What am i supposed to make of all this?

[sørenyuko]

Seriously though, what is waiting ahead of me if i DON'T act like a withdrawn antisocial freak and comply to social norms?

Just more of the same? More opportunities to keep doing the same forever? No new rewards outside of that? Similarly to how the reward for a rabbit surviving today is just more anxious running for tomorrow?

Existing in that monotone purgatory where i just get a quiet nod if even that, nah i wont even get that, i'd only get the lack of a dirty stare or comment behind my back.

since i get no relief or enjoyment from participating in these social rituals why on earth should i keep doing them?

And idc about the potential repercussions if they happen so be it, im nonresistant.

Im undersocialized because i wasnt properly nurtured, maybe they didn't build me the proper scaffolding to get me on the playing field and show me what people could offer to me and now after years of having no social life i can't even imagine anything good it could give me and my head is just filled with surface level observations of extremely limited scope of human beings in public spaces where everyone's forced to be and doesn't even show their humanity.

its either that or my expectations are too high or inflated from my fantasies i always write in my notebook or im just antisocial by default and those variables are just boosting an already volatile case.

I have my many online friends though but i dont really care much for them either and never talk to them if they dont text me first.

i couldn't really say which one of those it is.

 

[Ivan3]

Seriously though, what is waiting ahead of me if i DON'T act like a withdrawn antisocial freak and comply to social norms?

Just more of the same? More opportunities to keep doing the same forever? No new rewards outside of that? Similarly to how the reward for a rabbit surviving today is just more anxious running for tomorrow?

Existing in that monotone purgatory where i just get a quiet nod if even that, nah i wont even get that, i'd only get the lack of a dirty stare or comment behind my back.

since i get no relief or enjoyment from participating in these social rituals why on earth should i keep doing them?

And idc about the potential repercussions if they happen so be it, im nonresistant.

Im undersocialized because i wasnt properly nurtured, maybe they didn't build me the proper scaffolding to get me on the playing field and show me what people could offer to me and now after years of having no social life i can't even imagine anything good it could give me and my head is just filled with surface level observations of extremely limited scope of human beings in public spaces where everyone's forced to be and doesn't even show their humanity.

its either that or my expectations are too high or inflated from my fantasies i always write in my notebook or im just antisocial by default and those variables are just boosting an already volatile case.

I have my many online friends though but i dont really care much for them either and never talk to them if they dont text me first.

i couldn't really say which one of those it is.

This is what I do, and you don’t realize it but It helps alot