Azie555
Master
- Joined
- Jun 8, 2025
- Posts
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What is my purpose in this life? What was I born into this world to achieve? What should I prioritize most in my life? What is the most important thing in life? I'm not just focusing on myself these days; I've started to feel no emotional connection to anything outside of myself.
I'm becoming more and more numb. I've started to see everyone around me as competition.
.
As time went by, I started losing my emotions, but I was good at hiding them. People around me didn't even notice, but I always felt an emptiness inside. I even started to lose my feelings for my own family. I wasn't like this before. I was a very emotional child, constantly fighting, and I cared deeply for my loved ones.
Now I can't trust anyone, not even my own family, and I can't feel any feelings for anyone. When I'm playing basketball or football outside and people congratulate me, I've stopped thanking them and shaking their hands.
Maybe when you read this you will say things like "So sigmaa" but this was something I could not do willingly and I could not control.
I think I know why. I've become so self-centered that I don't pay attention to anything else besides myself, and I don't care. But I still pretend to care.
My perspective on life: No one matters in this life but me, and I've come to see having feelings or attachment to someone as a sign of weakness. I especially hate men who see themselves as strong.
Once, there was a boy at school whom I didn't like at all. He was a loser and couldn't protect himself, but a big boy came and called his girlfriend a whore. I couldn't hold back my anger, I entered the classroom and threw a chair at the big boy's head, then I climbed on the desk and kicked the boy's nose. I blew his nose I didn't get suspended from school or anything, tho. But I didn't do it for that loser kid. I did it because it bothered me that that kid had the willpower to say that and made me feel hes more special than I am.
But I hate weak people even more because a person who can't protect himself has no respect for himself.
I see being the best I can be as a goal and an objective, but I feel like it's turned me into a completely insensitive competitor. When I go out and play basketball or anything for fun with someone, I can't have fun. All I want to do is crush the other person, and I feel like life is all about competition. The weak are always crushed. No one loves the weak except their family.
But life shouldn't be just this. What kind of purpose does life have for you and what should be the real purpose in this life? Do you think there is anything more important than myself in this life?
I'm becoming more and more numb. I've started to see everyone around me as competition.
.
As time went by, I started losing my emotions, but I was good at hiding them. People around me didn't even notice, but I always felt an emptiness inside. I even started to lose my feelings for my own family. I wasn't like this before. I was a very emotional child, constantly fighting, and I cared deeply for my loved ones.
Now I can't trust anyone, not even my own family, and I can't feel any feelings for anyone. When I'm playing basketball or football outside and people congratulate me, I've stopped thanking them and shaking their hands.
Maybe when you read this you will say things like "So sigmaa" but this was something I could not do willingly and I could not control.
I think I know why. I've become so self-centered that I don't pay attention to anything else besides myself, and I don't care. But I still pretend to care.
My perspective on life: No one matters in this life but me, and I've come to see having feelings or attachment to someone as a sign of weakness. I especially hate men who see themselves as strong.
Once, there was a boy at school whom I didn't like at all. He was a loser and couldn't protect himself, but a big boy came and called his girlfriend a whore. I couldn't hold back my anger, I entered the classroom and threw a chair at the big boy's head, then I climbed on the desk and kicked the boy's nose. I blew his nose I didn't get suspended from school or anything, tho. But I didn't do it for that loser kid. I did it because it bothered me that that kid had the willpower to say that and made me feel hes more special than I am.
But I hate weak people even more because a person who can't protect himself has no respect for himself.
I see being the best I can be as a goal and an objective, but I feel like it's turned me into a completely insensitive competitor. When I go out and play basketball or anything for fun with someone, I can't have fun. All I want to do is crush the other person, and I feel like life is all about competition. The weak are always crushed. No one loves the weak except their family.
But life shouldn't be just this. What kind of purpose does life have for you and what should be the real purpose in this life? Do you think there is anything more important than myself in this life?
