BigJimsWornOutTires
Emerald
- Joined
- Feb 6, 2021
- Posts
- 31,257
- Reputation
- 40,459
I didn’t ask for any of this. At one time, I was just a normal guy with a keyboard. Instead of typing TLDRs, most people got lol from me. “omg.” And my favorite, “yeah.”
But one night, I got frostbite. The truly awful kind. I'd been out drinking with the migrants and passed out in the snow. I lost my legs, arms, and torso.
Scientists convinced me not to give up but to stay in the fight. Dr. Steve Hankins said, “You got this!”
They sent me to a laboratory in Antarctica managed by Gen Xers. No Boomers, no Millennials, not even a Zoid in sight. And I wish there were kids because they wouldn’t laugh watching me bang my tongue into the keyboard with warrior spirit.
These heartless bastards have the technology to hook my brain to a computer where I could type using my thoughts. But no! No. They get more pleasure watching me bang my tongue into the keyboard with so much passion. I could use an emotionless Gen Zoid stare, if you catch my meaning.
I know they wouldn’t laugh watching a head tear that shit up. But at least my abductors had the decency and compassion to bring me a new keyboard every morning. Ugh, saliva is a thing. They come in full-body suits and giggle at my soaked arsenal. They laugh so hard sometimes that they choke while holding my keyboard up. Good! I hope they all choke to death. But then again, that wouldn’t be in my best interest.
So there you have it! The harsh truth of what it's like for some people. And don’t feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for the daily thread makers. They have no creative thoughts. Charmless parasites who can’t pull a body. Instead, they whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine. But ugh, they could stare a dog into depression any day.
But one night, I got frostbite. The truly awful kind. I'd been out drinking with the migrants and passed out in the snow. I lost my legs, arms, and torso.
Scientists convinced me not to give up but to stay in the fight. Dr. Steve Hankins said, “You got this!”
They sent me to a laboratory in Antarctica managed by Gen Xers. No Boomers, no Millennials, not even a Zoid in sight. And I wish there were kids because they wouldn’t laugh watching me bang my tongue into the keyboard with warrior spirit.
These heartless bastards have the technology to hook my brain to a computer where I could type using my thoughts. But no! No. They get more pleasure watching me bang my tongue into the keyboard with so much passion. I could use an emotionless Gen Zoid stare, if you catch my meaning.
I know they wouldn’t laugh watching a head tear that shit up. But at least my abductors had the decency and compassion to bring me a new keyboard every morning. Ugh, saliva is a thing. They come in full-body suits and giggle at my soaked arsenal. They laugh so hard sometimes that they choke while holding my keyboard up. Good! I hope they all choke to death. But then again, that wouldn’t be in my best interest.
So there you have it! The harsh truth of what it's like for some people. And don’t feel sorry for me. Feel sorry for the daily thread makers. They have no creative thoughts. Charmless parasites who can’t pull a body. Instead, they whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine whine. But ugh, they could stare a dog into depression any day.
