The desire of evil

[RAITEIII]

I have encountered evil a few times in this life, and sometimes I wished to become a greater monster than they were. I'm not naturally wired that way... If I think of being that monster I feel awful inside tbh. I mean, I know what it is like when I was a child and none was there to help me. How could I feel good doing the same? Or abusing those who are weaker for the sake of it? It's a form of betraying my own pain and existence.

This world is trying to pretend that sick people are "strong" and "badass" and try to shame you if you have ethics in order to glorify something that is nothing but perhaps some form of neurological disorder. Yes I'm not sick and I have good values for most situations... so what? I hurt people many times because I was an oblivious idiot, but I sincerely never meant to. And I always tried to make up for it too.

I don't want to have a battle with myself daily, saying this world is awful so I must also change and be as awful. I want to be myself... Protect yourself, be smart, be contundent, be ruthless... in a way that can make things better. Make honour to your past, if they didn't try to make things better, you wouldn't be here...

It's so complicated,

 

[LowTrust]

being evil mogs being a m0ralf@g, so it's better to be the first, only be kind to cute JBs, and not even good guy kind, the "bad guy that has a soft spot" for you type of kind