Today I became a 40 year old virgin NEET. Some reflections on my life so far.

[the BULL]

Save your whining until you're 50, you're only 40 now (same as me) and I've determined that this year is the year I'm gonna fking make it! I'm gonna put my face between the asscheeks of a girl half my age, and then I'm gonna come back to this forum and rub it in the faces of all you fking losers.
Who's WITH ME!?!

bruh imagine your disgusting oldcel skin next to their juvenile high collagen face
how the fuck can this shit turn you on
it's disgusting

 

[Moggie]

Save your whining until you're 50, you're only 40 now (same as me) and I've determined that this year is the year I'm gonna fking make it! I'm gonna put my face between the asscheeks of a girl half my age, and then I'm gonna come back to this forum and rub it in the faces of all you fking losers.
Who's WITH ME!?!

 

[Deleted member 21712]

bruh imagine your disgusting oldcel skin next to their juvenile high collagen face
how the fuck can this shit turn you on
it's disgusting

my face will be buried between her asscheeks.
besides my skin is probably better than your coomer zoomer skin

 

[Lawton88]

Perhaps, but it's THE truth. Am I supposed to brainwash myself into believing in free will? I can't deceive myself.

Crazy stuff. Sounds like you will be a wraith in 10 years if things don't change.

 

[MakinItHappenReturn]

This is 1000% a cap

 

[MakinItHappenReturn]

Nuff said bruv

 

[Vain786]

i believed it till he rejected the tranny (lets be real he would be suckin that shit)

i dont know how that story can be possible bruh unless literally deformed. op can u post pic ?

 

[Vain786]

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

It all started when I dropped out of high school. I was 17 then and had just one more year to go. I was being mercilessly bullied and started skipping school because of it, so I had to repeat a year. I lost all my motivation. I had a dream of being a scientist and I knew I needed a high school diploma for that, but I hated being made fun of and bullied so much I gave up on it.

That summer after dropping out I stayed in my room and got sucked into the internet. These were the early days of imageboards and BBSes and I spent alot of time talking to other NEETs on there. I got into Everquest and spent hundreds of hours in that game. I made a lot of friends online. For the first time it felt like I had a community.

I didn't really know what to do with my life. My mom wanted me to take a high school equivalency exam and go to college, and I continously lied to her that I would. 3 years passed, I was 20 and I still had no high school diploma or job. My mom was getting sick of me and threatened to kick me out unless I at least started looking for a job, so I started pretending to look for one. I didn't want to work in retail or a customer facing job cause I thought they were "below" me; in the back of my mind I still thought I could become a scientist if I just applied myself and took some tests to prove that I was a genius. I had all these crazy "chuunibyou" ideas about my own intellect and I believed I had a "hidden genius" of some kind, that other people could not see, but I was certain I had it within me. I believed I could do anything if I just stopped being lazy and set my mind to it. I even thought I was some kind of "chosen one" and that was why I was so different from others, never had friends, and was bullied and made fun of. Thinking back on it, I want to cry because I was so deluded.

After I couldn't get a job, because I never looked, my mom pulled some strings and got me a position as a cashier at a grocery store her friend was the manager of. I shouted at her that night and said the job was beneath me, but I still went. I was at the job for a week before I had a panic attack and broke down. After that I quit. I felt naked and afraid of other people, I could feel them glaring at me, they knew I was different, they were judging me, I could not even look them in the eye, I would get so scared if they tried to make small talk and I never knew what to say. I would go to the bathrooms to cry. I always had anxiety but 3 years of being a hikki NEET had made it so much worse. I forgot how to talk to people.

Fast forward 3 more years. I got an official Asperger diagnosis. This was when I started becoming more aware of women and wanting a girlfriend. I was always attracted to girls but I never really felt lonely until this point. I thought when I became a mad scientist I would get a girlfriend easily, but by now I had accepted that was never going to happen. Because I still didn't have my high school degree. And also because as part of my diagnosis I had to take an IQ test and only got 121, which made me extremely depressed as I used to fantasize about my IQ being 160-180. I didn't know where to meet women. I didn't drink alcohol so I couldn't pick them up at bars, and I was too anxious to anyway.

I decided to find a girlfriend on the internet. Online dating wasn't as big as it is today then, so I usually met people on IRC. There was a girl on IRC that I was really good friends with and I had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. We used to talk late into the night about games and anime. She wasn't bitchy like the girls I knew in high school and she actually shared my interests. I actually fell in love with her. I had seen her photo and she was cute, albeit in a handsome way (this detail is important). She thought I was cute too. One night I built up the courage to tell her my feelings. To my delight, she said she had feelings for me too. I was so happy. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I went and told my mom I got a girlfriend, and she was proud of me.

We ended up dating for a year. I offered many times to fly her out to my state, but she declined saying she wasn't ready yet. However, one night she said she wanted to meet me too. But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis. I was shocked. I felt so betrayed. I broke up with her immediately and called her a sick perverted wierdo. I also used the "he" pronoun to refer to her. She said she was crying and she hated herself for not telling me. She said she was afraid she would never get a boyfriend if she was honest. I blocked her and told her to never contact me again. I was depressed and started drinking after this.

Looking back, I really regret the way I treated her. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I am so lonely these days I would gladly take her company. In fact I would worship her and treat her like a princess. I was so happy that year when I would stay up til 3 or 4 am to talk to her. I felt so warm when she told me she loved me. I would get butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy. I have never experienced that feeling again.

Time started moving really fast after that. Subjectively, the next 5 years felt like 1 year, and I can't remember much about them. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I hired someone to take care of her because I was too busy drinking, gaming, and fapping, which is all I did. I was depressed and I used that as an excuse to never try to change. I would get up at 2 or 3 PM and stay up till 5 or 6 AM drinking, gaming, and fapping. Ironically I started getting into transgender porn. I think it's because I got so bored of normal porn it didn't arouse me anymore. My alcoholism kept getting worse.

The year I turned 31, my mom died. I got so depressed I became a full-time alcoholic. I would drink until I passed out, and when I was hungover I would drink so it would go away. I walked around naked in the house I inherited carrying a bottle of booze and pretending I was a character from an anime or game. The rest of my time I spent jerking off. I developed all sorts of weird fetishes including feet and armpits and I even started jerking off to gay porn because straight porn didn't do it for me anymore. After almost 4 years of this lifestyle I managed to seriously damage my liver and had to go to the hospital.

At this point a distant uncle from my father's side of the family heard of me and paid for me to go into a special rehab program. Here I spent a year and a half getting sober. I made a few friends, but we weren't especially close. They had more interesting lives, and they all had gfs or wives. I had nothing going on. I had nothing to talk to them about except for alcoholism. By the way, I had fallen out of touch with my online friends many years ago. So these guys were my first friendly contact in years.

When I got out of rehab, I wanted to give myself another chance. To finally get a job and get my life together. I tried really hard. I used my savings to get a suit tailored. I had a professional review my resume (which had nothing on it except my basic details). Somehow, I actually got an interview. It was for a sales position at company that manufactured water coolers. When I showed up the guy interviewing my was a 25 year old who was the hiring manager for the whole firm in my state. He said he was intrigued by my unique background (instead of "work experience" my resume had a paragraph about how I got sober and was ready to reintegrate into society) and wanted to hear more. So I told him the story of my life. It became clear he wasn't taking any of it seriously and had only called me in for his own amusement. The whole time it looked like he was barely suppressing his laughter and when I concluded my tale he actually laughed for a good 30 or so seconds, in a clearly malicious, but weirdly jovial way so I couldn't be clear if he was just joking around or intentionally making me feel like shit. It was probably both. He said he would call me back if they decided I was a good fit. I never got a call back. And since then I've never tried to look for a job.

Years have passed. I'm 40. I'm living the same life, minus the alcohol. Even when I write out my life story, I don't know where I went wrong. Somehow it seems I went wrong everywhere. I don't even know if this will help anyone. I just wanted to get it out there. If it helps even one person I'll be glad. Please. Let me at least be an example of what not to do. Don't turn out like me. My life is hell. Change while you can.

were you obese? severely ugly? deformed? How did you get bullied out of school. and then how do u do nothing about it

 

[PrinceLuenLeoncur]

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

It all started when I dropped out of high school. I was 17 then and had just one more year to go. I was being mercilessly bullied and started skipping school because of it, so I had to repeat a year. I lost all my motivation. I had a dream of being a scientist and I knew I needed a high school diploma for that, but I hated being made fun of and bullied so much I gave up on it.

That summer after dropping out I stayed in my room and got sucked into the internet. These were the early days of imageboards and BBSes and I spent alot of time talking to other NEETs on there. I got into Everquest and spent hundreds of hours in that game. I made a lot of friends online. For the first time it felt like I had a community.

I didn't really know what to do with my life. My mom wanted me to take a high school equivalency exam and go to college, and I continously lied to her that I would. 3 years passed, I was 20 and I still had no high school diploma or job. My mom was getting sick of me and threatened to kick me out unless I at least started looking for a job, so I started pretending to look for one. I didn't want to work in retail or a customer facing job cause I thought they were "below" me; in the back of my mind I still thought I could become a scientist if I just applied myself and took some tests to prove that I was a genius. I had all these crazy "chuunibyou" ideas about my own intellect and I believed I had a "hidden genius" of some kind, that other people could not see, but I was certain I had it within me. I believed I could do anything if I just stopped being lazy and set my mind to it. I even thought I was some kind of "chosen one" and that was why I was so different from others, never had friends, and was bullied and made fun of. Thinking back on it, I want to cry because I was so deluded.

After I couldn't get a job, because I never looked, my mom pulled some strings and got me a position as a cashier at a grocery store her friend was the manager of. I shouted at her that night and said the job was beneath me, but I still went. I was at the job for a week before I had a panic attack and broke down. After that I quit. I felt naked and afraid of other people, I could feel them glaring at me, they knew I was different, they were judging me, I could not even look them in the eye, I would get so scared if they tried to make small talk and I never knew what to say. I would go to the bathrooms to cry. I always had anxiety but 3 years of being a hikki NEET had made it so much worse. I forgot how to talk to people.

Fast forward 3 more years. I got an official Asperger diagnosis. This was when I started becoming more aware of women and wanting a girlfriend. I was always attracted to girls but I never really felt lonely until this point. I thought when I became a mad scientist I would get a girlfriend easily, but by now I had accepted that was never going to happen. Because I still didn't have my high school degree. And also because as part of my diagnosis I had to take an IQ test and only got 121, which made me extremely depressed as I used to fantasize about my IQ being 160-180. I didn't know where to meet women. I didn't drink alcohol so I couldn't pick them up at bars, and I was too anxious to anyway.

I decided to find a girlfriend on the internet. Online dating wasn't as big as it is today then, so I usually met people on IRC. There was a girl on IRC that I was really good friends with and I had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. We used to talk late into the night about games and anime. She wasn't bitchy like the girls I knew in high school and she actually shared my interests. I actually fell in love with her. I had seen her photo and she was cute, albeit in a handsome way (this detail is important). She thought I was cute too. One night I built up the courage to tell her my feelings. To my delight, she said she had feelings for me too. I was so happy. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I went and told my mom I got a girlfriend, and she was proud of me.

We ended up dating for a year. I offered many times to fly her out to my state, but she declined saying she wasn't ready yet. However, one night she said she wanted to meet me too. But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis. I was shocked. I felt so betrayed. I broke up with her immediately and called her a sick perverted wierdo. I also used the "he" pronoun to refer to her. She said she was crying and she hated herself for not telling me. She said she was afraid she would never get a boyfriend if she was honest. I blocked her and told her to never contact me again. I was depressed and started drinking after this.

Looking back, I really regret the way I treated her. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I am so lonely these days I would gladly take her company. In fact I would worship her and treat her like a princess. I was so happy that year when I would stay up til 3 or 4 am to talk to her. I felt so warm when she told me she loved me. I would get butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy. I have never experienced that feeling again.

Time started moving really fast after that. Subjectively, the next 5 years felt like 1 year, and I can't remember much about them. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I hired someone to take care of her because I was too busy drinking, gaming, and fapping, which is all I did. I was depressed and I used that as an excuse to never try to change. I would get up at 2 or 3 PM and stay up till 5 or 6 AM drinking, gaming, and fapping. Ironically I started getting into transgender porn. I think it's because I got so bored of normal porn it didn't arouse me anymore. My alcoholism kept getting worse.

The year I turned 31, my mom died. I got so depressed I became a full-time alcoholic. I would drink until I passed out, and when I was hungover I would drink so it would go away. I walked around naked in the house I inherited carrying a bottle of booze and pretending I was a character from an anime or game. The rest of my time I spent jerking off. I developed all sorts of weird fetishes including feet and armpits and I even started jerking off to gay porn because straight porn didn't do it for me anymore. After almost 4 years of this lifestyle I managed to seriously damage my liver and had to go to the hospital.

At this point a distant uncle from my father's side of the family heard of me and paid for me to go into a special rehab program. Here I spent a year and a half getting sober. I made a few friends, but we weren't especially close. They had more interesting lives, and they all had gfs or wives. I had nothing going on. I had nothing to talk to them about except for alcoholism. By the way, I had fallen out of touch with my online friends many years ago. So these guys were my first friendly contact in years.

When I got out of rehab, I wanted to give myself another chance. To finally get a job and get my life together. I tried really hard. I used my savings to get a suit tailored. I had a professional review my resume (which had nothing on it except my basic details). Somehow, I actually got an interview. It was for a sales position at company that manufactured water coolers. When I showed up the guy interviewing my was a 25 year old who was the hiring manager for the whole firm in my state. He said he was intrigued by my unique background (instead of "work experience" my resume had a paragraph about how I got sober and was ready to reintegrate into society) and wanted to hear more. So I told him the story of my life. It became clear he wasn't taking any of it seriously and had only called me in for his own amusement. The whole time it looked like he was barely suppressing his laughter and when I concluded my tale he actually laughed for a good 30 or so seconds, in a clearly malicious, but weirdly jovial way so I couldn't be clear if he was just joking around or intentionally making me feel like shit. It was probably both. He said he would call me back if they decided I was a good fit. I never got a call back. And since then I've never tried to look for a job.

Years have passed. I'm 40. I'm living the same life, minus the alcohol. Even when I write out my life story, I don't know where I went wrong. Somehow it seems I went wrong everywhere. I don't even know if this will help anyone. I just wanted to get it out there. If it helps even one person I'll be glad. Please. Let me at least be an example of what not to do. Don't turn out like me. My life is hell. Change while you can.

Read every word JFL your life is a horror story.


This is why I say euthanasia should be legal for disabled people. As a fellow aspie I can telly oh it’s a fucking curse, I’m fortunate enough to have it mild so I blend into normie society better than most bjt trust me it’s a satanic curse from the 7th layer of hell if your son has autism understand it’s prob best to kill it before it grows

 

[Polish Chincel]

Based story

 

[EverythingMattersCel]

Bruh im 27 its my 9th year in uni

Mirin hard.

 

[ascension]

View attachment 1878099

FFs when I post this video I get 0 reacts

Fuck this gay site i swear

 

[Splinter901]

As always the real problem here is not being a virgin at 40 but aging, aren't you supposed to live until 85? yes, if by living you mean spending those last 50 years as a deformed zombie. Being a virgin at that age is as horrible as it is because aging exists.

 

[Splinter901]

Just read the entire op, what a fucking faggot, shoulda ass pounded the tranny, I mean he already liked her anyways.

 

[Deleted member 11126]

Who is funding your clown ass to stay at home all day, rent free, no worries about any financial problems.

Who is this enabler? They belong in JAIL.

Teach a man to fish, and he eats for an year. Catch all the fish for the man, and he becomes a lazy tranny porn watching virgin NEET.

Yeah this is why I hate people who say they kick their son out at 30. It would be better to kick your son out at 16 then at 30 when he's never worked a day.

You need to nip this shit in the butt early if they are 21 and like this just kick them out if you do this to oldcels they cannot adapt

 

[chadtindermoney]

View attachment 1878099

THIS CAUGHT ME OFF GUARD DUDE. I LITERALLY READ HIS ENTIRE LIFE STORY AND SEE THIS

 

[chadtindermoney]

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

It all started when I dropped out of high school. I was 17 then and had just one more year to go. I was being mercilessly bullied and started skipping school because of it, so I had to repeat a year. I lost all my motivation. I had a dream of being a scientist and I knew I needed a high school diploma for that, but I hated being made fun of and bullied so much I gave up on it.

That summer after dropping out I stayed in my room and got sucked into the internet. These were the early days of imageboards and BBSes and I spent alot of time talking to other NEETs on there. I got into Everquest and spent hundreds of hours in that game. I made a lot of friends online. For the first time it felt like I had a community.

I didn't really know what to do with my life. My mom wanted me to take a high school equivalency exam and go to college, and I continously lied to her that I would. 3 years passed, I was 20 and I still had no high school diploma or job. My mom was getting sick of me and threatened to kick me out unless I at least started looking for a job, so I started pretending to look for one. I didn't want to work in retail or a customer facing job cause I thought they were "below" me; in the back of my mind I still thought I could become a scientist if I just applied myself and took some tests to prove that I was a genius. I had all these crazy "chuunibyou" ideas about my own intellect and I believed I had a "hidden genius" of some kind, that other people could not see, but I was certain I had it within me. I believed I could do anything if I just stopped being lazy and set my mind to it. I even thought I was some kind of "chosen one" and that was why I was so different from others, never had friends, and was bullied and made fun of. Thinking back on it, I want to cry because I was so deluded.

After I couldn't get a job, because I never looked, my mom pulled some strings and got me a position as a cashier at a grocery store her friend was the manager of. I shouted at her that night and said the job was beneath me, but I still went. I was at the job for a week before I had a panic attack and broke down. After that I quit. I felt naked and afraid of other people, I could feel them glaring at me, they knew I was different, they were judging me, I could not even look them in the eye, I would get so scared if they tried to make small talk and I never knew what to say. I would go to the bathrooms to cry. I always had anxiety but 3 years of being a hikki NEET had made it so much worse. I forgot how to talk to people.

Fast forward 3 more years. I got an official Asperger diagnosis. This was when I started becoming more aware of women and wanting a girlfriend. I was always attracted to girls but I never really felt lonely until this point. I thought when I became a mad scientist I would get a girlfriend easily, but by now I had accepted that was never going to happen. Because I still didn't have my high school degree. And also because as part of my diagnosis I had to take an IQ test and only got 121, which made me extremely depressed as I used to fantasize about my IQ being 160-180. I didn't know where to meet women. I didn't drink alcohol so I couldn't pick them up at bars, and I was too anxious to anyway.

I decided to find a girlfriend on the internet. Online dating wasn't as big as it is today then, so I usually met people on IRC. There was a girl on IRC that I was really good friends with and I had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. We used to talk late into the night about games and anime. She wasn't bitchy like the girls I knew in high school and she actually shared my interests. I actually fell in love with her. I had seen her photo and she was cute, albeit in a handsome way (this detail is important). She thought I was cute too. One night I built up the courage to tell her my feelings. To my delight, she said she had feelings for me too. I was so happy. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I went and told my mom I got a girlfriend, and she was proud of me.

We ended up dating for a year. I offered many times to fly her out to my state, but she declined saying she wasn't ready yet. However, one night she said she wanted to meet me too. But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis. I was shocked. I felt so betrayed. I broke up with her immediately and called her a sick perverted wierdo. I also used the "he" pronoun to refer to her. She said she was crying and she hated herself for not telling me. She said she was afraid she would never get a boyfriend if she was honest. I blocked her and told her to never contact me again. I was depressed and started drinking after this.

Looking back, I really regret the way I treated her. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I am so lonely these days I would gladly take her company. In fact I would worship her and treat her like a princess. I was so happy that year when I would stay up til 3 or 4 am to talk to her. I felt so warm when she told me she loved me. I would get butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy. I have never experienced that feeling again.

Time started moving really fast after that. Subjectively, the next 5 years felt like 1 year, and I can't remember much about them. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I hired someone to take care of her because I was too busy drinking, gaming, and fapping, which is all I did. I was depressed and I used that as an excuse to never try to change. I would get up at 2 or 3 PM and stay up till 5 or 6 AM drinking, gaming, and fapping. Ironically I started getting into transgender porn. I think it's because I got so bored of normal porn it didn't arouse me anymore. My alcoholism kept getting worse.

The year I turned 31, my mom died. I got so depressed I became a full-time alcoholic. I would drink until I passed out, and when I was hungover I would drink so it would go away. I walked around naked in the house I inherited carrying a bottle of booze and pretending I was a character from an anime or game. The rest of my time I spent jerking off. I developed all sorts of weird fetishes including feet and armpits and I even started jerking off to gay porn because straight porn didn't do it for me anymore. After almost 4 years of this lifestyle I managed to seriously damage my liver and had to go to the hospital.

At this point a distant uncle from my father's side of the family heard of me and paid for me to go into a special rehab program. Here I spent a year and a half getting sober. I made a few friends, but we weren't especially close. They had more interesting lives, and they all had gfs or wives. I had nothing going on. I had nothing to talk to them about except for alcoholism. By the way, I had fallen out of touch with my online friends many years ago. So these guys were my first friendly contact in years.

When I got out of rehab, I wanted to give myself another chance. To finally get a job and get my life together. I tried really hard. I used my savings to get a suit tailored. I had a professional review my resume (which had nothing on it except my basic details). Somehow, I actually got an interview. It was for a sales position at company that manufactured water coolers. When I showed up the guy interviewing my was a 25 year old who was the hiring manager for the whole firm in my state. He said he was intrigued by my unique background (instead of "work experience" my resume had a paragraph about how I got sober and was ready to reintegrate into society) and wanted to hear more. So I told him the story of my life. It became clear he wasn't taking any of it seriously and had only called me in for his own amusement. The whole time it looked like he was barely suppressing his laughter and when I concluded my tale he actually laughed for a good 30 or so seconds, in a clearly malicious, but weirdly jovial way so I couldn't be clear if he was just joking around or intentionally making me feel like shit. It was probably both. He said he would call me back if they decided I was a good fit. I never got a call back. And since then I've never tried to look for a job.

Years have passed. I'm 40. I'm living the same life, minus the alcohol. Even when I write out my life story, I don't know where I went wrong. Somehow it seems I went wrong everywhere. I don't even know if this will help anyone. I just wanted to get it out there. If it helps even one person I'll be glad. Please. Let me at least be an example of what not to do. Don't turn out like me. My life is hell. Change while you can.

Jesús Christ loves you bro seek his love. Actually for real

 

[Mongrelcel]

really the only place where it went wrong for you was highschool, had that not gone to shit you'd probably have some kind of a low tier normie teenage experience, then go to college, have the same experience, maybe get one below average GF who treats you like shit, or maybe get lucky idk, and then continue to go on, in a mediocre white collar job

 

[Ken]

BRUTAL. Bookmarked for when I need motivation

 

[Ken]

really the only place where it went wrong for you was highschool, had that not gone to shit you'd probably have some kind of a low tier normie teenage experience, then go to college, have the same experience, maybe get one below average GF who treats you like shit, or maybe get lucky idk, and then continue to go on, in a mediocre white collar job

Legit, highschool is the most important time of your life. I hate that I was taught that it doesnt matter. Your highschool experience determines the rest of your life.

 

[Survivor95]

I

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

It all started when I dropped out of high school. I was 17 then and had just one more year to go. I was being mercilessly bullied and started skipping school because of it, so I had to repeat a year. I lost all my motivation. I had a dream of being a scientist and I knew I needed a high school diploma for that, but I hated being made fun of and bullied so much I gave up on it.

That summer after dropping out I stayed in my room and got sucked into the internet. These were the early days of imageboards and BBSes and I spent alot of time talking to other NEETs on there. I got into Everquest and spent hundreds of hours in that game. I made a lot of friends online. For the first time it felt like I had a community.

I didn't really know what to do with my life. My mom wanted me to take a high school equivalency exam and go to college, and I continously lied to her that I would. 3 years passed, I was 20 and I still had no high school diploma or job. My mom was getting sick of me and threatened to kick me out unless I at least started looking for a job, so I started pretending to look for one. I didn't want to work in retail or a customer facing job cause I thought they were "below" me; in the back of my mind I still thought I could become a scientist if I just applied myself and took some tests to prove that I was a genius. I had all these crazy "chuunibyou" ideas about my own intellect and I believed I had a "hidden genius" of some kind, that other people could not see, but I was certain I had it within me. I believed I could do anything if I just stopped being lazy and set my mind to it. I even thought I was some kind of "chosen one" and that was why I was so different from others, never had friends, and was bullied and made fun of. Thinking back on it, I want to cry because I was so deluded.

After I couldn't get a job, because I never looked, my mom pulled some strings and got me a position as a cashier at a grocery store her friend was the manager of. I shouted at her that night and said the job was beneath me, but I still went. I was at the job for a week before I had a panic attack and broke down. After that I quit. I felt naked and afraid of other people, I could feel them glaring at me, they knew I was different, they were judging me, I could not even look them in the eye, I would get so scared if they tried to make small talk and I never knew what to say. I would go to the bathrooms to cry. I always had anxiety but 3 years of being a hikki NEET had made it so much worse. I forgot how to talk to people.

Fast forward 3 more years. I got an official Asperger diagnosis. This was when I started becoming more aware of women and wanting a girlfriend. I was always attracted to girls but I never really felt lonely until this point. I thought when I became a mad scientist I would get a girlfriend easily, but by now I had accepted that was never going to happen. Because I still didn't have my high school degree. And also because as part of my diagnosis I had to take an IQ test and only got 121, which made me extremely depressed as I used to fantasize about my IQ being 160-180. I didn't know where to meet women. I didn't drink alcohol so I couldn't pick them up at bars, and I was too anxious to anyway.

I decided to find a girlfriend on the internet. Online dating wasn't as big as it is today then, so I usually met people on IRC. There was a girl on IRC that I was really good friends with and I had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. We used to talk late into the night about games and anime. She wasn't bitchy like the girls I knew in high school and she actually shared my interests. I actually fell in love with her. I had seen her photo and she was cute, albeit in a handsome way (this detail is important). She thought I was cute too. One night I built up the courage to tell her my feelings. To my delight, she said she had feelings for me too. I was so happy. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I went and told my mom I got a girlfriend, and she was proud of me.

We ended up dating for a year. I offered many times to fly her out to my state, but she declined saying she wasn't ready yet. However, one night she said she wanted to meet me too. But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis. I was shocked. I felt so betrayed. I broke up with her immediately and called her a sick perverted wierdo. I also used the "he" pronoun to refer to her. She said she was crying and she hated herself for not telling me. She said she was afraid she would never get a boyfriend if she was honest. I blocked her and told her to never contact me again. I was depressed and started drinking after this.

Looking back, I really regret the way I treated her. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I am so lonely these days I would gladly take her company. In fact I would worship her and treat her like a princess. I was so happy that year when I would stay up til 3 or 4 am to talk to her. I felt so warm when she told me she loved me. I would get butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy. I have never experienced that feeling again.

Time started moving really fast after that. Subjectively, the next 5 years felt like 1 year, and I can't remember much about them. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I hired someone to take care of her because I was too busy drinking, gaming, and fapping, which is all I did. I was depressed and I used that as an excuse to never try to change. I would get up at 2 or 3 PM and stay up till 5 or 6 AM drinking, gaming, and fapping. Ironically I started getting into transgender porn. I think it's because I got so bored of normal porn it didn't arouse me anymore. My alcoholism kept getting worse.

The year I turned 31, my mom died. I got so depressed I became a full-time alcoholic. I would drink until I passed out, and when I was hungover I would drink so it would go away. I walked around naked in the house I inherited carrying a bottle of booze and pretending I was a character from an anime or game. The rest of my time I spent jerking off. I developed all sorts of weird fetishes including feet and armpits and I even started jerking off to gay porn because straight porn didn't do it for me anymore. After almost 4 years of this lifestyle I managed to seriously damage my liver and had to go to the hospital.

At this point a distant uncle from my father's side of the family heard of me and paid for me to go into a special rehab program. Here I spent a year and a half getting sober. I made a few friends, but we weren't especially close. They had more interesting lives, and they all had gfs or wives. I had nothing going on. I had nothing to talk to them about except for alcoholism. By the way, I had fallen out of touch with my online friends many years ago. So these guys were my first friendly contact in years.

When I got out of rehab, I wanted to give myself another chance. To finally get a job and get my life together. I tried really hard. I used my savings to get a suit tailored. I had a professional review my resume (which had nothing on it except my basic details). Somehow, I actually got an interview. It was for a sales position at company that manufactured water coolers. When I showed up the guy interviewing my was a 25 year old who was the hiring manager for the whole firm in my state. He said he was intrigued by my unique background (instead of "work experience" my resume had a paragraph about how I got sober and was ready to reintegrate into society) and wanted to hear more. So I told him the story of my life. It became clear he wasn't taking any of it seriously and had only called me in for his own amusement. The whole time it looked like he was barely suppressing his laughter and when I concluded my tale he actually laughed for a good 30 or so seconds, in a clearly malicious, but weirdly jovial way so I couldn't be clear if he was just joking around or intentionally making me feel like shit. It was probably both. He said he would call me back if they decided I was a good fit. I never got a call back. And since then I've never tried to look for a job.

Years have passed. I'm 40. I'm living the same life, minus the alcohol. Even when I write out my life story, I don't know where I went wrong. Somehow it seems I went wrong everywhere. I don't even know if this will help anyone. I just wanted to get it out there. If it helps even one person I'll be glad. Please. Let me at least be an example of what not to do. Don't turn out like me. My life is hell. Change while you can.

I Lose my virginity at 25 and now at 27 still regret I didn't get more when I was younger, take more oportunities. But 40 years old, I can't imagine your mental pain, i feel really sorry for You.

 

[AscensionMan98]

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

Brutal hearing the whole story. Sad your youth is gone. I'm going to be 25 soon , and this has made me realize how short time is and I need to spam approach these hot jb that look at me. If you aged well you can still get some college bitches, many have daddy issues so would go for an attractive older man. Ageism is stronger in some cities and not in others. NYC is especially good apparently for older men, so maybe try your luck their or wherever you are.

And fuck it, get a escort/hooker.

 

[SEPRAY]

Bro his whole life is fucked up what would fucking a hooker do?

getting off/any female validation (even paid) is a good start imo

 

[_MVP_]

thats my fate

 

[Deleted member 21628]

pretty sure this was copy/paste from reddit

 

[Deleted member 17429]

really the only place where it went wrong for you was highschool, had that not gone to shit you'd probably have some kind of a low tier normie teenage experience, then go to college, have the same experience, maybe get one below average GF who treats you like shit, or maybe get lucky idk, and then continue to go on, in a mediocre white collar job

It’s so sad that we can categorize people’s lives like this. Everyone has the same life to an extent.

 

[SuperDavidGangbang]

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

It all started when I dropped out of high school. I was 17 then and had just one more year to go. I was being mercilessly bullied and started skipping school because of it, so I had to repeat a year. I lost all my motivation. I had a dream of being a scientist and I knew I needed a high school diploma for that, but I hated being made fun of and bullied so much I gave up on it.

That summer after dropping out I stayed in my room and got sucked into the internet. These were the early days of imageboards and BBSes and I spent alot of time talking to other NEETs on there. I got into Everquest and spent hundreds of hours in that game. I made a lot of friends online. For the first time it felt like I had a community.

I didn't really know what to do with my life. My mom wanted me to take a high school equivalency exam and go to college, and I continously lied to her that I would. 3 years passed, I was 20 and I still had no high school diploma or job. My mom was getting sick of me and threatened to kick me out unless I at least started looking for a job, so I started pretending to look for one. I didn't want to work in retail or a customer facing job cause I thought they were "below" me; in the back of my mind I still thought I could become a scientist if I just applied myself and took some tests to prove that I was a genius. I had all these crazy "chuunibyou" ideas about my own intellect and I believed I had a "hidden genius" of some kind, that other people could not see, but I was certain I had it within me. I believed I could do anything if I just stopped being lazy and set my mind to it. I even thought I was some kind of "chosen one" and that was why I was so different from others, never had friends, and was bullied and made fun of. Thinking back on it, I want to cry because I was so deluded.

After I couldn't get a job, because I never looked, my mom pulled some strings and got me a position as a cashier at a grocery store her friend was the manager of. I shouted at her that night and said the job was beneath me, but I still went. I was at the job for a week before I had a panic attack and broke down. After that I quit. I felt naked and afraid of other people, I could feel them glaring at me, they knew I was different, they were judging me, I could not even look them in the eye, I would get so scared if they tried to make small talk and I never knew what to say. I would go to the bathrooms to cry. I always had anxiety but 3 years of being a hikki NEET had made it so much worse. I forgot how to talk to people.

Fast forward 3 more years. I got an official Asperger diagnosis. This was when I started becoming more aware of women and wanting a girlfriend. I was always attracted to girls but I never really felt lonely until this point. I thought when I became a mad scientist I would get a girlfriend easily, but by now I had accepted that was never going to happen. Because I still didn't have my high school degree. And also because as part of my diagnosis I had to take an IQ test and only got 121, which made me extremely depressed as I used to fantasize about my IQ being 160-180. I didn't know where to meet women. I didn't drink alcohol so I couldn't pick them up at bars, and I was too anxious to anyway.

I decided to find a girlfriend on the internet. Online dating wasn't as big as it is today then, so I usually met people on IRC. There was a girl on IRC that I was really good friends with and I had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. We used to talk late into the night about games and anime. She wasn't bitchy like the girls I knew in high school and she actually shared my interests. I actually fell in love with her. I had seen her photo and she was cute, albeit in a handsome way (this detail is important). She thought I was cute too. One night I built up the courage to tell her my feelings. To my delight, she said she had feelings for me too. I was so happy. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I went and told my mom I got a girlfriend, and she was proud of me.

We ended up dating for a year. I offered many times to fly her out to my state, but she declined saying she wasn't ready yet. However, one night she said she wanted to meet me too. But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis. I was shocked. I felt so betrayed. I broke up with her immediately and called her a sick perverted wierdo. I also used the "he" pronoun to refer to her. She said she was crying and she hated herself for not telling me. She said she was afraid she would never get a boyfriend if she was honest. I blocked her and told her to never contact me again. I was depressed and started drinking after this.

Looking back, I really regret the way I treated her. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I am so lonely these days I would gladly take her company. In fact I would worship her and treat her like a princess. I was so happy that year when I would stay up til 3 or 4 am to talk to her. I felt so warm when she told me she loved me. I would get butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy. I have never experienced that feeling again.

Time started moving really fast after that. Subjectively, the next 5 years felt like 1 year, and I can't remember much about them. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I hired someone to take care of her because I was too busy drinking, gaming, and fapping, which is all I did. I was depressed and I used that as an excuse to never try to change. I would get up at 2 or 3 PM and stay up till 5 or 6 AM drinking, gaming, and fapping. Ironically I started getting into transgender porn. I think it's because I got so bored of normal porn it didn't arouse me anymore. My alcoholism kept getting worse.

The year I turned 31, my mom died. I got so depressed I became a full-time alcoholic. I would drink until I passed out, and when I was hungover I would drink so it would go away. I walked around naked in the house I inherited carrying a bottle of booze and pretending I was a character from an anime or game. The rest of my time I spent jerking off. I developed all sorts of weird fetishes including feet and armpits and I even started jerking off to gay porn because straight porn didn't do it for me anymore. After almost 4 years of this lifestyle I managed to seriously damage my liver and had to go to the hospital.

At this point a distant uncle from my father's side of the family heard of me and paid for me to go into a special rehab program. Here I spent a year and a half getting sober. I made a few friends, but we weren't especially close. They had more interesting lives, and they all had gfs or wives. I had nothing going on. I had nothing to talk to them about except for alcoholism. By the way, I had fallen out of touch with my online friends many years ago. So these guys were my first friendly contact in years.

When I got out of rehab, I wanted to give myself another chance. To finally get a job and get my life together. I tried really hard. I used my savings to get a suit tailored. I had a professional review my resume (which had nothing on it except my basic details). Somehow, I actually got an interview. It was for a sales position at company that manufactured water coolers. When I showed up the guy interviewing my was a 25 year old who was the hiring manager for the whole firm in my state. He said he was intrigued by my unique background (instead of "work experience" my resume had a paragraph about how I got sober and was ready to reintegrate into society) and wanted to hear more. So I told him the story of my life. It became clear he wasn't taking any of it seriously and had only called me in for his own amusement. The whole time it looked like he was barely suppressing his laughter and when I concluded my tale he actually laughed for a good 30 or so seconds, in a clearly malicious, but weirdly jovial way so I couldn't be clear if he was just joking around or intentionally making me feel like shit. It was probably both. He said he would call me back if they decided I was a good fit. I never got a call back. And since then I've never tried to look for a job.

Years have passed. I'm 40. I'm living the same life, minus the alcohol. Even when I write out my life story, I don't know where I went wrong. Somehow it seems I went wrong everywhere. I don't even know if this will help anyone. I just wanted to get it out there. If it helps even one person I'll be glad. Please. Let me at least be an example of what not to do. Don't turn out like me. My life is hell. Change while you can.

This is so fucking br00tal.
I would recommed to fix your mental health first.
Start going to theropy and do gratitude journaling.
I don't really know what to recommend. You are in deep shit tbh

 

[Hero of the Imperium]

Read every word.

I fear this will be me in 2 years time if I don’t looksmax enough

38 confirmed

 

[Hero of the Imperium]

read until tranny

may as well be copypasta

 

[Edgar]

@Mongrelcel

 

[Mongrelcel]

@Mongrelcel

what

 

[oz101]

I clicked just to say DNR, but ended up reading the whole thing.

I think there will be tons of guys like you in the future - maybe like 20-25% which would be absolutely shocking - no different to the hikkimori in Japan. But we'll need to wait a couple of years.

Also JFL at the transgender but then ending up wanting 'him' back and then turning gay since you watch homo porn. It's amazing how one experience can completely alter your life.

 

[Johnnybegood]

This is my future

No it isn't.

You have a high iq, already have a job and you're in college.

OP give us a bit more information on your appearance. What would you rate yourself when you were in your 20s? I see so many LTNs with gfs, it's hard to imagine someone dying a virgin. Are you a truecel?

 

[Deleted member 20652]

Mirin willpower. If I'm 30 and still in your position i'm blowing my brains out.

The issue is getting access to a firearm. If suicide was easy then everyone would do it

 

[noodlelover]

Story doesn't add up.

How did he have money to not get a job?

If he turned gay from internet porn couldn't he just get a looksmatched boyfriend? Shouldn't he at least be looksmaxed if he's on this site.

Why wouldn't he just lie on his resume? You can literally buy fake references online. If he could afford a nice suit, he could afford that.

How can any one, male or female be such a weak little bitch? Couldn't apply for work. Couldn't work a retail job. With a 120 IQ. Shit people do that stuff with a 90 IQ or lower.

Mom should have kicked him out. People like that need to starve or adapt.

 

[Deleted member 21597]

You should just blast psychedelics until you die. It will give your life some sense of meaning and will help you cope with death as you get older. Take HUGE doses of DMT and shit.

 

[Deleted member 22093]

You should have stalked and crushed that hiring managers orbital bone in for mocking you
I've been grinding pretty hard, but honestly this post was really helpful to remind me of why I'm putting all of this work in. Even when it becomes monotonous and seemingly pointless as the months go by. Thank you for sharing your life story

 

[House Lannister]

Stopped reading at “She said she has a penis”

 

[incel194012940]

Not unbelievable at all

seems obvious the only type of woman who would be in 2000's era internet and have interests in common with a NEET would be a trasngender.

If you go on encyclopedia dramatica you can see the stories of a whole generation of people like OP

 

[Erik-Jón]

Not unbelievable at all

seems obvious the only type of woman who would be in 2000's era internet and have interests in common with a NEET would be a trasngender.

If you go on encyclopedia dramatica you can see the stories of a whole generation of people like OP

Based take mongol brother

 

[Ronnie]

Read half of it, I mean you could still apply yourself and make something if your life. 40 is oldcel territory probably over for getting women except divorced used up grandmas with kids, but for yourself you can still make accomplishments to be proud of before you die. You realistically have half your life left (many countries/states have average life expectancy of 80 years) so try and make something of it

nah he can’t do shit. He is way too old for the military, trades, and school. I guess he could try a dab at entrepreneurship but OP doesn’t strike me as one.

 

[Deleted member 21598]

But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis.

 

[Ronnie]

But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis.

after that point it all felt like a larp

 

[anglecel]

Even if this is copypasta what other choice of life do you have if you're so hideous even that in 40 years only trannys want you. Maybe you could of snagged a decent job but at the end you're still deformed and invisible to everyone else.

 

[Zer0/∞]

Who is funding your clown ass to stay at home all day, rent free, no worries about any financial problems.

Who is this enabler? They belong in JAIL.

Teach a man to fish, and he eats for an year. Catch all the fish for the man, and he becomes a lazy tranny porn watching virgin NEET.

stop bullying us non neurotypicals, NT fag!

 

[gymmaxedhorse]

Damn I read the whole thing. The younger you unironically could’ve used Jeremy meek’s “never give up keep grinding” speech. You probably could’ve at least landed some 50k a year office job where you slave until you retire, become a betabux, lose all your retirement in alimony and child support, kids treat you like shit, and you die from stress of life. Maybe it would’ve been better than rn who knows. Only thing you can do now is just look forward. The only oldcel jobs I know are trades, entrepreneurs, or pilots. You could probably be a pilot, seem smart enough. You seem to give up easy tho so maybe not. It’s not easy to learn. If you just went 100% for it and didn’t mind the debt you might have a chance. Could do freight and make like 100k easy. Best of luck to you tho man

 

[LooksmaxxingGrind]

That sucks

 

[tooLOW]

I just turned 40, so I've been a NEET for over half my life now. Never had sex with or kissed a woman. Never had a real job either. I want to talk about my life a little so younger NEETs know what mistakes to avoid. Please, change your life while you still can. You don't want to turn out like me. I cry every day because I'm so depressed. I hate myself. I wish I could have given a shit when I was younger.

It all started when I dropped out of high school. I was 17 then and had just one more year to go. I was being mercilessly bullied and started skipping school because of it, so I had to repeat a year. I lost all my motivation. I had a dream of being a scientist and I knew I needed a high school diploma for that, but I hated being made fun of and bullied so much I gave up on it.

That summer after dropping out I stayed in my room and got sucked into the internet. These were the early days of imageboards and BBSes and I spent alot of time talking to other NEETs on there. I got into Everquest and spent hundreds of hours in that game. I made a lot of friends online. For the first time it felt like I had a community.

I didn't really know what to do with my life. My mom wanted me to take a high school equivalency exam and go to college, and I continously lied to her that I would. 3 years passed, I was 20 and I still had no high school diploma or job. My mom was getting sick of me and threatened to kick me out unless I at least started looking for a job, so I started pretending to look for one. I didn't want to work in retail or a customer facing job cause I thought they were "below" me; in the back of my mind I still thought I could become a scientist if I just applied myself and took some tests to prove that I was a genius. I had all these crazy "chuunibyou" ideas about my own intellect and I believed I had a "hidden genius" of some kind, that other people could not see, but I was certain I had it within me. I believed I could do anything if I just stopped being lazy and set my mind to it. I even thought I was some kind of "chosen one" and that was why I was so different from others, never had friends, and was bullied and made fun of. Thinking back on it, I want to cry because I was so deluded.

After I couldn't get a job, because I never looked, my mom pulled some strings and got me a position as a cashier at a grocery store her friend was the manager of. I shouted at her that night and said the job was beneath me, but I still went. I was at the job for a week before I had a panic attack and broke down. After that I quit. I felt naked and afraid of other people, I could feel them glaring at me, they knew I was different, they were judging me, I could not even look them in the eye, I would get so scared if they tried to make small talk and I never knew what to say. I would go to the bathrooms to cry. I always had anxiety but 3 years of being a hikki NEET had made it so much worse. I forgot how to talk to people.

Fast forward 3 more years. I got an official Asperger diagnosis. This was when I started becoming more aware of women and wanting a girlfriend. I was always attracted to girls but I never really felt lonely until this point. I thought when I became a mad scientist I would get a girlfriend easily, but by now I had accepted that was never going to happen. Because I still didn't have my high school degree. And also because as part of my diagnosis I had to take an IQ test and only got 121, which made me extremely depressed as I used to fantasize about my IQ being 160-180. I didn't know where to meet women. I didn't drink alcohol so I couldn't pick them up at bars, and I was too anxious to anyway.

I decided to find a girlfriend on the internet. Online dating wasn't as big as it is today then, so I usually met people on IRC. There was a girl on IRC that I was really good friends with and I had a feeling she liked me as more than a friend. We used to talk late into the night about games and anime. She wasn't bitchy like the girls I knew in high school and she actually shared my interests. I actually fell in love with her. I had seen her photo and she was cute, albeit in a handsome way (this detail is important). She thought I was cute too. One night I built up the courage to tell her my feelings. To my delight, she said she had feelings for me too. I was so happy. It felt like my heart was about to burst. I went and told my mom I got a girlfriend, and she was proud of me.

We ended up dating for a year. I offered many times to fly her out to my state, but she declined saying she wasn't ready yet. However, one night she said she wanted to meet me too. But she said there was something important I had to know. What is it, I asked her, you can tell me babe, I love you. She said she was transgender. She said she had a penis. I was shocked. I felt so betrayed. I broke up with her immediately and called her a sick perverted wierdo. I also used the "he" pronoun to refer to her. She said she was crying and she hated herself for not telling me. She said she was afraid she would never get a boyfriend if she was honest. I blocked her and told her to never contact me again. I was depressed and started drinking after this.

Looking back, I really regret the way I treated her. I regret it more than anything else in my life. I am so lonely these days I would gladly take her company. In fact I would worship her and treat her like a princess. I was so happy that year when I would stay up til 3 or 4 am to talk to her. I felt so warm when she told me she loved me. I would get butterflies in my stomach. It felt like I was in a romantic comedy. I have never experienced that feeling again.

Time started moving really fast after that. Subjectively, the next 5 years felt like 1 year, and I can't remember much about them. My mom was diagnosed with cancer and I hired someone to take care of her because I was too busy drinking, gaming, and fapping, which is all I did. I was depressed and I used that as an excuse to never try to change. I would get up at 2 or 3 PM and stay up till 5 or 6 AM drinking, gaming, and fapping. Ironically I started getting into transgender porn. I think it's because I got so bored of normal porn it didn't arouse me anymore. My alcoholism kept getting worse.

The year I turned 31, my mom died. I got so depressed I became a full-time alcoholic. I would drink until I passed out, and when I was hungover I would drink so it would go away. I walked around naked in the house I inherited carrying a bottle of booze and pretending I was a character from an anime or game. The rest of my time I spent jerking off. I developed all sorts of weird fetishes including feet and armpits and I even started jerking off to gay porn because straight porn didn't do it for me anymore. After almost 4 years of this lifestyle I managed to seriously damage my liver and had to go to the hospital.

At this point a distant uncle from my father's side of the family heard of me and paid for me to go into a special rehab program. Here I spent a year and a half getting sober. I made a few friends, but we weren't especially close. They had more interesting lives, and they all had gfs or wives. I had nothing going on. I had nothing to talk to them about except for alcoholism. By the way, I had fallen out of touch with my online friends many years ago. So these guys were my first friendly contact in years.

When I got out of rehab, I wanted to give myself another chance. To finally get a job and get my life together. I tried really hard. I used my savings to get a suit tailored. I had a professional review my resume (which had nothing on it except my basic details). Somehow, I actually got an interview. It was for a sales position at company that manufactured water coolers. When I showed up the guy interviewing my was a 25 year old who was the hiring manager for the whole firm in my state. He said he was intrigued by my unique background (instead of "work experience" my resume had a paragraph about how I got sober and was ready to reintegrate into society) and wanted to hear more. So I told him the story of my life. It became clear he wasn't taking any of it seriously and had only called me in for his own amusement. The whole time it looked like he was barely suppressing his laughter and when I concluded my tale he actually laughed for a good 30 or so seconds, in a clearly malicious, but weirdly jovial way so I couldn't be clear if he was just joking around or intentionally making me feel like shit. It was probably both. He said he would call me back if they decided I was a good fit. I never got a call back. And since then I've never tried to look for a job.

Years have passed. I'm 40. I'm living the same life, minus the alcohol. Even when I write out my life story, I don't know where I went wrong. Somehow it seems I went wrong everywhere. I don't even know if this will help anyone. I just wanted to get it out there. If it helps even one person I'll be glad. Please. Let me at least be an example of what not to do. Don't turn out like me. My life is hell. Change while you can.

did not read, wanna play warzone together?

 

[190cm90kg]

 

[mogs_me]

no autism, didn’t blatantly fuck up my life with poor decision making, and i will still be in your spot in 17 years