EliS111
Bronze
- Joined
- Feb 11, 2024
- Posts
- 336
- Reputation
- 210
I’m about to turn 22 and still haven’t had a girlfriend. I haven’t tried and that’s not because I’m scared of rejection, but because they might actually give me a chance. Talking to them, knowing that they see my obviously deformed face while pretending they don’t, silently judging and cringing, is what scares me. I hate silent judgment and observation, and if I do get a girlfriend, I know that’s what will happen. She would have to spend the whole relationship pretending she finds me attractive, even though I’m objectively ugly, because that’s what’s socially acceptable. I just want to be beautiful.
That’s why I spend a lot of my free time each day taking photos of myself, trying to figure out what I really look like, and convincing myself that I’m not as ugly as I think. The rest of my free time I spend researching endlessly on lookmax.org and Reddit, trying to figure out the perfect combination of surgeries to reverse the effects of mouth breathing. If I’m not doing that, I’m posting my face online because I want to know how people really see me, and I want them to judge me realistically and objectively which I know people on this forum will do.
I also know what I have to do to “ascend,” but I still endlessly research the best surgeons and surgeries because the internet is endless with information, and it gives me hope that maybe I’ll find the ultimate fix. The problem is that there’s no real fix, and the best solution is simply finding a good surgeon who knows what they’re doing. The dream of getting surgery is just a dream, because it’s super expensive, recovery takes time, it’s risky, and most of all, people will judge me and think I’m vain for doing it. I’m not ugly enough for it to be socially acceptable, and the people close to me would seriously question my decision if I went through with it.
So the question is: do I say “fuck it” and get surgery, or do I accept the way I look and go from there?
That’s why I spend a lot of my free time each day taking photos of myself, trying to figure out what I really look like, and convincing myself that I’m not as ugly as I think. The rest of my free time I spend researching endlessly on lookmax.org and Reddit, trying to figure out the perfect combination of surgeries to reverse the effects of mouth breathing. If I’m not doing that, I’m posting my face online because I want to know how people really see me, and I want them to judge me realistically and objectively which I know people on this forum will do.
I also know what I have to do to “ascend,” but I still endlessly research the best surgeons and surgeries because the internet is endless with information, and it gives me hope that maybe I’ll find the ultimate fix. The problem is that there’s no real fix, and the best solution is simply finding a good surgeon who knows what they’re doing. The dream of getting surgery is just a dream, because it’s super expensive, recovery takes time, it’s risky, and most of all, people will judge me and think I’m vain for doing it. I’m not ugly enough for it to be socially acceptable, and the people close to me would seriously question my decision if I went through with it.
So the question is: do I say “fuck it” and get surgery, or do I accept the way I look and go from there?
