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ultimate guide to approaching women correctly.
alr ive seen a bunch of threads about this and most of them are either
“just be confident bhai”
or some 5000 word pickup artist shit explaining how to manipulate a girl into liking you
both are kinda useless imo
so this is just my take on it. im not some dating expert or whatever, just writing down what actually makes sense if you wanna get better at talking to women
1. stop treating women like a different species
probably the first thing you need to understand
a lot of guys get nervous around girls they find attractive because they stop seeing them as normal people
you see a girl you like and suddenly your brain starts going
“fuck what do i say”
“what if she rejects me”
“what if i look stupid”
“what if her friends laugh”
bhai she's literally just another person lol
she gets awkward too. she gets nervous too. she probably has her own shit going on in her head.
you're not supposed to perform for her.
you're just trying to find out if you actually get along.
2. confidence isnt being an asshole
some guys think confidence means acting like you're better than everyone
it doesnt
you dont need to be loud or act like some sigma character
real confidence is more like being able to say
“yeah im nervous but whatever, i'll say hi anyway”
you dont need to wait until you're completely fearless.
if you keep waiting until you feel confident enough, you'll probably keep making excuses forever.
3. stop looking for the perfect opener
this shit gets overcomplicated so much
“what's the best opener”
“what opener has the highest success rate”
“what do i say to a girl i find attractive”
there isnt some magic sentence that instantly makes someone attracted to you
if you're at school you can literally just say
“hey whats your name”
if you're at a club or activity
“have you been here before?”
if you're around mutual friends
“i dont think we've met before”
thats enough
the situation itself gives you stuff to talk about.
you don't need some pickup line you found on a forum from 2012.
4. dont treat it like a mission
if your only objective is
GET HER NUMBER
GET HER INSTAGRAM
GET GIRLFRIEND
then obviously you're gonna be nervous as fuck
instead just think
“she seems interesting, i'll talk to her and see what happens”
way less pressure
maybe you talk for 5 minutes and realize you have nothing in common
whatever
maybe you actually get along really well
nice
the point is you're finding out, not forcing an outcome.
5. body language
dont overthink this
just look reasonably relaxed
normal eye contact
normal posture
speak clearly
give her some personal space
dont stare at her from across the room for half an hour before approaching jfl
and please dont do that fake alpha thing where you're trying to look completely emotionless
you're talking to another human being, not negotiating a business deal.
6. learn how to have an actual conversation
this is honestly more important than the approach itself
some guys can finally approach and then immediately start asking random questions like they're filling out a form
“what music do you like”
“what school do you go to”
“what movies do you watch”
“what do you do”
bhai relax
actually respond to what she says
for example
her: “i play football”
you: “oh fr? what position?”
her: “midfield”
you: “nice, i play too but my defending is horrible lol”
now she has something to respond to
you're actually having a conversation instead of interviewing her.
7. listen to what she says
this sounds basic but its probably one of the biggest differences between good and bad conversationalists
if she says
“i went to Italy last summer”
dont just say
“cool”
ask something about it
“how was it?”
“what part did you go to?”
then maybe talk about somewhere you've been or somewhere you wanna visit
conversation should be back and forth
you say something
she says something
you react
she reacts
thats how it becomes natural
8. dont force jokes
you dont need to be funny every 10 seconds
if something funny happens, joke about it
if you're naturally a funny person, good
but dont turn the whole conversation into some comedy routine because you're scared of silence
pauses arent automatically awkward
sometimes you literally just need a second to think.
9. compliments
keep them normal
you dont need to walk up and say some huge speech about how beautiful she is
something simple like
“i like your style”
is completely fine
and dont compliment her every 30 seconds
also remember that a compliment isnt a trade
you saying something nice doesnt mean she owes you attention, her number or anything else.
10. reciprocity
this is one of the biggest things to pay attention to
conversation shouldnt feel like you're dragging a dead body around
if you're asking every question
starting every conversation
sending every message
making every plan
and basically doing all the work
then you're probably forcing it
if she's interested in talking, usually she'll contribute in some way too
maybe she asks questions
maybe she starts conversations
maybe she keeps the conversation going
people show interest differently so dont turn this into another checklist, just look at the overall vibe.
11. dont assume every nice girl likes you
a girl smiling at you doesnt automatically mean she's attracted
a girl laughing at your joke doesnt mean she wants your number
a girl being friendly doesnt automatically mean she's flirting
some people are just friendly
thats it
dont build an entire story in your head because someone looked at you twice.
12. rejection
this is where you can actually see someone's maturity
if she says no
just accept it
dont start asking
“why”
“are you sure”
“give me a chance”
“come on”
just say
“no worries”
and move on
getting rejected isnt some life ending event
sometimes someone just isnt interested
dwbi and move on.
13. dont become bitter
this happens way too much online
one guy gets rejected and suddenly he's writing a 14 page theory about how Foids are all the same (They are)
bhai jfl
one person not liking you doesnt prove anything about half the population
people have different preferences
you dont like every girl either
thats literally normal.
14. dont use manipulation
ignore her for 3 days
make her jealous
pretend you're talking to other girls
negging
make her insecure
all that shit gets sold as “game”
but its mostly just manipulation
if you're interested, you can show interest
if you're busy, reply later
if you're not interested, dont pretend
its not that complicated.
15. negging is dumb
for anyone who doesnt know, negging is basically insulting someone in a subtle way so they seek your approval
“you're pretty for a girl who dresses like that”
“i thought you'd be annoying but you're actually alright”
why would you even want to start something like that
if you need to make someone feel worse about themselves to make yourself feel attractive, thats not confidence.
16. dont pedestal women
this goes both ways
dont think
“shes a 10 so she's way above me”
but dont think
“women are beneath me”
either mindset is stupid
she's a person
you're a person
maybe you like each other
maybe you dont
move on if you dont.
17. improve your actual life
if you wanna get better with women, dont spend your whole day reading about women
go outside
play sports
make friends
join clubs
learn shit
have hobbies
talk to people you dont normally talk to
get comfortable socially
if your entire personality is “i need a girlfriend” you're probably gonna have a hard time being interesting to talk to.
18. looks obviously matter to some degree
lets be realistic
physical attraction exists
but dont reduce every interaction to some PSL score or facial rating
people experience your whole presence
your voice
your personality
your humor
your energy
your confidence
your kindness
your interests
your social skills
and just general compatibility
different people like different things anyway
there isnt one perfect face that every woman wants.
19. context matters
dont approach somebody when they're obviously busy or uncomfortable
someone wearing headphones and speedwalking somewhere probably isnt looking for a conversation
social environments are much easier
friends of friends
sports
clubs
school activities
hobbies
events
places where people are already socializing
there's already something you can talk about.
20. social calibration
basically learn when to continue and when to leave
if she's engaged, keep talking
if she's asking questions back, good
if you're both enjoying the conversation, good
if you're getting nothing but “yeah” “nah” “idk” then dont keep forcing it
if she says she has to go, let her go
if she says no, accept it
you dont have to analyze every single facial expression like you're solving a crime.
look at the whole interaction.
21. texting
dont lose your mind over texting
she didnt answer for 20 minutes?
relax
she gave you a short answer once?
relax
people have lives
dont send
“hello??”
“did i do something”
“why arent you answering”
after 10 minutes lol
go do something else.
22. asking for socials
if you've actually had a good conversation, just ask
“hey you seem cool, wanna exchange instas?”
simple
if she says yes, nice
if she says no, no problem
dont pressure her.
23. dont make dating your entire identity
this is probably the biggest thing here
wanting a girlfriend is fine
wanting to meet girls is fine
but dont make your entire life revolve around getting female attention
have friends
have goals
play sports
study
work on hobbies
build something
learn something
have your own shit going on
then you're not gonna feel like every interaction has to end with a relationship.
THE BASIC IDEA
notice someone you genuinely wanna talk to
dont sit there overthinking it for 30 minutes
say hi
introduce yourself
talk about whatever is actually happening around you
listen
share your own stuff
see if she's actually engaging too
if she is, keep talking
if she's not, dont force it
if the conversation goes well, ask for socials
if she says no, accept it
thats basically the whole thing
final thoughts
the funny part is the more you obsess over “game”, the worse you can actually become at talking to people
you start thinking
“did that lower attraction”
“should i wait 7 minutes before replying”
“did she look at me for 1.4 seconds”
“should i tease her now”
bhai just talk to the person
social skills arent 500 secret tricks
its being able to communicate without freaking out, listen to people, understand when they're interested, respect when they're not and not let one rejection destroy your ego
you dont need every woman to like you
you just need to be comfortable enough to meet people and eventually find people who actually like being around you
confidence isnt getting everyone
confidence is being fine with either outcome
yes? nice
no? whatever
dwbi
life goes on.
alr ive seen a bunch of threads about this and most of them are either
“just be confident bhai”
or some 5000 word pickup artist shit explaining how to manipulate a girl into liking you
both are kinda useless imo
so this is just my take on it. im not some dating expert or whatever, just writing down what actually makes sense if you wanna get better at talking to women
1. stop treating women like a different species
probably the first thing you need to understand
a lot of guys get nervous around girls they find attractive because they stop seeing them as normal people
you see a girl you like and suddenly your brain starts going
“fuck what do i say”
“what if she rejects me”
“what if i look stupid”
“what if her friends laugh”
bhai she's literally just another person lol
she gets awkward too. she gets nervous too. she probably has her own shit going on in her head.
you're not supposed to perform for her.
you're just trying to find out if you actually get along.
2. confidence isnt being an asshole
some guys think confidence means acting like you're better than everyone
it doesnt
you dont need to be loud or act like some sigma character
real confidence is more like being able to say
“yeah im nervous but whatever, i'll say hi anyway”
you dont need to wait until you're completely fearless.
if you keep waiting until you feel confident enough, you'll probably keep making excuses forever.
3. stop looking for the perfect opener
this shit gets overcomplicated so much
“what's the best opener”
“what opener has the highest success rate”
“what do i say to a girl i find attractive”
there isnt some magic sentence that instantly makes someone attracted to you
if you're at school you can literally just say
“hey whats your name”
if you're at a club or activity
“have you been here before?”
if you're around mutual friends
“i dont think we've met before”
thats enough
the situation itself gives you stuff to talk about.
you don't need some pickup line you found on a forum from 2012.
4. dont treat it like a mission
if your only objective is
GET HER NUMBER
GET HER INSTAGRAM
GET GIRLFRIEND
then obviously you're gonna be nervous as fuck
instead just think
“she seems interesting, i'll talk to her and see what happens”
way less pressure
maybe you talk for 5 minutes and realize you have nothing in common
whatever
maybe you actually get along really well
nice
the point is you're finding out, not forcing an outcome.
5. body language
dont overthink this
just look reasonably relaxed
normal eye contact
normal posture
speak clearly
give her some personal space
dont stare at her from across the room for half an hour before approaching jfl
and please dont do that fake alpha thing where you're trying to look completely emotionless
you're talking to another human being, not negotiating a business deal.
6. learn how to have an actual conversation
this is honestly more important than the approach itself
some guys can finally approach and then immediately start asking random questions like they're filling out a form
“what music do you like”
“what school do you go to”
“what movies do you watch”
“what do you do”
bhai relax
actually respond to what she says
for example
her: “i play football”
you: “oh fr? what position?”
her: “midfield”
you: “nice, i play too but my defending is horrible lol”
now she has something to respond to
you're actually having a conversation instead of interviewing her.
7. listen to what she says
this sounds basic but its probably one of the biggest differences between good and bad conversationalists
if she says
“i went to Italy last summer”
dont just say
“cool”
ask something about it
“how was it?”
“what part did you go to?”
then maybe talk about somewhere you've been or somewhere you wanna visit
conversation should be back and forth
you say something
she says something
you react
she reacts
thats how it becomes natural
8. dont force jokes
you dont need to be funny every 10 seconds
if something funny happens, joke about it
if you're naturally a funny person, good
but dont turn the whole conversation into some comedy routine because you're scared of silence
pauses arent automatically awkward
sometimes you literally just need a second to think.
9. compliments
keep them normal
you dont need to walk up and say some huge speech about how beautiful she is
something simple like
“i like your style”
is completely fine
and dont compliment her every 30 seconds
also remember that a compliment isnt a trade
you saying something nice doesnt mean she owes you attention, her number or anything else.
10. reciprocity
this is one of the biggest things to pay attention to
conversation shouldnt feel like you're dragging a dead body around
if you're asking every question
starting every conversation
sending every message
making every plan
and basically doing all the work
then you're probably forcing it
if she's interested in talking, usually she'll contribute in some way too
maybe she asks questions
maybe she starts conversations
maybe she keeps the conversation going
people show interest differently so dont turn this into another checklist, just look at the overall vibe.
11. dont assume every nice girl likes you
a girl smiling at you doesnt automatically mean she's attracted
a girl laughing at your joke doesnt mean she wants your number
a girl being friendly doesnt automatically mean she's flirting
some people are just friendly
thats it
dont build an entire story in your head because someone looked at you twice.
12. rejection
this is where you can actually see someone's maturity
if she says no
just accept it
dont start asking
“why”
“are you sure”
“give me a chance”
“come on”
just say
“no worries”
and move on
getting rejected isnt some life ending event
sometimes someone just isnt interested
dwbi and move on.
13. dont become bitter
this happens way too much online
one guy gets rejected and suddenly he's writing a 14 page theory about how Foids are all the same (They are
)bhai jfl
one person not liking you doesnt prove anything about half the population
people have different preferences
you dont like every girl either
thats literally normal.
14. dont use manipulation
ignore her for 3 days
make her jealous
pretend you're talking to other girls
negging
make her insecure
all that shit gets sold as “game”
but its mostly just manipulation
if you're interested, you can show interest
if you're busy, reply later
if you're not interested, dont pretend
its not that complicated.
15. negging is dumb
for anyone who doesnt know, negging is basically insulting someone in a subtle way so they seek your approval
“you're pretty for a girl who dresses like that”
“i thought you'd be annoying but you're actually alright”
why would you even want to start something like that
if you need to make someone feel worse about themselves to make yourself feel attractive, thats not confidence.
16. dont pedestal women
this goes both ways
dont think
“shes a 10 so she's way above me”
but dont think
“women are beneath me”
either mindset is stupid
she's a person
you're a person
maybe you like each other
maybe you dont
move on if you dont.
17. improve your actual life
if you wanna get better with women, dont spend your whole day reading about women
go outside
play sports
make friends
join clubs
learn shit
have hobbies
talk to people you dont normally talk to
get comfortable socially
if your entire personality is “i need a girlfriend” you're probably gonna have a hard time being interesting to talk to.
18. looks obviously matter to some degree
lets be realistic
physical attraction exists
but dont reduce every interaction to some PSL score or facial rating
people experience your whole presence
your voice
your personality
your humor
your energy
your confidence
your kindness
your interests
your social skills
and just general compatibility
different people like different things anyway
there isnt one perfect face that every woman wants.
19. context matters
dont approach somebody when they're obviously busy or uncomfortable
someone wearing headphones and speedwalking somewhere probably isnt looking for a conversation
social environments are much easier
friends of friends
sports
clubs
school activities
hobbies
events
places where people are already socializing
there's already something you can talk about.
20. social calibration
basically learn when to continue and when to leave
if she's engaged, keep talking
if she's asking questions back, good
if you're both enjoying the conversation, good
if you're getting nothing but “yeah” “nah” “idk” then dont keep forcing it
if she says she has to go, let her go
if she says no, accept it
you dont have to analyze every single facial expression like you're solving a crime.
look at the whole interaction.
21. texting
dont lose your mind over texting
she didnt answer for 20 minutes?
relax
she gave you a short answer once?
relax
people have lives
dont send
“hello??”
“did i do something”
“why arent you answering”
after 10 minutes lol
go do something else.
22. asking for socials
if you've actually had a good conversation, just ask
“hey you seem cool, wanna exchange instas?”
simple
if she says yes, nice
if she says no, no problem
dont pressure her.
23. dont make dating your entire identity
this is probably the biggest thing here
wanting a girlfriend is fine
wanting to meet girls is fine
but dont make your entire life revolve around getting female attention
have friends
have goals
play sports
study
work on hobbies
build something
learn something
have your own shit going on
then you're not gonna feel like every interaction has to end with a relationship.
THE BASIC IDEA
notice someone you genuinely wanna talk to
dont sit there overthinking it for 30 minutes
say hi
introduce yourself
talk about whatever is actually happening around you
listen
share your own stuff
see if she's actually engaging too
if she is, keep talking
if she's not, dont force it
if the conversation goes well, ask for socials
if she says no, accept it
thats basically the whole thing
final thoughts
the funny part is the more you obsess over “game”, the worse you can actually become at talking to people
you start thinking
“did that lower attraction”
“should i wait 7 minutes before replying”
“did she look at me for 1.4 seconds”
“should i tease her now”
bhai just talk to the person
social skills arent 500 secret tricks
its being able to communicate without freaking out, listen to people, understand when they're interested, respect when they're not and not let one rejection destroy your ego
you dont need every woman to like you
you just need to be comfortable enough to meet people and eventually find people who actually like being around you
confidence isnt getting everyone
confidence is being fine with either outcome
yes? nice
no? whatever
dwbi
life goes on.
