Squeeb1
Iron
- Joined
- Apr 21, 2026
- Posts
- 35
- Reputation
- 33
I want to vent about random bullshit but it is corny as fuck
I have no reason to feel any negativity at all i am as privileged as they come
I am eighteen, graduating high school this year. I am going to a semi decent college, it is pretty large and located in a city. I have never lived in a city nor used metro very much but I figured it would be good if i forced myself to grow up a little and learn some independence this way. My family does nothing but support me and I have never been abused in any way.
My two best friend are both going to RPI. They will be engineers, and they are doing pretty good right now. They had around 4.0 GPA's while mine is 3.6. I did not get accepted into RPI.
I have known these guys my whole life and we are in a pretty large friend group. They both have girlfriends, and they are nice people. They are also above average in looks. As the years went by through high school, they became more physically attractive and taller. I never really worried about there being such a gap since I was probably more fit then them and ate better as well. Unfortunately, my height capped out at 5'7 in my Sophomore year, but I didn't know that yet. I was also recessed as fuck, and never really thought much about that either. However, nearing my junior year they both got girlfriends. I never had an issue with being socially awkward, so I assumed I would not have much trouble getting into a relationship naturally like all my friends. It was kind of a hit to my self image when every time a girl came up to us they would talk to either of my friends before me though. It happened more then enough for me to realize that this wasn't a coincidence.
At this point, I really wanted a girlfriend. I thought that a romantic partner would "complete" me or something. I assumed that a partner would offer security and trust and stuff. I had this image in my head that when two people love each other, it can't be broken easily and it transcends other emotions all together. I thought I deserved it too. And I REALLY wanted this. My family obviously was wondering why I wasn't with someone yet.
This led to me becoming obsessed pretty fast. I idolized women in an unhealthy way, and my friends noticed the change. I got into retarded black pill content that told me that my face and appearance was scum and the reason I struggled getting a girlfriend was because I was not very pleasant to look at. I'm not trying to say this any of this is untrue, but its not fun to figure that out.
A series of retarded talking stages followed. I was pretty desperate. My friends hated talking about girls with me because they had no idea what the fuck i was talking about at this point (Junior Year). I was talking about some bullshit recession and hypergamy and height. It drove them away from me for a while. My interactions with women got super awkward at this point to because I felt like every moment a girl was looking at me it was my duty to make myself as presentable and attractive as possible. Every girl I talked to rejected me, and I began steadily getting less awkward by shredding my dignity apart and reaching new lows. I stopped going the the gym because muscles would only make my 5'7 frame wider and look shorter. I stopped eating breakfast and lunch in hopes to tighten my face. Unfortunately, my hairline also started declining at the same time to a hugely noticeable amount. I probably hated women at this point without realizing it as well.
At the end of my junior year, I went on a summer vacation with my two best friends after I convinced my aunt (who was pretty rich at the time) to take all of us to Italy. I planned it a year and a half beforehand, when I was closer with my two friends. But I wasn't that mad about it, I was looking forward to this trip. I knew that they lost respect for me but we still enjoyed each others company.
It became clear pretty fast that they had gotten closer quickly. After I fucked myself with BP content, my grades dropped the year prior. They took more classes together and I was left behind. It wasn't anyone's fault but my own, so I can't really be mad about it. I was kind of the butt of most of their jokes and was "the little guy". I stood between them like a child would with their parents. I got mad a lot and felt betrayed a lot multiple times on the trip because of small jokes. Looking back, I just made it worse for myself by showing I was angry, and the jokes weren't anything to be worked up over. My fragile brain couldn't bare it at the time though.
After the vacation, I spent a bit more time with one of the two friends, just gaming and occasionally bouldering. My other friend could barely go out because of his gf (who is insane, but that is a different story.) I did not hate my friend for teasing me or seeing me as lesser. He didn't always, and this made me learn that friends are temporary and personalities are less solid then I thought. Opinions can change instantly depending on who your around or what your doing at any given moment. Code switching is a normal thing everyone does and something you have to live with. In this case, I accepted I was going to be seen as "lesser" in crowd-situations, and my "greater" peers aren't obligated to stand up for me or resist the urge to make jokes they know will upset me at my expense. It is my duty to respond how a normal person would in the situation and continue it in a normal manner without looking like a raging manlet.
Mid--end of summer, I finally started talking to a girl who would become my girlfriend for a year. She was a friend of a friend and lived pretty far away. I was excited because I thought I would lose my virginity at 17, and I could catch up to my peers. But what I was most excited for was the fact I could possibly end every day knowing there was someone I could totally trust and love. That had been the end goal since the beginning. We talked a lot daily, but couldn't meet often since she lived so far. But one day she offered to take a train down and get an uber to my house to visit (I was a chud without my full license here). I was pretty excited, and made sure I was home alone when she would get here. As soon as she got to my house, she made the first move. I was pretty happy. Unfortunately, my mom came home from work early. Although we were just on the couch laying together, it was still obviously awkward since I never mentioned her. Thankfully my goated mom did not ask questions (she is the type to want to know everything about her sons partner) and we just went upstairs. After she left, I still didn't speak to my mom about it. I had been pretty awkward when it came to girls and my parents probably noticed, so she most likely didn't want to pry. The only interaction I had with my parents involving this girl afterwards was my dad handing me a fistful of condoms without saying a word which is funny but not that funny because he gave me a nasty look while handing them off.
I would go on to see this girl a few times after, and it became clear that she was pretty obsessed with me. I liked her to, but for some reason I didn't tell anyone about her really for the months we were talking. I stopped watching porn while we were dating. It felt good, but it the relationship didn't feel how I thought it would. I wasn't interested in any of her interest, and she took up many of my interest. I felt bad. No one knew I was talking to her and I was dead set on keeping this relationship a secret. I still don't really know why I did this. I think it was because she was a little bit chubbier in real life compared to her pictures. I also felt intense dread at the thought of introducing her to my parents. On top of all this, I was expected (naturally) to bring her to prom in front of my friend group who was supposed to know who she was. My grades dropped a bit further during this time as I was also diverting most of my time to messaging her in my free time. She was a little insane and would get upset if on delivered for over 20 minutes, which at first I found attractive, but that attraction faded quickly. However, I could not bring myself to end things. I tried to, a few times, but she was the only person I was speaking to. I knew from the summer trip as well as other experiences friends and peers are not expected to pretend to care about your thoughts and feelings, not like a girlfriend would. That is what "Love" is for.
We never had sex. She wasn't ugly whatsoever either she was way out of my league. She wanted to have sex, but I would always find a way to end the interaction. We did everything but sex. It isn't like i have a micro penis or anything, I just would feel terrible if I fucked her while, at the same time was planning to get out of the relationship. She told me every day she couldn't see a tomorrow without me. I sound like a retard saying this I promise I am not a narcissist. I felt terrible and I still do. I did not really understand why I wanted to end things either, so when she asked, I could never give a clear answer, which revealed to her just how much of a jerk I am.
On valentines day, I came to see her. It was a big deal since I just got my license and I was not a safe driver at all. I have had no feelings for her for months at this point, however I dreaded the conversation of a breakup and was to pussy to say what I really thought. We got food and she was happy until I got a call from a super duper old ex talking stage I used to be desperate for in my prime incel days. She noticed, and I told her, and she cried for the remaining hours until I went home. I ended things a few weeks later, as prom was now only months away and I knew there was no avoiding the conversation any longer. I did not feel attached to her after ending things. Although there was no one for me to talk to, I felt healthier then I have in a long time.
This experience was pretty important.
It definitely erased any sexism I had.
I don't want ever want a partner in the future. Women are just men with vaginas and slightly different hormones. The fact that everyone watches porn, has a dream partner with an ideal physical appearance is disgusting. Men on this site do not see how hypocritical they are. Everyone wants to look attractive for 1 or more of these 3 reasons. Sex, Respect and Presence. If you are attractive, you are naturally going to want an attractive partner. That is because they bring you the most pleasure. If two people are in a relationship, even if they both look decent, they are still going to have wants and needs for higher highs. It is legitimately human nature.
Women are often more attractive then men.
This is because they do not usually need a specific bone structure like men do (For example, a recessed women can still get plenty of dudes while a recessed man is fucked for life). There is makeup and multiple industries catering to women's beauty.
Men are expected to be "Natural". This includes height and a sharp face. You are frowned upon for wearing height boosters or applying makeup. Dyeing your hair is social suicide enough.
This is also where the "Top ten percent of men get ninety percent of women" quote comes from.
Love is a myth. People build temporary relationships on temporary feelings. If you are attractive, you get a slight advantage where people "want" to be in love with you. They can't help it. Nothing can fix this. This is how people and the rest of the animal kingdom works. It is unfortunate evolution hit the stage where it created me, and 18 year old white man posting about his pampered life on a site built on self pity. I'm not saying any of this because i am salty and i miss my girl or whatever I truly feel like i have hit incel enlightenment.
And if anyone is wondering right now "duddde, your saying all this but you had a girl obsessed with you and you broke it off" your retarded. Both men and women are hooked on things they think are out of their reach. She was obsessed with me because she was afraid I was going to cut her off. She never showed more "love" than that period. But like I have said, it's not like you can blame her or anyone for feeling that way its just how our brains work.
Anyways, Prom is this Friday. I am not taking anyone obviously but Ill be sitting at a table with a few of my friends. I have no regrets. I just don't know where to go from here.
I am going to a college this summer. I most likely will not see anyone here again. I don't have any passions I can make a living off of. I am supposed to be majoring in computer science. I am a 5'7 balding ginger recessed man and I know suicide will break my family apart. I don't think I would have trouble making friends, or meeting new people in college, but I am at a loss on where to go from here. I can't forsee a future where I make the people I care about proud, and I truly would end things if it were socially acceptable to do so. My ideal life is to live as comfortably as possible, with the least amount of suffering. I cant be a bum and do nothing with my life, because that would make me less comfortable because of the guilt Id feel for disappointing my parents. But still, I cant work to achieve anything more because it is nothing but suffering ahead of me, even if it is minuscule.
I sound like a massive incel this is terrible.
It should be known that I have felt this way for many months its not like a phase or anything this will not go away if that counts for something im not trying to have a spurratic tantrum.
This is probably the corniest thing Ill ever write. I know everything I have said is common knowledge to like everyone reading this I just felt like writing it down just in case.
I have no reason to feel any negativity at all i am as privileged as they come
I am eighteen, graduating high school this year. I am going to a semi decent college, it is pretty large and located in a city. I have never lived in a city nor used metro very much but I figured it would be good if i forced myself to grow up a little and learn some independence this way. My family does nothing but support me and I have never been abused in any way.
My two best friend are both going to RPI. They will be engineers, and they are doing pretty good right now. They had around 4.0 GPA's while mine is 3.6. I did not get accepted into RPI.
I have known these guys my whole life and we are in a pretty large friend group. They both have girlfriends, and they are nice people. They are also above average in looks. As the years went by through high school, they became more physically attractive and taller. I never really worried about there being such a gap since I was probably more fit then them and ate better as well. Unfortunately, my height capped out at 5'7 in my Sophomore year, but I didn't know that yet. I was also recessed as fuck, and never really thought much about that either. However, nearing my junior year they both got girlfriends. I never had an issue with being socially awkward, so I assumed I would not have much trouble getting into a relationship naturally like all my friends. It was kind of a hit to my self image when every time a girl came up to us they would talk to either of my friends before me though. It happened more then enough for me to realize that this wasn't a coincidence.
At this point, I really wanted a girlfriend. I thought that a romantic partner would "complete" me or something. I assumed that a partner would offer security and trust and stuff. I had this image in my head that when two people love each other, it can't be broken easily and it transcends other emotions all together. I thought I deserved it too. And I REALLY wanted this. My family obviously was wondering why I wasn't with someone yet.
This led to me becoming obsessed pretty fast. I idolized women in an unhealthy way, and my friends noticed the change. I got into retarded black pill content that told me that my face and appearance was scum and the reason I struggled getting a girlfriend was because I was not very pleasant to look at. I'm not trying to say this any of this is untrue, but its not fun to figure that out.
A series of retarded talking stages followed. I was pretty desperate. My friends hated talking about girls with me because they had no idea what the fuck i was talking about at this point (Junior Year). I was talking about some bullshit recession and hypergamy and height. It drove them away from me for a while. My interactions with women got super awkward at this point to because I felt like every moment a girl was looking at me it was my duty to make myself as presentable and attractive as possible. Every girl I talked to rejected me, and I began steadily getting less awkward by shredding my dignity apart and reaching new lows. I stopped going the the gym because muscles would only make my 5'7 frame wider and look shorter. I stopped eating breakfast and lunch in hopes to tighten my face. Unfortunately, my hairline also started declining at the same time to a hugely noticeable amount. I probably hated women at this point without realizing it as well.
At the end of my junior year, I went on a summer vacation with my two best friends after I convinced my aunt (who was pretty rich at the time) to take all of us to Italy. I planned it a year and a half beforehand, when I was closer with my two friends. But I wasn't that mad about it, I was looking forward to this trip. I knew that they lost respect for me but we still enjoyed each others company.
It became clear pretty fast that they had gotten closer quickly. After I fucked myself with BP content, my grades dropped the year prior. They took more classes together and I was left behind. It wasn't anyone's fault but my own, so I can't really be mad about it. I was kind of the butt of most of their jokes and was "the little guy". I stood between them like a child would with their parents. I got mad a lot and felt betrayed a lot multiple times on the trip because of small jokes. Looking back, I just made it worse for myself by showing I was angry, and the jokes weren't anything to be worked up over. My fragile brain couldn't bare it at the time though.
After the vacation, I spent a bit more time with one of the two friends, just gaming and occasionally bouldering. My other friend could barely go out because of his gf (who is insane, but that is a different story.) I did not hate my friend for teasing me or seeing me as lesser. He didn't always, and this made me learn that friends are temporary and personalities are less solid then I thought. Opinions can change instantly depending on who your around or what your doing at any given moment. Code switching is a normal thing everyone does and something you have to live with. In this case, I accepted I was going to be seen as "lesser" in crowd-situations, and my "greater" peers aren't obligated to stand up for me or resist the urge to make jokes they know will upset me at my expense. It is my duty to respond how a normal person would in the situation and continue it in a normal manner without looking like a raging manlet.
Mid--end of summer, I finally started talking to a girl who would become my girlfriend for a year. She was a friend of a friend and lived pretty far away. I was excited because I thought I would lose my virginity at 17, and I could catch up to my peers. But what I was most excited for was the fact I could possibly end every day knowing there was someone I could totally trust and love. That had been the end goal since the beginning. We talked a lot daily, but couldn't meet often since she lived so far. But one day she offered to take a train down and get an uber to my house to visit (I was a chud without my full license here). I was pretty excited, and made sure I was home alone when she would get here. As soon as she got to my house, she made the first move. I was pretty happy. Unfortunately, my mom came home from work early. Although we were just on the couch laying together, it was still obviously awkward since I never mentioned her. Thankfully my goated mom did not ask questions (she is the type to want to know everything about her sons partner) and we just went upstairs. After she left, I still didn't speak to my mom about it. I had been pretty awkward when it came to girls and my parents probably noticed, so she most likely didn't want to pry. The only interaction I had with my parents involving this girl afterwards was my dad handing me a fistful of condoms without saying a word which is funny but not that funny because he gave me a nasty look while handing them off.
I would go on to see this girl a few times after, and it became clear that she was pretty obsessed with me. I liked her to, but for some reason I didn't tell anyone about her really for the months we were talking. I stopped watching porn while we were dating. It felt good, but it the relationship didn't feel how I thought it would. I wasn't interested in any of her interest, and she took up many of my interest. I felt bad. No one knew I was talking to her and I was dead set on keeping this relationship a secret. I still don't really know why I did this. I think it was because she was a little bit chubbier in real life compared to her pictures. I also felt intense dread at the thought of introducing her to my parents. On top of all this, I was expected (naturally) to bring her to prom in front of my friend group who was supposed to know who she was. My grades dropped a bit further during this time as I was also diverting most of my time to messaging her in my free time. She was a little insane and would get upset if on delivered for over 20 minutes, which at first I found attractive, but that attraction faded quickly. However, I could not bring myself to end things. I tried to, a few times, but she was the only person I was speaking to. I knew from the summer trip as well as other experiences friends and peers are not expected to pretend to care about your thoughts and feelings, not like a girlfriend would. That is what "Love" is for.
We never had sex. She wasn't ugly whatsoever either she was way out of my league. She wanted to have sex, but I would always find a way to end the interaction. We did everything but sex. It isn't like i have a micro penis or anything, I just would feel terrible if I fucked her while, at the same time was planning to get out of the relationship. She told me every day she couldn't see a tomorrow without me. I sound like a retard saying this I promise I am not a narcissist. I felt terrible and I still do. I did not really understand why I wanted to end things either, so when she asked, I could never give a clear answer, which revealed to her just how much of a jerk I am.
On valentines day, I came to see her. It was a big deal since I just got my license and I was not a safe driver at all. I have had no feelings for her for months at this point, however I dreaded the conversation of a breakup and was to pussy to say what I really thought. We got food and she was happy until I got a call from a super duper old ex talking stage I used to be desperate for in my prime incel days. She noticed, and I told her, and she cried for the remaining hours until I went home. I ended things a few weeks later, as prom was now only months away and I knew there was no avoiding the conversation any longer. I did not feel attached to her after ending things. Although there was no one for me to talk to, I felt healthier then I have in a long time.
This experience was pretty important.
It definitely erased any sexism I had.
I don't want ever want a partner in the future. Women are just men with vaginas and slightly different hormones. The fact that everyone watches porn, has a dream partner with an ideal physical appearance is disgusting. Men on this site do not see how hypocritical they are. Everyone wants to look attractive for 1 or more of these 3 reasons. Sex, Respect and Presence. If you are attractive, you are naturally going to want an attractive partner. That is because they bring you the most pleasure. If two people are in a relationship, even if they both look decent, they are still going to have wants and needs for higher highs. It is legitimately human nature.
Women are often more attractive then men.
This is because they do not usually need a specific bone structure like men do (For example, a recessed women can still get plenty of dudes while a recessed man is fucked for life). There is makeup and multiple industries catering to women's beauty.
Men are expected to be "Natural". This includes height and a sharp face. You are frowned upon for wearing height boosters or applying makeup. Dyeing your hair is social suicide enough.
This is also where the "Top ten percent of men get ninety percent of women" quote comes from.
Love is a myth. People build temporary relationships on temporary feelings. If you are attractive, you get a slight advantage where people "want" to be in love with you. They can't help it. Nothing can fix this. This is how people and the rest of the animal kingdom works. It is unfortunate evolution hit the stage where it created me, and 18 year old white man posting about his pampered life on a site built on self pity. I'm not saying any of this because i am salty and i miss my girl or whatever I truly feel like i have hit incel enlightenment.
And if anyone is wondering right now "duddde, your saying all this but you had a girl obsessed with you and you broke it off" your retarded. Both men and women are hooked on things they think are out of their reach. She was obsessed with me because she was afraid I was going to cut her off. She never showed more "love" than that period. But like I have said, it's not like you can blame her or anyone for feeling that way its just how our brains work.
Anyways, Prom is this Friday. I am not taking anyone obviously but Ill be sitting at a table with a few of my friends. I have no regrets. I just don't know where to go from here.
I am going to a college this summer. I most likely will not see anyone here again. I don't have any passions I can make a living off of. I am supposed to be majoring in computer science. I am a 5'7 balding ginger recessed man and I know suicide will break my family apart. I don't think I would have trouble making friends, or meeting new people in college, but I am at a loss on where to go from here. I can't forsee a future where I make the people I care about proud, and I truly would end things if it were socially acceptable to do so. My ideal life is to live as comfortably as possible, with the least amount of suffering. I cant be a bum and do nothing with my life, because that would make me less comfortable because of the guilt Id feel for disappointing my parents. But still, I cant work to achieve anything more because it is nothing but suffering ahead of me, even if it is minuscule.
I sound like a massive incel this is terrible.
It should be known that I have felt this way for many months its not like a phase or anything this will not go away if that counts for something im not trying to have a spurratic tantrum.
This is probably the corniest thing Ill ever write. I know everything I have said is common knowledge to like everyone reading this I just felt like writing it down just in case.
