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richcel
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Hey guys, I got bimax with Pagnoni 1 week ago and I’ve been experiencing a difficult recovery. Let me explain so you all can be more prepared.
Pagnoni strikes me as a highly capable and trustworthy person, and as far as I can tell he did his job perfectly according to the surgical plan so I won’t be talking about him. Instead I will be talking about the most grueling aspects of the recovery that would affect everyone regardless of the surgeon or plan.
First of all, it’s a terrible idea to do it at the time and place I did, which is summer in Rome. This place feels like Iraq or something, it’s extremely hot and miserable and a terrible place to have a swollen up face. It would be a lot better to do this in the winter or a colder climate. Don’t underestimate how much the heat fucking sucks when you are recovering.
Secondly, the first day after waking up is literally hell. You will be knocked out on morphine, getting drugs pumped into your arm and immediately needing to piss them out into a bucket thing which feels extremely subhuman as during this stage you likely won’t be able to move even to go to the toilet for 1 day or so. You will be extremely constipated from morphine so no need to worry about shitting. And your mouth nose and sinuses will be plastered with this awful foul bloody fluid which will constantly leak out if you try to move. For me my nose was completely clogged up and I could only breathe through my lips which had swollen up to Floydian proportions prompting constant anxiety that I would suffocate.
This is an extremely bad set of conditions, and I don’t recommend ever doing this surgery without a loved one or close friend to accompany you. I was haunted by constant nightmares and the fear of death, and my throat was constantly dry and sore from mouth breathing and the intubation. At times I felt like I was going to suffocate or that the swelling was growing to the point that I could be fully unable to breathe. I also had a persistent paranoid delusion that my brain was being starved of oxygen and I truly believed I was suffering brain death and no one around me knew or cared to help. But this delusion actually makes sense when the morphine is fucking with your brain as it actually does make you kind of retarded.
This was my first time in a darker city like Rome coming from the more advanced world, and I had already felt aspects of my personality dissolving into the bazaar even before getting the surgery. Let me just say Rome is definitely not a white area to those of you living in the US, this place is completely different to what you’re used to unless your from like a Mexican neighborhood or something. I had visited the colosseum just a day prior and I was kind of shocked by the vast and impersonal procession of the crowd, which felt very ancient. In contrast with the more individualist culture in America, I felt like I could dissolve into this brown biomass, forgetting my name and ambitions, and I had constant visions of my body becoming melted and seared and strewn about the sinews of culture itself, corroding and searing meaning and truth and personality all the way down. In my mind culture and humanity was represented by massive flesh caverns with bones and sinew and cartilage and tendons holding the whole thing together. I think maybe I was seeing a subconscious vision of the inside of my skull which had just been rearranged. And I imagined the writhing of my new form or maybe “our” new form, this corrosive flesh monster, absorbing flesh and decay and rot and putrefaction from the large and blood filled caverns, and I saw myself reborn with these chaotic and Dionysian forces contained within my arms which were miles long and filled with fragments of rotting flesh. I saw the blood running off of rotting carcasses transmuted into potent wine and tossed onto the exposed brains of Apollonian subjects, dissolving their persons and turning them into members of the ever expanding biomass, and subjecting their reason and identity to tearing and fragment, which is also what I felt had happened to me. During these visions I felt I could no longer deny the irrational and deeply destructive parts of my mind and body. I also didn’t feel like I would wake up as a person, but as a malleable and shape shifting entity, just skin wrapped around the horrifying eldritch abomination I felt like I had become. I could also see the blood-wine, which also kind of looked like the fire of Yahweh that you can’t look into without dying, appear as a microscopic clone of my own twisted body, grasping onto neurons as it was poured, connecting them, holding them together, and ripping them apart. I kept on waking up to vomit from these putrid visions but I could never muster any vomit just disgusting blood and saliva pooling up in my mouth and needing to spit it out. It was very unpleasant and mentally draining and would have been easier with a friend or family member. Luckily some doctors did talk to me and check up on me which did make me feel a bit better but yeah, the experience was really bad for those first couple of days.
So this is my experience with bimax recovery, please keep in mind it was very difficult for me and I don’t recommend taking this lightly.
Pagnoni strikes me as a highly capable and trustworthy person, and as far as I can tell he did his job perfectly according to the surgical plan so I won’t be talking about him. Instead I will be talking about the most grueling aspects of the recovery that would affect everyone regardless of the surgeon or plan.
First of all, it’s a terrible idea to do it at the time and place I did, which is summer in Rome. This place feels like Iraq or something, it’s extremely hot and miserable and a terrible place to have a swollen up face. It would be a lot better to do this in the winter or a colder climate. Don’t underestimate how much the heat fucking sucks when you are recovering.
Secondly, the first day after waking up is literally hell. You will be knocked out on morphine, getting drugs pumped into your arm and immediately needing to piss them out into a bucket thing which feels extremely subhuman as during this stage you likely won’t be able to move even to go to the toilet for 1 day or so. You will be extremely constipated from morphine so no need to worry about shitting. And your mouth nose and sinuses will be plastered with this awful foul bloody fluid which will constantly leak out if you try to move. For me my nose was completely clogged up and I could only breathe through my lips which had swollen up to Floydian proportions prompting constant anxiety that I would suffocate.
This is an extremely bad set of conditions, and I don’t recommend ever doing this surgery without a loved one or close friend to accompany you. I was haunted by constant nightmares and the fear of death, and my throat was constantly dry and sore from mouth breathing and the intubation. At times I felt like I was going to suffocate or that the swelling was growing to the point that I could be fully unable to breathe. I also had a persistent paranoid delusion that my brain was being starved of oxygen and I truly believed I was suffering brain death and no one around me knew or cared to help. But this delusion actually makes sense when the morphine is fucking with your brain as it actually does make you kind of retarded.
This was my first time in a darker city like Rome coming from the more advanced world, and I had already felt aspects of my personality dissolving into the bazaar even before getting the surgery. Let me just say Rome is definitely not a white area to those of you living in the US, this place is completely different to what you’re used to unless your from like a Mexican neighborhood or something. I had visited the colosseum just a day prior and I was kind of shocked by the vast and impersonal procession of the crowd, which felt very ancient. In contrast with the more individualist culture in America, I felt like I could dissolve into this brown biomass, forgetting my name and ambitions, and I had constant visions of my body becoming melted and seared and strewn about the sinews of culture itself, corroding and searing meaning and truth and personality all the way down. In my mind culture and humanity was represented by massive flesh caverns with bones and sinew and cartilage and tendons holding the whole thing together. I think maybe I was seeing a subconscious vision of the inside of my skull which had just been rearranged. And I imagined the writhing of my new form or maybe “our” new form, this corrosive flesh monster, absorbing flesh and decay and rot and putrefaction from the large and blood filled caverns, and I saw myself reborn with these chaotic and Dionysian forces contained within my arms which were miles long and filled with fragments of rotting flesh. I saw the blood running off of rotting carcasses transmuted into potent wine and tossed onto the exposed brains of Apollonian subjects, dissolving their persons and turning them into members of the ever expanding biomass, and subjecting their reason and identity to tearing and fragment, which is also what I felt had happened to me. During these visions I felt I could no longer deny the irrational and deeply destructive parts of my mind and body. I also didn’t feel like I would wake up as a person, but as a malleable and shape shifting entity, just skin wrapped around the horrifying eldritch abomination I felt like I had become. I could also see the blood-wine, which also kind of looked like the fire of Yahweh that you can’t look into without dying, appear as a microscopic clone of my own twisted body, grasping onto neurons as it was poured, connecting them, holding them together, and ripping them apart. I kept on waking up to vomit from these putrid visions but I could never muster any vomit just disgusting blood and saliva pooling up in my mouth and needing to spit it out. It was very unpleasant and mentally draining and would have been easier with a friend or family member. Luckily some doctors did talk to me and check up on me which did make me feel a bit better but yeah, the experience was really bad for those first couple of days.
So this is my experience with bimax recovery, please keep in mind it was very difficult for me and I don’t recommend taking this lightly.
hang in there brah
