in my social groups. I'm also tall and reasonably smart. It's often the first thing people mention about me. Whether it's family member or friends. Oh, you should model! Oh, the jawbones, oh the eyes. Oh this and oh that. I literally have done nothing to deserve my looks. It's completely superficial. These aren't compliments and they don't feel good. They just serve to make me self-conscious.
I feel that other people project their wishes onto me. For instance, if I had an opportunity to go home with a girl from the bar and I didn't take it then I would be made to feel like an idiot. But I almost always have that opportunity and I'm not looking for it. If you spend ANY amount of time on here you will see posts like: STEP 1=BE ATTRACTIVE, as a response to almost any situation. I don't even care for sex that much, but I feel like since I was "lucky" in the looks department that I should take advantage of my looks like other people state they would if they were in my position. So I end up doing things that I don't even particularly want to do because otherwise I feel like I'm "missing out" and not living my potential. The first few times I had sex were like this. I felt like there were certain sexual standards that I needed to fulfil. A "potential" that I didn't even ask for.
Due to feelings of having unwanted attention during gatherings - or anything else, I have a tendency to dress down otherwise I feel like a dick. To be unkempt and unshaven. Clothes that don't compliment my body. I'm afraid of looking my best and I don't like the extra attention of eye-balls. I'm afraid of people being jealous - and I'm afraid of people thinking that I am "so much better off, and lucky" due to my looks. I come from a poor family and from a poor neighbourhood. I wish that any of the attention I had was because I deserved it due to my personality and not immediately just because of how I look. I feel like when I mess up, do something unexpected or act silly that people are taken aback since they expect some sort of pristine fantasy that was invented when they first saw me. As opposed to being an average looking person who did the same thing.
I constantly see and hear comments like "I wish I was 6 ft..." and "If I was attractive I would....". I compare myself to these comments and realize that I could be living all the "dreams" that people are talking about. However what really happens is that I reject sexual invitations often and then feel like I'm supposed to regret doing that since I (seemingly?) have more opportunity than the average person.
I also feel like I have a certain amount of standards that I need to adhere to. For instance, if I love my partner but she is a lesser level of attractiveness than me - then I feel like I am missing out on something. Other people DREAM of sleeping with the beautiful 9/10 or 10/10 and physically speaking I have a much better chance of being with someone like that. So even if I'm in love with someone "less attractive", I feel a sort of FOMO due to my social expectation being much higher. I don't even know what I want anymore. Only what I'm supposed to want.
I am actually quite good at many things and I fail at them all. I'm often depressed. I have bouts of anxiety. I have no focus and I'm not "taking advantage" of my skills or my looks in the ways that I feel like I'm supposed to. I'm not an actor, I'm not a talk show host, I'm not a model, I'm not a sexy entrepreneur with a sparkling smile. Regardless, anyone I meet tells me that I should be one. I have some sort of "one up" and I'm not using it, so it makes me feel like an idiot.
I wish that nobody perceived me as a threat. I wish that nobody was worried about me stepping on their toes. I wish that I wasn't afraid of stepping on anyone's toes. I wish that I wasn't afraid of taking up space or feeling the need to cede space to others. I wish that nobody expected anything of me and that I didn't expect anything of myself based on how I look.
I feel that other people project their wishes onto me. For instance, if I had an opportunity to go home with a girl from the bar and I didn't take it then I would be made to feel like an idiot. But I almost always have that opportunity and I'm not looking for it. If you spend ANY amount of time on here you will see posts like: STEP 1=BE ATTRACTIVE, as a response to almost any situation. I don't even care for sex that much, but I feel like since I was "lucky" in the looks department that I should take advantage of my looks like other people state they would if they were in my position. So I end up doing things that I don't even particularly want to do because otherwise I feel like I'm "missing out" and not living my potential. The first few times I had sex were like this. I felt like there were certain sexual standards that I needed to fulfil. A "potential" that I didn't even ask for.
Due to feelings of having unwanted attention during gatherings - or anything else, I have a tendency to dress down otherwise I feel like a dick. To be unkempt and unshaven. Clothes that don't compliment my body. I'm afraid of looking my best and I don't like the extra attention of eye-balls. I'm afraid of people being jealous - and I'm afraid of people thinking that I am "so much better off, and lucky" due to my looks. I come from a poor family and from a poor neighbourhood. I wish that any of the attention I had was because I deserved it due to my personality and not immediately just because of how I look. I feel like when I mess up, do something unexpected or act silly that people are taken aback since they expect some sort of pristine fantasy that was invented when they first saw me. As opposed to being an average looking person who did the same thing.
I constantly see and hear comments like "I wish I was 6 ft..." and "If I was attractive I would....". I compare myself to these comments and realize that I could be living all the "dreams" that people are talking about. However what really happens is that I reject sexual invitations often and then feel like I'm supposed to regret doing that since I (seemingly?) have more opportunity than the average person.
I also feel like I have a certain amount of standards that I need to adhere to. For instance, if I love my partner but she is a lesser level of attractiveness than me - then I feel like I am missing out on something. Other people DREAM of sleeping with the beautiful 9/10 or 10/10 and physically speaking I have a much better chance of being with someone like that. So even if I'm in love with someone "less attractive", I feel a sort of FOMO due to my social expectation being much higher. I don't even know what I want anymore. Only what I'm supposed to want.
I am actually quite good at many things and I fail at them all. I'm often depressed. I have bouts of anxiety. I have no focus and I'm not "taking advantage" of my skills or my looks in the ways that I feel like I'm supposed to. I'm not an actor, I'm not a talk show host, I'm not a model, I'm not a sexy entrepreneur with a sparkling smile. Regardless, anyone I meet tells me that I should be one. I have some sort of "one up" and I'm not using it, so it makes me feel like an idiot.
I wish that nobody perceived me as a threat. I wish that nobody was worried about me stepping on their toes. I wish that I wasn't afraid of stepping on anyone's toes. I wish that I wasn't afraid of taking up space or feeling the need to cede space to others. I wish that nobody expected anything of me and that I didn't expect anything of myself based on how I look.
