Lonely
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- Aug 10, 2022
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I'm Pretty Suicidal
I'm 16M and I really hate my life.
Im diagnosed with Autism and have severe Social Anxiety. I can't talk to people or communicate with them. I have no friends and haven't ever had any real friends. I don't have a gf either and it makes me super bitter to see everyone in relationships and having fun and enjoying life, whilst I rot in my room all day.
I struggle in school too. I get horrible graves because I can't focus. My parents don't really like me either. I have no siblings and no family. I don't see my situation improving. How can someone succeed in the real world if they literally can't eye contact with people, talk like a robot and get shit grades? I have very little hope of things getting better. Studies show that Autistic men are several times more likely to be alone.
Worst part is, is that I've tried super duper hard. I've been self improving for 3 years as cringe as that sounds. Im incredibly disciplined. I have a skincare routine, I dress well and have a good haircut, I "try" to be confident (which ends up in me being mocked), I get a certain amount of sunlight daily. I consume 0 sugar. Meanwhile I see people who are total slobs who do none of these things and waste their time on TikTok and they're happier than me.
It feels so unfair. I've been lifting for around 9 months now and have made pretty bad progress (I can only bench 70kg after 9 months). I really wanna be muscular. I feel like if I was just jacked everyone would love me and r
respect me and I'd be able to fit in, instead of being ignored by everyone. I was thinking of taking SARMs or Testosterone so I could get there fast, but that's probably a very bad idea, isn't it? But yeah being jacked probably wouldn't change much socially. It would 10000% really boost my self esteem though. But I'll just stay Natty, at least until puberty ends.
I don't really wanna live anymore. My dad has a gun in his safe that I want to use to blow my brains out. I don't know how to get in though. Maybe I should just jump off a skyscraper or something. Lol.
Also, before anyone tries telling me to "just be confident" , please don't. If you're not autistic then you dont know what it feels like to socialise.
I'm 16M and I really hate my life.
Im diagnosed with Autism and have severe Social Anxiety. I can't talk to people or communicate with them. I have no friends and haven't ever had any real friends. I don't have a gf either and it makes me super bitter to see everyone in relationships and having fun and enjoying life, whilst I rot in my room all day.
I struggle in school too. I get horrible graves because I can't focus. My parents don't really like me either. I have no siblings and no family. I don't see my situation improving. How can someone succeed in the real world if they literally can't eye contact with people, talk like a robot and get shit grades? I have very little hope of things getting better. Studies show that Autistic men are several times more likely to be alone.
Worst part is, is that I've tried super duper hard. I've been self improving for 3 years as cringe as that sounds. Im incredibly disciplined. I have a skincare routine, I dress well and have a good haircut, I "try" to be confident (which ends up in me being mocked), I get a certain amount of sunlight daily. I consume 0 sugar. Meanwhile I see people who are total slobs who do none of these things and waste their time on TikTok and they're happier than me.
It feels so unfair. I've been lifting for around 9 months now and have made pretty bad progress (I can only bench 70kg after 9 months). I really wanna be muscular. I feel like if I was just jacked everyone would love me and r
respect me and I'd be able to fit in, instead of being ignored by everyone. I was thinking of taking SARMs or Testosterone so I could get there fast, but that's probably a very bad idea, isn't it? But yeah being jacked probably wouldn't change much socially. It would 10000% really boost my self esteem though. But I'll just stay Natty, at least until puberty ends.
I don't really wanna live anymore. My dad has a gun in his safe that I want to use to blow my brains out. I don't know how to get in though. Maybe I should just jump off a skyscraper or something. Lol.
Also, before anyone tries telling me to "just be confident" , please don't. If you're not autistic then you dont know what it feels like to socialise.
