S
snailthrower
Iron
- Joined
- Jan 9, 2026
- Posts
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I’m writing this because I’m in my final semester of college, and I want to give some advice to younger guys, especially those who struggle socially, so they can hopefully have a better experience than I did.
When I started college, I moved away from home and didn’t know anyone. I’m ND af, but throughout school I’d always had the same solid friend group I’d known since I was like 6. Because of that, my social awkwardness never really mattered and I never had to build new friendships from scratch. I assumed college would work the same way, that I’d just naturally meet people and fall into a group. That does not happen if you are ND.
To try and make friends all I would do was go to class, sit down, and hope someone would start a conversation with me. Spoiler: that only happens if you’re very good looking (looksmax motivation). The same thing happened in my student accommodation. While everyone else was hanging out in the common area and getting to know each other, I stayed in my room, too anxious to go out and join them. I would literally starve in my room, and drink tap water from the sink in my bathroom before going into the kitchen if I knew there was other people in there. There was actually a moment when one of the guys I lived with caught me alone and invited me to join the group for drinks. But because I was so socially anxious at the time, I just mumbled something like “uhh maybe” and never followed up. That one moment could’ve changed my entire college experience, and I let it slip because of how socially anxious I was.
Important: The first few weeks are the most important socially in college. That early period is when everyone is new, everyone is looking for friends, and nobody has settled into a fixed group yet. Once those early bonds form, they tend to solidify, so you want to be part of that initial mixing phase rather than trying to break into established circles later. Talk to classmates before and after lectures, chat with your roommates, introduce yourself to people in your accommodation, and say yes to almost any social invitation.
A simple strategy:
And timing matters. Doing this early is far easier than trying to do it later. I’m less socially awkward now than I used to be, but the reality is that I spent 2–3 years being withdrawn and isolated. By the time I tried to put myself out there, most groups were already well‑established, and inserting myself into them felt impossible.
The knock‑on effects of having no social life in college have been disastrous. My day‑to‑day life has become a loop: I go to class, I go to the gym, I go to the library to study, and then I go home. That’s it. The only time I talk to people is when a group project forces me to interact with classmates. It’s hard not to notice the contrast. Everywhere I look, people are hanging out, laughing, going out together, living the version of college you always hear about. Meanwhile, I just do nothing. During my four years here, I’ve only gone out drinking a couple of times, and that was when my friends from home visited. I’ve never grabbed lunch or coffee with classmates, never joined a sports team, never been active in any clubs or societies. At this point, I’ve gotten used to the routine. It’s familiar, predictable, and honestly easier than trying to break into social circles that already feel locked in. But it still stings. There’s this quiet sense of missing out. I don’t expect anything to change now but it still sucks ass.
I finish college in a couple weeks time, and will probably graduate with shitty grades, but at least all this will be over and I can carry what I've learned into my next venture.
When I started college, I moved away from home and didn’t know anyone. I’m ND af, but throughout school I’d always had the same solid friend group I’d known since I was like 6. Because of that, my social awkwardness never really mattered and I never had to build new friendships from scratch. I assumed college would work the same way, that I’d just naturally meet people and fall into a group. That does not happen if you are ND.
To try and make friends all I would do was go to class, sit down, and hope someone would start a conversation with me. Spoiler: that only happens if you’re very good looking (looksmax motivation). The same thing happened in my student accommodation. While everyone else was hanging out in the common area and getting to know each other, I stayed in my room, too anxious to go out and join them. I would literally starve in my room, and drink tap water from the sink in my bathroom before going into the kitchen if I knew there was other people in there. There was actually a moment when one of the guys I lived with caught me alone and invited me to join the group for drinks. But because I was so socially anxious at the time, I just mumbled something like “uhh maybe” and never followed up. That one moment could’ve changed my entire college experience, and I let it slip because of how socially anxious I was.
Important: The first few weeks are the most important socially in college. That early period is when everyone is new, everyone is looking for friends, and nobody has settled into a fixed group yet. Once those early bonds form, they tend to solidify, so you want to be part of that initial mixing phase rather than trying to break into established circles later. Talk to classmates before and after lectures, chat with your roommates, introduce yourself to people in your accommodation, and say yes to almost any social invitation.
A simple strategy:
- Befriend one or two people in your class.
- After a lecture, ask them if they want to grab lunch or coffee.
- If you do this with two different people, you’ve basically created the nucleus of a friend group. People underestimate how easy it is to form a group when everyone is new and looking for connection.
And timing matters. Doing this early is far easier than trying to do it later. I’m less socially awkward now than I used to be, but the reality is that I spent 2–3 years being withdrawn and isolated. By the time I tried to put myself out there, most groups were already well‑established, and inserting myself into them felt impossible.
The knock‑on effects of having no social life in college have been disastrous. My day‑to‑day life has become a loop: I go to class, I go to the gym, I go to the library to study, and then I go home. That’s it. The only time I talk to people is when a group project forces me to interact with classmates. It’s hard not to notice the contrast. Everywhere I look, people are hanging out, laughing, going out together, living the version of college you always hear about. Meanwhile, I just do nothing. During my four years here, I’ve only gone out drinking a couple of times, and that was when my friends from home visited. I’ve never grabbed lunch or coffee with classmates, never joined a sports team, never been active in any clubs or societies. At this point, I’ve gotten used to the routine. It’s familiar, predictable, and honestly easier than trying to break into social circles that already feel locked in. But it still stings. There’s this quiet sense of missing out. I don’t expect anything to change now but it still sucks ass.
I finish college in a couple weeks time, and will probably graduate with shitty grades, but at least all this will be over and I can carry what I've learned into my next venture.
