Turns out I’m not as bad as I thought, lifefuel?

[GetShrekt]

I have believed in some of the incel rhetoric for a while mainly because I started to agree with the black pill. I am ugly and have poor social skills and it seems like the chances of me getting a gf are pretty impossible however, I wanted to push myself to see if it was really over for me. So, I left Reddit and social media in general for a few months to push myself mentally and socially, and I thought it was all pointless until a few days ago.

My boss has a daughter and she has always been bullied at school (she's 13) and they are in the process of moving into a new house. My boss said that he was worried to send her back due to Covid as well as the bullying but she didn't have a computer to do her school work on and he never had the money to afford a laptop for her. I remember that I had a laptop that a used for community college that was not powerful enough to run the software I needed for my classes so I bought a new one and but kept the old one. So, I offered to give my old laptop to her for free so she would't have to deal with that nonsense. I also threw in and old jump drive I had, and wrote her a note of encouragement and gave her money.

My boss surprised her with that laptop a few days ago and he said she cried tears of joy and said that he hasn't seen her this happy in years. She never thought that someone would be that kind to her for no reason. As he told me that, I felt a warm feeling in my heart that I thought I lost a long time ago and I thought I was going cry. He brought me a thank you card with a message she wrote on it for me and i'm about to hang it on my wall.

I have always thought I was a terrible person and no one would accept an act of kindness from someone like me. But, knowing that I have brought some kind of joy in that girl's life makes me think that I not as bad as I think I am.

sorry for long read.

 

[Deleted member 16275]

I'm just as bad as I thought

 

[GetShrekt]

I'm just as bad as I thought

Being kind and helping others for the sake of making the world a better place can allow you to see yourself in a positive light. You can do this not to be transactional or with anything other than goodness as motivation.

Helping others and volunteering is something that addicts and alcoholics often turn to on their path of recovery. It provides a sense of purpose. You may have a taste of that. And for what it’s worth, smile. You can maje my day a little better. Thank you.

 

[Deleted member 16275]

Being kind and helping others for the sake of making the world a better place can allow you to see yourself in a positive light. You can do this not to be transactional or with anything other than goodness as motivation.

Helping others and volunteering is something that addicts and alcoholics often turn to on their path of recovery. It provides a sense of purpose. You may have just had a taste of that. Congratulations. And for what it’s worth, your story made me smile. You made my day a little better. Thank you.

Fuark imo ove

 

[khvirgin]

Since about 2018 or so I've been de-radicalized from incel ideas. I spent from 14-17 years old bitter, angry, and sad that everyone seemed to push me away. Now I realize that it was my neurodivergence that people my age never seemed to like. I never really spoke about my incel nonsense when I was a teenager. Just kept it inside like all my emotions but now that I'm 22 older and less angry I still feel lonely and more importantly lost.
I really have no outlets for how I feel inside. I don't have good days. I barley get out. When I do I don't really talk to anyone. Mostly malls and movies and shit. I have no real friends, no social experience, and no hope
The only real friend I've ever had was in the 5th grade.
The one time I tried to use discord in years the people on there basically said I ruin conversations and basically said I was annoying. I never cried so damn hard. That was my first REAL social interaction in years. And I was basically shoved out the door. Even when I tried to explain why I'm like this they basically told me "that's no excuse."
If I can't even talk to people like a normal human what hope is there for me? If I can't talk to people how can I learn? If I can't be human maybe I should just leave this place forever.

 

[GetShrekt]

Since about 2018 or so I've been de-radicalized from incel ideas. I spent from 14-17 years old bitter, angry, and sad that everyone seemed to push me away. Now I realize that it was my neurodivergence that people my age never seemed to like. I never really spoke about my incel nonsense when I was a teenager. Just kept it inside like all my emotions but now that I'm 22 older and less angry I still feel lonely and more importantly lost.
I really have no outlets for how I feel inside. I don't have good days. I barley get out. When I do I don't really talk to anyone. Mostly malls and movies and shit. I have no real friends, no social experience, and no hope
The only real friend I've ever had was in the 5th grade.
The one time I tried to use discord in years the people on there basically said I ruin conversations and basically said I was annoying. I never cried so damn hard. That was my first REAL social interaction in years. And I was basically shoved out the door. Even when I tried to explain why I'm like this they basically told me "that's no excuse."
If I can't even talk to people like a normal human what hope is there for me? If I can't talk to people how can I learn? If I can't be human maybe I should just leave this place forever.

One way you can generate “happiness from within” ,(you know...that thing that other incels have always told you is a myth, congratulations for proving them wrong) is….

Finding ways to help other people and doing things for them that can improve their lives can generate an amazing sense of self satisfaction , the good news is that you can have an abundance of this feeling if you choose to continue to find ways to add value to people’s lives, it doesn’t always have to be giving away material possessions, it just needs to be helping people to do things that they have difficulty doing themselves, like helping the young, elderly and less privileged, giving your neighbours a helping hand, teaching skills to people , making people laugh to brighten up their day. Etc etc.

You have learned something very valuable and this will help you to win at the game of life. Because how you feel about yourself is the only thing that matters in life. I will say that again...

How you feel about yourself is the ONLY thing that matters in life.

You are half way there now my friend. When you develop a healthy sense of “Self-Esteem” [the way you regard yourself, and what you EXPECT you should be able to accomplish] and your “Self-Confidence” [what you have PROVED to yourself you can confidently accomplish] are appropriately lofty, and matched to each-other, you’ve attained ‘Self-Satisfaction’.

Add to that the sense of primal Happiness, and you’ve become “Successful!”

That ‘successfulness’ is something which broadcasts itself loudly and clearly, without the need ever to speak a word… It is the pure essence of self-love and self-appreciation which makes the possessor IRRESISTIBLY, COMPELLINGLY ATTRACTIVE to others…

..because just being around someone who is THAT comfortable feels so good, IT IS ADDICTIVE!

 

[khvirgin]

One way you can generate “happiness from within” ,(you know...that thing that other incels have always told you is a myth, congratulations for proving them wrong) is….

Finding ways to help other people and doing things for them that can improve their lives can generate an amazing sense of self satisfaction , the good news is that you can have an abundance of this feeling if you choose to continue to find ways to add value to people’s lives, it doesn’t always have to be giving away material possessions, it just needs to be helping people to do things that they have difficulty doing themselves, like helping the young, elderly and less privileged, giving your neighbours a helping hand, teaching skills to people , making people laugh to brighten up their day. Etc etc.

You have learned something very valuable and this will help you to win at the game of life. Because how you feel about yourself is the only thing that matters in life. I will say that again...

How you feel about yourself is the ONLY thing that matters in life.

You are half way there now my friend. When you develop a healthy sense of “Self-Esteem” [the way you regard yourself, and what you EXPECT you should be able to accomplish] and your “Self-Confidence” [what you have PROVED to yourself you can confidently accomplish] are appropriately lofty, and matched to each-other, you’ve attained ‘Self-Satisfaction’.

Add to that the sense of primal Happiness, and you’ve become “Successful!”

That ‘successfulness’ is something which broadcasts itself loudly and clearly, without the need ever to speak a word… It is the pure essence of self-love and self-appreciation which makes the possessor IRRESISTIBLY, COMPELLINGLY ATTRACTIVE to others…

..because just being around someone who is THAT comfortable feels so good, IT IS ADDICTIVE!

One of the biggest things I'm worried about dating as someone who was active on incel/pill forums in high-school - is knowing just how much I still need to unlearn, and ID'ing what I internalized in those more-formative years to root it out from the depths of my mind. I don't want to have some kind of suggestion towards a negative behavioral tendency squirreled away in the back of my head, only for it to rear its ugly head in the middle of an argument with a hypothetical romantic partner or whatnot.
It's hard to prove to myself I no longer believe Harmful Thing X if I don't inherently know what could fall under that Harmful Thing aegis, and in this regard I've found Lundy Bancroft's Why Does He Do That as a useful book to examine my tendencies and thought patterns and see if any of them could lead to problematic situations. I'm good by-and-large (only halfway through the book), but it has talked about people bottling up feelings because they don't want to broach them with their partner in a calm and equitable manner, only to erupt later.
This is something I've been working on recently (with help from my therapist) as I've erupted in the past at a few friends, a learned behavior I picked up as a kid because my dad never seemed responsive to my "I feel X when you do Y" measured statements, dismissing them as "hypersensitivity" (for example). He still does, which has made this most recent stint of living with him...annoying. I'm trying to simultaneously not set him off while also not regressing into past bad habits. It's a drag, and I'm stuck here at least until late November, likely until early next spring.
But enough about that - my positive reflection!
I realized recently - after one of them popped up for a half second in a friend's life - that I've met noticeably more women in the years after leaving incel forums that could have formed the basis of some pretty harmful (but self-comforting) AWALT stereotypes that would have been catnip to me when I was a bit more mind-poisoned:

• The abusive on-and-off ex of a friend of mine (actually initially met her my freshman year of HS - pre-pill - but only got to know her nastiness in college), who snapped at said friend "I don't need to be nice to you, you'll always come crawling back anyways". Also a decent chance there's some racial fetishization coming from her, given what said friend told me and who she was into in high school.
• A former boss who treated me like shit (withholding half of my paycheck and giving me the silent treatment over very minor mistakes) because she "wanted there to be gender parity" among her employees, and at that point it was just me and a male friend of mine. I later found out - from a gal who she had me train and then slowly (unannounced) gave more of my responsibilities to only to fire her a month after I quit - that all of this was just a front because she wanted to hire a specific young woman who got transferred away from her by higher-ups prior to us two getting hired.
• A dating app match who piled me high with flattery - "you seem like one of the few people out there who understand me", "you've been the guiding bright spot in my life these past weeks" - along with questions that you just wouldn't ask if you were looking for a one-night stand (about my substance use, if I'd be down for a long-distance relationship with someone next spring when I move away if I've already gotten the ball rolling prior to that, pet allergies). I felt safe enough assuming sex was incoming - I mean, she asked me to tell her what I was going to do to her after we fetched boba - to give her a heads up this'd be my first time, only to suddenly have all that thrown on its head and be told that she was looking for a one-off and thus wasn't comfortable being my first time.
• A...professional acquaintance of mine who invited me over for drinks, only to start shit-talking practically every person we mutually knew once she had a sip of wine in her. Accused a friend of mine of faking her disability. Threw about casual homophobia. Complained that specific people were unfairly getting in her way of winning local elected office because she'd waited long enough. Accused quite a few hard-working people I knew of being good-for-nothing slackers. I got the feeling that if she had invited someone else over for drinks instead they'd have ranted about me. Hell, thinking back I distinctly recall her making some rather xenophobic jokes towards me, calling me "one of the good ones" - and I felt that backhand nice and hard.

All of these situations in their own unique way would have given younger me more than enough casus belli to start generalizing about how (A)ll (W)omen (A)re (L)ike (T)hat - only one of them even related to them having sex with me - but that hasn't come to pass. I've met many more women - both as friends, acquaintances, and people I've worked for - who've been incredible, or at least simply decent enough that I can faith in humanity.
It's a mixed bag out there, your awfulness isn't determined by your genitalia.
So yeah, I'm kind of relieved that upon introspection none of those four examples (or other lesser negative interactions) have caused my generalizations to snowball. I've learned to forgive some, and learned to place others as aberrations in the grand scheme of things.

 

[metagross]

Good on you OP, but I feel like I can never be that nice to a woman. I feel like women would always just use me for my resources, instead of liking me, if I gave them any kind of gift.
I see them laughing about short men, bald men, ugly men, nice men, etc, etc. all the time, and I quite frankly see them as evil at this point. There may be exceptions and I may be generalizing too much, but I feel like 90% of women deserve bad stuff happening to them. Like getting cheated on or whatever.

 

[MoggerGaston]

Being kind and helping others for the sake of making the world a better place can allow you to see yourself in a positive light. You can do this not to be transactional or with anything other than goodness as motivation.

Helping others and volunteering is something that addicts and alcoholics often turn to on their path of recovery. It provides a sense of purpose. You may have a taste of that. And for what it’s worth, smile. You can maje my day a little better. Thank you.

The only purpose in life is to achieve victory and accomplish your goals. Anything else doesn't matter

 

[GetShrekt]

The only purpose in life is to achieve victory and accomplish your goals. Anything else doesn't matter

My only goal is to increase my post count & seek vengeance

 

[MoggerGaston]

My only goal is to increase my post count & seek vengeance

Let that vengeance power you and guide you

 

[Deleted member 4430]

My only goal is to increase my post count & seek vengeance

and even in that youre a failure

 

[buflek]

i hope you put a virus on it to see if she watches porn and shit when shes older

 

[buflek]

and even in that youre a failure

meanwhile its your only achievement in life

 

[GetShrekt]

and even in that youre a failure

Actually I’m top 25

 

[Deleted member 4430]

meanwhile its your only achievement in life

i dont seek vengeance and and I'm not saying that my post count is an achievement, but at least how you can see on my rep ratio, that's what people are interested in, you bugeyed sfc

 

[GetShrekt]

Meanwhile toth’s Thot left the forum because boobpert paid him for rep

 

[buflek]

i dont seek vengeance and and I'm not saying that my post count is an achievement, but at least how you can see on my rep ratio, that's what people are interested in, you bugeyed sfc

dude you are here for not even 3 years and got 41k messages, thats about 40 comments a day. you even purchased shit on this site according to your profile

dont make it seem like this forum isnt ur life jfl

also who says i got bugeyes? i dont have high psl eyes but they definitely arent bugtier virgin

 

[Pharmaceutic]

i dont seek vengeance and and I'm not saying that my post count is an achievement, but at least how you can see on my rep ratio, that's what people are interested in, you bugeyed sfc

Wow you got internet points!!! Good on you buddy... what do they get you? Bitches? Limited edition funko pops??

 

[GetShrekt]

Wow you got internet points!!! Good on you buddy... what do they get you? Bitches? Limited edition funko pops??

Stfu greycel

 

[Pharmaceutic]

Stfu greycel

Cope "darktriadbeast" but posts wall of text about how making a good deed almost made the nigga bowl his eyes out... good for you anyway

 

[ascension]

That's a very good thing you did, you should be proud of yourself.