T
TurkicLTN
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 1, 2025
- Posts
- 54
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- 15
To start I’m 20, and I’ve been in the LM & BP for 3-4 years now. I was lurking on the forums before I ever made an account. And every year, I only go deeper
I was always an outcast. At 16–17 I was around 5'2–5'3, ugly, skinny as bones, barely had friends, never approached girls, and no girl ever approached me. My teenage years were basically me watching everyone else live while I stayed in the background like I wasn’t even a person.
I only liked 2 girls back then. When my friend mentioned that me and one of them would look cute together, she said she’d kill herself. The second girl once got offered a hat I had worn. She asked if it was mine, and when she found out it was, she threw it on the ground and said, “Ew, get that away from me, I’d never wear that.”
That stuck with me alot... It taught me that having a bad appearance doesn’t just make you invisible, it makes people treat your existence like if its a contamination, as if its something that should not be there.
I was kind. I tried my best to be good to ppl. I never had bad intentions but none of it mattered. No matter how I acted or what I did, I was used, ignored, bullied, and thrown away whenever I stopped being useful. The only one who showed love to me was my mom.
At 18 I was abt 5'8 and looked slightly better but that changed nothing. Still antisocial, still a KHHV, still watching girls look disappointed whenever they had to work with me.
I asked one girl out and she leaked it to the whole school. I then found out that she told her group of friends that even the thought of me made her want to puke.
Everywhere I looked, every person I consulted who had girls, who had friends, who were blessed with their life always told me the same bullshit.
“Just be confident.”
“Be yourself.”
Being myself was exactly what people hated.
Now I’m 20, finally around 6', and I look better compared to before (still nowhere near where i WANT to be tho). Suddenly people are nicer. Girls approach me. Girls who rejected me came back and admit they're obsessed with me. The same person I was that was once treated like a burden is now called funny and confident.
My actual personality never actually changed, I just became more acceptable to look at which indirectly made me more confident, thats it...
Now I see life for what it actually is, that looks really are basically everything. But I can’t even enjoy it. I look in the mirror and don’t see myself. I see every flaw I have, I see my hairline, gonial angle, high ramus, recessed mandible. Its gotten to the point where I’ve scheduled bimax surgery for when I get my inheritance and planning for more. I take pills and injectables just to drag myself closer to a life other men were handed at birth.
The Philosopher Schopenhauer was right, desire never ends.
First I wanted to be seen. Now I’m seen and I still feel defective. Doing all this, just granted me the ability to receive basic humanity.
Some people are born into bodies that make life forgiving. They get love, attention, confidence and experience early enough to think they earned it. Those people are given fufillment from birth.
While many people like me have to do unordinary things to try to imitate a fraction of what they achieved by living. The world is so unfair, but there's nothing to do about it for people like us other than doing the extreme.
Below is attached of what I looked at 16-17 vs now
I was always an outcast. At 16–17 I was around 5'2–5'3, ugly, skinny as bones, barely had friends, never approached girls, and no girl ever approached me. My teenage years were basically me watching everyone else live while I stayed in the background like I wasn’t even a person.
I only liked 2 girls back then. When my friend mentioned that me and one of them would look cute together, she said she’d kill herself. The second girl once got offered a hat I had worn. She asked if it was mine, and when she found out it was, she threw it on the ground and said, “Ew, get that away from me, I’d never wear that.”
That stuck with me alot... It taught me that having a bad appearance doesn’t just make you invisible, it makes people treat your existence like if its a contamination, as if its something that should not be there.
I was kind. I tried my best to be good to ppl. I never had bad intentions but none of it mattered. No matter how I acted or what I did, I was used, ignored, bullied, and thrown away whenever I stopped being useful. The only one who showed love to me was my mom.
At 18 I was abt 5'8 and looked slightly better but that changed nothing. Still antisocial, still a KHHV, still watching girls look disappointed whenever they had to work with me.
I asked one girl out and she leaked it to the whole school. I then found out that she told her group of friends that even the thought of me made her want to puke.
Everywhere I looked, every person I consulted who had girls, who had friends, who were blessed with their life always told me the same bullshit.
“Just be confident.”
“Be yourself.”
Being myself was exactly what people hated.
Now I’m 20, finally around 6', and I look better compared to before (still nowhere near where i WANT to be tho). Suddenly people are nicer. Girls approach me. Girls who rejected me came back and admit they're obsessed with me. The same person I was that was once treated like a burden is now called funny and confident.
My actual personality never actually changed, I just became more acceptable to look at which indirectly made me more confident, thats it...
Now I see life for what it actually is, that looks really are basically everything. But I can’t even enjoy it. I look in the mirror and don’t see myself. I see every flaw I have, I see my hairline, gonial angle, high ramus, recessed mandible. Its gotten to the point where I’ve scheduled bimax surgery for when I get my inheritance and planning for more. I take pills and injectables just to drag myself closer to a life other men were handed at birth.
The Philosopher Schopenhauer was right, desire never ends.
First I wanted to be seen. Now I’m seen and I still feel defective. Doing all this, just granted me the ability to receive basic humanity.
Some people are born into bodies that make life forgiving. They get love, attention, confidence and experience early enough to think they earned it. Those people are given fufillment from birth.
While many people like me have to do unordinary things to try to imitate a fraction of what they achieved by living. The world is so unfair, but there's nothing to do about it for people like us other than doing the extreme.
Below is attached of what I looked at 16-17 vs now
. And ik that cuz i used to take blood work as my parents tried to put me on GH replacement. Even a year ago at 19 i wasnt that much better
