wretched_paradox
Iron
- Joined
- Jul 31, 2025
- Posts
- 21
- Reputation
- 16
Goodness gracious why am I even writing this
Walking, seeing people enjoy life with others, with their freedom, with their friends, makes me happy for them, sad for me. I don't want to throw a pity party but why is it that I can't experience these things? Why has God put me in such a place. I suffer from happiness. The kind of happiness that is always fed, always distracted but always captive. Not in a literal way. I am not allowed to leave my house, go anywhere without permission. The age of majority in my country is 21. This law has made my life miserable. I have no experiences, nothing to share to anyone so when I finally meet someone that wants to know even a shred about my life all they get is the usual I go to the gym, I like videogames and that's it.
I respect the right for other people not to be bored by me by not talking. As long as I don't talk, no one will leave me again. I had enough of the self improvement, enough of the grind, enough for the socialmaxxing except I can't even max it thanks to this sorry ass state. The fact that I can't to go outside with anyone or even solo anywhere is enough to make me want to perish in inmobility, I wish I could just lose this consciousness of mine without me noticing, and be reborn somewhere else, but life isn't like that. I'm forced to live this.
The average american person will see this and tell me to shut up, to suck it up and to actually try for once for something. Listen, you are not in my spot. Where you live, your parents dont give a fuck about what you do and you are not forced by the state to obey them when you reached 18. If you want to say something to me I don't care, you just wouldn't understand.
I'm 19, kissless, not a single female connection, and only a few friends I don't even have the liberty to hang out with. I can't get a job because my parents won't let me either and frankly I see no way out until I turn 21.
But at 21 I'm gonna be like the average 18 year old? Is that really what I want? I already feel lost, I don't want to feel like an 18 year old at 21. This is too much, I'll stop here for now. I don't expect anything nice from this forum but it's ok, it's niche, only a few people will see it. I hope I do get some feedback, all this loneliness makes me crave engagement more than anything.
Nothing in this profile will ever be satire for anyone wondering. I'm not a fakecel, I'm not larping, what I'm saying is all real. I can't believe I would humiliate myself like this, but at this point, what is there to lose?
Walking, seeing people enjoy life with others, with their freedom, with their friends, makes me happy for them, sad for me. I don't want to throw a pity party but why is it that I can't experience these things? Why has God put me in such a place. I suffer from happiness. The kind of happiness that is always fed, always distracted but always captive. Not in a literal way. I am not allowed to leave my house, go anywhere without permission. The age of majority in my country is 21. This law has made my life miserable. I have no experiences, nothing to share to anyone so when I finally meet someone that wants to know even a shred about my life all they get is the usual I go to the gym, I like videogames and that's it.
I respect the right for other people not to be bored by me by not talking. As long as I don't talk, no one will leave me again. I had enough of the self improvement, enough of the grind, enough for the socialmaxxing except I can't even max it thanks to this sorry ass state. The fact that I can't to go outside with anyone or even solo anywhere is enough to make me want to perish in inmobility, I wish I could just lose this consciousness of mine without me noticing, and be reborn somewhere else, but life isn't like that. I'm forced to live this.
The average american person will see this and tell me to shut up, to suck it up and to actually try for once for something. Listen, you are not in my spot. Where you live, your parents dont give a fuck about what you do and you are not forced by the state to obey them when you reached 18. If you want to say something to me I don't care, you just wouldn't understand.
I'm 19, kissless, not a single female connection, and only a few friends I don't even have the liberty to hang out with. I can't get a job because my parents won't let me either and frankly I see no way out until I turn 21.
But at 21 I'm gonna be like the average 18 year old? Is that really what I want? I already feel lost, I don't want to feel like an 18 year old at 21. This is too much, I'll stop here for now. I don't expect anything nice from this forum but it's ok, it's niche, only a few people will see it. I hope I do get some feedback, all this loneliness makes me crave engagement more than anything.
Nothing in this profile will ever be satire for anyone wondering. I'm not a fakecel, I'm not larping, what I'm saying is all real. I can't believe I would humiliate myself like this, but at this point, what is there to lose?
