When you realize you are mentally ill

[Deleted member 17578]

What do you even do?

I have had this issue for years where I realize a lot of my thougths, behavior, etc. make no sense based on current reality, but has it's roots in things like parental child-abuse, bullying, etc. which makes me feel/act different than a 'normal' person would in this same situation.

Even me acting like a truecel on this forum is part of this mental illness. Why do I do this? I am an insane person.
I mean it took a lot of effort but eventually I was able to generate dating-profiles which were getting good-looking girls begging for my attention. (good looking girls is just above-average in this situation, i am not talking about models, just slim young girls who take care of their appearance) Eventually you have to actually date these women and you get into an entirely different struggle. For me it's never been the issue of first-dates, etc. I am just being an act there. The problems for me come later on when I am trying to 'slowly be myself' on a 10th date, something to that extent and then you get rejected and you are wondering what you are even doing and why months of effort have landed you onto this conclusion.

I've tried everything from:
1)Ignoring my emotional disconnection with reality and thinking 'it will just get better over time'. Just pushing through essentially. Ignoring my emotional struggles and trying to act like a normal 'competent' person. Hoping it will get better over time. This is while trying new hobbies, jobs, social-environments, etc. Trust me, I've completely changed my entire lifestyle multiple times now.
2)therapy, has done nothing for me. When I am myself I adjust to my environment and my real self is lost. Therapists noticed this and told me to express what I am feeling/thinking, which I did, and then I was rejected for having 'insane beliefs/emotions' essentially. Which just has me believe that I should just adjust to my environment and hide my real self again.
Therapy was damaging for me if I think about it honestly. I will never do that ever again.
3)Drugs. Many therapists are trying to get me on medication, constantly. I've rejected the idea because I've done it once and disliked how it went. I did escitalopram(lexapro) 10mg, then 20mg, then quit it. The entire experience was brutal and had 0 positive effects on my life. And it has had me question 'medication'.
Best experiences with drugs have been MDMA and ketamine. But this is considered 'recreational use' by society, when I am just trying to become normal somehow.


Honestly have too many shit to talk about, nobody is even reading this.

Average forum-user will go: 'oh insane guy with mental disability, lol thats not me' and go on with this life which is understandable. Fun thing is that this was my own attitude aswell always.

 

[kisuke]

What do you even do?

I have had this issue for years where I realize a lot of my thougths, behavior, etc. make no sense based on current reality, but has it's roots in things like parental child-abuse, bullying, etc. which makes me feel/act different than a 'normal' person would in this same situation.

Even me acting like a truecel on this forum is part of this mental illness. Why do I do this? I am an insane person.
I mean it took a lot of effort but eventually I was able to generate dating-profiles which were getting good-looking girls begging for my attention. (good looking girls is just above-average in this situation, i am not talking about models, just slim young girls who take care of their appearance) Eventually you have to actually date these women and you get into an entirely different struggle. For me it's never been the issue of first-dates, etc. I am just being an act there. The problems for me come later on when I am trying to 'slowly be myself' on a 10th date, something to that extent and then you get rejected and you are wondering what you are even doing and why months of effort have landed you onto this conclusion.

I've tried everything from:
1)Ignoring my emotional disconnection with reality and thinking 'it will just get better over time'. Just pushing through essentially. Ignoring my emotional struggles and trying to act like a normal 'competent' person. Hoping it will get better over time. This is while trying new hobbies, jobs, social-environments, etc. Trust me, I've completely changed my entire lifestyle multiple times now.
2)therapy, has done nothing for me. When I am myself I adjust to my environment and my real self is lost. Therapists noticed this and told me to express what I am feeling/thinking, which I did, and then I was rejected for having 'insane beliefs/emotions' essentially. Which just has me believe that I should just adjust to my environment and hide my real self again.
Therapy was damaging for me if I think about it honestly. I will never do that ever again.
3)Drugs. Many therapists are trying to get me on medication, constantly. I've rejected the idea because I've done it once and disliked how it went. I did escitalopram(lexapro) 10mg, then 20mg, then quit it. The entire experience was brutal and had 0 positive effects on my life. And it has had me question 'medication'.
Best experiences with drugs have been MDMA and ketamine. But this is considered 'recreational use' by society, when I am just trying to become normal somehow.


Honestly have too many shit to talk about, nobody is even reading this.

Average forum-user will go: 'oh insane guy with mental disability, lol thats not me' and go on with this life which is understandable. Fun thing is that this was my own attitude aswell always.

New problem: I've started realizing that

read all and bro you're just autistic , that's the reason you ended here

 

[asdvek]

Riri and skulli edits,

 

[Sceptical]

Honestly have too many shit to talk about, nobody is even reading this.

almost everyone here nowadays wants quick and short dopamine from this site hence 'this site is so boring' threads. nobody wants think what it's like to be the other person, or take their feelings into consideration

 

[Foreverbrad]

Foids are just a hive mind that only want a certain type of guy.

Regardless of their own personalities they all go for the same NT, extrovert guys with the same interests and goals.

If you don’t fit that personality subset you have to have an overwhelming level of looks disparity to compensate.

So you can either choose to date well below your level for LTR, or to continuously fake your personality into something it’s not to get slays.

Which is sad because you are an intelligent and introspective guy, there should be girls that appreciate that but there just isn’t and never will be.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

read all and bro you're just autistic , that's the reason you ended here

I did official IQ and autism testing by professionals IRL. This was done when I was struggling with 'depression' ~10 years ago. They didn't know what to do with me so they just started testing for everything.

Official IRL autism psychiatrist results: I am likely not autistic but they think I am possible masking and they told me to re-do testing when 'i am no longer depressed' to get a more accurate result. I have no clue how this 'result' of official IRL psychiatrist autism testing is supposed to help me.

IQ test (WAIS-4) was 128, but it was extremely volatile. In some areas I was scoring extremely high (140+) yet in some areas I was just 'above average' like 115. So this came out in the end as 128 but the report had all sort of notes that my scoring is too volatile, and it should require additional testing to establish my IQ or something, but in the end ur just wondering what the point of this all even is??!?

I am a math-prodigy, physics expert, I was best-of-class my entire life. Ofcourse I am going to be 'highIQ' ofcourse i am going to be considered 'autistic', but how do these labels help me?

When am I helped? A label of being autistc or not, highIQ or not, all these things dont help me. They are just labels, what help did I get? nothing.

I've never felt like I was living, I've always felt more like surviving.

 

[Deleted member 17578]

Riri and skulli edits,

View attachment 4657894
View attachment 4657895

I just get drunk/high most days and life is just passing me by

 

[asdvek]

I just get drunk/high most days and life is just passing me by

Haha I shall introduce you to Scully edits, it improved my life quality Scientists have been researching this and they found out that scully edits activate a part of the brain that releases dopamine

 

[Deleted member 17578]

almost everyone here nowadays wants quick and short dopamine from this site hence 'this site is so boring' threads. nobody wants think what it's like to be the other person, or take their feelings into consideration

There's very few 'real' people left on this forum. When I make posts like this I am being extremely vulnerable and showing insights in my own life, the way I think and how I deal with the world.
A similar person like this would be for example @Amnesia who, years ago, used to show real vulnerability, etc.

I largely lost interest in this forum also because being real isn't liked. This forum is being used as a tiktok 2.0 or something like that and people don't seem to understand that real people are sharing real stories, anymore. It's sad.

 

[kisuke]

I did official IQ and autism testing by professionals IRL. This was done when I was struggling with 'depression' ~10 years ago. They didn't know what to do with me so they just started testing for everything.

Official IRL autism psychiatrist results: I am likely not autistic but they think I am possible masking and they told me to re-do testing when 'i am no longer depressed' to get a more accurate result. I have no clue how this 'result' of official IRL psychiatrist autism testing is supposed to help me.

IQ test (WAIS-4) was 128, but it was extremely volatile. In some areas I was scoring extremely high (140+) yet in some areas I was just 'above average' like 115. So this came out in the end as 128 but the report had all sort of notes that my scoring is too volatile, and it should require additional testing to establish my IQ or something, but in the end ur just wondering what the point of this all even is??!?

I am a math-prodigy, physics expert, I was best-of-class my entire life. Ofcourse I am going to be 'highIQ' ofcourse i am going to be considered 'autistic', but how do these labels help me?

When am I helped? A label of being autistc or not, highIQ or not, all these things dont help me. They are just labels, what help did I get? nothing.

I've never felt like I was living, I've always felt more like surviving.

i'm diagnosed with ocd and let me tell you that there's no cure to neurodivergence , you will feel like an outcast you're whole life , you just have to stop fighting it and accept the idea you will always be struggling in social situations . i seen that you get high on drugs to escape from it and i do it too but aside from temporary copes there's no espace from this hell

 

[Sceptical]

There's very few 'real' people left on this forum. When I make posts like this I am being extremely vulnerable and showing insights in my own life, the way I think and how I deal with the world.
A similar person like this would be for example @Amnesia who, years ago, used to show real vulnerability, etc.

I largely lost interest in this forum also because being real isn't liked. This forum is being used as a tiktok 2.0 or something like that and people don't seem to understand that real people are sharing real stories, anymore. It's sad.

i know the feeling and i also let myself be vulnerable here too from time to time, but you never know who's going to read your posts, so troll replies are inevitable on this forum.

some might show you compassion while others will try to make fun of your situation and tear you down for their own amusement. just try not to let their blatant ignorance get to you though, otherwise its just going to keep lingering on your mind.

 

[Foreverbrad]

I largely lost interest in this forum also because being real isn't liked. This forum is being used as a tiktok 2.0 or something like that and people don't seem to understand that real people are sharing real stories, anymore. It's sad.

But there’s nowhere else to go - this really seems to be the end of the line for socially-maladaptive outcasts. As soon as things begin to go mainstream the community gets diluted with normie trash and turned into a caricature of the real social structure we are trying to escape from or adapt to.

Hyper-compensation with looks was a nice cope while it lasted but of course we were only a couple years ahead of mainstream as usual. It happened with Game, it happened with Gym, it happened with Social Media Faking, it happened with Roids, it’s happened with Softmaxxing and I fully believe in 2-3 years it will have happened with Hardmaxxing.

I don’t even know what the next frontier is. It’s the first time I’ve not been ahead of the curve and it scares me.

 

[Deleted member 159029]

almost everyone here nowadays wants quick and short dopamine from this site hence 'this site is so boring' threads. nobody wants think what it's like to be the other person, or take their feelings into consideration

i make the this site has become a lot more boring than before threads, but i mean it like we need more of these long ass threads talking bout shit, thats what made the aug/sept/oct/nov great imo, everyone was making threads like these that were so interesting to think about

 

[Deleted member 159029]

Honestly have too many shit to talk about, nobody is even reading this.

Average forum-user will go: 'oh insane guy with mental disability, lol thats not me' and go on with this life which is understandable. Fun thing is that this was my own attitude aswell

 

[SoundnVision]

Yeah pretty much like me.
We need to find a reserved kind of shy woman who's also relatively attractive and not poisoned by social media
Like finding a needle in a haystack

 

[Sceptical]

Yeah pretty much like me.
We need to find a reserved kind of shy woman who's also relatively attractive and not poisoned by social media
Like finding a needle in a haystack

finding a hqnp woman in this generation has become a joke

 

[Amnesia]

It’s because the demographic got a lot younger, and I basically turned into a high school where everyone’s trying to be cool and flex on other people

Truth is sacrificed for fake status points

And given that I hated high school it’s one of the reasons why I stop posting on tbh this forum

 

[widdi]

Honestly you have it backwards. The way friendships form in the west requires you to have some form of mental illness and is completely antithetical to the rest of the world. I am thinking of moving to somewhere like China or Russia to start over because I’m living in a broken society with defective people right now.

 

[SlayerJonas]

Honestly you have it backwards. The way friendships form in the west requires you to have some form of mental illness and is completely antithetical to the rest of the world. I am thinking of moving to somewhere like China or Russia to start over because I’m living in a broken society with defective people right now.

IP: Uttar Pradesh, India

 

[TrueOgreGymcel]

When I make posts like this I am being extremely vulnerable and showing insights in my own life, the way I think and how I deal with the world.

See you are very autistic and I don't say this as an insult. I'm guilty of this and truth is ; you should never ever do this in real life.
Life and social interaction is all about manipulation, lie and deceit. The only exception to this rule is your very close relatives since they know you for what you truly are (parents, siblings).

Trust me never let your guard down with strangers, relationships. I hope for your sake that you understand this lesson in the long run.

 

[nevermind2]

you take one million drugs ur a retard fakecel

 

[widdi]

IP: Uttar Pradesh, India

Exposed

 

[cvzvvc]

The TikTok influencers and their shitty audiences fucked this placed up beyond repair

 

[eduardkoopman]

It’s because the demographic got a lot younger, and I basically turned into a high school where everyone’s trying to be cool and flex on other people

Truth is sacrificed for fake status points

And given that I hated high school it’s one of the reasons why I stop posting on tbh this forum

 

[Seeyenar]

This is exactly why the real blackpill is how your brain operates, unattractive people will have no problem having a good life IF they are lucky enough to not only be born as a neurotypical but also have negative feedback minimized throughout their life.

Ultimately the main reason someone ends up as a mentally ill rotter is their brain chemistry not looks.

 

[Luquier]

There's very few 'real' people left on this forum. When I make posts like this I am being extremely vulnerable and showing insights in my own life, the way I think and how I deal with the world.
A similar person like this would be for example @Amnesia who, years ago, used to show real vulnerability, etc.

I largely lost interest in this forum also because being real isn't liked. This forum is being used as a tiktok 2.0 or something like that and people don't seem to understand that real people are sharing real stories, anymore. It's sad.

Full of faggot toddlers and normies now

.org is no more

 

[SoundnVision]

See you are very autistic and I don't say this as an insult. I'm guilty of this and truth is ; you should never ever do this in real life.
Life and social interaction is all about manipulation, lie and deceit. The only exception to this rule is your very close relatives since they know you for what you truly are (parents, siblings).

Trust me never let your guard down with strangers, relationships. I hope for your sake that you understand this lesson in the long run.

I learnt it.
Il never be open with a women again they don't give a fuck. If you open up emotionalally they lose attraction no what they claim.

 

[SoundnVision]

i'm diagnosed with ocd and let me tell you that there's no cure to neurodivergence , you will feel like an outcast you're whole life , you just have to stop fighting it and accept the idea you will always be struggling in social situations . i seen that you get high on drugs to escape from it and i do it too but aside from temporary copes there's no espace from this hell

How does OCD affect you?

 

[TrueOgreGymcel]

If you open up emotionalally they lose attraction no what they claim.

Biggest thruthnuke ever. Could not agree more.

 

[Alienmaxxer]

But there’s nowhere else to go - this really seems to be the end of the line for socially-maladaptive outcasts. As soon as things begin to go mainstream the community gets diluted with normie trash and turned into a caricature of the real social structure we are trying to escape from or adapt to.

Hyper-compensation with looks was a nice cope while it lasted but of course we were only a couple years ahead of mainstream as usual. It happened with Game, it happened with Gym, it happened with Social Media Faking, it happened with Roids, it’s happened with Softmaxxing and I fully believe in 2-3 years it will have happened with Hardmaxxing.

I don’t even know what the next frontier is. It’s the first time I’ve not been ahead of the curve and it scares me.

The best way to frontiermaxx is to regularly browse multiple 4chan boards.

 

[blonde slayer]

Same tbh, the harsh truth in this situation is that you have two choices regarding long term relationships (and not just having one night stands, fwbs etc which i think is better anyways):

1. You settle with someone below ur looksmatch by 1 or 2 points and the compensation is that they tolerate the real you (bcuz of hypergamy u kinda have to do it anyways JFL)

2. You get in a relationship where you have to keep pretending (kinda similar to the redpill copers "keeping frame") and you just cheat or escortmaxx to actually have sex while being the real you

 

[wrong_perfection]

The best way to frontiermaxx is to regularly browse multiple 4chan boards.

This does work well but the site has become less interesting over time and by now all of my favourite boards are overrun by bots or entirely dead. The slower ones, where humans still post don't align with my interests. Although it's more about the users anyway. I miss old /fit/, I think many of us ended up here but now thats going away too.

 

[theonewhocantascend]

I don’t know what to tell you, But I just want to say I relate a lot to you. I don’t really like going deep into my own personal lore, anywhere, to anyone really, so in your posts I sometimes see an oulet. It’s like you are expressing some of my own hífen feelings.

I know the forum is becoming more and more far from its original purpose which seemed to be discussing things we wouldn’t be allowed to, anywhere else on the internet. But there are still some real Gs out here.

 

[theonewhocantascend]

This does work well but the site has become less interesting over time and by now all of my favourite boards are overrun by bots or entirely dead. The slower ones, where humans still post don't align with my interests. Although it's more about the users anyway. I miss old /fit/, I think many of us ended up here but now thats going away too.

It makes me so depressed to see what /pol/has become nowadays.
That board used to be my safe haven, I would scroll it every morning like a newspaper.