Lurzin0
Iron
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2026
- Posts
- 24
- Reputation
- 5
To preface everything I am about to discuss, I understand I have a new org account so I likely will just get called a greycel or told im larping. However, this is the truth and I have felt this way for a while (really my whole life) and actually do not know where else I could discuss anything that follows without being viewed as insane (e.g. I tried talking to my older brother who is the person I am closest to, that being said i wouldn't say I really feel close to any human).
I think I am genuinely incapable of being loved primarily because I am insanely insecure but also because I am just awful at interacting with people--especially females for that matter. Every girl I have ever been in a "relationship" with I have essentially pushed myself away from because every time they mention any other guy really in any context and correlate him with a positive emotion I am utterly disgusted to an indescribable level. Also, I just hate having to talk about my emotions and hearing about other peoples emotions, it all just feels so forced and unironically superficial, like it is all an act and other people deep down should have the same issue I do--my inability to create/understand genuine human interactions. This is not something I have developed either through discovering lookism and related topics, as even since primary school I just had a deep feeling of desensitization and derealization--especially at social events where people could be seen dancing, smiling, or any other regular positive experience one could assume occurs at such event. I don't know if it was jealousy I felt, or simply hatred as everything felt so scripted and I was so upset I could not just fit in. Over time, I have gotten better at interacting with people, and girls, yet that feeling has never really left. What really has changed was my ability to fake it all. I don't know what to do at this point--I mean I can definitely continue living and at times can act like a regular person but regardless of what I do at the end of the day, that deep feeling of emptyness is always there and it never seems to go away, or even fade in the slightest. Is this a relatable experience for anyone? Or am I simply just a loser. Any advice would be appreciated.
I think I am genuinely incapable of being loved primarily because I am insanely insecure but also because I am just awful at interacting with people--especially females for that matter. Every girl I have ever been in a "relationship" with I have essentially pushed myself away from because every time they mention any other guy really in any context and correlate him with a positive emotion I am utterly disgusted to an indescribable level. Also, I just hate having to talk about my emotions and hearing about other peoples emotions, it all just feels so forced and unironically superficial, like it is all an act and other people deep down should have the same issue I do--my inability to create/understand genuine human interactions. This is not something I have developed either through discovering lookism and related topics, as even since primary school I just had a deep feeling of desensitization and derealization--especially at social events where people could be seen dancing, smiling, or any other regular positive experience one could assume occurs at such event. I don't know if it was jealousy I felt, or simply hatred as everything felt so scripted and I was so upset I could not just fit in. Over time, I have gotten better at interacting with people, and girls, yet that feeling has never really left. What really has changed was my ability to fake it all. I don't know what to do at this point--I mean I can definitely continue living and at times can act like a regular person but regardless of what I do at the end of the day, that deep feeling of emptyness is always there and it never seems to go away, or even fade in the slightest. Is this a relatable experience for anyone? Or am I simply just a loser. Any advice would be appreciated.
I genuinely had to stop thinking of any woman as a potential partner because it was fucking with my brain so much
