Stream Of Consciousness [Megathread]

[BrendioEEE]

you got cheated on again ?

No I'm just testing voice to text jfl

 

[Deleted member 9072]

Faggots

they are disgusting and filthy

they are disturbing

why are people fags nowadays?

why do people support them, I SPIT ON THEM

 

[BrendioEEE]

Test test test fan

 

[BrendioEEE]

Well now it legit might be over for me. Probably shouldn't be sharing this kind of stuff but I don't think the girl i'm with, (at least I think i'm still with's) dad likes me, well I wont get into all the details, he doesn't really know me or anything, but for the first time, i'm getting a pretty bad sinking feeling in my stomach.

I love this girl with all my heart, but I know when there's familial influence against a relationship, it's basically pretty much over. I guess I know this is pretty much completely out of my control. I'll pray for the best, this girl is more important to me than anything in my life.

I guess honestly there's a lot of unknowns here, I guess I have to trust in her. I mean I know at the very least her dad isn't abusive, neither of her parents are.

Idk this is making me pretty sick, well if I lose this one, at least she didn't cheat on me. Can't really get into all the details, but I hope I can talk to him at least if that's what I need to do.

Honestly, this is bringing back some bad memories.

I really don't want to lose her, she has been better to me than anyone else in my life, and I never felt more connected to anyone but her, the thing is I know I could lose her because of family stuff, idk what i'd do. I don't think I could handle it.

 

[BrendioEEE]

False alarm

 

[john2]

DAMN

I had 5 pages of private conversations with countless users. Today, I just finished clearing up the unnecessary ones by deleting them or leaving them. Now I have only 1 page of private conversations. While I was at it, there were so many old memories being recalled tho.

 

[BrendioEEE]

I'm straight up depressed and anxious. There's a lot of unknowns going on right now, and when I don't know things that's what fucks me up the most, I always assume the worst case scenario in my mind aswell. I just have this gut feeling that what I mentioned in this thread a couple posts back, might actually have if not has already had some negative impact on my relationship.

I'll pray this isn't the case, I just have a sickening gut feeling. It's pretty ironic if this is the case though, I mean i'd do everything in my power to change that outcome, but worst case scenario is I get ghosted by the person I feel the most love for, because of her dad.

I feel like the seeds for such a scenario are ramping up more and more. It's funny though, haven't had the urge to cut myself for awhile though, which is good, but I have completely lost my appetite, which honestly may be good, because it means I can fast much easier and wont have to rely on cardio.

I felt pretty secure with the girl I love, I mean for a lot of reasons, but I have to wonder if maybe even if she doesn't mind my faults, I wonder what would happen if her father started to rain those into her mind. I don't actually know if he'd be the type to do that, but I could imagine some really blackpilled scenario like, "He's shorter than you, you shouldn't be something that small" or "He's not as valuable of a person economically" etc. Because even if she isn't shallow and does genuinely love me, I know influence by parents can pretty much ruin entire relationships, especially when the parents aren't even bad, they're just being boomer tier primitive overprotective and then actually ending up jeopardizing a meaningful relationship, because yunno the thing is I bet if her dad and I actually had a meaningful conversation we'd get along a lot.

I mean the only thing I can really do is continue to improve my looks and sell things online, and hope none of my worries come to fruition. I find it funny how whenever I talk about my worries aswell, people automatically assume "it's over for me" despite the fact I have been pretty much talking about my worries to some degree in relation to my current relationship for months, albeit relatively vaguely for security reasons.

I do have to wonder if I self improve even more, which luckily I haven't given up on, mostly because of the motivation relating to be the best I can be for the girl that I love, will help, because I mean, I know i'm not the best looking dude in the world, and I know girls are shallow as fuck even when they say they aren't, I know that was a problem in my last relationship, I also do know girls are impatient about that kind of stuff, sure I may be much better looking now than I was when I was younger, but i'm not some 100% leanmaxxed prettyboy, and I probably wont be until the end of the year at least, but that's the thing right, I want to be a leanmaxxed prettyboy for her, not for other girls, so I wonder if that being the case will help, also I tend to not bring up economic stuff very often, but I have to wonder, despite the fact I save up a lot of money, if I am perceived as poor, especially because I don't spend much on things. Like I wonder if I bought her gifts or something that would help.

I have to wonder if i'm being perceived as lower class, lesser, and unworthy, especially when i'm already shorter than her, and haven't reached peak looks yet. I have a bad feeling that no matter how much I try or how much I genuinely love her, it wont be enough in the end. This world is truly unfair, but the only thing I can do I suppose is not give up and continue pursuing my dream, which is a healthy future with her, having a family with her, having a home together, building a community. I wouldn't want to do it even in the slightest with anyone else.

 

[curryboy123]

I'm going to Med school everyone. OFFICIALLY AFTER TODAY> I thought Doctors filtered through evidence and used deductive logic to diagnose you..NOPE
Turns out they just talk to you for five minutes, and send you to someone else.
Guys, IM SO EXCITED TO BE A DOCTOR. WOW HOLY SHIT, MY 85 IQ PEABRAIN CAN EVEN DO THIS. THANKS DOC!

gl bro

 

[curryboy123]

I'm straight up depressed and anxious. There's a lot of unknowns going on right now, and when I don't know things that's what fucks me up the most, I always assume the worst case scenario in my mind aswell. I just have this gut feeling that what I mentioned in this thread a couple posts back, might actually have if not has already had some negative impact on my relationship.

I'll pray this isn't the case, I just have a sickening gut feeling. It's pretty ironic if this is the case though, I mean i'd do everything in my power to change that outcome, but worst case scenario is I get ghosted by the person I feel the most love for, because of her dad.

I feel like the seeds for such a scenario are ramping up more and more. It's funny though, haven't had the urge to cut myself for awhile though, which is good, but I have completely lost my appetite, which honestly may be good, because it means I can fast much easier and wont have to rely on cardio.

I felt pretty secure with the girl I love, I mean for a lot of reasons, but I have to wonder if maybe even if she doesn't mind my faults, I wonder what would happen if her father started to rain those into her mind. I don't actually know if he'd be the type to do that, but I could imagine some really blackpilled scenario like, "He's shorter than you, you shouldn't be something that small" or "He's not as valuable of a person economically" etc. Because even if she isn't shallow and does genuinely love me, I know influence by parents can pretty much ruin entire relationships, especially when the parents aren't even bad, they're just being boomer tier primitive overprotective and then actually ending up jeopardizing a meaningful relationship, because yunno the thing is I bet if her dad and I actually had a meaningful conversation we'd get along a lot.

I mean the only thing I can really do is continue to improve my looks and sell things online, and hope none of my worries come to fruition. I find it funny how whenever I talk about my worries aswell, people automatically assume "it's over for me" despite the fact I have been pretty much talking about my worries to some degree in relation to my current relationship for months, albeit relatively vaguely for security reasons.

I do have to wonder if I self improve even more, which luckily I haven't given up on, mostly because of the motivation relating to be the best I can be for the girl that I love, will help, because I mean, I know i'm not the best looking dude in the world, and I know girls are shallow as fuck even when they say they aren't, I know that was a problem in my last relationship, I also do know girls are impatient about that kind of stuff, sure I may be much better looking now than I was when I was younger, but i'm not some 100% leanmaxxed prettyboy, and I probably wont be until the end of the year at least, but that's the thing right, I want to be a leanmaxxed prettyboy for her, not for other girls, so I wonder if that being the case will help, also I tend to not bring up economic stuff very often, but I have to wonder, despite the fact I save up a lot of money, if I am perceived as poor, especially because I don't spend much on things. Like I wonder if I bought her gifts or something that would help.

I have to wonder if i'm being perceived as lower class, lesser, and unworthy, especially when i'm already shorter than her, and haven't reached peak looks yet. I have a bad feeling that no matter how much I try or how much I genuinely love her, it wont be enough in the end. This world is truly unfair, but the only thing I can do I suppose is not give up and continue pursuing my dream, which is a healthy future with her, having a family with her, having a home together, building a community. I wouldn't want to do it even in the slightest with anyone else.

will read later my friend stay strong

 

[BrendioEEE]

Man I wish I could go back to the asylum ngl. There's just something refreshing about being forced in isolation and it's peoples job to make sure you don't do anything crazy yunno. Honestly man put me in there for like 2 weeks and i'd probably be refreshed.

 

[BrendioEEE]

Bonus about not eating when you're depressed is that you get tired more often and sleep longer, meaning I can just escape in my dreams. Surprisingly yesterday I had like a 10+ hour sleep session and most of dreams were pretty decent. I'm gonna see if I can force myself asleep right now.

 

[Deleted member 12303]

im trying to post less here im gonna only be on for 2 hours maxx a day

 

[BrendioEEE]

Welp, regret waking up. Something bad might have happened.

 

[Deleted member 4612]

I need to get a shower soon

The I need to cook up some eggs

 

[Deleted member 1464]

Ate breakfast, took a poop, drank some coffee, took another poop

 

[WadlowMaxxing]

I'm tired and its only 8pm. I might go to sleep soon and wake up at 4-5am ish. I love waking up at that time yet I can never sustain it

 

[Petsmart]

Imma go murder niggas on modern warfare shipment soon

 

[BrendioEEE]

Well might have been ghosted, too early to tell, but it might be over. Prob gonna make a video on it if it's true, at least I didn't get cheated on or something, and i'm still hopeful things'll change, especially because I have legit no fucking what is happening and I don't think she's the type who would really just leave me completely in the dark like that for no reason.

 

[Deleted member 11053]

I really really really want to go back just one year back in the past and changes everything

 

[Deleted member 11053]

FUUUCK WHAT SHOULD I DO?

 

[BrendioEEE]

I wonder if she thinks I don't love her. I gotta prove myself somehow.

 

[Growth Plate]

2nd day of nofap
I'm so much hornier than before and I was already gigahorny off nofap
I'm having strong fantasies for jbs I usually don't for
Yeah I'd say "would" but it's stronger
might publicly rape a bitch if I go on any longer

 

[BrendioEEE]

Pretty wild occurrence happened. I think yesterday, I was basically forced to eat a piece of pizza because I haven't really eaten much over these last few days, I guess it was like extremely fresh out of the oven to the point it had boiling sauce and cheese and stuff, but I didn't notice, even when I ate it, which is pretty wild that I didn't even notice it burning the roof of my mouth really badly.

I must have actually burned it pretty bad because it's still numb and a bit in pain today aswell. It's actually pretty crazy how like at certain thresholds of emotional stress/pain/distraction/etc physical pain just doesn't even mean anything. Shit sounds pretty edgy I know, but I just thought that was pretty interesting.

If anything it's kind of a positive thing because it can cause a bit of a distraction from emotional pain.

 

[john2]

@Darkstrand @Grimba

Oh my goodness. I still can't believe what just happened.

I used to believe normies would always lie/larp... or were actually dumb enough to cry by listening to a piece of music which 'touches' them.

But today I have been proven wrong and I fully admit it. I was listening to Scriabin's Poeme, titled as Vers La Flamme. I can't believe that I had tears in my eyes. I was on the verge of crying. My face involuntarily made the facial expression of crying and I had red eyes with tears in it. I do not know what happened honestly, but I had this quick feeling of euphoria during the middle of the piece when it became faster and more intense. Each powerful hit on the base notes of the piece gave me this sudden sensation of shock and euphoria. I was feeling ecstatic, feeling as if everything was paused and my troubles disappeared. I had a massive rush of dopamine after these 'eargasms' I just experienced. Really epic.

 

[Deleted member 8576]

i will never be happy with my life

 

[Deleted member 9274]

Gonna fucking ascend and leave this site for a while again. It's always my negative emotions that are controlling me because they are true and it makes me lazy. It is a justification, but i have to change my reality and control this stuff. My school suffered the most from this and I'm gonna push trough

 

[Deleted member 9274]

i will never be happy with my life

Bro you are rotting hard here thats why..

 

[Deleted member 8576]

Bro you are rotting hard here thats why..

was self banned from here for a month tbh, but i guess you never truly leave. i improved in certain ways but something will always be missing from my life i think

 

[Mr.cope]

i have a headache and 4 weeks worth of missing work is due today
dont feel like doing shit

 

[Deleted member 9274]

was self banned from here for a month tbh, but i guess you never truly leave. i improved in certain ways but something will always be missing from my life i think

Ahh yes. You lack social value so you come here. Thats why Im also here, but i just had some questions that are now answered. Anyways us humans will never be happy tbh unless your fine with your basic needs and acceptance of life

 

[Deleted member 7076]

i wish i could fly

 

[Deleted member 3591]

@Darkstrand @Grimba

Oh my goodness. I still can't believe what just happened.

I used to believe normies would always lie/larp... or were actually dumb enough to cry by listening to a piece of music which 'touches' them.

But today I have been proven wrong and I fully admit it. I was listening to Scriabin's Poeme, titled as Vers La Flamme. I can't believe that I had tears in my eyes. I was on the verge of crying. My face involuntarily made the facial expression of crying and I had red eyes with tears in it. I do not know what happened honestly, but I had this quick feeling of euphoria during the middle of the piece when it became faster and more intense. Each powerful hit on the base notes of the piece gave me this sudden sensation of shock and euphoria. I was feeling ecstatic, feeling as if everything was paused and my troubles disappeared. I had a massive rush of dopamine after these 'eargasms' I just experienced. Really epic.

Reminds me of when I first heard mysterium.
It was genuinely terrifying, had this constant feeling of unrest, I was more scared than by any shitty movie ive ever seen

 

[john2]

I accidently ended up making 3 cuts on my ball-sack with my trimmer, unfortunately. Hope this doesn't happen next time.

 

[john2]

I found a hair strand of my mother's hair in the food I was serving myself today for lunch .

 

[Deleted member 7076]

i forgot about this thread tbh. im taking a shit rn then goeing to sleep after i apply my retin A

 

[Ritalincel]

@Ritalincel

Hi.

 

[Deleted member 7076]

first post in april xD

 

[Deleted member 7076]

2021 has been a lovely year ngl

already mogs 2020 for me rn

 

[BrendioEEE]

Sometimes I wonder if it's really healthy for my emotions to dull. I'd rather them be dull than be upset over every little thing, but, I feel like the only reason my emotions have dulled is because being able to be fully expressive cannot be accepted by anyone. At least so it seems.

As a guy I can accept this. I'd rather be emotionally hardened than emotionally vulnerable but, sometimes I feel like even positive vulnerability leads to bad things.

It's all so primitive. Expressing love whether it be to your friend, loved ones, kids, etc, it shouldn't be reciprocated negatively or not at all. In most people that probably is what leads to violence and worse negative things.

Damn got so lost in thought almost forgot the FBI is unironically looking at each of my posts, and prob thinks this is some manifesto before a crime. Absolutely pathetic. I won't commit a crime, but any government agents reading this who lack sympathy for incels or looksmaxxers deserve death. I hope when they die, they don't ask for forgiveness and go straight to hell, jfl.

 

[Laylow225]

I still have feelings for my ex even if it’s 6 months she dumped me today and with all the shit she made me go through but I don’t love her anymore I know I have feelings bc I don’t talk to other girls the second I do my ex won’t be shit
I hope I will fuck her one day anyway but if I do she would accuse of rape jfl

im good anyway I’m coming home from school

i hope summer will be good and full of slaying for my chadlite high inhibit me

 

[john2]

I think I did good in that difficult electrician aptitude test today. I'm hoping for a positive outcome like everyone else. Most people left earlier (they probably left half way without attempting everything... or they actually finished the exam fast). I was one of the last people to finish.