SchrodingersRaptor
Ascending?
- Joined
- Sep 11, 2023
- Posts
- 79
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I went to a party tonight that people at my high school organized and thought I would have fun. Actually, I wanted to have fun, mostly because this is my senior year and I will graduate soon, and I did not want to graduate without going to a party in all of high school. I was not happy during or after the party, the only thing that gave me a rush was the fact that I prepared myself by wearing nice clothes, looking good, maybe getting the chance to talk to people (including girls).
Now, I cannot sleep. I'm thinking of the time I have wasted. What did it all mean? I did not really talk with any of the girls and the only ones I talked to were drunk out of their minds. I realize now that I really have no friends. Many people said hello to me or asked me how I was, yes, but it was all superficial. I knew better than to simply get drunk like the rest.
In the middle of the party, I noticed that a girl I liked also got drunk to the point where she could not walk. I was shocked again ("she's different bro, trust me") despite the fact that women have always disappointed me. As I was walking nearby, she got up and kind of fell on me. Her friend (200 lbs short "lady") told me "lay off" her immediately while I literally did nothing but try to hold her hand. She then sat down and I simply looked at her for a brief moment.
I really do not think I will ever go to a party again. Every other boy in my grade went with a girl and I saw them having so much fun. Some people were wasted, the others were simply dancing. Although I went with a friend, he and I did not hang out much during the party. He was texting a girl. At that moment, I felt so, so lonely in a massive crowd of people.
Why am I always lonely? Why can I not be happy with the things other people take for granted?
I've had this question for a while now. In the beginning, I was fat, ugly, unathletic, etc. I looksmaxxed and successfully changed after years. Now, I look better, am taller, more successful than 90% of the boys who have a girlfriend or even simply are widely accepted by the rest. I'm not bragging when I say this, I wish I was though, because that would give me hope that I could perhaps change only one or two things in my life and then become popular.
After the party, my mother asked me if I had the chance to dance or talk with girls. I had to shrug it off.
I am almost 18, all of my life was spent with loneliness, at home, at school, at wherever. I do NOT know what to do anymore. I don't even know what to feel. I'm convinced that I didn't do anything wrong, however. The other day, I saw some videos of 30+ virgins who had never had girlfriends. I think I will become one of them.
As a final point, I want to express that I do not even really want a girlfriend anymore. I only want some people to care about me and actually consider me as a person, by taking me into their friend group. "Hey bud, would you like to come and play X or Y with us?" "Wanna go do something?" ... -- You get the idea.
Now, I cannot sleep. I'm thinking of the time I have wasted. What did it all mean? I did not really talk with any of the girls and the only ones I talked to were drunk out of their minds. I realize now that I really have no friends. Many people said hello to me or asked me how I was, yes, but it was all superficial. I knew better than to simply get drunk like the rest.
In the middle of the party, I noticed that a girl I liked also got drunk to the point where she could not walk. I was shocked again ("she's different bro, trust me") despite the fact that women have always disappointed me. As I was walking nearby, she got up and kind of fell on me. Her friend (200 lbs short "lady") told me "lay off" her immediately while I literally did nothing but try to hold her hand. She then sat down and I simply looked at her for a brief moment.
I really do not think I will ever go to a party again. Every other boy in my grade went with a girl and I saw them having so much fun. Some people were wasted, the others were simply dancing. Although I went with a friend, he and I did not hang out much during the party. He was texting a girl. At that moment, I felt so, so lonely in a massive crowd of people.
Why am I always lonely? Why can I not be happy with the things other people take for granted?
I've had this question for a while now. In the beginning, I was fat, ugly, unathletic, etc. I looksmaxxed and successfully changed after years. Now, I look better, am taller, more successful than 90% of the boys who have a girlfriend or even simply are widely accepted by the rest. I'm not bragging when I say this, I wish I was though, because that would give me hope that I could perhaps change only one or two things in my life and then become popular.
After the party, my mother asked me if I had the chance to dance or talk with girls. I had to shrug it off.
I am almost 18, all of my life was spent with loneliness, at home, at school, at wherever. I do NOT know what to do anymore. I don't even know what to feel. I'm convinced that I didn't do anything wrong, however. The other day, I saw some videos of 30+ virgins who had never had girlfriends. I think I will become one of them.
As a final point, I want to express that I do not even really want a girlfriend anymore. I only want some people to care about me and actually consider me as a person, by taking me into their friend group. "Hey bud, would you like to come and play X or Y with us?" "Wanna go do something?" ... -- You get the idea.
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