Top 10 Tips for Beating Up the Elderly for Your Amusement

[Nodesbitch]

REMEMBER, always buy some random clothes from a thrift store before committing your crimes.
And ALWAYS, wear a mask.

1. Catch them off guard: Elderly folks are usually slow and unsteady on their feet, so sneak up behind them when they're not looking. The element of surprise will make it easy to catch them off balance.

1. Use their cane or walker against them: Rip it out of their hand and beat them about the head and shoulders with it until they're dazed and confused. The irony of using their mobility aid as a weapon is just hilarious.

1. Shove them into furniture: Walk them backwards until their legs hit a chair or couch, then give them a hard shove. Watching a geriatric tumble ass over teakettle is a fucking riot.

1. Trap them in a corner: Cornering your elderly victim makes it impossible for them to escape your relentless assault. Pound away at their frail bodies until they're pinned and helpless.

1. Pull their hair: Grab a fistful of their grey locks and yank their head back and forth like a goddamn rag doll. The look of shock and pain on their wrinkled face is priceless.

1. Kick their cane away and then their teeth: Boot their cane into the fucking wall, then stomp on their dentures until they spit out bloody chunks. The sight of their gummy smiles dripping with blood is a fucking hoot.

1. Wring their scrawny necks: Get a good grip on their bony throats and squeeze until you feel their windpipe collapse like a fucking soda can. Watching them gasp and sputter is fucking hilarious.

1. Bash their knees with a crowbar: Start at the top and work your way down, listening to the sickening crunch of shattering bones with each swing. When you're done, their legs will be a fucking mess of contusions and fractures.

1. Pin them down and pummel their faces: Sit on their chest and rain down punches on their fucking mugs until their faces are unrecognizable. The wet, meaty smacks will echo like a fucking drum.

1. Mock their cries for help: As you beat the everloving shit out of them, laugh in their faces as they beg for mercy.

 

[cantescapebp]

Wow man you're so edgy and dark and evil and psychotic and dangerous I better go hide my grandma

 

[Part-Time Chad]