D
Deleted member 87523
Zubeer Adolf Hipster(One testicle with Micropenis)
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I forgot how to speak because of over weed consumptions and it took me few months to recover.
I forgot gramm@r, vocabs etc .
So I'm writing this because I need to document it before it slips again. The weed thing. The language thing. How everything just disconnected.
I used to speak 18 languages. Now I'm typing this and every word feels like I'm reaching into a bag of broken glass. Is "defusing" right? Or "diffusing"? The wire between thought and word got severed somewhere and I'm still crawling around..
It started slow then it didn't. You know when a word's on your tongue? That. But for everything. For days. I'd open my mouth and static. Pure static. But but the mechanism that turns thought into sound had been ripped out and I didn't even notice it happening until I tried to use it.
My brother called. I picked up. He spoke our language and I understood every single word but when I went to answer, my mouth produced sounds that weren't language.
Losing language isn't just losing words. It's losing the entire filing system. How do you remember anything without the labels? Everything went liquid. Feelings with no names attached. My childhood became textures and colors and the sense that something happened but I couldn't tell you what.
Kept smoking because what else. Can't speak means can't ask for help. Can't ask for help means you just keep doing the thing because at least you know what it does. At least the erasure is consistent.
High IQ doesn't mean shit when you can't form sentences. You know you're drowning. You can measure the rate. Calculate how long before you go under. Just can't make your mouth say "help." Three months of children's books. Movies with subtitles on. Writing the same sentence eighty times until it looked human enough. Neuroplasticity works but it's brutal. Every reconnection felt wrong.
I still lose words mid-sentence. Still have to stop and manually retrieve them from wherever they hide. Still dream in languages that don't exist and wake up more confused than when I went to sleep.
But this is proof. That you can forget the basic mechanics of being human and claw your way back. Slowly. Badly.
That every word might be wrong but at least there are words again.
and
iam back! Did I? No! Iam going to die in future because I got my lung cancer at very last stage as well.
I forgot gramm@r, vocabs etc .
So I'm writing this because I need to document it before it slips again. The weed thing. The language thing. How everything just disconnected.
I used to speak 18 languages. Now I'm typing this and every word feels like I'm reaching into a bag of broken glass. Is "defusing" right? Or "diffusing"? The wire between thought and word got severed somewhere and I'm still crawling around..
It started slow then it didn't. You know when a word's on your tongue? That. But for everything. For days. I'd open my mouth and static. Pure static. But but the mechanism that turns thought into sound had been ripped out and I didn't even notice it happening until I tried to use it.
My brother called. I picked up. He spoke our language and I understood every single word but when I went to answer, my mouth produced sounds that weren't language.
Losing language isn't just losing words. It's losing the entire filing system. How do you remember anything without the labels? Everything went liquid. Feelings with no names attached. My childhood became textures and colors and the sense that something happened but I couldn't tell you what.
Kept smoking because what else. Can't speak means can't ask for help. Can't ask for help means you just keep doing the thing because at least you know what it does. At least the erasure is consistent.
High IQ doesn't mean shit when you can't form sentences. You know you're drowning. You can measure the rate. Calculate how long before you go under. Just can't make your mouth say "help." Three months of children's books. Movies with subtitles on. Writing the same sentence eighty times until it looked human enough. Neuroplasticity works but it's brutal. Every reconnection felt wrong.
I still lose words mid-sentence. Still have to stop and manually retrieve them from wherever they hide. Still dream in languages that don't exist and wake up more confused than when I went to sleep.
But this is proof. That you can forget the basic mechanics of being human and claw your way back. Slowly. Badly.
That every word might be wrong but at least there are words again.
and
iam back! Did I? No! Iam going to die in future because I got my lung cancer at very last stage as well.
but fewdays left to go
