RODEBLUR
Most oppressed user on org Threadmaking REINSTATED
- Joined
- Jun 20, 2020
- Posts
- 21,395
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Suddenly being transported back into the past. In your past body. With all your current memories, and mental development.
I was never a good-looking kid. But i was popular, low inhib and skinny. I was the tallest i'd ever be compared to my classmates, as my height percentile at 11 was equal to that of a 6'-6'1 adult.
All my childhood i was depressed. I yearned my entire life for teenagedom and adulthood.
I thought my body would change like my brother's. And that my life would be just like the movies. None of it ever came.
I now realize i wasted it all wallowing in self-pity and despair.
I've lost personality. I realize that, despite masking my inner depression and suicidal tendencies, i was a lively kid, at least. Class clown at school. Always the center of attention. Always hanged with the big boys, the kids older than me. Pulled antics, fuck, might've even done a little bullying here and there.
But no matter what, i always had a way to flip every situation into a fun one, even if sometimes our entertainment relied on the misery of others.
Nowadays, i'm a husk of my former self. There's a void inside of me constantly reminding me of my failure as a human. I feel like i don't deserve any prosperity coming my way, and when it does, i become tense and anxious, and feel like i'm not entitled to it. Like i'm not deserving of it. That i, as a subpar human, deserve nothing but a subpar life.
And now, knowing that this would have been my future, i look back at the past with nostalgia and envy, as opposed to how i looked at what was then present with despair and a longing for what i considered a ''real'' life. A ''real'' childhood.
I fucked up, and i'd do anything to do it all over again.
But deep down, i know it'll never happen. I'm forced to endure the result of my failure until either I, or God, decides to close the book.
But god, is it agonizing to live through.
Oh... And by the way...
dn rd
I was never a good-looking kid. But i was popular, low inhib and skinny. I was the tallest i'd ever be compared to my classmates, as my height percentile at 11 was equal to that of a 6'-6'1 adult.
All my childhood i was depressed. I yearned my entire life for teenagedom and adulthood.
I thought my body would change like my brother's. And that my life would be just like the movies. None of it ever came.
I now realize i wasted it all wallowing in self-pity and despair.
I've lost personality. I realize that, despite masking my inner depression and suicidal tendencies, i was a lively kid, at least. Class clown at school. Always the center of attention. Always hanged with the big boys, the kids older than me. Pulled antics, fuck, might've even done a little bullying here and there.
But no matter what, i always had a way to flip every situation into a fun one, even if sometimes our entertainment relied on the misery of others.
Nowadays, i'm a husk of my former self. There's a void inside of me constantly reminding me of my failure as a human. I feel like i don't deserve any prosperity coming my way, and when it does, i become tense and anxious, and feel like i'm not entitled to it. Like i'm not deserving of it. That i, as a subpar human, deserve nothing but a subpar life.
And now, knowing that this would have been my future, i look back at the past with nostalgia and envy, as opposed to how i looked at what was then present with despair and a longing for what i considered a ''real'' life. A ''real'' childhood.
I fucked up, and i'd do anything to do it all over again.
But deep down, i know it'll never happen. I'm forced to endure the result of my failure until either I, or God, decides to close the book.
But god, is it agonizing to live through.
Oh... And by the way...
dn rd
