Deleted member 6403
Made It Out The Hood
- Joined
- Apr 14, 2020
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Original thread:
I received a plethora of good advice. The loose consensus was to let her know I was uncomfortable with it. We ended up having a surprisingly lengthy discussion. Her intention was to continue the conversation, but also to be upfront and honest about having a fwb. She admitted it probably came across as tactless. I would've preferred not to know as I assume people are dating others until exclusivity, plus I only want to discuss sexual exclusivity when it becomes relevant. The problem's that her fwb was brought up straight away, which forced me to find out if she'd be looking to be exclusive with the right person in the future. She said she would, but wasn't going to give up a recently formed arrangement, particularly for someone she's just met. I agreed it's way too early for me to ask much of anything at this point and I wasn't going to.
She's being intimate with someone in ways - physically and (to a degree) emotionally - that I'd be looking to ultimately share with someone exclusively. It's not just dating others - It's a sexual relationship. I'm sexually monogamous; proceeding knowing she's sleeping with someone compromises on my personal boundaries too much. It's too conflicting and difficult to get emotionally invested knowing she's having sex with someone as I'm getting to know her. it's also not fair for either of us for me to have a barrier up until she potentially ends that.
I voiced these thoughts. Her messages back were long, thoughtful, honest, and notably trying to reassure me. She also tried to reassure me further by saying she might not see him for 1-2 months. Honestly, that helped a little, but the principle remained the same - she still wants that arrangement. Ultimately we reached a stalemate - there'd be no way to proceed we'd both be happy with. We've called it off for now, but agreed to stay in touch.
I don't feel like I gained anything, but just lost something. I feel down about it.
I received a plethora of good advice. The loose consensus was to let her know I was uncomfortable with it. We ended up having a surprisingly lengthy discussion. Her intention was to continue the conversation, but also to be upfront and honest about having a fwb. She admitted it probably came across as tactless. I would've preferred not to know as I assume people are dating others until exclusivity, plus I only want to discuss sexual exclusivity when it becomes relevant. The problem's that her fwb was brought up straight away, which forced me to find out if she'd be looking to be exclusive with the right person in the future. She said she would, but wasn't going to give up a recently formed arrangement, particularly for someone she's just met. I agreed it's way too early for me to ask much of anything at this point and I wasn't going to.
She's being intimate with someone in ways - physically and (to a degree) emotionally - that I'd be looking to ultimately share with someone exclusively. It's not just dating others - It's a sexual relationship. I'm sexually monogamous; proceeding knowing she's sleeping with someone compromises on my personal boundaries too much. It's too conflicting and difficult to get emotionally invested knowing she's having sex with someone as I'm getting to know her. it's also not fair for either of us for me to have a barrier up until she potentially ends that.
I voiced these thoughts. Her messages back were long, thoughtful, honest, and notably trying to reassure me. She also tried to reassure me further by saying she might not see him for 1-2 months. Honestly, that helped a little, but the principle remained the same - she still wants that arrangement. Ultimately we reached a stalemate - there'd be no way to proceed we'd both be happy with. We've called it off for now, but agreed to stay in touch.
I don't feel like I gained anything, but just lost something. I feel down about it.
