F
fxenda
Iron
- Joined
- Feb 26, 2026
- Posts
- 12
- Reputation
- 6
i grew up on the internet since like 8 and ive always wanted to be better than others, i have undiagnosed npd. since middle school i tried to do things that make me better than others cause its the only way for me to get attention, to have something others dont. i would always go from friend group to friend group even if it lasted for years cause i didnt care abt them i cared about being better than them. so now i have no friends who ever reach out to me because i never prioritized connection. im in the popular friend group in school but they all are thug ish and ever since i been on the grind they know i have things they dont so know they trying to bring me down. i dont even connect w my family while they care for me so much cus i refuse to communicate. for the past year now ive been grinding to make money, cus its all i got going for me. without my drive for money or wanting to be better than others id live such a happy life, cus i experienced it as a kid. 0-10 i had the perfect childhood built for me, then i broke it down because i wanted to be different from others. now im chasing money to fulfill the need to be better than others, cus if i stop trying all this self destructive shit ive done goes to waste. so i get to taste financial freedom and having all the money. i used to have many friends but now to others im a dork who does nothing cus i dont communicate and tell people im on the road to freedom. mother asks "hey why dont u hangout w ur friends everyday like u used to" i say "i hangout in school thats enough" anything to avoid something that would improve my life. if i never had a phone til my frontal lobe developed just a tad bit id be a good happy person. (im talking to this girl and she cares for me but when i finally talk to someone i instantly just want to block them and never speak to the said person, this feeling i can never understand)
