dflt.
ldar
- Joined
- Dec 27, 2025
- Posts
- 20
- Reputation
- 13
I hate parties, as I'm sure most of you can share the same opinion, but most of my friends are pretty typical and normal and genuinely enjoy partyslop. I hate parties, I see right through the facade of 'teenage fun' that they are right to the degenerate and disgustingly cruel core. I avoid them at all costs, when I'm forced to attend one I wont even try to fake low inhib and I may just sulk away from the others or just stay with a close friend and attempt desperately not to interact with new people. I am stubborn.
I will be told over and over that I'm not seeing something through about large social gatherings and I can "learn to enjoy them" but I have been open-minded enough in the past to try... and my feelings on them never change.
I ,unlike others, do genuinely seem to enjoy isolation and am not effected by 'fomo'.
About 3 months ago now my close friends convinced me to attend the birthday party of a female they are increasingly becoming friendly with, likely just because they all naively believe they have a chance. She is a short girl and safely fits into the conventionally attractive category but often virtue signals to like 'atypical nerdy unattractive guys' even though I can smell the chadsexual in her. Its not her hypergamy that is surprising, it never is, but its the determination to seem interested in lower value men that I find equally interesting and irritating. She probably just uses it as a way to receive more attention.
Nevertheless they convinced me to attend, I was not busy, and they promised me that it wasn't going to be a crazy party-like environment and that it was just a chill birthday gathering. When it came to the day of the party I was unsurprisingly feeling/looking like shit but I reluctantly threw on some clothes and drove my way to her house. I fortunately arrived at the perfect time so that I wasn't too early that I had to awkwardly stand around and not too late that I drew attention to myself. I immediately connected myself with people I knew so I wouldn't have to engage in meaningless new interactions.
Quickly the 'birthday gathering' digressed into a drinking party. I personally don't drink because I hate the culture and also have bad childhood associations with it. But this wasn't something I didn't see coming. For most of the night I spent my time autisticly scrolling on my phone and sitting near the front entry way but under the meaning that I was "waiting at the door to let new people into the house if they arrive". This method worked for a while but once it got late everyone was sat outside drinking in a circle around a patio fire. One of my friends came in to check on me and dragged me outside to everyone. I tend to dissociate as a response to loud social settings so i cannot remember the topics of conversation. I believe their were certain moments where I may have awkwardly interjected but I will frequently feel uncomfortable because I am a foreigner in my country and have an accent that brings unwanted attention to me.
There were these annoying two that sat to the right of me, some normie blonde foid I had never met and her gay best friend. I must have said something at some point because the gay guy looked at me surprised and asked me where I was from in a clearly passively antagonistic manner. I could feel myself already angry but I kept my cool and answered his questions honestly. The blonde and the gay went back and forth asking me questions, I am 18 and have been living in the UK for 8 years, I'm practically just as English as them. The tone began to clearly change as the gay guy began to state that he hated the country where I was born and that my accent was disgusting and I sounded ridiculous. The others around me were hearing what he was saying but somehow it got passed as normal behavior. Maybe because hes gay its okay for him to be rude. I've dealt with 'othering' because of my nationality my whole life so I don't know why this individual circumstance was so bothersome. Maybe because I remained nice and talkative while he and his friend continued to slander me while they didn't even know me personally. Insecure me began to assume there was more to this, that this sudden rude demeanor was due to the way I look, that I was just experiencing a classic failo. I tried to put aside those thoughts with the logic that I may just be experiencing paranoia.
I began to be reluctant to answer their repetitive questioning and just chose to not respond. By this point the rest of the crowd had gone back into the noisiness of conversation with one another, but I was still left severely pissed off. I think I zoned out for a moment but was brought back into the moment when I felt a flash of light over my eyes. Not to my surprise the two were maliciously giggling to each other and taking photos of me as I just sat there, keep in mind, it was just me... I wasn't doing anything irregular I was just sat there like everyone else. At this point I felt as if it became clear that the rudeness from earlier was unmistakably associated with my looks. I am particularly reactionary to a camera because I hate seeing myself. The most astonishing aspect about the whole experience was that this level of behavior was accepted and glossed over, nobody seem to cared when they began to randomly take photos of me. What made it feel like a simulation was the very fact that we were all a bunch of 18 year olds sitting around that fire, all adults, yet I was experiencing this hilariously cliche 'american highschool bully' type of event. As it was happening I almost laughed because I thought this was something that only happened in movies, and definitely didn't happen when we are all adults jfl.
I left and walked back to sit in my car and just take in what just happened to me, I actually remember laughing in my car just because of how absurd the experience was. That being said, much to my annoyance, there rude behavior still got to me and I could tell I was emotionally effected by it. I mean here I am talking about it 3 months later. For a long time now I've thought I am unattractive, but not stand out ugly. Maybe i need to rethink this.
I am sure much of this experience, and many others I've had, are all very relatable to most of you as well.
I will be told over and over that I'm not seeing something through about large social gatherings and I can "learn to enjoy them" but I have been open-minded enough in the past to try... and my feelings on them never change.
I ,unlike others, do genuinely seem to enjoy isolation and am not effected by 'fomo'.
About 3 months ago now my close friends convinced me to attend the birthday party of a female they are increasingly becoming friendly with, likely just because they all naively believe they have a chance. She is a short girl and safely fits into the conventionally attractive category but often virtue signals to like 'atypical nerdy unattractive guys' even though I can smell the chadsexual in her. Its not her hypergamy that is surprising, it never is, but its the determination to seem interested in lower value men that I find equally interesting and irritating. She probably just uses it as a way to receive more attention.
Nevertheless they convinced me to attend, I was not busy, and they promised me that it wasn't going to be a crazy party-like environment and that it was just a chill birthday gathering. When it came to the day of the party I was unsurprisingly feeling/looking like shit but I reluctantly threw on some clothes and drove my way to her house. I fortunately arrived at the perfect time so that I wasn't too early that I had to awkwardly stand around and not too late that I drew attention to myself. I immediately connected myself with people I knew so I wouldn't have to engage in meaningless new interactions.
Quickly the 'birthday gathering' digressed into a drinking party. I personally don't drink because I hate the culture and also have bad childhood associations with it. But this wasn't something I didn't see coming. For most of the night I spent my time autisticly scrolling on my phone and sitting near the front entry way but under the meaning that I was "waiting at the door to let new people into the house if they arrive". This method worked for a while but once it got late everyone was sat outside drinking in a circle around a patio fire. One of my friends came in to check on me and dragged me outside to everyone. I tend to dissociate as a response to loud social settings so i cannot remember the topics of conversation. I believe their were certain moments where I may have awkwardly interjected but I will frequently feel uncomfortable because I am a foreigner in my country and have an accent that brings unwanted attention to me.
There were these annoying two that sat to the right of me, some normie blonde foid I had never met and her gay best friend. I must have said something at some point because the gay guy looked at me surprised and asked me where I was from in a clearly passively antagonistic manner. I could feel myself already angry but I kept my cool and answered his questions honestly. The blonde and the gay went back and forth asking me questions, I am 18 and have been living in the UK for 8 years, I'm practically just as English as them. The tone began to clearly change as the gay guy began to state that he hated the country where I was born and that my accent was disgusting and I sounded ridiculous. The others around me were hearing what he was saying but somehow it got passed as normal behavior. Maybe because hes gay its okay for him to be rude. I've dealt with 'othering' because of my nationality my whole life so I don't know why this individual circumstance was so bothersome. Maybe because I remained nice and talkative while he and his friend continued to slander me while they didn't even know me personally. Insecure me began to assume there was more to this, that this sudden rude demeanor was due to the way I look, that I was just experiencing a classic failo. I tried to put aside those thoughts with the logic that I may just be experiencing paranoia.
I began to be reluctant to answer their repetitive questioning and just chose to not respond. By this point the rest of the crowd had gone back into the noisiness of conversation with one another, but I was still left severely pissed off. I think I zoned out for a moment but was brought back into the moment when I felt a flash of light over my eyes. Not to my surprise the two were maliciously giggling to each other and taking photos of me as I just sat there, keep in mind, it was just me... I wasn't doing anything irregular I was just sat there like everyone else. At this point I felt as if it became clear that the rudeness from earlier was unmistakably associated with my looks. I am particularly reactionary to a camera because I hate seeing myself. The most astonishing aspect about the whole experience was that this level of behavior was accepted and glossed over, nobody seem to cared when they began to randomly take photos of me. What made it feel like a simulation was the very fact that we were all a bunch of 18 year olds sitting around that fire, all adults, yet I was experiencing this hilariously cliche 'american highschool bully' type of event. As it was happening I almost laughed because I thought this was something that only happened in movies, and definitely didn't happen when we are all adults jfl.
I left and walked back to sit in my car and just take in what just happened to me, I actually remember laughing in my car just because of how absurd the experience was. That being said, much to my annoyance, there rude behavior still got to me and I could tell I was emotionally effected by it. I mean here I am talking about it 3 months later. For a long time now I've thought I am unattractive, but not stand out ugly. Maybe i need to rethink this.
I am sure much of this experience, and many others I've had, are all very relatable to most of you as well.
