Throwing away the world for nothing.

[huckstrut]

To give some context on my situation: I am 18yo, 6'3, good social skills, high iq, good memory, talented in many fields i guess, handsome enough to have went to fw twice. And am about to throw it all away to go work at some high risk SAR position in the north sea. I have this what i think is genetic disdain for the world, my father has it, my grandfather and grandgrand father all in the paternal line all have it. The genetic fact of that combined with the lack of good early life socialization and the way my mother brought me up and other experiences made me hate women and unable to form long meaningful relationships where i respect the woman im with. You can have it all given to you and still throw it away, im not sure if i'll land on my feet again this time