Lonenely sigma
Future "username-o-plasty" candidate
- Joined
- Oct 22, 2022
- Posts
- 8,364
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Its half past 3am after a long, warm, sunny june day. One june day that I, quite honestly, didn't use very well, and spent mostly in my room, like hundreds of days before.
This is the last week of our high-school year, we have 2 days left. This is a moment which I would usually celebrate, the moment of pure ethusiasm and happiness. Yet, there is none of that this year.
While many of my age are planing on going out with eachother, or spending time with their girlfriends, I am sitting in my bed in 3am, with a calculator app open, calculating how much money I need to earn for the next 6 years to be able to surgerymaxx. Seemingly as a promise to myself that this won't happen forever, that my life won't look like this june night.
My father promised to buy me a very good computer as a gift for my 18th birthday, which I will no doubt use to rot even more effectively, browsing .org with 700fps.
Yet, my mind is far away. Nothing makes me happy. I remember a face of a beautiful girl I saw 2 months ago in a bus and with whom I had a 0.5 second eye contact, and just mentally focusing on it can give me that short burst of happiness and strenght that quickly evaporates when I look in the mirror.
Yet, it eventually goes away. That burst may last a few seconds, sometimes it might last days when I seemingly subconsciously convince myself how she liked me back. But that burst will set down, just like the Sun set down 9 hours ago.
Thats where I am now, far away from the golden days of childhood, and even further from the possible ascension in many years. Yet, that ascension has to happen. It is the only thing that gives the meaning to the present.
Because sometimes, prospect of a good future is the only thing that makes the present have any reason to exist.
This is the last week of our high-school year, we have 2 days left. This is a moment which I would usually celebrate, the moment of pure ethusiasm and happiness. Yet, there is none of that this year.
While many of my age are planing on going out with eachother, or spending time with their girlfriends, I am sitting in my bed in 3am, with a calculator app open, calculating how much money I need to earn for the next 6 years to be able to surgerymaxx. Seemingly as a promise to myself that this won't happen forever, that my life won't look like this june night.
My father promised to buy me a very good computer as a gift for my 18th birthday, which I will no doubt use to rot even more effectively, browsing .org with 700fps.
Yet, my mind is far away. Nothing makes me happy. I remember a face of a beautiful girl I saw 2 months ago in a bus and with whom I had a 0.5 second eye contact, and just mentally focusing on it can give me that short burst of happiness and strenght that quickly evaporates when I look in the mirror.
Yet, it eventually goes away. That burst may last a few seconds, sometimes it might last days when I seemingly subconsciously convince myself how she liked me back. But that burst will set down, just like the Sun set down 9 hours ago.
Thats where I am now, far away from the golden days of childhood, and even further from the possible ascension in many years. Yet, that ascension has to happen. It is the only thing that gives the meaning to the present.
Because sometimes, prospect of a good future is the only thing that makes the present have any reason to exist.
