Why advice for getting confidence is 100% cope

[AlexAP]

Most of the advice for getting confidence is:

"You don't have to care what others think of you."
"Most people don't even know you exist."
"What's the worst that could happen?"

It's ridiculous.

"You don't have to care what others think of you."
You do have to care. If you have a relationship, you have to care what your romantic partner thinks of you. If you have a job, you have to care what your employer thinks of you. If you have friends, you have to care what your friends think of you. Life is all about caring what others think of you. Of course you shouldn't care about what EVERYONE thinks of you (which is not possible anyway), but you have to care what every single important person thinks of you.

"Most people don't even know you exist."
Yes but it doesn't matter. It might be true that you embarassing yourself in public won't be the main event of a party, but if it happens, that's the only thing YOU will remember of it. And of course, you constantly embarring yourself will not only be bad for you (even if the others forget about it), it will also make it very difficult to get friends or a relationship, as all the others know about you is that you constantly embarass yourself, which is not an attractive trait.

"What's the worst that could happen?"
A rejection. Being rejected is a negative experience, and constant negative experiences is what destroys confidence and self-worth. Instead of thinking "What's the worst that could happen?", it's the best to do what people with low confidence tend to do: Think about how to avoid a negative experience. That could mean bettering yourself so that you can try things in the future that you avoid now, but it definitely doesn't mean "Just do it!".



There's no way to naturally "get confidence". The only way is to looksmax and NTMax (if you're non-NT that means: Change your behavior to appeal to others), so you can get other people to like you and get positive experiences that will, finally, give you confidence. Life is all about appealing to other people. Life is one big popularity contest. You will never "get confidence" if you don't care what others think of you.

 

[Deleted member 2403]

fuck normie scum

 

[AlexAP]

fuck normie scum

Even people on this forum give this sort of "advice" sometimes.

 

[Deleted member 14160]

"You don't have to care what others think of you."

I never understood this. I care what people think of me unless I know they're influenced by a false notion or bias that isn't inherent to me- and even then I'm somewhat bothered by it.

 

[Deleted member 13332]

Idiot
Brainwashed and malnourished

 

[Grindr God]

You have to be somewhat normal but obviously the physical appearance means more

 

[ropemax]

You do have to care

There is a difference between caring and letting others opinions override your own judgement

 

[mulattomaxxer]

I never understood this. I care what people think of me unless I know they're influenced by a false notion or bias that isn't inherent to me- and even then I'm somewhat bothered by it.

I think its the nuance of the phrase. "Don't care what others think" = Don't care about others think if they are being superficial. Lets say I played chess and somebody called me a nerd. In this scenario I shouldn't care what they think. Lets say somebody told me I am being loud and I am annoying everyone. In this situation I should care what they think.

Everyone cares what others think about them. If you don't care what others think at all you are living in a world of your own delusion.

 

[mulattomaxxer]

Most of the advice for getting confidence is:

"You don't have to care what others think of you."
"Most people don't even know you exist."
"What's the worst that could happen?"

It's ridiculous.

"You don't have to care what others think of you."
You do have to care. If you have a relationship, you have to care what your romantic partner thinks of you. If you have a job, you have to care what your employer thinks of you. If you have friends, you have to care what your friends think of you. Life is all about caring what others think of you. Of course you shouldn't care about what EVERYONE thinks of you (which is not possible anyway), but you have to care what every single important person thinks of you.

"Most people don't even know you exist."
Yes but it doesn't matter. It might be true that you embarassing yourself in public won't be the main event of a party, but if it happens, that's the only thing YOU will remember of it. And of course, you constantly embarring yourself will not only be bad for you (even if the others forget about it), it will also make it very difficult to get friends or a relationship, as all the others know about you is that you constantly embarass yourself, which is not an attractive trait.

"What's the worst that could happen?"
A rejection. Being rejected is a negative experience, and constant negative experiences is what destroys confidence and self-worth. Instead of thinking "What's the worst that could happen?", it's the best to do what people with low confidence tend to do: Think about how to avoid a negative experience. That could mean bettering yourself so that you can try things in the future that you avoid now, but it definitely doesn't mean "Just do it!".



There's no way to naturally "get confidence". The only way is to looksmax and NTMax (if you're non-NT that means: Change your behavior to appeal to others), so you can get other people to like you and get positive experiences that will, finally, give you confidence. Life is all about appealing to other people. Life is one big popularity contest. You will never "get confidence" if you don't care what others think of you.

Based thread as usual. I agree with what you said. The only way you can gain confidence is through constant positive reinforcement. To an extent you have to "never give up" and "fake it until you make it" but this advice can only get you so far. There is nothing worse then some redpill autist telling you to go rack up rejections through cold approach. "Its just a numbers game bro". A few years ago I rememeber watching some AMS video and he said "to go rack up 1000 rejections" or some shit. Like JFL what the fuck does that mean. 1000 consectutive rejections would leave you mentally crippled. There is just no way you could do that.

 

[lilhorizontal32]

Based thread as usual. I agree with what you said. The only way you can gain confidence is through constant positive reinforcement. To an extent you have to "never give up" and "fake it until you make it" but this advice can only get you so far. There is nothing worse then some redpill autist telling you to go rack up rejections through cold approach. "Its just a numbers game bro". A few years ago I rememeber watching some AMS video and he said "to go rack up 1000 rejections" or some shit. Like JFL what the fuck does that mean. 1000 consectutive rejections would leave you mentally crippled. There is just no way you could do that.

high iq take

 

[CupOfCoffee]

Just be yourself sweety

 

[thegoat]

"You don't have to care what others think of you."

Ive been coping with this and it works, only because ive got basically no friends and reallistically no one cares about me. But yeah ive realised that once youve got an established social group and your actions begin to matter, it wont work