uoat rant before i end it

[uoat]

Im not sure really what im on here for, I dont know why im making this either, i guess its a way to say whats been bothering me or whats been on my mind anonymously before I go through. Im 17 turning 18 pretty soon, senior in high school.

Throughout my years of life, ever since i entered high school ive come to understand how much looks really matter, i have 'friends' but they arent really my friends i wouldnt say, they hang around me at school sure, play games with me online and whatever, but they make jokes of me call me ugly, find it funny to make comments on my terrible jaw from my receding chin.

They all hangout with one another, never have i been invited to actually go out with them, im only ever invited to play games, maybe because im good at them? Like valorant, fortnite, just random bull shit, i feel so used, and i know they are using me. They make fun of me, dont really like to interact lots with me outside of school, i cant even joke back with them if i do they instantly resort to bashing me about my looks.

My parents i feel like love me less and less as time goes on, we live in Canada and im really thankful for everything they have done for me even if they dont love me as much as they did before, but i wish there was just one time in life i could hear them or anyone in life say they are truly happy or proud of me.

Living in Canada recently the job market hasnt been to great yet i try, i got a job, worked long everyday, late night shifts even when i have school 6am in the morning due to extra classes for senior year. I was forced to quit a week ago due to my schedule change coming up for semester 2.

Ever since i quit work my parents seem to hate me even more than before. This realization grows more and more, i have a sister, she makes many mistakes in life and thats okay, however what bothers me so much is why I have to be beat every time i make a simple mistake, or I get beat because my parents dont let me speak, or i say a unfinished sentence and instantly anger takes over my parents.

Not one time in my life have i seen my sister even be slapped for doing wrongs/making mistakes or speaking back, its caused her to be so bold, she starts shifting her issues onto me when shes arguing with my parents which somehow leads me to being beat every time. I went to working out to escape from these issues, i went to games, i sometimes took allergy pills to make me fall asleep faster from all of this in my life.

I just dont know anymore, i truly dont know what to do no matter what i do i feel so insecure, hated upon, and unloved. Not one human have I interacted in person with, at school, or home. Not a singular person has felt like a true friend, nor have any of them ever made me feel like a human. Soon as i entered high school i realized how much looks really matter in life, i always thought it was money so i decided to learn how to make money i made thousands from 13 - 17 with a macbook my parents bought me for high school but who cares anymore for that.

Every single day when I walk into the bathroom I look at the mirror and i just look at my receding chin and think about how my 'friends' make comments on it and 'jokes'.

I dont think its about endurance anymore for me, i think im just tired of it all, the hate, the feeling of disapproval from my own parents, the comments/jokes from my 'friends', how they blatantly make plans right infront of me or leave me out of something. Im tired, ive never felt loved or appreciated as a person or for just being me by anyone and now im ready to kill my self. I plan on killing my self after my dad returns from his trip to our home country so I can atleast see him one last time. I really do wish looks didnt determine so many outcomes/scenarios in life.


Looks just determine too much in life imo, completely forgot to mention how my sister for the past year has been calling me out at home and saying "omg you cant be my brother your so ugly" "mom how did you give birth to someone so ugly" "dont talk to me when im with my friends", and these comments and the loss of interest from my parents has caused my own mother to 'jokingly' say im adopted from time to time.

 

[BR32]

DNR wall of text

reformat this and I'll read it

 

[TopTierIncel42]

Read everything. My advice would be to stop trying to make them happy and aim for happiness yourself

 

[lowknormalguy]

Im not sure really what im on here for, I dont know why im making this either, i guess its a way to say whats been bothering me or whats been on my mind anonymously before I go through. Im 17 turning 18 pretty soon, senior in high school.

Throughout my years of life, ever since i entered high school ive come to understand how much looks really matter, i have 'friends' but they arent really my friends i wouldnt say, they hang around me at school sure, play games with me online and whatever, but they make jokes of me call me ugly, find it funny to make comments on my terrible jaw from my receding chin.

They all hangout with one another, never have i been invited to actually go out with them, im only ever invited to play games, maybe because im good at them? Like valorant, fortnite, just random bull shit, i feel so used, and i know they are using me. They make fun of me, dont really like to interact lots with me outside of school, i cant even joke back with them if i do they instantly resort to bashing me about my looks.

My parents i feel like love me less and less as time goes on, we live in Canada and im really thankful for everything they have done for me even if they dont love me as much as they did before, but i wish there was just one time in life i could hear them or anyone in life say they are truly happy or proud of me.

Living in Canada recently the job market hasnt been to great yet i try, i got a job, worked long everyday, late night shifts even when i have school 6am in the morning due to extra classes for senior year. I was forced to quit a week ago due to my schedule change coming up for semester 2.

Ever since i quit work my parents seem to hate me even more than before. This realization grows more and more, i have a sister, she makes many mistakes in life and thats okay, however what bothers me so much is why I have to be beat every time i make a simple mistake, or I get beat because my parents dont let me speak, or i say a unfinished sentence and instantly anger takes over my parents.

Not one time in my life have i seen my sister even be slapped for doing wrongs/making mistakes or speaking back, its caused her to be so bold, she starts shifting her issues onto me when shes arguing with my parents which somehow leads me to being beat every time. I went to working out to escape from these issues, i went to games, i sometimes took allergy pills to make me fall asleep faster from all of this in my life.

I just dont know anymore, i truly dont know what to do no matter what i do i feel so insecure, hated upon, and unloved. Not one human have I interacted in person with, at school, or home. Not a singular person has felt like a true friend, nor have any of them ever made me feel like a human. Soon as i entered high school i realized how much looks really matter in life, i always thought it was money so i decided to learn how to make money i made thousands from 13 - 17 with a macbook my parents bought me for high school but who cares anymore for that.

Every single day when I walk into the bathroom I look at the mirror and i just look at my receding chin and think about how my 'friends' make comments on it and 'jokes'.

I dont think its about endurance anymore for me, i think im just tired of it all, the hate, the feeling of disapproval from my own parents, the comments/jokes from my 'friends', how they blatantly make plans right infront of me or leave me out of something. Im tired, ive never felt loved or appreciated as a person or for just being me by anyone and now im ready to kill my self. I plan on killing my self after my dad returns from his trip to our home country so I can atleast see him one last time. I really do wish looks didnt determine so many outcomes/scenarios in life.

Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You’re here in this forum for a reason, use their disrespect as a motivation to be the best ver. of yourself
Also, other people’s opinion does NOT matter, you can’t make everyone happy, do not seek for their validation. Seek happiness yourself my friend

 

[h1rumirinx]

Ropefuel sorry you have been through all this

 

[Prøphet]

This too shall pass.

 

[uoat]

Don’t feel sorry for yourself. You’re here in this forum for a reason, use their disrespect as a motivation to be the best ver. of yourself
Also, other people’s opinion does NOT matter, you can’t make everyone happy, do not seek for their validation. Seek happiness yourself my friend

Read everything. My advice would be to stop trying to make them happy and aim for happiness yourself

Yeah Ive done a lot of stuff to find happiness for myself, ive learned languages in my spare time which is some what fun like japanese, ive played games like valorant and hit radiant, ive worked out improved my body, just sat down listen to music. There is things in life that have been fun gave me happiness but at some point ive just gotten tired of it. My receding jaw oh well i cant control that growing up whatever fuck all, im just so tired of it all.

 

[lowknormalguy]

Yeah Ive done a lot of stuff to find happiness for myself, ive learned languages in my spare time which is some what fun like japanese, ive played games like valorant and hit radiant, ive worked out improved my body, just sat down listen to music. There is things in life that have been fun gave me happiness but at some point ive just gotten tired of it. My receding jaw oh well i cant control that growing up whatever fuck all, im just so tired of it all.

never lose hope brother try to look good you could be the exception that a girl will love you for who you truly are

 

[TopTierIncel42]

Yeah Ive done a lot of stuff to find happiness for myself, ive learned languages in my spare time which is some what fun like japanese, ive played games like valorant and hit radiant, ive worked out improved my body, just sat down listen to music. There is things in life that have been fun gave me happiness but at some point ive just gotten tired of it. My receding jaw oh well i cant control that growing up whatever fuck all, im just so tired of it all.

Trust and listen to me well. Instead of short term motivation, use it for long term and promise yourself that you will change. I am facing similar problems and planning to cut off my family but currently I am using my hate to motivate me to be better in school and myself. Also got a savings which I will use for surgery. Use that hate for long term motivation and if you kys they will win.

 

[uoat]

Trust and listen to me well. Instead of short term motivation, use it for long term and promise yourself that you will change. I am facing similar problems and planning to cut off my family but currently I am using my hate to motivate me to be better in school and myself. Also got a savings which I will use for surgery. Use that hate for long term motivation and if you kys they will win.

never lose hope brother try to look good you could be the exception that a girl will love you for who you truly are

Im just too affected by the thoughts of others, even though i know i shouldn't be lol, maybe i created this account to post my self and see how i can fix my insecurities but i think the fact i know some 'friends' of mine are always on here scares me the fact i might be caught. Idk im young im 17 but, from personal experience as ive grown older ive just been more prone to judgement not sure why honestly lol. Ive sat down and thought about it, why do we all exist what exactly is our purpose? Live, go to school, learn, find something fun, start a family, then do the same for your kids, retire, do fun things, then wait for the day you die. It just doesnt matter, if i die its one less person my family needs to pay expenses for, so what if i can get away from my family, start my own family, id rather not have a offspring have my genes. I feel as if my own child would hate me for being their father. But i guess everyones thoughts on a matter like this is different lol, no individual is the same as another.

 

[TopTierIncel42]

Im just too affected by the thoughts of others, even though i know i shouldn't be lol, maybe i created this account to post my self and see how i can fix my insecurities but i think the fact i know some 'friends' of mine are always on here scares me the fact i might be caught. Idk im young im 17 but, from personal experience as ive grown older ive just been more prone to judgement not sure why honestly lol. Ive sat down and thought about it, why do we all exist what exactly is our purpose? Live, go to school, learn, find something fun, start a family, then do the same for your kids, retire, do fun things, then wait for the day you die. It just doesnt matter, if i die its one less person my family needs to pay expenses for, so what if i can get away from my family, start my own family, id rather not have a offspring have my genes. I feel as if my own child would hate me for being their father. But i guess everyones thoughts on a matter like this is different lol, no individual is the same as another.

Live to prove them wrong. That is what drives me to wake up and do the best I can. I fucking hate most of my family members for being backstabbing and greedy assholes. But that fucking hatred makes me want to prove them wrong by doing all I can.