I
incel13
Unloveable
- Joined
- May 25, 2025
- Posts
- 17
- Reputation
- 7
sometimes i really think theres something wrong with me
not just like oh im having a bad day but like actually wrong
like deep down im just not meant to be here or something
im autistic. i know that. its not even about the label
its just. i dont know how to be
people talk and joke and look eachother in the eyes and its like they’re all in on something i missed
i try so hard to act normal but i always feel like im faking it
like im wearing a costume and people can tell
i laugh at the wrong times or i say something weird and everything just goes quiet
and then i just want to disappear
and the way i look doesnt help
i know im not good looking. im not stupid.
people dont say it but they dont have to
they look past me or through me
i see them smile at someone else then glance at me like im furniture or something
nothing about me is soft or warm or interesting
its like im too much and not enough at the same time
too awkward too quiet too ugly too me
some days i wake up and i wish i was someone else
anyone else
just not this
not this face not this body not this brain
ive thought about ending it
not to be dramatic or anything
i just get so tired. so fucking tired of waking up and feeling like a mistake
but theres still like this tiny part of me that wont let go
i dont even know why
maybe its stupid
maybe i want to believe that it wont always feel like this
that maybe one day someone will look at me and not flinch
maybe someone will actually see me and not just the autism or the weird or the mess
i dont know
im still here
for now i guess
I wanna ropemaxx
not just like oh im having a bad day but like actually wrong
like deep down im just not meant to be here or something
im autistic. i know that. its not even about the label
its just. i dont know how to be
people talk and joke and look eachother in the eyes and its like they’re all in on something i missed
i try so hard to act normal but i always feel like im faking it
like im wearing a costume and people can tell
i laugh at the wrong times or i say something weird and everything just goes quiet
and then i just want to disappear
and the way i look doesnt help
i know im not good looking. im not stupid.
people dont say it but they dont have to
they look past me or through me
i see them smile at someone else then glance at me like im furniture or something
nothing about me is soft or warm or interesting
its like im too much and not enough at the same time
too awkward too quiet too ugly too me
some days i wake up and i wish i was someone else
anyone else
just not this
not this face not this body not this brain
ive thought about ending it
not to be dramatic or anything
i just get so tired. so fucking tired of waking up and feeling like a mistake
but theres still like this tiny part of me that wont let go
i dont even know why
maybe its stupid
maybe i want to believe that it wont always feel like this
that maybe one day someone will look at me and not flinch
maybe someone will actually see me and not just the autism or the weird or the mess
i dont know
im still here
for now i guess
I wanna ropemaxx
