Gs.
Strive for more
- Joined
- Dec 31, 2024
- Posts
- 229
- Reputation
- 265
During the last years, ive had a, theorically, flawless social life. My looks and the way i speak and present myself have bough me a huge and almost influential social circle
The only way i was capable of achieving such prowess is being good with my words, to tell people what they want to hear, to be able to awaken some distorted sense of shallow connection that the average normie looks for, it is disgustingly easy to influence people, which is, in some sort of way, addicting
But what does that land me? No Real relationships, only shallow, meaningless interactions
As if im almost incapable of forming an actually real relationship, something that sparks that almost magical, fictional, feeling of connection. To feel, love, anger, guilt, happiness, sadness. To kiss someone and feel as if you were meant to be, to long for someone that you havent seen, to relinquish being pulled apart, to savour every moment with them
Ive had a lot, multiple girls, who've had show interest on me, but i was never interested in them in any way besides social gain, what led me to being unable form that kind of connection that i yearn so much for, i always end up with something shallow that doesnt last for too long, either the girl herself loses interest in me after realising in not the person she fantasized about based on my looks, the girl realizes im an neurodivergent autist, or i slowly pull away from them as i realize its not going to work, im not interested in dragging meaningless boring relationships that wont give me what i want, what i need
This feeling of detachedness makes me despise every single social interaction i have, it turned me into someone thats bitter, into someone whos not even real, a bad person, and that goes through my mask, i barely talk to people now, i ignore friends, i ignore messages, all i do is rot alone in my room and rant in the internet, i barely eat, i am unable to sleep, everytime i have to go somewhere and put this mask on it makes me feel horrible, im nice, polite, charismatic, Yet, when in retrospect with who i really am, im the opposite, and thats disgusting
I am developing a new relationship with a girl right now, i dont know what to do, i do not feel anything towards her, im just looking for something new in hopes to find that feeling, i barely talk to her, she has lets me do whatever i want to her, we text sometimes, nothing meaningful, just boring stuff
I want her to want me, the real me, the person who i am, i want her to desire ME and long for ME, i want to make her mine
But how can i?
How can i be real?
how can i talk?
Its like i lost myself and dont know who i truly even am anymore
What can i do to spark something with her?
How can i go further than just short term sexual atraction?
How can i not lose her like i lost every single one of them?
I genuinely ask for advice, this kind of connection is the only thing ive been looking for a long time, i need something real, i need someone real
.
The only way i was capable of achieving such prowess is being good with my words, to tell people what they want to hear, to be able to awaken some distorted sense of shallow connection that the average normie looks for, it is disgustingly easy to influence people, which is, in some sort of way, addicting
But what does that land me? No Real relationships, only shallow, meaningless interactions
As if im almost incapable of forming an actually real relationship, something that sparks that almost magical, fictional, feeling of connection. To feel, love, anger, guilt, happiness, sadness. To kiss someone and feel as if you were meant to be, to long for someone that you havent seen, to relinquish being pulled apart, to savour every moment with them
Ive had a lot, multiple girls, who've had show interest on me, but i was never interested in them in any way besides social gain, what led me to being unable form that kind of connection that i yearn so much for, i always end up with something shallow that doesnt last for too long, either the girl herself loses interest in me after realising in not the person she fantasized about based on my looks, the girl realizes im an neurodivergent autist, or i slowly pull away from them as i realize its not going to work, im not interested in dragging meaningless boring relationships that wont give me what i want, what i need
This feeling of detachedness makes me despise every single social interaction i have, it turned me into someone thats bitter, into someone whos not even real, a bad person, and that goes through my mask, i barely talk to people now, i ignore friends, i ignore messages, all i do is rot alone in my room and rant in the internet, i barely eat, i am unable to sleep, everytime i have to go somewhere and put this mask on it makes me feel horrible, im nice, polite, charismatic, Yet, when in retrospect with who i really am, im the opposite, and thats disgusting
I am developing a new relationship with a girl right now, i dont know what to do, i do not feel anything towards her, im just looking for something new in hopes to find that feeling, i barely talk to her, she has lets me do whatever i want to her, we text sometimes, nothing meaningful, just boring stuff
I want her to want me, the real me, the person who i am, i want her to desire ME and long for ME, i want to make her mine
But how can i?
How can i be real?
how can i talk?
Its like i lost myself and dont know who i truly even am anymore
What can i do to spark something with her?
How can i go further than just short term sexual atraction?
How can i not lose her like i lost every single one of them?
I genuinely ask for advice, this kind of connection is the only thing ive been looking for a long time, i need something real, i need someone real
.
