Sort of a vent and asking about relationship advise (i forgot what i was asking).

[EvilSatanArseRapist]

So this started about 9 years ago. at the time i was 8 years old, she was 6.
We met through my dad as her aunt is one of my fathers numerous exes (they all ended up crying and desperate sitting on their suitcases as he is quite the narcissist and shit, but thats another story). My father has this sort of farm hotel (agriturismo) where her family spent a week or something, i didn't really care abt her at the time but she got kinda fixated on me. 2023 we met again and this was when my stonecold truecel khhv heart that hasn't seen any affection from anyone was warmed by a touch of love it most definetly was in no way ready for. We ended up sitting on rooftops till 3 am hugging eachother and getting scratches to the had (holy fuck it makes me happy even thinking about it). When she left after a few days again she even gave me a kiss which i was not able to reciprocate and i did not know what the fuck was happening. in the following year we saw us once or twice, but i was completely incapable of any sort of love or an ltr, let alone a long distance one. She wanted to but i was distant and it failed for that year (holy fuck i was so fucking retarded fuck fuck fuck she wanted me so bad and i was cold fuck i hurt her for no reason). I think this left some sort of trauma in her but nothing terrible. It was kinda over, it hardly even started. A year later in august of 2024 tho we were so back. We saw each other again and now i was much more comfortable with physical contact, kissing and so on. After this time i tried my best to run the ltr as best as i could, considering the most we would be apart would be for 6 weeks at a time and i was really fucking desperate for any sort of attention. I was genuenly doing everything right but shortly after i went to spain for 2 weeks, where i couldn't video call and text as much she was telling me all these things and traumas and i couldn't be there for her as i would have liked to and her (ex)friends got into her head and she ended up telling me she can't keep doing this after i visited her in october. We ended up seperated. Getting abandoned after trying my best and thinking i was doing everything right really, really fucked me up (in retrospect it wasn't that much but at the time it really felt like it). I was devastated, i remember vomiting and crying myself to sleep over this shit. Around the 25th november she ended up texting me again, i was more desperate than ever, but the connection felt stronger than ever for some reason, but i was left with some pretty scarring trauma and now my attachment is really anxious and preoccupied. We spent a few days together and celebrated her birthday and the new year together a bit of time later. During these days i got my first (2) blowjobs and i remember shaking like a fucking epileptic and vomiting because of all the positive emotions after i came both times. We didn't have sex yet because she (and tbf me too) were not quite ready at the time, she was and still is (far less) insecure. Going back to long distance i was really fucking anxious, i felt disposable and extremely scared of losing this one true light of my life. March that year i took the train asap and spent all the carneval break from school at her house with her and her family. The mother adores me, the dad is a really fucking childish, petty and disgruntled old fuck but he also likes me and is kinda nice sometimes. This was also when we had sex for the first time. I almost kinda vomited from exitement but only a little bit this time. There was some occasional drama like some "friend" saying shit like "him or me and if you choose him ill kms". She chose me, he sadly wussed out but im pretty sure he is surveilled and he attempted. He was a disgusting manipulative nazi slavshit. It would not surprise me to find him on here at all. He is out of sight and out of mind now tho. This did really fuck with both her aswell as my mental health, and for me it was particularly shit cuz of profound anxious preoccupied attachment. We ended up seeing us another time less than two months later and then we couldn't for a bit because of school break timings and really important exams on her part. But a little after she came to visit me from 1300km and came to germany for a whole month and then we spent a week in italy together. Might have been the best time of my life. After she lefts around the 20th of august, she called me and told me something tho. She was really distraught and sobbing and scared and told me "i almost fucked a friend of mine". It wasn't even that bad, they like kissed or some shit, but she didn't specify that so in my head there was every possible disaster scenario of getting cucked which is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then ive been really fucking anxious, constantly overthinking everything, a strong constant fear of abandonment started devouring me and kept basically schizofrenating and all the thoughts and questions won't stop and i kept bringing it up, cuz i needed to constantly reassured and shit. During this time i also was really really happy because we were having such great conversations about alot of topics and i bonded like i never did over call, but these anxieties were always nawing at me and i projected that. Im oftentimes unbearable i think. I recently talked to her a bit more about some stuff i myself only recently understood about my psyche and i hope she will understand me better as we are basically polar opposites. We saw eachother for another few days right before school started in mid september. Its been 10 days since we haven't seen each other and in that time my thoughts and conversations and shit are just pressing and heavy. I think it will get better. Idek what the fuck kind of advice i wanted from you guys. I love her so fucking much, she is the cutest thing, i know she loves me alot and is fixated on me and shit but i am still so fucking scared of losing her, holy shit all the inside jokes, everything, i could not love again fuck.

DNR of the MILLENIUM

if some one actually read and gave some insightfull comment or advice i would appreciate it very much.

 

[MogsGymMaxx]

Hopefully someone reads ts and gaves you advice cuz I ain’t doing allat

 

[crazyguy]

So this started about 9 years ago. at the time i was 8 years old, she was 6.
We met through my dad as her aunt is one of my fathers numerous exes (they all ended up crying and desperate sitting on their suitcases as he is quite the narcissist and shit, but thats another story). My father has this sort of farm hotel (agriturismo) where her family spent a week or something, i didn't really care abt her at the time but she got kinda fixated on me. 2023 we met again and this was when my stonecold truecel khhv heart that hasn't seen any affection from anyone was warmed by a touch of love it most definetly was in no way ready for. We ended up sitting on rooftops till 3 am hugging eachother and getting scratches to the had (holy fuck it makes me happy even thinking about it). When she left after a few days again she even gave me a kiss which i was not able to reciprocate and i did not know what the fuck was happening. in the following year we saw us once or twice, but i was completely incapable of any sort of love or an ltr, let alone a long distance one. She wanted to but i was distant and it failed for that year (holy fuck i was so fucking retarded fuck fuck fuck she wanted me so bad and i was cold fuck i hurt her for no reason). I think this left some sort of trauma in her but nothing terrible. It was kinda over, it hardly even started. A year later in august of 2024 tho we were so back. We saw each other again and now i was much more comfortable with physical contact, kissing and so on. After this time i tried my best to run the ltr as best as i could, considering the most we would be apart would be for 6 weeks at a time and i was really fucking desperate for any sort of attention. I was genuenly doing everything right but shortly after i went to spain for 2 weeks, where i couldn't video call and text as much she was telling me all these things and traumas and i couldn't be there for her as i would have liked to and her (ex)friends got into her head and she ended up telling me she can't keep doing this after i visited her in october. We ended up seperated. Getting abandoned after trying my best and thinking i was doing everything right really, really fucked me up (in retrospect it wasn't that much but at the time it really felt like it). I was devastated, i remember vomiting and crying myself to sleep over this shit. Around the 25th november she ended up texting me again, i was more desperate than ever, but the connection felt stronger than ever for some reason, but i was left with some pretty scarring trauma and now my attachment is really anxious and preoccupied. We spent a few days together and celebrated her birthday and the new year together a bit of time later. During these days i got my first (2) blowjobs and i remember shaking like a fucking epileptic and vomiting because of all the positive emotions after i came both times. We didn't have sex yet because she (and tbf me too) were not quite ready at the time, she was and still is (far less) insecure. Going back to long distance i was really fucking anxious, i felt disposable and extremely scared of losing this one true light of my life. March that year i took the train asap and spent all the carneval break from school at her house with her and her family. The mother adores me, the dad is a really fucking childish, petty and disgruntled old fuck but he also likes me and is kinda nice sometimes. This was also when we had sex for the first time. I almost kinda vomited from exitement but only a little bit this time. There was some occasional drama like some "friend" saying shit like "him or me and if you choose him ill kms". She chose me, he sadly wussed out but im pretty sure he is surveilled and he attempted. He was a disgusting manipulative nazi slavshit. It would not surprise me to find him on here at all. He is out of sight and out of mind now tho. This did really fuck with both her aswell as my mental health, and for me it was particularly shit cuz of profound anxious preoccupied attachment. We ended up seeing us another time less than two months later and then we couldn't for a bit because of school break timings and really important exams on her part. But a little after she came to visit me from 1300km and came to germany for a whole month and then we spent a week in italy together. Might have been the best time of my life. After she lefts around the 20th of august, she called me and told me something tho. She was really distraught and sobbing and scared and told me "i almost fucked a friend of mine". It wasn't even that bad, they like kissed or some shit, but she didn't specify that so in my head there was every possible disaster scenario of getting cucked which is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then ive been really fucking anxious, constantly overthinking everything, a strong constant fear of abandonment started devouring me and kept basically schizofrenating and all the thoughts and questions won't stop and i kept bringing it up, cuz i needed to constantly reassured and shit. During this time i also was really really happy because we were having such great conversations about alot of topics and i bonded like i never did over call, but these anxieties were always nawing at me and i projected that. Im oftentimes unbearable i think. I recently talked to her a bit more about some stuff i myself only recently understood about my psyche and i hope she will understand me better as we are basically polar opposites. We saw eachother for another few days right before school started in mid september. Its been 10 days since we haven't seen each other and in that time my thoughts and conversations and shit are just pressing and heavy. I think it will get better. Idek what the fuck kind of advice i wanted from you guys. I love her so fucking much, she is the cutest thing, i know she loves me alot and is fixated on me and shit but i am still so fucking scared of losing her, holy shit all the inside jokes, everything, i could not love again fuck.

DNR of the MILLENIUM

if some one actually read and gave some insightfull comment or advice i would appreciate it very much.

yes youre an abused dog and you have to stop talking to her, she kissed her friend. staying with her would mean youre a cuck.

 

[browncurrycel]

"i almost fucked a friend of mine". It wasn't even that bad, they like kissed or some shit, but she didn't specify that so in my head

She's definitely hiding something more

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

So this started about 9 years ago. at the time i was 8 years old, she was 6.
We met through my dad as her aunt is one of my fathers numerous exes (they all ended up crying and desperate sitting on their suitcases as he is quite the narcissist and shit, but thats another story). My father has this sort of farm hotel (agriturismo) where her family spent a week or something, i didn't really care abt her at the time but she got kinda fixated on me. 2023 we met again and this was when my stonecold truecel khhv heart that hasn't seen any affection from anyone was warmed by a touch of love it most definetly was in no way ready for. We ended up sitting on rooftops till 3 am hugging eachother and getting scratches to the had (holy fuck it makes me happy even thinking about it). When she left after a few days again she even gave me a kiss which i was not able to reciprocate and i did not know what the fuck was happening. in the following year we saw us once or twice, but i was completely incapable of any sort of love or an ltr, let alone a long distance one. She wanted to but i was distant and it failed for that year (holy fuck i was so fucking retarded fuck fuck fuck she wanted me so bad and i was cold fuck i hurt her for no reason). I think this left some sort of trauma in her but nothing terrible. It was kinda over, it hardly even started. A year later in august of 2024 tho we were so back. We saw each other again and now i was much more comfortable with physical contact, kissing and so on. After this time i tried my best to run the ltr as best as i could, considering the most we would be apart would be for 6 weeks at a time and i was really fucking desperate for any sort of attention. I was genuenly doing everything right but shortly after i went to spain for 2 weeks, where i couldn't video call and text as much she was telling me all these things and traumas and i couldn't be there for her as i would have liked to and her (ex)friends got into her head and she ended up telling me she can't keep doing this after i visited her in october. We ended up seperated. Getting abandoned after trying my best and thinking i was doing everything right really, really fucked me up (in retrospect it wasn't that much but at the time it really felt like it). I was devastated, i remember vomiting and crying myself to sleep over this shit. Around the 25th november she ended up texting me again, i was more desperate than ever, but the connection felt stronger than ever for some reason, but i was left with some pretty scarring trauma and now my attachment is really anxious and preoccupied. We spent a few days together and celebrated her birthday and the new year together a bit of time later. During these days i got my first (2) blowjobs and i remember shaking like a fucking epileptic and vomiting because of all the positive emotions after i came both times. We didn't have sex yet because she (and tbf me too) were not quite ready at the time, she was and still is (far less) insecure. Going back to long distance i was really fucking anxious, i felt disposable and extremely scared of losing this one true light of my life. March that year i took the train asap and spent all the carneval break from school at her house with her and her family. The mother adores me, the dad is a really fucking childish, petty and disgruntled old fuck but he also likes me and is kinda nice sometimes. This was also when we had sex for the first time. I almost kinda vomited from exitement but only a little bit this time. There was some occasional drama like some "friend" saying shit like "him or me and if you choose him ill kms". She chose me, he sadly wussed out but im pretty sure he is surveilled and he attempted. He was a disgusting manipulative nazi slavshit. It would not surprise me to find him on here at all. He is out of sight and out of mind now tho. This did really fuck with both her aswell as my mental health, and for me it was particularly shit cuz of profound anxious preoccupied attachment. We ended up seeing us another time less than two months later and then we couldn't for a bit because of school break timings and really important exams on her part. But a little after she came to visit me from 1300km and came to germany for a whole month and then we spent a week in italy together. Might have been the best time of my life. After she lefts around the 20th of august, she called me and told me something tho. She was really distraught and sobbing and scared and told me "i almost fucked a friend of mine". It wasn't even that bad, they like kissed or some shit, but she didn't specify that so in my head there was every possible disaster scenario of getting cucked which is one of my biggest fears. Ever since then ive been really fucking anxious, constantly overthinking everything, a strong constant fear of abandonment started devouring me and kept basically schizofrenating and all the thoughts and questions won't stop and i kept bringing it up, cuz i needed to constantly reassured and shit. During this time i also was really really happy because we were having such great conversations about alot of topics and i bonded like i never did over call, but these anxieties were always nawing at me and i projected that. Im oftentimes unbearable i think. I recently talked to her a bit more about some stuff i myself only recently understood about my psyche and i hope she will understand me better as we are basically polar opposites. We saw eachother for another few days right before school started in mid september. Its been 10 days since we haven't seen each other and in that time my thoughts and conversations and shit are just pressing and heavy. I think it will get better. Idek what the fuck kind of advice i wanted from you guys. I love her so fucking much, she is the cutest thing, i know she loves me alot and is fixated on me and shit but i am still so fucking scared of losing her, holy shit all the inside jokes, everything, i could not love again fuck.

DNR of the MILLENIUM

if some one actually read and gave some insightfull comment or advice i would appreciate it very much.

Nigga give us a TLDR I am not reading this wall of text

And atleast space it out in different sections like you would in an essay blud

Hopefully someone reads ts and gaves you advice cuz I ain’t doing allat

I should start responding to these DNR academic journals with my best guess as to what would be an appropriate response

Bring back the sms classic

"that's great, or I'm sorry that happened to you, or better luck next time"

I'm not sure what would be warranted, because I dnr.

 

[Eltrē]

During these days i got my first (2) blowjobs and i remember shaking like a fucking epileptic and vomiting because of all the positive emotions after i came both times.

?

 

[KanyeDidNunWrong]

she quite literally cheated on you, are you a cuck? she openly said to you that she was about to fuck another guy

 

[EvilSatanArseRapist]

She's definitely hiding something more

i even talked to the nigga. i think i might pm him and ask him again, personally. they don't talk anymore tho and after it was clear she was in a relationship he blocked her and she blocked him

 

[EvilSatanArseRapist]

?

what don't you get eltre?

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

i even talked to the nigga. i think i might pm him and ask him again, personally. they don't talk anymore tho and after it was clear she was in a relationship he blocked her and she blocked him

Nice name

 

[MogsGymMaxx]

Nigga give us a TLDR I am not reading this wall of text

And atleast space it out in different sections like you would in an essay blud

I should start responding to these DNR academic journals with my best guess as to what would be an appropriate response

Bring back the sms classic

"that's great, or I'm sorry that happened to you, or better luck next time"

I'm not sure what would be warranted, because I dnr.
View attachment 4133329

That sms arc was peak

 

[Gaygymmaxx]

That sms arc was peak

I asked him why he's banned in dms, offering to help free him

And the nigga said "dnr"

 

[EvilSatanArseRapist]

@Gaygymmaxx @MogsGymMaxx

TLDR:

I met her as a kid but only really reconnected in 2023. At first I pushed her away, then in 2024 we got close again and started a relationship. She left me once and it destroyed me, but we got back together and shared the best moments of my life - first kisses, sex, traveling, and deep bonding. Still, drama and shit cuz of her kinda micro cheating on an occasion or two, but being really fucking disgusted at her self and evidently regretting it, and my anxious attachment leaving me constantly overthinking and terrified of losing her, even though she does love me.

 

[MogsGymMaxx]

I asked him why he's banned in dms, offering to help free him

And the nigga said "dnr"
View attachment 4133353

 

[MogsGymMaxx]

@Gaygymmaxx @MogsGymMaxx

TLDR:

I met her as a kid but only really reconnected in 2023. At first I pushed her away, then in 2024 we got close again and started a relationship. She left me once and it destroyed me, but we got back together and shared the best moments of my life - first kisses, sex, traveling, and deep bonding. Still, drama and shit cuz of her kinda micro cheating on an occasion or two, but being really fucking disgusted at her self and evidently regretting it, and my anxious attachment leaving me constantly overthinking and terrified of losing her, even though she does love me.

 

[EvilSatanArseRapist]

I asked him why he's banned in dms, offering to help free him

And the nigga said "dnr"
View attachment 4133353