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Kraken
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What are the best Tinder hacks?
This is your comprehensive guide to tinder matches
I encourage you to mirror this as much as you possibly can, nobody is going to have exactly similar images or interests, so make these apply to you.
Okay so I spent plenty of time on the apps. I’ve had what could be considered a top level of success based on the numbers I’ve found online. And trust me - I barely dated through high school and college. I married my first long term girlfriend and barely knew how to talk to women. Anybody can learn and do this:
Tinder tends to be a wasteland of bots these days (or at least over a year ago when I last used it) but there’s still things that you can do to help yourself out:
1: don’t ever let a woman make your profile for you. Women think they know what they want. But few know what they’re subconsciously attracted to and actually swiping right on. She‘ll choose pictures of you smiling and looking all genuine and kind.
No. Fuck that. It doesn’t work. No matter what some bullshit new age “nice guy” garbage will tell you. I know from years of experience. Long term? Yes, you’ll need to be a decent person and I’m sure you are! But first we gotta draw them in!
2: instead of those smiling pictures where you look like a nice dude, Your first picture needs to communicate excitement and adventure. It needs to have a slight edge. It needs to make you a bit mysterious.
I used to use this one.
by the way. A commenter correctly pointed out that it’s better if pictures aren’t selfies. This is true. People are weird about it, if you have pics taken by others, use them. I don’t because I have a small circle of friends and we really just don’t take pictures of each other….
some stuff to note: I live in California, people from my area see this and know it’s not local (it’s Boston) and Subconsciously assume I must travel and go to interesting places.
I’m wearing sunglasses, you can’t see my eyes. Mysterious
no smile. Ooh man this guy must be disagreeable. Subconsciously, women take this to mean that I am a capable individual as far as earning income. Disagreeable people make more money.
this picture just needs to be enough to get them to do one of two things: look at more pictures, or read my bio. It doesn’t matter which they do.
the second picture needs to sex things up. She sees your face, she knows you’re a mysterious traveler. Now show her the goods:
that’s right folks, we are going full douche bag. Anybody who ever told you that shirtless selfies don’t work never had visible abs
let me say it again
If someone tells you that women swipe left on shirtless selfies, they never had visible abs
but at this point our woman is saying “oh okay, he’s a douche” but trust me, she’ll keep looking at other photos because
A: she still likes the body
B: she wants to see just how big of a douche you are, but don’t worry, we’re gonna throw a curve ball.
if you don’t have abs, just show yourself being active. It’s the next best thing.
my matches increased exponentially when I used this photo. It was like I started cheating. Sure, some women will swipe left immediately, but they’re a minority. Most women will look at your other pics to confirm your net douchebag level to see if you’re worth the risk after seeing this.
but the payoff is that we know this, and will be showing them this bad boy next:
“oh god
he’s jacked AND sensitive?!? Just show me where to put my panties because I’m about to drop them”
yep. We hit em with the baby photo. But here’s the thing: we are going to do two things first in our bio. We are going to post our height, and we are going to let them know that the baby is our nephew. Eliminate the doubt that you might have kids. Unless it’s a lie. I don’t advocate lying.
so we’ve now established the most important thing in a woman’s mind:
“he can provide, look at how disagreeable he looks in those cool guy sunglasses next to that foreign land. Does he travel for work or for fun? Either way, it’s exciting!”
“He takes care of his body and isn’t ashamed to show it off, he’s confident and I know he’s not just a douche because look at that baby pic! So cute!”
And then…then we cheat.
“Oh. Oh god. He has a dog. This man is my husband. I must meet him. I must pet his dog. I must make him mine”
Almost all women love dogs, or at least puppies.
Side note: if you’re a cat guy, keep it to yourself. More women are put off by cats than not and you’ll come off as weird. I recommend you not even bring it up on a date.
lastly, the bio:
if you are 6’0 or above, post your height first, they want to know, get it out of the way. If you’re 5’11….you’re six foot now. Congrats.
if you’re below that height, just skip it and hope she doesn’t ask. If you’re below 5’11 I’m sorry but you are what is known as a manlet. Pray that you find yourself a petite girl who can wear heels and still be shorter than you.
next: ”baby is my nephew but the dog is mine and his/her name is X”
then you do it. You show them your brain.
you write a bio that is cynical but hopeful about online dating. That challenges her to impress you. Because hell, you know you already impressed her (don’t actually say this, it’s just my flavor text)
I used to say something similar to the following:
”Tinder reduces human interaction to this really weird buffet of tits and ass so here I am. Blasting my nips.
I don’t want to text back and forth for a few days. If you seem interesting within a few messages, I’ll ask you out. If not. Well uhhh…just be interesting, ok?”
This is humorous and cynical. It communicates that your time is too valuable for bullshit. Show, don’t tell. It also challenges her to say something other than “hi”. If a woman opens with hi, it’s fine, you just need the social acumen to move past it. But you need to challenge her to not be a fucking wall flower if she wants a date. The worthwhile ones will rise to the challenge
This is your comprehensive guide to tinder matches
I encourage you to mirror this as much as you possibly can, nobody is going to have exactly similar images or interests, so make these apply to you.
Okay so I spent plenty of time on the apps. I’ve had what could be considered a top level of success based on the numbers I’ve found online. And trust me - I barely dated through high school and college. I married my first long term girlfriend and barely knew how to talk to women. Anybody can learn and do this:
Tinder tends to be a wasteland of bots these days (or at least over a year ago when I last used it) but there’s still things that you can do to help yourself out:
1: don’t ever let a woman make your profile for you. Women think they know what they want. But few know what they’re subconsciously attracted to and actually swiping right on. She‘ll choose pictures of you smiling and looking all genuine and kind.
No. Fuck that. It doesn’t work. No matter what some bullshit new age “nice guy” garbage will tell you. I know from years of experience. Long term? Yes, you’ll need to be a decent person and I’m sure you are! But first we gotta draw them in!
2: instead of those smiling pictures where you look like a nice dude, Your first picture needs to communicate excitement and adventure. It needs to have a slight edge. It needs to make you a bit mysterious.
I used to use this one.
by the way. A commenter correctly pointed out that it’s better if pictures aren’t selfies. This is true. People are weird about it, if you have pics taken by others, use them. I don’t because I have a small circle of friends and we really just don’t take pictures of each other….
some stuff to note: I live in California, people from my area see this and know it’s not local (it’s Boston) and Subconsciously assume I must travel and go to interesting places.
I’m wearing sunglasses, you can’t see my eyes. Mysterious
no smile. Ooh man this guy must be disagreeable. Subconsciously, women take this to mean that I am a capable individual as far as earning income. Disagreeable people make more money.
this picture just needs to be enough to get them to do one of two things: look at more pictures, or read my bio. It doesn’t matter which they do.
the second picture needs to sex things up. She sees your face, she knows you’re a mysterious traveler. Now show her the goods:
that’s right folks, we are going full douche bag. Anybody who ever told you that shirtless selfies don’t work never had visible abs
let me say it again
If someone tells you that women swipe left on shirtless selfies, they never had visible abs
but at this point our woman is saying “oh okay, he’s a douche” but trust me, she’ll keep looking at other photos because
A: she still likes the body
B: she wants to see just how big of a douche you are, but don’t worry, we’re gonna throw a curve ball.
if you don’t have abs, just show yourself being active. It’s the next best thing.
my matches increased exponentially when I used this photo. It was like I started cheating. Sure, some women will swipe left immediately, but they’re a minority. Most women will look at your other pics to confirm your net douchebag level to see if you’re worth the risk after seeing this.
but the payoff is that we know this, and will be showing them this bad boy next:
“oh god
he’s jacked AND sensitive?!? Just show me where to put my panties because I’m about to drop them”
yep. We hit em with the baby photo. But here’s the thing: we are going to do two things first in our bio. We are going to post our height, and we are going to let them know that the baby is our nephew. Eliminate the doubt that you might have kids. Unless it’s a lie. I don’t advocate lying.
so we’ve now established the most important thing in a woman’s mind:
“he can provide, look at how disagreeable he looks in those cool guy sunglasses next to that foreign land. Does he travel for work or for fun? Either way, it’s exciting!”
“He takes care of his body and isn’t ashamed to show it off, he’s confident and I know he’s not just a douche because look at that baby pic! So cute!”
And then…then we cheat.
“Oh. Oh god. He has a dog. This man is my husband. I must meet him. I must pet his dog. I must make him mine”
Almost all women love dogs, or at least puppies.
Side note: if you’re a cat guy, keep it to yourself. More women are put off by cats than not and you’ll come off as weird. I recommend you not even bring it up on a date.
lastly, the bio:
if you are 6’0 or above, post your height first, they want to know, get it out of the way. If you’re 5’11….you’re six foot now. Congrats.
if you’re below that height, just skip it and hope she doesn’t ask. If you’re below 5’11 I’m sorry but you are what is known as a manlet. Pray that you find yourself a petite girl who can wear heels and still be shorter than you.
next: ”baby is my nephew but the dog is mine and his/her name is X”
then you do it. You show them your brain.
you write a bio that is cynical but hopeful about online dating. That challenges her to impress you. Because hell, you know you already impressed her (don’t actually say this, it’s just my flavor text)
I used to say something similar to the following:
”Tinder reduces human interaction to this really weird buffet of tits and ass so here I am. Blasting my nips.
I don’t want to text back and forth for a few days. If you seem interesting within a few messages, I’ll ask you out. If not. Well uhhh…just be interesting, ok?”
This is humorous and cynical. It communicates that your time is too valuable for bullshit. Show, don’t tell. It also challenges her to say something other than “hi”. If a woman opens with hi, it’s fine, you just need the social acumen to move past it. But you need to challenge her to not be a fucking wall flower if she wants a date. The worthwhile ones will rise to the challenge
