Ultimate Gooning Guide (Nonsexhavers gtfih)

[johan_af]

 

[currymaxxer888]

I can’t get my dick up on alcohol shit guide

low T

 

[gookcelriceR]

@valentine: Read everything, but where are the anal stimulation tips?

 

[Phxx]

Look Fellas, Life can simply be too tough on us mortals sometimes, and this is the best solution I've found to get through those days where I simply fail to distract myself from the utter pointlessness of every fucking second we spend on earth.

Mandatory Background Music



What You Will Need

1. Alcohol

Spoiler: The RIght Amount

Well You Need Enough TO Get You Not Just Tipsy Bu Drunk.

However, It's safer to have enough alcohol to get blacked out incase you need it.

I would opt for the cheapest but strongest alcohol so I get the most bang for my buck.

For me it would usually be about 250ml of 33% vodka to get drunk, about 500ml to black out

2.Condoms

Spoiler: Stay With Me Now

Fellas you are gonna need this, because the last thing you should be doing to goon like a pro is use your hands or use a sock

Go for the thinnest and cheapest possible ones, have atleast 4 for the session as there's definitely a chance you will need 2 per nut due to breakage by friction

3.Pillows + Bedding

Spoiler: Creating Pillowussy

Basic Stuff Fellas, you roll up your bed sheet/ comforter to the shape of a tube, tight enough to feel it with your dick but soft enough to make i feel like flesh. Then place it between the pillows and almost compress it to prevent it unwinding

4.Porn

Nothing To Be Said, I usually tune to CuckPov imagining my onetis and her best friend

5.Music

Search Up "Drunk Playlist" on spotify, have it playing seperately in the background or mi and match the sounds of the content in step 4.

TIMING AND STRATEGY

Spoiler: Where Everything Comes Togethor

You need to be tipsy enough but not drunk when you started going at it, based on research you would take a shot every 30-45 minutes. On top of getting you into a state of deeper relaxation, this will prolong yor session because you will start feeling less and less sensation down there.

IMPORTANT: I would ideally wan to be 20% in the Drunk to Blackout Stage By Time Of FIrst Nut ( Enjoy The Music Post Nut Till You Recharge)

Tips: Tune Into Your Favourite Netflix Movie While Recharging

NUT 2: If your dick isn't sore by now, you went towards nut 1 an absolute noob. This will feel way harder especially because you will be more drunk and less driven at the same time after the first bust, so I suggest upping the porn intensity to a split screen minimum or super situmulating caption images you will think abou with your eyes closed.

Additional

-Order Your Favorite High Fat Fast Food
-Have a lot of water ready to drink post nut to prevent crazy hangover
-Mix In Monster/ Redbull With Your Shots
- Put Up DIsco Lights on Your TV Screen and close it with a Towel, transparent enough to still show color in a room with no lights.

That's It Fellas. Enjoy

​

what are you going through rn...

 

[kiidz24]

2.Condoms​

Not reading further

 

[currymaxxer888]

Not reading further

CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH

 

[Lefty Rankin]

Look Fellas, Life can simply be too tough on us mortals sometimes, and this is the best solution I've found to get through those days where I simply fail to distract myself from the utter pointlessness of every fucking second we spend on earth.

Mandatory Background Music



What You Will Need

1. Alcohol

Spoiler: The RIght Amount

Well You Need Enough TO Get You Not Just Tipsy Bu Drunk.

However, It's safer to have enough alcohol to get blacked out incase you need it.

I would opt for the cheapest but strongest alcohol so I get the most bang for my buck.

For me it would usually be about 250ml of 33% vodka to get drunk, about 500ml to black out

2.Condoms

Spoiler: Stay With Me Now

Fellas you are gonna need this, because the last thing you should be doing to goon like a pro is use your hands or use a sock

Go for the thinnest and cheapest possible ones, have atleast 4 for the session as there's definitely a chance you will need 2 per nut due to breakage by friction

3.Pillows + Bedding

Spoiler: Creating Pillowussy

Basic Stuff Fellas, you roll up your bed sheet/ comforter to the shape of a tube, tight enough to feel it with your dick but soft enough to make i feel like flesh. Then place it between the pillows and almost compress it to prevent it unwinding

4.Porn

Nothing To Be Said, I usually tune to CuckPov imagining my onetis and her best friend

5.Music

Search Up "Drunk Playlist" on spotify, have it playing seperately in the background or mi and match the sounds of the content in step 4.

TIMING AND STRATEGY

Spoiler: Where Everything Comes Togethor

You need to be tipsy enough but not drunk when you started going at it, based on research you would take a shot every 30-45 minutes. On top of getting you into a state of deeper relaxation, this will prolong yor session because you will start feeling less and less sensation down there.

IMPORTANT: I would ideally wan to be 20% in the Drunk to Blackout Stage By Time Of FIrst Nut ( Enjoy The Music Post Nut Till You Recharge)

Tips: Tune Into Your Favourite Netflix Movie While Recharging

NUT 2: If your dick isn't sore by now, you went towards nut 1 an absolute noob. This will feel way harder especially because you will be more drunk and less driven at the same time after the first bust, so I suggest upping the porn intensity to a split screen minimum or super situmulating caption images you will think abou with your eyes closed.

Additional

-Order Your Favorite High Fat Fast Food
-Have a lot of water ready to drink post nut to prevent crazy hangover
-Mix In Monster/ Redbull With Your Shots
- Put Up DIsco Lights on Your TV Screen and close it with a Towel, transparent enough to still show color in a room with no lights.

That's It Fellas. Enjoy

​

Why do you drink alcohol when gooning? You're the amateur. You use stimulants for masterbation, not depressant.

I'll tell you how to have the real ultimate gooning session.

Things you'll need.

1. A hotel room where nobody will bother you for about a week.

2. A few grams of weed.

3. About 5 unused syringes still in the package.

4. Bottled water.

5. About $150 worth of crystal meth.

Spend about 5 days shooting up meth and gooning to porn. Smoke weed before injecting the meth. Use the bottled water melt down the crystals and shoot up with.