iblamemandible7
ORG RUINER
- Joined
- Dec 28, 2024
- Posts
- 6,742
- Reputation
- 8,888
Before I start this post I js want to say everything I post about nowadays is for internal contemplation
Writing my thoughts down helps me organize them and hopefully make sense of them and what to do
All of my ramblings and whining are attempts at reaching some kind of catharsis to hit the brakes on the car crash that my life is becoming
I hope someone reading can relate to this and feel less alone with their struggles too
HONORABLE MENTION: Authoritarian parenting
Strict parenting didn't directly cause issues for me, but as a child it led me to become an isolated recluse loser who couldn't do shit, and that mindset has persisted and honestly is a part ingrained within me now. I really wasn't able to do 90% of the things I wanted as a child, and now I'm too afraid to do them. I was told so many times when asking to hang out, connect with people, etc, that now I tell myself no, it's like it became a voice inside me.
3. Health issues
Always had horrible eye issues, like remarkably bad, they held me back from walking in the dark, seeing far away, and something else that ties into #2, my lazy eye. I really got slammed with genetics here, I have worse health than the rest of my family. This shit not only literally limited me in my entire life from doing things I wanted to do but also metaphorically I am convinced diminished my confidence in myself, because I can't even be confident in my own vision. I've always been a fucking weirdo who can't relate because I had these issues as a child when nobody else around me did.
2. Looks
The one you were all expecting, needs no explanation, just look at my post history for an idea, I also got slammed by the genetic lottery here and have a literal CVS receipt of flaws including manletism, narrow clavicles, wide hips, premature balding, jaw recession, short face syndrome, weak periorbitals, bad nose, small skull, close set eyes, t50 eyes and more. Shit really started getting bad in middle school for me, I began facing extreme judgement and alienation, the most glaring flaw was my lazy eye and unhealthy eye area, the only way I could get people to hang around me was jestering but as soon as I got tired of it they ditched me, I've been a freak my whole life and someone that people recorded/looked at strangely, all of this discrimination turned me from a happy carefree child to someone who never says anything and sits by myself in all areas of life
1. Anxiety
The most relevant issue I have rn, my fear controls me like a puppet and forces me to watch my own life pass me by, makes me feel like a passenger in my own life. I began having this issue in elementary school, and the more I think about the more I realize it ties into all of the things I've mentioned here, it's probably just a natural consequence of what my life has been like, although my family has poor mental health genes overall as well. The reason this is in the #1 spot is because if I didn't have this, I would have the courage to correct a lot of the issues in my life, honestly maybe 75% of them which would be huge, but because of this I am held captive and too afraid to make a move toward anything decisive in my life
Writing my thoughts down helps me organize them and hopefully make sense of them and what to do
All of my ramblings and whining are attempts at reaching some kind of catharsis to hit the brakes on the car crash that my life is becoming
I hope someone reading can relate to this and feel less alone with their struggles too
HONORABLE MENTION: Authoritarian parenting
Strict parenting didn't directly cause issues for me, but as a child it led me to become an isolated recluse loser who couldn't do shit, and that mindset has persisted and honestly is a part ingrained within me now. I really wasn't able to do 90% of the things I wanted as a child, and now I'm too afraid to do them. I was told so many times when asking to hang out, connect with people, etc, that now I tell myself no, it's like it became a voice inside me.
3. Health issues
Always had horrible eye issues, like remarkably bad, they held me back from walking in the dark, seeing far away, and something else that ties into #2, my lazy eye. I really got slammed with genetics here, I have worse health than the rest of my family. This shit not only literally limited me in my entire life from doing things I wanted to do but also metaphorically I am convinced diminished my confidence in myself, because I can't even be confident in my own vision. I've always been a fucking weirdo who can't relate because I had these issues as a child when nobody else around me did.
2. Looks
The one you were all expecting, needs no explanation, just look at my post history for an idea, I also got slammed by the genetic lottery here and have a literal CVS receipt of flaws including manletism, narrow clavicles, wide hips, premature balding, jaw recession, short face syndrome, weak periorbitals, bad nose, small skull, close set eyes, t50 eyes and more. Shit really started getting bad in middle school for me, I began facing extreme judgement and alienation, the most glaring flaw was my lazy eye and unhealthy eye area, the only way I could get people to hang around me was jestering but as soon as I got tired of it they ditched me, I've been a freak my whole life and someone that people recorded/looked at strangely, all of this discrimination turned me from a happy carefree child to someone who never says anything and sits by myself in all areas of life
1. Anxiety
The most relevant issue I have rn, my fear controls me like a puppet and forces me to watch my own life pass me by, makes me feel like a passenger in my own life. I began having this issue in elementary school, and the more I think about the more I realize it ties into all of the things I've mentioned here, it's probably just a natural consequence of what my life has been like, although my family has poor mental health genes overall as well. The reason this is in the #1 spot is because if I didn't have this, I would have the courage to correct a lot of the issues in my life, honestly maybe 75% of them which would be huge, but because of this I am held captive and too afraid to make a move toward anything decisive in my life
