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The Complete Map Of Manipulation Tactics
Comprehensive guide by Organ
I’m not a doctor or therapist. This is just general information, not personal advice.
Table of Contents:
1. Introduction
2. Gaslighting
3. Love bombing
4. Projection
5. Guilt tripping
6. Passive aggression
7. Stonewalling
8. Triangulation
9. Negging
10. Devaluation
11. Minimization
12. Rationalization
13. Coercion
14. Intermittent reinforcement
15. Blameshifting
16. Feigning confusion
17. Love withdrawal
18. Diversion
19. Black and white thinking
20. Character assassination
21. Exploitation
22. Breadcrumbing
23. Hoovering
24. Physical gaslighting
25. Whataboutism
26. Lovecrafting
27. Future faking
28. Brainwashing
29. Trauma bonding
30. Grooming
1. Introduction
Manipulative strategies are repetitive forms of behavior used to influence another individual to think, feel, or act in their favor without being honest about one’s intention or by making it impossible for the individual to say no without negative consequences. This is done through the use of manipulation techniques such as trust, guilt, confusion, isolation, or inconsistency instead of an open request that could be refused.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation whereby one individual systematically discredits the other’s sense of his or her memory, perception, or judgement so that the first individual’s story becomes the safe frame of reference. The work by Abramson in philosophy shows how the victim ends up viewing his/her reaction as unwarranted instead of just plain wrong. Social theory by Sweet focuses on power and dependence in intimate environments as a feature of the phenomenon.
The typical components of gaslighting include denial of perceived events, denying stable memories, interpreting the emotions of the victim as psychopathology, and dismissing evidence. Targets eventually start withholding information ahead of time since fighting back against the story becomes more expensive than enduring the initial damage done.
Differences in tone and details are usual. What is special about gaslighting is repetition, lack of acceptance of the evidence, and creation of a monopoly over what can be regarded as true. Reported consequences are self-doubt, hesitation in decision-making, anxiety, and dependency on the manipulator for reality checks.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-gaslighting/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
3. Love bombing
The process of love bombing involves the sudden introduction of intense attention, flattery, availability, gifts, and future talk prior to any proportionate basis of knowledge. It is considered a tool for expediting attachment and deflecting from scrutiny by clinical and psychoeducational resources.
The initial period of interaction is usually positively reinforcing for both parties involved. The reinforcement can be mistakenly interpreted as a sign of compatibility. The distinctive traits of love bombing involve impatience with the usual pace of interaction, pressures towards exclusivity, and later decrease in affection towards the target individual once limits are set or availability is withdrawn.
A mutual interest may slow down without causing a reaction. The love bomber will have difficulties dealing with a delay since it allows for the necessary evaluation. Long-term consequences can be the elevated comparison level which means that a next relationship will be assessed on a higher standard due to the earlier intensity being viewed as the norm. The same intensity may recur following a breakup.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/...nce-used-by-abusers-in-intimate-relationships
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
4. Projection
As a means of interpersonal influence, projection involves the assigning of attributes or actions characteristic of the speaker to the target. As described by qualitative research into gaslighting dynamics, "turning the tables" involves shifting the focus of the conversation from the speaker’s actions to the tone, past behavior, or motives of the target so that the latter ends up being the one apologizing.
The first result is agenda loss. The initial situation will never become clear because it will never be stabilized. The apology made for the sake of decreasing tension will later become the admission of guilt for whatever occured.
While any kind of misattribution may be corrected, strategic projection cannot because, once it is, the speaker’s actions will become clear.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
5. Guilt tripping
Guilt tripping makes the individual turn their conscience against themselves. In essence, your boundary, your space, or what you need from yourself becomes an indication that you are being ungrateful, have left them, or are a terrible person. It is especially effective on individuals who strive to be good and responsible.
Guilt tripping is expansive, old and never-ending. The guilt remains despite the fact that the real problem had been solved.
In the long term, individuals learn to hide their needs from each other. Your need for anything from yourself becomes an act that will cause suffering to the other individual. A relationship that allows one person to have needs while the other does not is unequal.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
6. Passive aggression
Passive aggressive is the demonstration of hostility by omission, procrastination, subtle slights, or noncooperation rather than through direct complaints. The victim faces a double bind in that naming the hostility is accusatory, but failing to do so leaves the punishment in place.
The literature on affect regulation groups relevant behaviors under rejection tactics. The difference between passive aggressive behavior and regular indirectness is that the person involves persistent refusal to convert the behavior into a discussable claim.
Consequences include constant vigilance, unresolved grievances, and an environment where disputes never get resolved since they are not even acknowledged.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...avoid-these-5-types-of-emotional-manipulation
7. Stonewalling
Stonewalling consists in the refusal to acknowledge, communicate, or respond. Withdrawal can be seen as indicative of physiological draining as well. What matters here are the facts that there is a specific return time, and withdrawal takes place after the target has tried to address an issue.
Silence usually lasts until the target gives in or apologizes. Targets usually make unjustified concessions in order to regain contact. This contingency shows that communication is costly.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...avoid-these-5-types-of-emotional-manipulation
8. Triangulation
Triangulation brings in a third person who acts as either a rival, ally, judge, or messenger such that the conflict becomes triadic. This third person can be an actual person or a consensus ("everyone"). Studies show triangulation as one of the techniques used to manipulate relationships since it creates a comparison, insecurity, and an unwanted jury for the target person.
Bringing in a third entity as a way of disorienting the target or dodging negotiations is triangulation.
Triangulation destroys the target’s faith in direct communication and always comes with isolation and reputational issues.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.regainlove.com/en-us/guide/attachment-psychology/relationship-manipulation-tactics
9. Negging
Negging is a form of backhanded compliment or insult meant as a joke or evaluation, aimed at diminishing the other person's self worth and increasing their effort to gain approval from the speaker. Negging comes from the pickup subculture but is now discussed in psychological literature as an early sign of status-based manipulation.
Experiments on backhanded compliments show that people resort to backhanded compliments when their intention is to communicate status rather than to create a feeling of liking.
Regular teasing is stopped when it hurts and does not imply a need for a status decrement. Negging can be seen as way more brutal and harsh.
https://therapist.com/behaviors/negging/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ionship-amber-flags-how-to-spot-and-challenge
10. Devaluation
Devaluation is the exchange of the former idealization for criticism or disinterest. In the descriptions of narcissistic and coercive cycles of relationships, idealization and devaluation are phases in a sequence of the same management of the target’s value, rather than separate emotions.
The change is usually rationalized as an expression of honesty. Timing is very important here. Devaluation comes after the imposition of limits.
Regular relationships discard initial idealization and acquire knowledge instead. Devaluation redefines the value of the target to restore striving or submission.
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
11. Minimization
Through minimization, the damage is downplayed and your response becomes exaggerated. The other individual might minimize your hurt as a joke, an accident, or oversensitivity on your part.
In a healthy form of perspective taking, there can be an agreement without your experiences getting discarded. In minimization, your experiences get removed from the picture. Over time, people come to believe their own pain wasn’t so bad, and that becomes used to prove that the initial situation “wasn’t really that big a deal.”
When defining emotional abuse for psychologists, it has been noted as part of the damage.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/...nce-used-by-abusers-in-intimate-relationships
12. Rationalization
Rationalization is a narrative that explains why the bad behavior was necessary or how the behavior showed love, or how the behavior was in some way your responsibility.
The actual explanation takes responsibility for the choice: “I made a mistake handling this because I was under stress.” Rationalization skips the part about making that decision. Slowly but surely, the official narrative becomes detached from your memory of what really happened. When the target tried to tell the truth, then they are the one who’s inconsistent.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
13. Coercion
Coercion implies forcing “no” to be so costly that the individual ends up saying “yes.” The cost may be in the form of threat, loss of resources or fear that these will occur. This is different from persuading someone into doing something. This section only introduces the concept. It does not give how this coercion is achieved.
The persons involved continue to claim their choices when coerced into situations. However, when all the alternatives face punishment, this is not a free choice. In the event that saying “no” leads to physical harm or lack of safety, the subsequent “yes” is a response to coercion.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...re-to-intimate-partner-abuse-requires-healing
https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/...nce-used-by-abusers-in-intimate-relationships
14. Intermittent reinforcement
Intermittent reinforcement implies that the positive reinforcements are provided irregularly and not always. Scientific research proves that it results in the continuous pursuit of the reward. In the case of romantic relationships, the positive reinforcements include love, care, and desirable behavior from a partner. The interval consists of the lack of interest and cruelty.
Typically, the periods of positive interaction are seen as real love in the relationships, while the very pattern of alternating positive and negative interactions makes individuals stay in them.
This may result in obsessive thoughts, seeing the feelings of worry as deep love, and difficulty in recognizing more stable personality as a better choice.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/breadcrumbing
https://www.regainlove.com/en-us/guide/attachment-psychology/relationship-manipulation-tactics
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/04/health/what-is-breadcrumbing-meaning-wellness
15. Blameshifting
Blameshifting shifts the blame away from the speaker’s own actions on you or some other thing. It is part of the strategy of “DARVO,” which stands for “Deny, Attack, Reverse.” Research conducted shows that hearing such a statement makes people believe in the victim less and make the victim responsible more often.
The dialogue finishes by reversing the roles. No attention is paid to the initial complaint. Apologizing in order to restore peace is then used against you.
Blameshifting won’t allow the action of the speaker himself/herself to be discussed anymore.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
16. Feigning confusion
Pretending not to know something is a method of tiring out the issue. The common tactics used are to ask one to repeat themselves several times, say that they do not understand, and ask why they care.
In the case of a genuine misunderstanding, everything becomes clear once it is explained. False misunderstandings never become clear because then it would mean dealing with the real issue.
In a real scenario, everyone stops asking for simple things because explaining takes much more effort.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
17. Love withdrawal
Love withdrawal refers to deliberately stripping another person of affection, warmth or simply kindness. Love is used as an inducement for compliance, and is removed when one establishes a limit. It is similar to stonewalling and the on-off rewards technique, but is focused on removing warmth.
People may want something or feel a certain way due to normal causes.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
18. Diversion
With diversion, you are now faced with a new issue that is much easier to discuss for the speaker, either the past, an alternative complaint, another individual, or stress. Another tactic involves raising so many issues that you cannot tackle any of them.
An open and messy debate will stick to one particular issue, but a diversion will not be able to do that. The best thing to do is to go back to the first issue or just stop talking entirely.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
19. Black and white thinking
When the black and white mindset is used for the purposes of control, everything is split. One must be either flawless or completely inadequate.
People also tend to think in terms of extremes when they are sick or simply under stress. This turns into a form of control when it is employed to categorize one’s behavior and allow for the possibility of lying only in case of complete submission.
One hides any possible fluctuations in their mood to avoid being categorized as undesirable.
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
20. Character assassination
Character assassination is a prolonged form of attack on an individual. Character assassination makes you reasons, your mental state, or even you a bad person. This then affects your account of events by making others not believe you as much.
Character assassination may stay within the two individuals or go beyond to the friends and family. Once the character assassination narrative is out, any subsequent truths will be taken as the same narrative.
This will leave you lonely. This will damage your reputation.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
21. Exploitation
Exploitation is taking work, money, status, care, or sex without giving the same back. The relationship is built around what the other person gets. If you say no, that “no” is treated as a problem to fix, not as a boundary.
Studies and clinical writing on abuse both include using a person mainly as a tool.
Over time the person being used has less left. That emptiness is then used as proof that they are the one who is lacking things in the relationship.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
22. Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing is keeping someone hoping with rare, uneven signs of interest, without moving toward a real commitment. Research link this to the on-and-off reward pattern: a little contact now and then keeps the person chasing.
Breadcrumbing needs mixed signals, because a clear “no” would let the other person go.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/breadcrumbing
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/04/health/what-is-breadcrumbing-meaning-wellness
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-breadcrumbing-5220677
23. Hoovering
Hoovering is reaching back after you have stepped away, usually when you start to feel steady again. The message may be an apology, a crisis, old good memories, or saying that they have changed. This is usually after the “throw away” stage in the cycle.
The key signs are the timing and that the behavior does not really change for good. Hoovering treats that wait as harm to the one who reaches out.
Coming back again and again stops you from getting clear, and it starts the on-and-off reward pattern over.
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
24. Physical gaslighting
Physical gaslighting means changing what you see or feel around you, or using the body to scare you, so you doubt what you noticed. The name comes from the movie Gaslight.
People in this situation feel a split: their body remembers one thing, but they are not allowed to say it.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-gaslighting/
25. Whataboutism
Whataboutism answers a charge by bringing up a different charge or mess, so the first thing never gets settled. People know this from politics. It also happens in private fights.
Whataboutism will not wait until the first thing is handled, because waiting would mean facing the first thing.
What is left is a ton of unfinished problems, and a premise that no complaint ever gets resolved.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
26. Lovecrafting
Lovecrafting means building a shared love story that keeps you close and makes other people look worse. It is like love bombing and fake future talk, but it focuses on the story.
Making meaning together is normal in close relationships. The control version punishes you if you want to change the story when situations change, and treats questions as betraying trust.
https://www.regainlove.com/en-us/guide/attachment-psychology/relationship-manipulation-tactics
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
27. Future faking
Future faking is painting a detailed life together later, without real plans, dates, money, or meeting each other’s people.
Future faking treats asking for real steps as a lack of romance. It sort of relies on letting things fall into place. You change your life now around a path that was only talked about. What happens most of the time is living a life that is far different from what was talked about.
https://scampsychology.org/scars-manual-of-manipulation-and-control-2024/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
28. Brainwashing
Brainwashing means a long effort to replace a person’s beliefs, loyalties, and sense of what is real with those of a controller or a group. Research argues about how exact the word is. To spot it, look for these: cut off from other information, one person or group owns the meaning of events, and doubt is punished. How it is done is not described here.
People report a smaller set of words, fear of thinking for themselves, and a high cost to leave because the old circle that helped them understand things is gone.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...re-to-intimate-partner-abuse-requires-healing
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
29. Trauma bonding
Trauma bonding is a tie that forms when the same person both scares you and comforts you, over and over. The usual reasons given are the on-and-off reward pattern and how attachment works in the body. This tie can feel stronger.
A common sign is staying in contact after you have already said the person is bad for you. Strong feelings do not prove the match is good.
https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/trauma-bonding/7-stages/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
30. Grooming
Grooming is slowly building trust, a special place, and secrecy so the person can be used. It is well known in the sexual abuse of children. It also happens with adults around money and sex. Extra care is needed whenever children are involved.
Having to keep the relationship itself a secret is a warning sign. If a child may be involved, call child-protection services or the police. Do not treat that as a private problem to solve alone.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
@Tesarossa @subhuman wasian @Morgan @iblamemyhabits @Akonic
Comprehensive guide by Organ
I’m not a doctor or therapist. This is just general information, not personal advice.
Table of Contents:
1. Introduction
2. Gaslighting
3. Love bombing
4. Projection
5. Guilt tripping
6. Passive aggression
7. Stonewalling
8. Triangulation
9. Negging
10. Devaluation
11. Minimization
12. Rationalization
13. Coercion
14. Intermittent reinforcement
15. Blameshifting
16. Feigning confusion
17. Love withdrawal
18. Diversion
19. Black and white thinking
20. Character assassination
21. Exploitation
22. Breadcrumbing
23. Hoovering
24. Physical gaslighting
25. Whataboutism
26. Lovecrafting
27. Future faking
28. Brainwashing
29. Trauma bonding
30. Grooming
1. Introduction
Manipulative strategies are repetitive forms of behavior used to influence another individual to think, feel, or act in their favor without being honest about one’s intention or by making it impossible for the individual to say no without negative consequences. This is done through the use of manipulation techniques such as trust, guilt, confusion, isolation, or inconsistency instead of an open request that could be refused.
2. Gaslighting
Gaslighting is a manipulation whereby one individual systematically discredits the other’s sense of his or her memory, perception, or judgement so that the first individual’s story becomes the safe frame of reference. The work by Abramson in philosophy shows how the victim ends up viewing his/her reaction as unwarranted instead of just plain wrong. Social theory by Sweet focuses on power and dependence in intimate environments as a feature of the phenomenon.
The typical components of gaslighting include denial of perceived events, denying stable memories, interpreting the emotions of the victim as psychopathology, and dismissing evidence. Targets eventually start withholding information ahead of time since fighting back against the story becomes more expensive than enduring the initial damage done.
Differences in tone and details are usual. What is special about gaslighting is repetition, lack of acceptance of the evidence, and creation of a monopoly over what can be regarded as true. Reported consequences are self-doubt, hesitation in decision-making, anxiety, and dependency on the manipulator for reality checks.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-gaslighting/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
3. Love bombing
The process of love bombing involves the sudden introduction of intense attention, flattery, availability, gifts, and future talk prior to any proportionate basis of knowledge. It is considered a tool for expediting attachment and deflecting from scrutiny by clinical and psychoeducational resources.
The initial period of interaction is usually positively reinforcing for both parties involved. The reinforcement can be mistakenly interpreted as a sign of compatibility. The distinctive traits of love bombing involve impatience with the usual pace of interaction, pressures towards exclusivity, and later decrease in affection towards the target individual once limits are set or availability is withdrawn.
A mutual interest may slow down without causing a reaction. The love bomber will have difficulties dealing with a delay since it allows for the necessary evaluation. Long-term consequences can be the elevated comparison level which means that a next relationship will be assessed on a higher standard due to the earlier intensity being viewed as the norm. The same intensity may recur following a breakup.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/...nce-used-by-abusers-in-intimate-relationships
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
4. Projection
As a means of interpersonal influence, projection involves the assigning of attributes or actions characteristic of the speaker to the target. As described by qualitative research into gaslighting dynamics, "turning the tables" involves shifting the focus of the conversation from the speaker’s actions to the tone, past behavior, or motives of the target so that the latter ends up being the one apologizing.
The first result is agenda loss. The initial situation will never become clear because it will never be stabilized. The apology made for the sake of decreasing tension will later become the admission of guilt for whatever occured.
While any kind of misattribution may be corrected, strategic projection cannot because, once it is, the speaker’s actions will become clear.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
5. Guilt tripping
Guilt tripping makes the individual turn their conscience against themselves. In essence, your boundary, your space, or what you need from yourself becomes an indication that you are being ungrateful, have left them, or are a terrible person. It is especially effective on individuals who strive to be good and responsible.
Guilt tripping is expansive, old and never-ending. The guilt remains despite the fact that the real problem had been solved.
In the long term, individuals learn to hide their needs from each other. Your need for anything from yourself becomes an act that will cause suffering to the other individual. A relationship that allows one person to have needs while the other does not is unequal.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
6. Passive aggression
Passive aggressive is the demonstration of hostility by omission, procrastination, subtle slights, or noncooperation rather than through direct complaints. The victim faces a double bind in that naming the hostility is accusatory, but failing to do so leaves the punishment in place.
The literature on affect regulation groups relevant behaviors under rejection tactics. The difference between passive aggressive behavior and regular indirectness is that the person involves persistent refusal to convert the behavior into a discussable claim.
Consequences include constant vigilance, unresolved grievances, and an environment where disputes never get resolved since they are not even acknowledged.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...avoid-these-5-types-of-emotional-manipulation
7. Stonewalling
Stonewalling consists in the refusal to acknowledge, communicate, or respond. Withdrawal can be seen as indicative of physiological draining as well. What matters here are the facts that there is a specific return time, and withdrawal takes place after the target has tried to address an issue.
Silence usually lasts until the target gives in or apologizes. Targets usually make unjustified concessions in order to regain contact. This contingency shows that communication is costly.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...avoid-these-5-types-of-emotional-manipulation
8. Triangulation
Triangulation brings in a third person who acts as either a rival, ally, judge, or messenger such that the conflict becomes triadic. This third person can be an actual person or a consensus ("everyone"). Studies show triangulation as one of the techniques used to manipulate relationships since it creates a comparison, insecurity, and an unwanted jury for the target person.
Bringing in a third entity as a way of disorienting the target or dodging negotiations is triangulation.
Triangulation destroys the target’s faith in direct communication and always comes with isolation and reputational issues.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.regainlove.com/en-us/guide/attachment-psychology/relationship-manipulation-tactics
9. Negging
Negging is a form of backhanded compliment or insult meant as a joke or evaluation, aimed at diminishing the other person's self worth and increasing their effort to gain approval from the speaker. Negging comes from the pickup subculture but is now discussed in psychological literature as an early sign of status-based manipulation.
Experiments on backhanded compliments show that people resort to backhanded compliments when their intention is to communicate status rather than to create a feeling of liking.
Regular teasing is stopped when it hurts and does not imply a need for a status decrement. Negging can be seen as way more brutal and harsh.
https://therapist.com/behaviors/negging/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ionship-amber-flags-how-to-spot-and-challenge
10. Devaluation
Devaluation is the exchange of the former idealization for criticism or disinterest. In the descriptions of narcissistic and coercive cycles of relationships, idealization and devaluation are phases in a sequence of the same management of the target’s value, rather than separate emotions.
The change is usually rationalized as an expression of honesty. Timing is very important here. Devaluation comes after the imposition of limits.
Regular relationships discard initial idealization and acquire knowledge instead. Devaluation redefines the value of the target to restore striving or submission.
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
11. Minimization
Through minimization, the damage is downplayed and your response becomes exaggerated. The other individual might minimize your hurt as a joke, an accident, or oversensitivity on your part.
In a healthy form of perspective taking, there can be an agreement without your experiences getting discarded. In minimization, your experiences get removed from the picture. Over time, people come to believe their own pain wasn’t so bad, and that becomes used to prove that the initial situation “wasn’t really that big a deal.”
When defining emotional abuse for psychologists, it has been noted as part of the damage.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/...nce-used-by-abusers-in-intimate-relationships
12. Rationalization
Rationalization is a narrative that explains why the bad behavior was necessary or how the behavior showed love, or how the behavior was in some way your responsibility.
The actual explanation takes responsibility for the choice: “I made a mistake handling this because I was under stress.” Rationalization skips the part about making that decision. Slowly but surely, the official narrative becomes detached from your memory of what really happened. When the target tried to tell the truth, then they are the one who’s inconsistent.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
13. Coercion
Coercion implies forcing “no” to be so costly that the individual ends up saying “yes.” The cost may be in the form of threat, loss of resources or fear that these will occur. This is different from persuading someone into doing something. This section only introduces the concept. It does not give how this coercion is achieved.
The persons involved continue to claim their choices when coerced into situations. However, when all the alternatives face punishment, this is not a free choice. In the event that saying “no” leads to physical harm or lack of safety, the subsequent “yes” is a response to coercion.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...re-to-intimate-partner-abuse-requires-healing
https://sosviolenceconjugale.ca/en/...nce-used-by-abusers-in-intimate-relationships
14. Intermittent reinforcement
Intermittent reinforcement implies that the positive reinforcements are provided irregularly and not always. Scientific research proves that it results in the continuous pursuit of the reward. In the case of romantic relationships, the positive reinforcements include love, care, and desirable behavior from a partner. The interval consists of the lack of interest and cruelty.
Typically, the periods of positive interaction are seen as real love in the relationships, while the very pattern of alternating positive and negative interactions makes individuals stay in them.
This may result in obsessive thoughts, seeing the feelings of worry as deep love, and difficulty in recognizing more stable personality as a better choice.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/breadcrumbing
https://www.regainlove.com/en-us/guide/attachment-psychology/relationship-manipulation-tactics
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/04/health/what-is-breadcrumbing-meaning-wellness
15. Blameshifting
Blameshifting shifts the blame away from the speaker’s own actions on you or some other thing. It is part of the strategy of “DARVO,” which stands for “Deny, Attack, Reverse.” Research conducted shows that hearing such a statement makes people believe in the victim less and make the victim responsible more often.
The dialogue finishes by reversing the roles. No attention is paid to the initial complaint. Apologizing in order to restore peace is then used against you.
Blameshifting won’t allow the action of the speaker himself/herself to be discussed anymore.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DARVO
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
16. Feigning confusion
Pretending not to know something is a method of tiring out the issue. The common tactics used are to ask one to repeat themselves several times, say that they do not understand, and ask why they care.
In the case of a genuine misunderstanding, everything becomes clear once it is explained. False misunderstandings never become clear because then it would mean dealing with the real issue.
In a real scenario, everyone stops asking for simple things because explaining takes much more effort.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
17. Love withdrawal
Love withdrawal refers to deliberately stripping another person of affection, warmth or simply kindness. Love is used as an inducement for compliance, and is removed when one establishes a limit. It is similar to stonewalling and the on-off rewards technique, but is focused on removing warmth.
People may want something or feel a certain way due to normal causes.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
18. Diversion
With diversion, you are now faced with a new issue that is much easier to discuss for the speaker, either the past, an alternative complaint, another individual, or stress. Another tactic involves raising so many issues that you cannot tackle any of them.
An open and messy debate will stick to one particular issue, but a diversion will not be able to do that. The best thing to do is to go back to the first issue or just stop talking entirely.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
19. Black and white thinking
When the black and white mindset is used for the purposes of control, everything is split. One must be either flawless or completely inadequate.
People also tend to think in terms of extremes when they are sick or simply under stress. This turns into a form of control when it is employed to categorize one’s behavior and allow for the possibility of lying only in case of complete submission.
One hides any possible fluctuations in their mood to avoid being categorized as undesirable.
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
20. Character assassination
Character assassination is a prolonged form of attack on an individual. Character assassination makes you reasons, your mental state, or even you a bad person. This then affects your account of events by making others not believe you as much.
Character assassination may stay within the two individuals or go beyond to the friends and family. Once the character assassination narrative is out, any subsequent truths will be taken as the same narrative.
This will leave you lonely. This will damage your reputation.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
21. Exploitation
Exploitation is taking work, money, status, care, or sex without giving the same back. The relationship is built around what the other person gets. If you say no, that “no” is treated as a problem to fix, not as a boundary.
Studies and clinical writing on abuse both include using a person mainly as a tool.
Over time the person being used has less left. That emptiness is then used as proof that they are the one who is lacking things in the relationship.
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
https://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/psychpedia/manipulation
22. Breadcrumbing
Breadcrumbing is keeping someone hoping with rare, uneven signs of interest, without moving toward a real commitment. Research link this to the on-and-off reward pattern: a little contact now and then keeps the person chasing.
Breadcrumbing needs mixed signals, because a clear “no” would let the other person go.
https://health.clevelandclinic.org/breadcrumbing
https://www.cnn.com/2023/12/04/health/what-is-breadcrumbing-meaning-wellness
https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-breadcrumbing-5220677
23. Hoovering
Hoovering is reaching back after you have stepped away, usually when you start to feel steady again. The message may be an apology, a crisis, old good memories, or saying that they have changed. This is usually after the “throw away” stage in the cycle.
The key signs are the timing and that the behavior does not really change for good. Hoovering treats that wait as harm to the one who reaches out.
Coming back again and again stops you from getting clear, and it starts the on-and-off reward pattern over.
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
24. Physical gaslighting
Physical gaslighting means changing what you see or feel around you, or using the body to scare you, so you doubt what you noticed. The name comes from the movie Gaslight.
People in this situation feel a split: their body remembers one thing, but they are not allowed to say it.
https://www.simplypsychology.org/what-is-gaslighting.html
https://www.choosingtherapy.com/types-of-gaslighting/
25. Whataboutism
Whataboutism answers a charge by bringing up a different charge or mess, so the first thing never gets settled. People know this from politics. It also happens in private fights.
Whataboutism will not wait until the first thing is handled, because waiting would mean facing the first thing.
What is left is a ton of unfinished problems, and a premise that no complaint ever gets resolved.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...ce/202607/how-to-recognize-coercive-narrative
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
26. Lovecrafting
Lovecrafting means building a shared love story that keeps you close and makes other people look worse. It is like love bombing and fake future talk, but it focuses on the story.
Making meaning together is normal in close relationships. The control version punishes you if you want to change the story when situations change, and treats questions as betraying trust.
https://www.regainlove.com/en-us/guide/attachment-psychology/relationship-manipulation-tactics
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
27. Future faking
Future faking is painting a detailed life together later, without real plans, dates, money, or meeting each other’s people.
Future faking treats asking for real steps as a lack of romance. It sort of relies on letting things fall into place. You change your life now around a path that was only talked about. What happens most of the time is living a life that is far different from what was talked about.
https://scampsychology.org/scars-manual-of-manipulation-and-control-2024/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...-tactics-you-might-not-see-until-its-too-late
28. Brainwashing
Brainwashing means a long effort to replace a person’s beliefs, loyalties, and sense of what is real with those of a controller or a group. Research argues about how exact the word is. To spot it, look for these: cut off from other information, one person or group owns the meaning of events, and doubt is punished. How it is done is not described here.
People report a smaller set of words, fear of thinking for themselves, and a high cost to leave because the old circle that helped them understand things is gone.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/...re-to-intimate-partner-abuse-requires-healing
https://www.narcissisticabuserehab.com/narcissistic-abuse-tactics-gaslighting-love-bombing-and-more/
29. Trauma bonding
Trauma bonding is a tie that forms when the same person both scares you and comforts you, over and over. The usual reasons given are the on-and-off reward pattern and how attachment works in the body. This tie can feel stronger.
A common sign is staying in contact after you have already said the person is bad for you. Strong feelings do not prove the match is good.
https://www.attachmentproject.com/psychology/trauma-bonding/7-stages/
https://www.simplypsychology.org/narcissistic-love-bombing-cycle.html
30. Grooming
Grooming is slowly building trust, a special place, and secrecy so the person can be used. It is well known in the sexual abuse of children. It also happens with adults around money and sex. Extra care is needed whenever children are involved.
Having to keep the relationship itself a secret is a warning sign. If a child may be involved, call child-protection services or the police. Do not treat that as a private problem to solve alone.
https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/grooming/
https://psychcentral.com/lib/how-to-spot-manipulation
@Tesarossa @subhuman wasian @Morgan @iblamemyhabits @Akonic
