Enfant terrible
Fire
- Joined
- Aug 22, 2020
- Posts
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I can think of many things in my life that I wish were different. I wish I was born in the US, I wish I was born into a wealthy family, I wish I had a big dick. But there is one thing that I can't just let go, because I don't think asking to be same height as my father and couple of inches taller than my sisters is too much.
All these years, I've spent too much time looking for something or someone to blame for my lack of height. Not a day goes by where I don't question God, "Why the fuck did He choose me?", "Why the fuck did He give me a flaw that I will never have a chance to fix in my life?".
My grandmother told me that if I want something, I should pray to God.
I've been blaming my parents too for failling to make me tall like other kids, whenever I had a chance, I would try to hurt my parents to make them realize how much they hurt me.
But probably I am the one who's responsible the most, I was the one who chose to stay up late and study instead of sleep, I was the one who wasn't able to fall asleep, I was the one who refused to drink milk, I was the one who suffered from depression.
What I did simply is unforgiveable, it's not like you lost money and you can always earn it again. Me, I'll never get the chance to redeem my mistake. No matter how rich and successful I get, height is not something I could buy.
I can feel the anger inside that boils my blood, I'm willing to do anything to be what I want to be, I want to prove myself to other people, but there's nothing I can do about it, nobody can. I am so powerless and desperate.
As long as I live, I will always be haunted by the fact that I am shorter than my father, the fact that I failed to do something to be taller, I could have done something, the fact that if I didn't fail to end up just my father's height, I would have lived a totally different life, the fact that tall men are more desirable to women, the fact that tall men are physically superior.
I've pretty much accepted the fact that I will never fully accept this fact. I will always be constantly reminded of it for the rest of my life, until it's somewhat fixed which is highly unlikely to ever happen.
All these years, I've spent too much time looking for something or someone to blame for my lack of height. Not a day goes by where I don't question God, "Why the fuck did He choose me?", "Why the fuck did He give me a flaw that I will never have a chance to fix in my life?".
My grandmother told me that if I want something, I should pray to God.
I've been blaming my parents too for failling to make me tall like other kids, whenever I had a chance, I would try to hurt my parents to make them realize how much they hurt me.
But probably I am the one who's responsible the most, I was the one who chose to stay up late and study instead of sleep, I was the one who wasn't able to fall asleep, I was the one who refused to drink milk, I was the one who suffered from depression.
What I did simply is unforgiveable, it's not like you lost money and you can always earn it again. Me, I'll never get the chance to redeem my mistake. No matter how rich and successful I get, height is not something I could buy.
I can feel the anger inside that boils my blood, I'm willing to do anything to be what I want to be, I want to prove myself to other people, but there's nothing I can do about it, nobody can. I am so powerless and desperate.
As long as I live, I will always be haunted by the fact that I am shorter than my father, the fact that I failed to do something to be taller, I could have done something, the fact that if I didn't fail to end up just my father's height, I would have lived a totally different life, the fact that tall men are more desirable to women, the fact that tall men are physically superior.
I've pretty much accepted the fact that I will never fully accept this fact. I will always be constantly reminded of it for the rest of my life, until it's somewhat fixed which is highly unlikely to ever happen.
