F
Farlea
Iron
- Joined
- Aug 8, 2023
- Posts
- 32
- Reputation
- 22
I was dating this girl last year during my freshman year of high school. I was in my prime physically and mentally, but I messed it up (for a lot of reasons: typical young, low frontal lobe development, IQcel behavior). She was perfect; she had a beautiful smile, curls, and a light brown complexion. She was funny; we would make each other laugh, and she was very intelligent as well (she took precalculus and AP Stats as a freshman, all advanced classes, including some other APs). We could have intellectual conversations, and we called every day. We even rode the bus home together. I really thought I was going to marry her; I bought her a promise ring and everything, until my dumb, neurotic self had to ruin everything. I would get jealous at certain things, like her following or having guy friends (most were chopped, so had no chance), and being extremely insecure about it as well. Whenever I tried to walk with her in the hallways, one of her friends would always be there. I’m not the type to be confrontational, so I ended up just being kind of angry at her, and she wouldn’t know why. That led to her thinking I lost interest. I never did; I still love her so much. But this is when it began going downhill. I was starting to get agitated easily, to the point where I called one of her friends a bitch. Then, when her friends told her, I lied. She said she was more mad that I lied about it than the fact I did it. I then did something even worse later and lied about that. She then officially broke up with me a week after Valentine’s Day. I was so cooked mentally; I could hardly sleep. I just ignored all my friends, and when one of them spoke badly about her, I lashed out at them, which kind of ruined our friendship. Don’t care, fuck that guy. My grades did improve after, though; I ended up getting a 5 in AP Human. Unfortunately for me, I realized too late that I took a bunch of hard classes in the hope of spending more time with her at school (I decided to take them before the breakup). I ended up taking geometry, chemistry, and Alg 2 over the summer (holy cortisol spike). And now I’m a sophomore taking AP Bio, AP World, AP Comp Sci, precalculus, and advanced English. I’m kind of glad, though, because it will help me with college in the future, but it won’t matter because I won’t have her. I planned my whole fucking life around her, and I might rope if I can’t win her back. I know I don’t deserve her, but I would rather live as a khhv for the rest of my life than be someone other than her. And don’t say some BS like, “Oh, you’ll find someone better.” I won’t because they don’t fucking exist. i ended up just gymcelling and focusing on studies i have no motivation to live,and might just fucking rope. i even talked to her again at the start of summer break and she said she forgave me f but she can’t be with me not even friends after what i did i hand wrote a letter and everything so i don’t know what else i could possibly do i will not be moving on.