Part-Time Chad
Luminary
- Joined
- Jan 5, 2022
- Posts
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It's like I've become numb and have no emotion. Case in point:
- My cousin, Mario, died about a year ago. Even though we hadn't seen each other in years, we were very close growing up. When I heard the bad news, I felt sad, but didn't shed a single tear. I just couldn't do it.
- A couple of weeks ago, a close friend I had known since I was young, Nicky, also died. Again, I was sad, but didn't even come close to crying. I kind of just felt apathetic. I knew I was supposed to grieve, but I just couldn't. It wasn't in me.
- Now, my mother's health is falling apart very rapidly. We found out she has Parkinson's and CLL leukemia about a year ago. She also had surgery and a biopsy, which found that she has malignant cells in her body which could potentially kill her. She may soon need radiation or chemotherapy. I do love her but I haven't shed a single tear about her condition, even though I can easily see her dying. Years ago, I would've been an emotional wreck to see my mother like this. And even though I try to help her when I can and don't want her to die, my attitude seems to be very casual towards her situation.
I don't even care about myself anymore, tbh, and the thought of me dying doesn't even seem to phase me. I just kind of came to the realization that we're all disposable meat sacks with no value in this pointless universe. Nothing seems to matter.
- My cousin, Mario, died about a year ago. Even though we hadn't seen each other in years, we were very close growing up. When I heard the bad news, I felt sad, but didn't shed a single tear. I just couldn't do it.
- A couple of weeks ago, a close friend I had known since I was young, Nicky, also died. Again, I was sad, but didn't even come close to crying. I kind of just felt apathetic. I knew I was supposed to grieve, but I just couldn't. It wasn't in me.
- Now, my mother's health is falling apart very rapidly. We found out she has Parkinson's and CLL leukemia about a year ago. She also had surgery and a biopsy, which found that she has malignant cells in her body which could potentially kill her. She may soon need radiation or chemotherapy. I do love her but I haven't shed a single tear about her condition, even though I can easily see her dying. Years ago, I would've been an emotional wreck to see my mother like this. And even though I try to help her when I can and don't want her to die, my attitude seems to be very casual towards her situation.
I don't even care about myself anymore, tbh, and the thought of me dying doesn't even seem to phase me. I just kind of came to the realization that we're all disposable meat sacks with no value in this pointless universe. Nothing seems to matter.
