BrendioEEE
Prophet
- Joined
- Jan 7, 2020
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To preface we started dating originally fall 2019 broke up in March 2020 got back together in July and dated up until recently but still seeing eachother. When we started dating again in July we weren’t yet sleeping with eachother, she was a virgin, I lost mine to a hookup, bad experience.
I [19M] used to spend a lot of time at her [19F]house during the summer we got back together because her parents were at work and me and her didn’t work all week so we had the house to ourselves, she was never really into sexual stuff but she still did things to keep my happy, at the time I thought she enjoyed most of it I was wrong. One day in august we were at her house and I coerced her to having sex, we were cuddling naked and I kept asking and moving my penis towards her area, in the past sad to admit but sometimes she just laid naked watching the movie we’re watching and I’d masturbate to her body.
She liked being dominated she’s told me and from what I’ve seen. So the last time I asked her I was more aggressive about it and she said yes lore specifically “yes I want to have sex” at the time I didnt expect her to say that so I said “are you sure” and she said yes I’m sure, the sex wasn’t good, she wasn’t into it and it was mostly just from behind so no real intimacy which i feel horrible for, after I said do you want to talk about it and she said “not really I kinda just want to ignore it and pretend it didn’t happen” and that’s when it clicked and I realized, but we never did talk about it. We did have sex regularly after that.
Recently we broke up for unrelated reasons, but we’ve been seeing eachother since then, at first I was over he house a couple days for the day and we snuggled watched TV and had sex, and then I’ve not seen her for a week or 2 and the last 3 days I’ve seen her everyday after work and she’d be the one to initiate sex as soon as I get there even when I’m not in the mood. In the past she’s never really initiated like that before but it was nice. The coercion part of the relationship at the start was still in the back of my mind whenever we’re together and I want to talk to her about it but never started the convo in fear she’s realize that she should’ve left me.
Last night me and her have had a talk about what we enjoy and dislike about sex and it led to her telling me she didn’t really enjoy and want sex until after we broke up but still Enjoyed it sometimes during. Recently we’ve been having half an hour to hour long sessions she said she’s enjoying but would’ve hated if we did that before we broke up. She said it felt like a chore and she didn’t want to do it much during our relationship so I also coerced her throughout. She said she started hating me, and then the convo ended there with her saying we should talk more about it in the morning said goodnight and hasn’t answered my texts last night after she ended the conversation. She said she realized should’ve broken up with me but not until 2 months later what happened, and that the convo will be more with herself than me(she hasn’t admitted everything to herself).
I’m not sure what to do or say, our relationships changed since then, I feel like it’s better and I would never do something like that anymore, she was my first real girlfriend while she’s dated some toxic guys in the past as she’s told me. I don’t know what I can do or say or if I should just answer her questions or apologize, I know nothing can make up for it but I want her in my life so bad, talking to her is sometimes the highlight of my day recently and throughout the year sometimes. Basically what can I say that would be appropriate and wouldn’t lead to us never talking again.
TLDR; coerced virgin girlfriend into having sex, I knew it was wrong after when she didn’t want to talk about it, turns out throughout the entire year long relationship I’ve been coercing her and only now after we broke up she’s been enjoying having sex with me. We’re finally about to have the talk about what happened because she has been trying to block it out, not sure what I can do or say to convey how bad I feel and I genuinely feel like I wouldn’t do something like that anymore.
