Niklaus Mikaelson
Vampiremaxxer
- Joined
- May 20, 2022
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I might have been developing a good-complex but it’s not my fault
Long read so feel free to play this song while reading for the full experience:
For further explanation, I will tell you guys about my past which will explain why I feel this way and how I became who I am. If you don’t care read the TLDR
I grew up in a small run-down house outside the slums of a city called Nakskov. Only three houses nearby, living with rats, the house filling up with the dense cigarette smoke from my dad chain-smoking, this lasted until I was around 5. I then moved into the shithole called Nakskov, in the early years of my life, I only had a handful of friends as I had a dense polish accent when speaking, due to my mom barely speaking any danish resulting in me speaking polish when I was at home.
After a while my mom got a divorce as my dad was a bad influence letting me drink, smoke (take a whiff of a cig), and beat my ass when I was 6 yrs old, he started construction companies left and right importing polish workers paying them under the table resulting in him having legal troubles and debt (more on this later)
I then moved once again, this time into a small apartment sharing a room with my sister, living in poverty as my mom was barely speaking danish, so the only job she could get was working nights and days at a factory for wind turbines, due to me moving I also had to try and make new friends every single time, this resulted in me not connecting with people properly and being somewhat friendless.
I felt as if I didn’t fit in anywhere and at this point, I was most likely to end up a lowlife selling drugs and staying in that shithole.
After a while, my mom met a new boyfriend and I had to move once again, this time to a city called Nykøbing, this was a decent upgrade (anything was better than the previous place), and I had gotten my own room this time, I started my new school where I did alright I was offered to take a fourth-grade test, passing a 4th-grade test while being in third grade I got the option to skip a year and move classes, I decided to stay as I had finally gotten a few friends which I, unfortunately, had some problems with later.
My mom then offered me to switch schools to start fresh, I accepted as I still felt excluded. This was my first private school, I felt more out of place than ever, it was a catholic private school, and the kids there were all middle class so I couldn’t relate to any of them, I ended up hanging out with the “weirdo” which I felt I had more in common with even though it was social suicide for me. But I pulled through with good grades that came effortlessly to me.
My mom broke up with her boyfriend as he was treating me and my sister unfairly, this is when everything changed - my mom met someone who is now my mentor and my father figure, the shining light on what was otherwise a dull upbringing.
After a while, they decided to get together and we moved to Copenhagen as it was closer to Sweden where he lived. I finally had hope of fitting in for once in my life, which I somewhat managed to do, I started gaming a lot and managed to fit into a friend group of gamers, I also became a people pleaser at this point as I was somewhat afraid of falling out and losing my connections and became extremely competitive duo to gaming which helped me later on in life.
The relationship between my mom and my mentor didn’t end up working as he was always working (saw him once or twice a week)
I took a year at boarding school with one of the friends I made in high school to improve my social skills, this is where I got into my first relationship (and lost my virginity)
After that I started STX ( higher general education program) with no idea what I wanted to do, I spend all my free time on a train to see my GF at that time for a year until I had enough as missed all parties and social events, once again leaving me like an outcast. I decided to break up with her as the long-distance affected me too much mentally and I was already depressed at that point as I thought I had cancer, and I was too afraid to get it checked, so I low-key started to down spiral (which turned out to just be a hernia) after almost just giving up on everything. I started reflecting upon my life and decided that I needed to repay my mom for not leaving me in the shithole I came from. I started going to the gym with high intensity, spending my free time reading self-improvement books, and reading about business, and started small side-hustles like fixing iPhones at my school and reselling sneakers. I had made enough capital to start my own company by myself, and I became addicted.
I remembered why I was doing all of this, I wanted to give back to my mom for the long nights she had spent doing shitty work and putting me and my sister first. I wanted to improve my mom's finances so that she wouldn’t have to wage slave ever again, so I spend some days with her going through all her finances, calling the debt departments to get a clear picture. Turns out my biological dad had left her with substantial debt, due to him making her sign the company papers that he started, which she didn’t understand at that time, making her a co-owner in the companies that all went bankrupt or were in debt, which he didn’t care about, as he was just using the letters from the government as fireplace fuel or went straight to the garbage can.
This meant that if she wanted to get out of debt she had to pay for both my dad's and her debt, which was more than she could ever effort as she started studying and living on financial aid so that she could get a better job. At this point, I had a clear goal to achieve.
I ended up separating from most of my friends and I had no desire to socialize, as I saw it as a waste of time. I didn’t understand why other people put so much time aside for going out and partying, and I realized not everyone needed to, not everyone has a purpose in life that keep them going, they simply exist for instant gratification, they’re all sheep following the crowds.
Every time I went out with my friends I immediately started to regret it and thoughts like “I could have been working right now, I could get one step closer to my goal” started to fill up in my head.
I was alone once again.
I yet tried to find people on the same wavelength as me, but they always seem to disappoint me.
And yes, I do feel like I’m better than most people, not because of my looks nor because of my money or status. Simply because most people seem to care about what others think of them and instant gratification. Their lack of values truly amazed me.
They didn’t have to grow up early and become the father figure of their household, they didn’t have to deal with being a social outcast most of their lives and they didn’t have to work for the good of their family, they had an easy childhood which made them weak.
I don’t think it’s my fault I turned out to be the way I am, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m better than most people.
every day I see people in their little bubbles of meaningless lives, not knowing what they’ll be doing in a year or two, simply wandering through the streets without a proper purpose, without a desire to better themselves or make the world a better place, I sometimes get a feeling of disgust towards them for being lazy, even though I know it’s not their fault.
I still feel bad for people that don’t realize how much they can achieve with a little work and I have been trying to help them, but I guess most people prefer to just live their meaningless lives than to reach their full potential to make a difference. I guess it’s okay but I do look at them as beneath and in need of help.
I often wonder if it was purely because of my childhood that I became who I am resulting in me growing up quicker than others, or if it’s something in my brain that developed differently as people usually don’t tend to understand logical thinking and have the ability to comprehend certain things, but the more I have hung out with older folks I still don’t feel like the majority of them understand. So I have been starting to see people as NPCs that just need guidance and help which Is what I have decided to give them.
I’m fine with being called arrogant or narcissistic if you'd like to do so.
But I’m quite certain of what kind of person I am, so I don’t care what people think about me, I know who I am so if you say something that isn’t true about me I simply don’t care
Have any other guys in here had the same experience or a feeling of superiority?
TLDR: People lack purpose and I feel superior to them, is it because of my childhood?
Long read so feel free to play this song while reading for the full experience:
For further explanation, I will tell you guys about my past which will explain why I feel this way and how I became who I am. If you don’t care read the TLDR
I grew up in a small run-down house outside the slums of a city called Nakskov. Only three houses nearby, living with rats, the house filling up with the dense cigarette smoke from my dad chain-smoking, this lasted until I was around 5. I then moved into the shithole called Nakskov, in the early years of my life, I only had a handful of friends as I had a dense polish accent when speaking, due to my mom barely speaking any danish resulting in me speaking polish when I was at home.
After a while my mom got a divorce as my dad was a bad influence letting me drink, smoke (take a whiff of a cig), and beat my ass when I was 6 yrs old, he started construction companies left and right importing polish workers paying them under the table resulting in him having legal troubles and debt (more on this later)
I then moved once again, this time into a small apartment sharing a room with my sister, living in poverty as my mom was barely speaking danish, so the only job she could get was working nights and days at a factory for wind turbines, due to me moving I also had to try and make new friends every single time, this resulted in me not connecting with people properly and being somewhat friendless.
I felt as if I didn’t fit in anywhere and at this point, I was most likely to end up a lowlife selling drugs and staying in that shithole.
After a while, my mom met a new boyfriend and I had to move once again, this time to a city called Nykøbing, this was a decent upgrade (anything was better than the previous place), and I had gotten my own room this time, I started my new school where I did alright I was offered to take a fourth-grade test, passing a 4th-grade test while being in third grade I got the option to skip a year and move classes, I decided to stay as I had finally gotten a few friends which I, unfortunately, had some problems with later.
My mom then offered me to switch schools to start fresh, I accepted as I still felt excluded. This was my first private school, I felt more out of place than ever, it was a catholic private school, and the kids there were all middle class so I couldn’t relate to any of them, I ended up hanging out with the “weirdo” which I felt I had more in common with even though it was social suicide for me. But I pulled through with good grades that came effortlessly to me.
My mom broke up with her boyfriend as he was treating me and my sister unfairly, this is when everything changed - my mom met someone who is now my mentor and my father figure, the shining light on what was otherwise a dull upbringing.
After a while, they decided to get together and we moved to Copenhagen as it was closer to Sweden where he lived. I finally had hope of fitting in for once in my life, which I somewhat managed to do, I started gaming a lot and managed to fit into a friend group of gamers, I also became a people pleaser at this point as I was somewhat afraid of falling out and losing my connections and became extremely competitive duo to gaming which helped me later on in life.
The relationship between my mom and my mentor didn’t end up working as he was always working (saw him once or twice a week)
I took a year at boarding school with one of the friends I made in high school to improve my social skills, this is where I got into my first relationship (and lost my virginity)
After that I started STX ( higher general education program) with no idea what I wanted to do, I spend all my free time on a train to see my GF at that time for a year until I had enough as missed all parties and social events, once again leaving me like an outcast. I decided to break up with her as the long-distance affected me too much mentally and I was already depressed at that point as I thought I had cancer, and I was too afraid to get it checked, so I low-key started to down spiral (which turned out to just be a hernia) after almost just giving up on everything. I started reflecting upon my life and decided that I needed to repay my mom for not leaving me in the shithole I came from. I started going to the gym with high intensity, spending my free time reading self-improvement books, and reading about business, and started small side-hustles like fixing iPhones at my school and reselling sneakers. I had made enough capital to start my own company by myself, and I became addicted.
I remembered why I was doing all of this, I wanted to give back to my mom for the long nights she had spent doing shitty work and putting me and my sister first. I wanted to improve my mom's finances so that she wouldn’t have to wage slave ever again, so I spend some days with her going through all her finances, calling the debt departments to get a clear picture. Turns out my biological dad had left her with substantial debt, due to him making her sign the company papers that he started, which she didn’t understand at that time, making her a co-owner in the companies that all went bankrupt or were in debt, which he didn’t care about, as he was just using the letters from the government as fireplace fuel or went straight to the garbage can.
This meant that if she wanted to get out of debt she had to pay for both my dad's and her debt, which was more than she could ever effort as she started studying and living on financial aid so that she could get a better job. At this point, I had a clear goal to achieve.
I ended up separating from most of my friends and I had no desire to socialize, as I saw it as a waste of time. I didn’t understand why other people put so much time aside for going out and partying, and I realized not everyone needed to, not everyone has a purpose in life that keep them going, they simply exist for instant gratification, they’re all sheep following the crowds.
Every time I went out with my friends I immediately started to regret it and thoughts like “I could have been working right now, I could get one step closer to my goal” started to fill up in my head.
I was alone once again.
I yet tried to find people on the same wavelength as me, but they always seem to disappoint me.
And yes, I do feel like I’m better than most people, not because of my looks nor because of my money or status. Simply because most people seem to care about what others think of them and instant gratification. Their lack of values truly amazed me.
They didn’t have to grow up early and become the father figure of their household, they didn’t have to deal with being a social outcast most of their lives and they didn’t have to work for the good of their family, they had an easy childhood which made them weak.
I don’t think it’s my fault I turned out to be the way I am, but I still can’t shake the feeling that I’m better than most people.
every day I see people in their little bubbles of meaningless lives, not knowing what they’ll be doing in a year or two, simply wandering through the streets without a proper purpose, without a desire to better themselves or make the world a better place, I sometimes get a feeling of disgust towards them for being lazy, even though I know it’s not their fault.
I still feel bad for people that don’t realize how much they can achieve with a little work and I have been trying to help them, but I guess most people prefer to just live their meaningless lives than to reach their full potential to make a difference. I guess it’s okay but I do look at them as beneath and in need of help.
I often wonder if it was purely because of my childhood that I became who I am resulting in me growing up quicker than others, or if it’s something in my brain that developed differently as people usually don’t tend to understand logical thinking and have the ability to comprehend certain things, but the more I have hung out with older folks I still don’t feel like the majority of them understand. So I have been starting to see people as NPCs that just need guidance and help which Is what I have decided to give them.
I’m fine with being called arrogant or narcissistic if you'd like to do so.
But I’m quite certain of what kind of person I am, so I don’t care what people think about me, I know who I am so if you say something that isn’t true about me I simply don’t care
Have any other guys in here had the same experience or a feeling of superiority?
TLDR: People lack purpose and I feel superior to them, is it because of my childhood?
@Xangsane @Nims @StreegeReturn @averagejoe @Leo69 @Ken @Username Required @ArvidGustavsson @fucclife @Erik-Jón @alriodai @_MVP_ @Octillionaire @ReadBooksEveryday @Danish_Retard @Ethnicover
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