JONATHAN THE GREAT
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- Mar 8, 2026
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I will be making my sport. It will probably be made in about five years, but I’m creating a sport where you see who is genetically more superior. It’s going to be called sperm racing.
Sperm racing is where we test everything about you next to another person, and whoever wins gets a big stack of cash.
Here’s how it works: you scan your body fat, bone mass, muscle, fat, and everything. We will take a blood sample beforehand and test all of that stuff.
Then you will need to do as many pull-ups as you can, and then a cardio exercise (I haven’t decided which one yet) to test endurance.
After that, you will have to deadlift the heaviest weight you can. Then we analyze your face and see how good-looking you are, like if you’re a sub-5 or a Chad.
We will also measure your D size.
And last but not least, the sperm race. You put your sample into a cup, and we put it under a microscope and show it on a TV screen. There will be a tube that twists and turns, and your sperm will race through it. Whoever wins that race gets a point.
At the end, the sperm race is the most important factor, and whoever has the most points overall wins.
Sperm racing is where we test everything about you next to another person, and whoever wins gets a big stack of cash.
Here’s how it works: you scan your body fat, bone mass, muscle, fat, and everything. We will take a blood sample beforehand and test all of that stuff.
Then you will need to do as many pull-ups as you can, and then a cardio exercise (I haven’t decided which one yet) to test endurance.
After that, you will have to deadlift the heaviest weight you can. Then we analyze your face and see how good-looking you are, like if you’re a sub-5 or a Chad.
We will also measure your D size.
And last but not least, the sperm race. You put your sample into a cup, and we put it under a microscope and show it on a TV screen. There will be a tube that twists and turns, and your sperm will race through it. Whoever wins that race gets a point.
At the end, the sperm race is the most important factor, and whoever has the most points overall wins.
