this is all very agonising

[pexy]

i just woke up from a 4-hour nap and i feel nothing other than the desire to blow my shit off

i think it’s mainly because i didn’t drink/smoke tonight like i usually do so now im just left here alone with my thoughts feeling mundane

feeling this way is a part of me at this point and i don’t know if i’ll ever escape it

doesn’t even feel like something a stupid girlfriend or stupid ascension can fix

 

[pexy]

@Mansur
@Prøphet

how’ve you been today

 

[Crimx991]

get on meds trust me

 

[FiendFiend]

i just woke up from a 4-hour nap and i feel nothing other than the desire to blow my shit off

i think it’s mainly because i didn’t drink/smoke tonight like i usually do so now im just left here alone with my thoughts feeling mundane

feeling this way is a part of me at this point and i don’t know if i’ll ever escape it

doesn’t even feel like something a stupid girlfriend or stupid ascension can fix

brutal, like rehab said though, but what r u gonna do brah?

Idk man I'd just go all in try get some fat dissolvers or fillers, or wear some makeup or something before id call it a quits

 

[FiendFiend]

get on meds trust me

meds should be used as a ramp, no he shouldnt.

He should quit drinking and smoking and find new copes.

 

[pexy]

get on meds trust me

to be honest i don’t even know where to begin but it’s something i’ve thought of for a while

i don’t wanna emotionally numb myself tho man just wanna find happiness

 

[pexy]

brutal, like rehab said though, but what r u gonna do brah?

Idk man I'd just go all in try get some fat dissolvers or fillers, or wear some makeup or something before id call it a quits

i have no idea

my looks are part of the equation as to why im like this but like every human that ever existed the pain goes deeper

ive just been this way for so long that i think its just a part of me now

meds should be used as a ramp, no he shouldnt.

He should quit drinking and smoking and find new copes.

i think the substances are actually a positive thing in my life tbh

 

[FiendFiend]

to be honest i don’t even know where to begin but it’s something i’ve thought of for a while

i don’t wanna emotionally numb myself tho man just wanna find happiness

we can make a minecraft world if u want and we can make a gc on here, i know its hard for u niggas to cope , you have every right to feel angry or resentful.

Nothing we can do but just enjoy our copes though. I spent the first quarter of the year and the 2 years prior neeting and just feeling the same way as u. I guarantee you if u do put in the work to ascend, ur trueself will show. It wont be overnight, therre will still be additional steps but im a firm believer in it.

 

[FiendFiend]

i have no idea

my looks are part of the equation as to why im like this but like every human that ever existed the pain goes deeper

ive just been this way for so long that i think its just a part of me now

i think the substances are actually a positive thing in my life tbh

Idk I get very overstimulated outside, I probably have spent most my childhood and life behind a screen its pretty fucking brutal ngl. Especially since I became 11 and got a PC.

It took me years to find myself, I may be coping but I feeling like I am , i had a pretty good summer going out quite a decent amount, my confidence improved a lot, I got a vacation soon. Mind you I was an utter subhuman loser who would live the same day on repeat waking up 3-4AM, walking into the kitchen, brother would be like wow ur so subhuman or chopped, id say yeah whatever and just went in my room and rotted.

Do i still spend copius amount of time rotting? Sure, but as I ascended I feel like slowly ive done more productive shit and I dont enjoy it, but I feel content in doing it.

U feel like u need to cope less the more u ascend in ur own mental health, looks wise ,etc. theyre all interconnected

 

[pexy]

we can make a minecraft world if u want and we can make a gc on here, i know its hard for u niggas to cope , you have every right to feel angry or resentful.

haha this reminded of a time when i was 15 and tried to cope by taking part in an online anime community. ended up pissing some losers on discord off and they doxxed me and posted my face on tiktok lol

I guarantee you if u do put in the work to ascend, ur trueself will show.

man idk anymore, my pain runs so much deeper than looks now

looks was always bullshit to me in a sense because one of my good friends is quite literally obese and has still fucked twice and got his dick sucked several times and im here rotting away

i'll ascend anyways just so i stop being so anxious about being ugly daily, but all hopes of human connection for me or just love are gone

Nothing we can do but just enjoy our copes though. I spent the first quarter of the year and the 2 years prior neeting and just feeling the same way as u.

true man

i've spoken before about how i spent 6 months as a hikikomori. my copes were edibles and shrooms

ive always coped with substances just because of the way it takes you away from reality yk

stops your thinkinh

 

[pexy]

Idk I get very overstimulated outside, I probably have spent most my childhood and life behind a screen its pretty fucking brutal ngl. Especially since I became 11 and got a PC.

same here man. was around that age when covid lockdown happen and i never got out the cycle of actually going outside instead of rotting in my bedroom

It took me years to find myself, I may be coping but I feeling like I am , i had a pretty good summer going out quite a decent amount, my confidence improved a lot, I got a vacation soon. Mind you I was an utter subhuman loser who would live the same day on repeat waking up 3-4AM, walking into the kitchen, brother would be like wow ur so subhuman or chopped, id say yeah whatever and just went in my room and rotted.

thats good to hear man

alot of the shit surrounding looks on here is incredibly inflated they make it seem that if you're unattractive you're not even allowed to do basic things like go outside without being fucking attacked by everyone

I was an utter subhuman loser who would live the same day on repeat waking up 3-4AM

exactly my life rn

Do i still spend copius amount of time rotting? Sure, but as I ascended I feel like slowly ive done more productive shit and I dont enjoy it, but I feel content in doing it.

U feel like u need to cope less the more u ascend in ur own mental health, looks wise ,etc. theyre all interconnected

i definitely agree on the fact that looks and mental health are interconnected

i just think that now im ugly of course im sad, but once i ascend i'll feel normal

but i dont wanna feel normal i wanna feel happy, there's alot of unattractive/normal looking people that are incredibly happy and i just don't know what im missing

id say perhaps its a woman to love as ive never had that but I honestly think im too mentally ill for it to end well

 

[FiendFiend]

but i dont wanna feel normal i wanna feel happy, there's alot of unattractive/normal looking people that are incredibly happy and i just don't know what im missing

U will never be those people, you had a different upbringing, I won't be. Don't let others decide how your life should be, how often u should go outside, how often u should do whatever. Whether you should work blue collar, in an office, remotely. It doesn't matter. Its all about you and experimenting what you want.

If you feel uncomfortable in a place, you should bitch out, I've worked shitty jobs I didn't lile, gave it a few tries, so mentally straining for my ND brain I quit.

Even if it takes you years figuring out what you want to do, take the time to do so. I'd argue we are better than normies because we can dip into their experiences, we can go clubbing with them for a night then go home and spend the rest of the week doing what we find to be content or enjoy, like playing video games, coding, vc'ing with friends, they can't do the same. They are closed minded, we are the open minded ones.

People with normal upbringings etc. are basically idle humans who do not have much shit going in their brain. If you are bipolar have severe mood swings, etc. this is an adaptive and genetic trait that is what drove humanity forward.

Your mind working like this isn't an objectively bad thing, it can fuck over a lot of people, but if you learn how to adapt to it, I'd argue it is better than being a normie. You probably got brutalized a lot, had lockdown, and got a lot of introspection now, that is a skill that you permenantly unlock, people go their lives without having this skill.

 

[FiendFiend]

haha this reminded of a time when i was 15 and tried to cope by taking part in an online anime community. ended up pissing some losers on discord off and they doxxed me and posted my face on tiktok lol

man idk anymore, my pain runs so much deeper than looks now

looks was always bullshit to me in a sense because one of my good friends is quite literally obese and has still fucked twice and got his dick sucked several times and im here rotting away

i'll ascend anyways just so i stop being so anxious about being ugly daily, but all hopes of human connection for me or just love are gone

true man

i've spoken before about how i spent 6 months as a hikikomori. my copes were edibles and shrooms

ive always coped with substances just because of the way it takes you away from reality yk

stops your thinkinh

If sex is what you desire don't feel ashamed for it. Modern soyciety will tell you , you are evil for wanting to fuck women, its beyond wild.

You should just geomax, no matter what race you are, there is a place in the world for you to go to where you are more desired.

Dwell in the thinking; don't dumb yourself down. Nigga I overthink so much I sometimes spam post on here, or have 10 tabs open and can't decide what i wanna watch or do lol. Dumbing urself down is not the way, it can be the way if u wanna try socialize, or go into something thats stressful at work.

I did benzos for a job I had it helped me cope, and it lowkey has helped me a whole lot , last year I done it and it helped a lot. I would have never done it sober. U can and should get fried if you are at work and it helps u pass time.

If ur alone in ur room, no one is pressuring u, u are as free as u can be. Your thoughts aren't interrupted; you shouldn't suppress it.

 

[pexy]

U will never be those people, you had a different upbringing, I won't be. Don't let others decide how your life should be, how often u should go outside, how often u should do whatever. Whether you should work blue collar, in an office, remotely. It doesn't matter. Its all about you and experimenting what you want.

If you feel uncomfortable in a place, you should bitch out, I've worked shitty jobs I didn't lile, gave it a few tries, so mentally straining for my ND brain I quit.

Even if it takes you years figuring out what you want to do, take the time to do so. I'd argue we are better than normies because we can dip into their experiences, we can go clubbing with them for a night then go home and spend the rest of the week doing what we find to be content or enjoy, like playing video games, coding, vc'ing with friends, they can't do the same. They are closed minded, we are the open minded ones.

People with normal upbringings etc. are basically idle humans who do not have much shit going in their brain. If you are bipolar have severe mood swings, etc. this is an adaptive and genetic trait that is what drove humanity forward.

Your mind working like this isn't an objectively bad thing, it can fuck over a lot of people, but if you learn how to adapt to it, I'd argue it is better than being a normie. You probably got brutalized a lot, had lockdown, and got a lot of introspection now, that is a skill that you permenantly unlock, people go their lives without having this skill.

tbh im not fit for wageslaving either. I had 2 part time jobs and quit both within 3 months but I’ll need to work again soon to get money to looksmax

that’s true. im definitely more open to doing things instead of being stuck in my ways like they are but id say social inhibition and just a general dislike of most people take that away from me.

the thing is I spend so much time analysing myself, understanding x y and z, trying to put chains into action and i end up with nothing. I haven’t changed at all, at 19 i still feel like im 14, even though my emotionally intelligence and self-awareness is 10x that of a normie

i dont even know what i want out of life i just wanna be happy is all that pursuit is very difficult especially when it can’t be pictured

 

[pexy]

If sex is what you desire don't feel ashamed for it. Modern soyciety will tell you , you are evil for wanting to fuck women, its beyond wild.

You should just geomax, no matter what race you are, there is a place in the world for you to go to where you are more desired.

Dwell in the thinking; don't dumb yourself down. Nigga I overthink so much I sometimes spam post on here, or have 10 tabs open and can't decide what i wanna watch or do lol. Dumbing urself down is not the way, it can be the way if u wanna try socialize, or go into something thats stressful at work.

I did benzos for a job I had it helped me cope, and it lowkey has helped me a whole lot , last year I done it and it helped a lot. I would have never done it sober. U can and should get fried if you are at work and it helps u pass time.

If ur alone in ur room, no one is pressuring u, u are as free as u can be. Your thoughts aren't interrupted; you shouldn't suppress it.

tbh sex sounds nice but isn’t what I really want

what I really want is a fantasy. I’d like a girl to truly desire and love me and want to spend the rest of her life at my side as I do hers. I’d like it to be pure and id never want her to get wandering eyes or deep down choose other men. but I know all too well know that it’s all fiction and propaganda once again. knowing my future girlfriend/wife won’t love me/is settling for me is a brutal pill im trying to swallow

Yeah honestly substances can help a lot. I was always a little too paranoid to get high on the job since my speech starts to slur so I thought id bait myself out pretty quick lol

I do appreciate that mindset. It’s probably a better idea to sit on these emotions and truly feel them and understand yourself better but what do you even do if that’s all you’ve done for 5 years? I’m tired of having the same thoughts and feelings on loop

It’s just an indescribable hell

 

[Prøphet]

Me too

When I was in my 3rd year of high school I literally just coped with my loneliness and alienation by smoking weed all day and eating trash

I wasn’t sober for a single day

I don’t do that anymore but the ways that I cope still may as well be the same

Nothing has changed because of everything I couldn’t face

 

[Blasian-K]

i just woke up from a 4-hour nap and i feel nothing other than the desire to blow my shit off

I once saw some random Instagram article; I think Rap posted it. And it said people that take naps have higher IQs. Hope that cheers you up.

Spoiler

Joking

i think it’s mainly because i didn’t drink/smoke tonight like i usually do so now im just left here alone with my thoughts feeling mundane

The same man smoking is like a reset for me. It's bad and blah, blah, blah, but that's water. But I'm also stuck in the same dopamine loop with drugs as well, sadly…

Nothing has changed because of everything I couldn’t face

Everyone has vices, but even when I quit before, I didn't notice much progression either.

Some stuff is just deeper than lifestyle changes, but I don't know how to archive that state either. And like @pexy also said, a relationship and surgery or whatever kind of fix feels more like a bandaid than a solution.

But idk I'm just bitching…

 

[pexy]

I once saw some random Instagram article; I think Rap posted it. And it said people that take naps have higher IQs. Hope that cheers you up.

Spoiler

Joking

a cope a day keeps the rope away

The same man smoking is like a reset for me. It's bad and blah, blah, blah, but that's water. But I'm also stuck in the same dopamine loop with drugs as well, sadly…

honeslty i dont think drugs are bad at all

its the addiction which is bad

if you can control that then do them as much as you want

because they're amazing

And like @pexy also said, a relationship and surgery or whatever kind of fix feels more like a bandaid than a solution.

fr man

because sure i could ascend and get a girl

but im going to be deathly afraid of intimacy and vulnerability

and i wont be able to get over the fact she has a past

so the damage has been done

it wont fix the root cause

 

[pexy]

Me too

When I was in my 3rd year of high school I literally just coped with my loneliness and alienation by smoking weed all day and eating trash

literally what i did all summer haha

need to get back on reta now to reverse this shit

I wasn’t sober for a single day

I don’t do that anymore but the ways that I cope still may as well be the same

i honestly think its the best cope

high risk high reward

you literally get to escape reality and your brain its the best thing ever

Nothing has changed because of everything I couldn’t face

thats true

maybe im being a doomer today

but i feel like even if i faced everything i needed to

it would solve external things

but internally

my trauma, thought processes, values, bonding etc.

its all fucked beyond repair