S
sissipuss
Iron
- Joined
- Nov 30, 2024
- Posts
- 83
- Reputation
- 40
For context im 19 and i think that i got this trait from my dad.
From 11-14 it was mostly about my parents and brothers getting brutally murdered and tortured by a group of bad people that are bad for the sake of it. I thought about all the ways they could break into my house, may it be from us not being prepared, picking us off one by one, or just barging in with 10 people. I thought about the painful ways they could harm me and my family, the faces my parents would make. The fear, sadness, anger my dad would feel as he worked hard for his family, bringing his life from zero to the cushy life me and my family live in today. The faces my parents and brothers would make as they lose the happy, loving, calm life they had. I thought about all the thoughts that could be forming in their heads as it happened. I thought about how evil the evil people could be. It drove me nearly insane and made me look at my parents and my brothers differently. I started working out like crazy to try and stop this from happening as best i can and didnt care too much about my studies since I knew it wouldnt matter in me passing the grade, although i still tried to get acceptable grades. Although this did get me in a lot of trouble and made me think about how im a failure (even though i did it on purpose).
From 15-16 I realized how underdeveloped my brain was socially and intellectually and gained a bit of weight. Started thinking about how to mask my ND traits. Started to also observe how everyone acted irl and online on an neurological level. "why would they do/say that?", "was it justified?", "what led up to it?", "what wouldve happened if they didnt say that?", "what made them the way they are which led up to them saying that?", "Why did the other guy respond like that?" etc etc. It was during covid but people in my area were more laxed about everything so classes were held offline and i still had times where i hung out where everyone else went. During this time i learnt alot about people and ended up thinking of people as variables instead of human beings. Although during the end of 16 i started to understand that living like that was a stupid thing to do and stops me from having real relationships.
From 17-18 I thought about how social dynamics, iqlets, misinformation, emotions really impact how people act and how things happen. This led to me thinking of the bigger picture in everything. Causing me to overthink about things that are not my problem to overthink about and solve. I already knew how malleable people amd the brain are, but during this time i truly understood how the mind worked which led to me making a lot of friends and having a lot of opportunities. I also thought about myself a lot and how much ive been falling for the same things other people have been falling for (and i made fun off), with that i also thought about my brain patterns, how it appeared and how i should change some of them. I also thought about how the world came to be, the minds that were willing to make this world the way it is now, and how life is full of things to try, hate, cry, and smile for. Also alot about religion and politics.
Now 19 I feel very much stoic in alot of the things i do. While i do still express my emotions a lot, everything it comes from a more stable and thoughtful mind and hopefully will stay the same with much improvements.
tldr: 11-14 thought about death, 15-16 thought about social life, 17-18 thought about the mind, 19 feeling very thoughtful and stable.
Sorry for bad english
From 11-14 it was mostly about my parents and brothers getting brutally murdered and tortured by a group of bad people that are bad for the sake of it. I thought about all the ways they could break into my house, may it be from us not being prepared, picking us off one by one, or just barging in with 10 people. I thought about the painful ways they could harm me and my family, the faces my parents would make. The fear, sadness, anger my dad would feel as he worked hard for his family, bringing his life from zero to the cushy life me and my family live in today. The faces my parents and brothers would make as they lose the happy, loving, calm life they had. I thought about all the thoughts that could be forming in their heads as it happened. I thought about how evil the evil people could be. It drove me nearly insane and made me look at my parents and my brothers differently. I started working out like crazy to try and stop this from happening as best i can and didnt care too much about my studies since I knew it wouldnt matter in me passing the grade, although i still tried to get acceptable grades. Although this did get me in a lot of trouble and made me think about how im a failure (even though i did it on purpose).
From 15-16 I realized how underdeveloped my brain was socially and intellectually and gained a bit of weight. Started thinking about how to mask my ND traits. Started to also observe how everyone acted irl and online on an neurological level. "why would they do/say that?", "was it justified?", "what led up to it?", "what wouldve happened if they didnt say that?", "what made them the way they are which led up to them saying that?", "Why did the other guy respond like that?" etc etc. It was during covid but people in my area were more laxed about everything so classes were held offline and i still had times where i hung out where everyone else went. During this time i learnt alot about people and ended up thinking of people as variables instead of human beings. Although during the end of 16 i started to understand that living like that was a stupid thing to do and stops me from having real relationships.
From 17-18 I thought about how social dynamics, iqlets, misinformation, emotions really impact how people act and how things happen. This led to me thinking of the bigger picture in everything. Causing me to overthink about things that are not my problem to overthink about and solve. I already knew how malleable people amd the brain are, but during this time i truly understood how the mind worked which led to me making a lot of friends and having a lot of opportunities. I also thought about myself a lot and how much ive been falling for the same things other people have been falling for (and i made fun off), with that i also thought about my brain patterns, how it appeared and how i should change some of them. I also thought about how the world came to be, the minds that were willing to make this world the way it is now, and how life is full of things to try, hate, cry, and smile for. Also alot about religion and politics.
Now 19 I feel very much stoic in alot of the things i do. While i do still express my emotions a lot, everything it comes from a more stable and thoughtful mind and hopefully will stay the same with much improvements.
tldr: 11-14 thought about death, 15-16 thought about social life, 17-18 thought about the mind, 19 feeling very thoughtful and stable.
Sorry for bad english
