Will testosterone save my life? Im on the verge of kms

[blackmf]

I'm 19 years old, hard stuck at 130 lb and 5'7 1/2" (According to doctors)

Little about myself:
Scroll down for the main context on the main question

I have been the smallest in school and in public for as long as I can remember. I was always bullied no matter what (school, summer camp, by other family members, etc.) I have always been small and weak, and I was treated as such. Pushed around, constantly talked over, and bullied, and women don't respect me. I also am sub-5 (I don't even bother putting my face on here; I already know my place). Essentially, no matter what environment I enter, I have (literally) always been treated and looked at as a cuck and a bitch.

It got so bad that at 15 years old, I started doing a minimum of 300 push-ups every day + 100 weighted jump squats on top of my normal workouts. At the time, I wasn't eating enough because I was scared of estrogenic food and ruining my testosterone, and my mom would always make soy and shit, so I ate around 500 calories (not knowing that would make my test worse). This was also during puberty, so you can guess what years of eating like that did to me long-term.

About a year or so ago, after some crazy shit went down in my life, I moved in with my dad, and things were actually taking a turn for the better. Unfortunately, I didn't see the opportunity and blessings that came with living with my dad. He provided me with nutritious food (that wouldn't fuck with my T), a stable two-parent household (his girlfriend lived with him), healthy relationships with family (Dad's side), and most importantly, guidance only a father can give.

You might be wondering, how could I have fucked this life-changing opportunity up? Well, back then, I wasn't sub 5, with a harsh rating; I was most likely around MTN. This was good enough for me to have some interaction with women. I met this one junkie girl I really liked back when I was smoking weed, and long story short, I fell deeply in love with her and decided I would let her ruin my life. I ended up doing a shitload of psychedelics and hallucinogens with her and destroying my mental state. I lost complete touch with reality, and of course, she ended up leaving me for this basketball player. She started gaslighting me that she and he were "just friends," and eventually, she cut all contact with me because of him. I lost my fucking mind and started coping with more drugs, which caused me to reach peak psychosis and leave my dad's house. My reasoning came from an exaggeration of the only downside to living with him, and that was the lack of freedom. I could barely go out, and he lived on a side of town that was secluded from my friends and social events. I moved back in with my mom, and things got even worse than the first time I lived with her.

(I am no longer allowed back at my dad's house.)
Start here for info related to the question; scroll down further to the huge text for the question

Now that I have moved back to my mom's, my mental health is at an all-time low.

I got diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder. I'm having mild hallucinations and extreme paranoia, and a variety of delusions.

I contemplate suicide every day, and I can't seek support from any of my friends. I always have thoughts lingering in the back of my head that they are making fun of me and that they aren't real friends.
I have been off drugs for months, but I feel even worse than when I was on them, and while trying to get off them, the first 30 days were the worst.

My symptoms are so bad that I can't go a day without using ChatGPT as a therapist and getting it to talk me into not killing myself. I can't sleep and always have to remind myself to eat because I stopped feeling hungry. It's rare that I eat over 600 calories in a day.

I'm getting treated more like a bitch by people at school than ever before.

Women dare to talk down on me like I'm a little boy, and the guys make fun of me every day (mind you, this is in college).

They treat me like an actual subhuman, and it's because I can't do anything about it at my stature.

I had one girl say to my face I don't even look like a man. She decided to publicly humiliate me by comparing me to some random HTN nigga in the middle of the lounge (in front of everyone) and how I lacked specific features that make a man.

Women often show fake interest in me just to get a laugh from their group, and when I walk past groups of girls, they go silent and abruptly burst into laughter.

My friend, who has shared some of the same problems (with women, confidence, and stature), shared how pinning completely changed the trajectory of his life. He claimed he literally felt like a GOD. After doing some research on how people felt after their first (test) pin, I feel like pinning might be the answer I've been looking for. I wanted to get a variety of opinions, and I don't have much to work with for obvious reasons. I got my doctor to test my levels yesterday so I can see if there's been any change (since my condition has gotten drastically worse), and I'm hoping to get some sort of diagnosis, but I'm almost sure that I am suffering from secondary hypogonadism. Even if I don't get a prescription, I have found what seems like a reliable source for Test Enanthate, so I will be able to pin regardless of my levels. So I need your guys' opinions and expertise. Will pinning save my life?

 

[unprevailed]

I'm 19 years old, hard stuck at 130 lb and 5'7 1/2" (According to doctors)

Little about myself:
Scroll down for the main context on the main question

I have been the smallest in school and in public for as long as I can remember. I was always bullied no matter what (school, summer camp, by other family members, etc.) I have always been small and weak, and I was treated as such. Pushed around, constantly talked over, and bullied, and women don't respect me. I also am sub-5 (I don't even bother putting my face on here; I already know my place). Essentially, no matter what environment I enter, I have (literally) always been treated and looked at as a cuck and a bitch.

It got so bad that at 15 years old, I started doing a minimum of 300 push-ups every day + 100 weighted jump squats on top of my normal workouts. At the time, I wasn't eating enough because I was scared of estrogenic food and ruining my testosterone, and my mom would always make soy and shit, so I ate around 500 calories (not knowing that would make my test worse). This was also during puberty, so you can guess what years of eating like that did to me long-term.

About a year or so ago, after some crazy shit went down in my life, I moved in with my dad, and things were actually taking a turn for the better. Unfortunately, I didn't see the opportunity and blessings that came with living with my dad. He provided me with nutritious food (that wouldn't fuck with my T), a stable two-parent household (his girlfriend lived with him), healthy relationships with family (Dad's side), and most importantly, guidance only a father can give.

You might be wondering, how could I have fucked this life-changing opportunity up? Well, back then, I wasn't sub 5, with a harsh rating; I was most likely around MTN. This was good enough for me to have some interaction with women. I met this one junkie girl I really liked back when I was smoking weed, and long story short, I fell deeply in love with her and decided I would let her ruin my life. I ended up doing a shitload of psychedelics and hallucinogens with her and destroying my mental state. I lost complete touch with reality, and of course, she ended up leaving me for this basketball player. She started gaslighting me that she and he were "just friends," and eventually, she cut all contact with me because of him. I lost my fucking mind and started coping with more drugs, which caused me to reach peak psychosis and leave my dad's house. My reasoning came from an exaggeration of the only downside to living with him, and that was the lack of freedom. I could barely go out, and he lived on a side of town that was secluded from my friends and social events. I moved back in with my mom, and things got even worse than the first time I lived with her.

(I am no longer allowed back at my dad's house.)
Start here for info related to the question; scroll down further to the huge text for the question

Now that I have moved back to my mom's, my mental health is at an all-time low.

I got diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder. I'm having mild hallucinations and extreme paranoia, and a variety of delusions.

I contemplate suicide every day, and I can't seek support from any of my friends. I always have thoughts lingering in the back of my head that they are making fun of me and that they aren't real friends.
I have been off drugs for months, but I feel even worse than when I was on them, and while trying to get off them, the first 30 days were the worst.

My symptoms are so bad that I can't go a day without using ChatGPT as a therapist and getting it to talk me into not killing myself. I can't sleep and always have to remind myself to eat because I stopped feeling hungry. It's rare that I eat over 600 calories in a day.

I'm getting treated more like a bitch by people at school than ever before.

Women dare to talk down on me like I'm a little boy, and the guys make fun of me every day (mind you, this is in college).

They treat me like an actual subhuman, and it's because I can't do anything about it at my stature.

I had one girl say to my face I don't even look like a man. She decided to publicly humiliate me by comparing me to some random HTN nigga in the middle of the lounge (in front of everyone) and how I lacked specific features that make a man.

Women often show fake interest in me just to get a laugh from their group, and when I walk past groups of girls, they go silent and abruptly burst into laughter.

My friend, who has shared some of the same problems (with women, confidence, and stature), shared how pinning completely changed the trajectory of his life. He claimed he literally felt like a GOD. After doing some research on how people felt after their first (test) pin, I feel like pinning might be the answer I've been looking for. I wanted to get a variety of opinions, and I don't have much to work with for obvious reasons. I got my doctor to test my levels yesterday so I can see if there's been any change (since my condition has gotten drastically worse), and I'm hoping to get some sort of diagnosis, but I'm almost sure that I am suffering from secondary hypogonadism. Even if I don't get a prescription, I have found what seems like a reliable source for Test Enanthate, so I will be able to pin regardless of my levels. So I need your guys' opinions and expertise. Will pinning save my life?

take the whitepill bro. test injections r a bad idea for u cs bipolar + test can trigger mania, psychosis, etc. And bro js think about it logically you just want respect, masculinity, and safety hormones cannot fix that bro u need psychiatric stabilization, nutrition, reframing on ur life. Tren will probably add on to urproblems get ur life fixed and then think about tren

 

[blackmf]

take the whitepill bro. test injections r a bad idea for u cs bipolar + test can trigger mania, psychosis, etc. And bro js think about it logically you just want respect, masculinity, and safety hormones cannot fix that bro u need psychiatric stabilization, nutrition, reframing on ur life. Tren will probably add on to urproblems get ur life fixed and then think about tren

I'm not thinking about doing tren rn only test. But you are right for the most part. In 2026, I'm working on getting my mental right and keeping up with good habits. Whitepill is not an option for me, at least for now. It kills me every second of the day knowing what my life could've been and how shit it is now. When I really think about it, knowing that once my parents die, no one will love or care about me really sucks. The only reason I'm alive is that I'm clinging to the smallest amount of hope that I'll solve at least 50% of the issues.

 

[unprevailed]

I'm not thinking about doing tren rn only test. But you are right for the most part. In 2026, I'm working on getting my mental right and keeping up with good habits. Whitepill is not an option for me, at least for now. It kills me every second of the day knowing what my life could've been and how shit it is now. When I really think about it, knowing that once my parents die, no one will love or care about me really sucks. The only reason I'm alive is that I'm clinging to the smallest amount of hope that I'll solve at least 50% of the issues.

tren isnt gonna fix ur trauma, bipolar, distorted self image the real order is 1. get ur mental stabilized 2. eat cosnistently 3. sleep 4. reframe ur life narrative with help 5. and then think abt tren and shi. I mean it makes since thinking abt what couldve been but none of that matters and that doesnt mean you should ruin the next 60 years of ur life for it you dont need to solve 100 percent of ur problems u just need 50 percent and your entire life changes and im not tryna tell u some motivational bs that everything will be fine im tryna say this is js a phase and its not permenant even if it feels endless rn in 1 yr everything could chang all that matters is that u take action

 

[blackmf]

tren isnt gonna fix ur trauma, bipolar, distorted self image the real order is 1. get ur mental stabilized 2. eat cosnistently 3. sleep 4. reframe ur life narrative with help 5. and then think abt tren and shi. I mean it makes since thinking abt what couldve been but none of that matters and that doesnt mean you should ruin the next 60 years of ur life for it you dont need to solve 100 percent of ur problems u just need 50 percent and your entire life changes and im not tryna tell u some motivational bs that everything will be fine im tryna say this is js a phase and its not permenant even if it feels endless rn in 1 yr everything could chang all that matters is that u take action

i appreciate it but I already said im not even thinking about using tren just test.

 

[unprevailed]

yeah thatas what i mean i keep switching them up but the point remains the same

i appreciate it but I already said im not even thinking about using tren just test.

 

[hye732]

I'm 19 years old, hard stuck at 130 lb and 5'7 1/2" (According to doctors)

Little about myself:
Scroll down for the main context on the main question

I have been the smallest in school and in public for as long as I can remember. I was always bullied no matter what (school, summer camp, by other family members, etc.) I have always been small and weak, and I was treated as such. Pushed around, constantly talked over, and bullied, and women don't respect me. I also am sub-5 (I don't even bother putting my face on here; I already know my place). Essentially, no matter what environment I enter, I have (literally) always been treated and looked at as a cuck and a bitch.

It got so bad that at 15 years old, I started doing a minimum of 300 push-ups every day + 100 weighted jump squats on top of my normal workouts. At the time, I wasn't eating enough because I was scared of estrogenic food and ruining my testosterone, and my mom would always make soy and shit, so I ate around 500 calories (not knowing that would make my test worse). This was also during puberty, so you can guess what years of eating like that did to me long-term.

About a year or so ago, after some crazy shit went down in my life, I moved in with my dad, and things were actually taking a turn for the better. Unfortunately, I didn't see the opportunity and blessings that came with living with my dad. He provided me with nutritious food (that wouldn't fuck with my T), a stable two-parent household (his girlfriend lived with him), healthy relationships with family (Dad's side), and most importantly, guidance only a father can give.

You might be wondering, how could I have fucked this life-changing opportunity up? Well, back then, I wasn't sub 5, with a harsh rating; I was most likely around MTN. This was good enough for me to have some interaction with women. I met this one junkie girl I really liked back when I was smoking weed, and long story short, I fell deeply in love with her and decided I would let her ruin my life. I ended up doing a shitload of psychedelics and hallucinogens with her and destroying my mental state. I lost complete touch with reality, and of course, she ended up leaving me for this basketball player. She started gaslighting me that she and he were "just friends," and eventually, she cut all contact with me because of him. I lost my fucking mind and started coping with more drugs, which caused me to reach peak psychosis and leave my dad's house. My reasoning came from an exaggeration of the only downside to living with him, and that was the lack of freedom. I could barely go out, and he lived on a side of town that was secluded from my friends and social events. I moved back in with my mom, and things got even worse than the first time I lived with her.

(I am no longer allowed back at my dad's house.)
Start here for info related to the question; scroll down further to the huge text for the question

Now that I have moved back to my mom's, my mental health is at an all-time low.

I got diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder. I'm having mild hallucinations and extreme paranoia, and a variety of delusions.

I contemplate suicide every day, and I can't seek support from any of my friends. I always have thoughts lingering in the back of my head that they are making fun of me and that they aren't real friends.
I have been off drugs for months, but I feel even worse than when I was on them, and while trying to get off them, the first 30 days were the worst.

My symptoms are so bad that I can't go a day without using ChatGPT as a therapist and getting it to talk me into not killing myself. I can't sleep and always have to remind myself to eat because I stopped feeling hungry. It's rare that I eat over 600 calories in a day.

I'm getting treated more like a bitch by people at school than ever before.

Women dare to talk down on me like I'm a little boy, and the guys make fun of me every day (mind you, this is in college).

They treat me like an actual subhuman, and it's because I can't do anything about it at my stature.

I had one girl say to my face I don't even look like a man. She decided to publicly humiliate me by comparing me to some random HTN nigga in the middle of the lounge (in front of everyone) and how I lacked specific features that make a man.

Women often show fake interest in me just to get a laugh from their group, and when I walk past groups of girls, they go silent and abruptly burst into laughter.

My friend, who has shared some of the same problems (with women, confidence, and stature), shared how pinning completely changed the trajectory of his life. He claimed he literally felt like a GOD. After doing some research on how people felt after their first (test) pin, I feel like pinning might be the answer I've been looking for. I wanted to get a variety of opinions, and I don't have much to work with for obvious reasons. I got my doctor to test my levels yesterday so I can see if there's been any change (since my condition has gotten drastically worse), and I'm hoping to get some sort of diagnosis, but I'm almost sure that I am suffering from secondary hypogonadism. Even if I don't get a prescription, I have found what seems like a reliable source for Test Enanthate, so I will be able to pin regardless of my levels. So I need your guys' opinions and expertise. Will pinning save my life?

mentalcel the only thing that will save you is a psychiatrist bro. youre literally 1-2 inches below average height in the US/UK

 

[blackmf]

mentalcel, the only thing that will save you is a psychiatrist, bro. You're literally 1-2 inches below average height in the US/UK

I'm sub5 at 5'7", and that's the cop-out you give me... but yes, I do plan on getting a psychiatrist which solves about 10% of the problem maybe 20%

 

[holymandible]

Speak for yourself, you aren't sub5 nigga.

idk how your base looks maybe tren could ascend u a bit just lose fat and build a bit of muscle that's all u can really do

 

[LTNLurker70]

You should get off this sub and get your head right. Get sleep, exercise routine and diet locked in. Try to increase how much human interaction you have also.

 

[BrutalN2L]

I'm 19 years old, hard stuck at 130 lb and 5'7 1/2" (According to doctors)

Little about myself:
Scroll down for the main context on the main question

I have been the smallest in school and in public for as long as I can remember. I was always bullied no matter what (school, summer camp, by other family members, etc.) I have always been small and weak, and I was treated as such. Pushed around, constantly talked over, and bullied, and women don't respect me. I also am sub-5 (I don't even bother putting my face on here; I already know my place). Essentially, no matter what environment I enter, I have (literally) always been treated and looked at as a cuck and a bitch.

It got so bad that at 15 years old, I started doing a minimum of 300 push-ups every day + 100 weighted jump squats on top of my normal workouts. At the time, I wasn't eating enough because I was scared of estrogenic food and ruining my testosterone, and my mom would always make soy and shit, so I ate around 500 calories (not knowing that would make my test worse). This was also during puberty, so you can guess what years of eating like that did to me long-term.

About a year or so ago, after some crazy shit went down in my life, I moved in with my dad, and things were actually taking a turn for the better. Unfortunately, I didn't see the opportunity and blessings that came with living with my dad. He provided me with nutritious food (that wouldn't fuck with my T), a stable two-parent household (his girlfriend lived with him), healthy relationships with family (Dad's side), and most importantly, guidance only a father can give.

You might be wondering, how could I have fucked this life-changing opportunity up? Well, back then, I wasn't sub 5, with a harsh rating; I was most likely around MTN. This was good enough for me to have some interaction with women. I met this one junkie girl I really liked back when I was smoking weed, and long story short, I fell deeply in love with her and decided I would let her ruin my life. I ended up doing a shitload of psychedelics and hallucinogens with her and destroying my mental state. I lost complete touch with reality, and of course, she ended up leaving me for this basketball player. She started gaslighting me that she and he were "just friends," and eventually, she cut all contact with me because of him. I lost my fucking mind and started coping with more drugs, which caused me to reach peak psychosis and leave my dad's house. My reasoning came from an exaggeration of the only downside to living with him, and that was the lack of freedom. I could barely go out, and he lived on a side of town that was secluded from my friends and social events. I moved back in with my mom, and things got even worse than the first time I lived with her.

(I am no longer allowed back at my dad's house.)
Start here for info related to the question; scroll down further to the huge text for the question

Now that I have moved back to my mom's, my mental health is at an all-time low.

I got diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder. I'm having mild hallucinations and extreme paranoia, and a variety of delusions.

I contemplate suicide every day, and I can't seek support from any of my friends. I always have thoughts lingering in the back of my head that they are making fun of me and that they aren't real friends.
I have been off drugs for months, but I feel even worse than when I was on them, and while trying to get off them, the first 30 days were the worst.

My symptoms are so bad that I can't go a day without using ChatGPT as a therapist and getting it to talk me into not killing myself. I can't sleep and always have to remind myself to eat because I stopped feeling hungry. It's rare that I eat over 600 calories in a day.

I'm getting treated more like a bitch by people at school than ever before.

Women dare to talk down on me like I'm a little boy, and the guys make fun of me every day (mind you, this is in college).

They treat me like an actual subhuman, and it's because I can't do anything about it at my stature.

I had one girl say to my face I don't even look like a man. She decided to publicly humiliate me by comparing me to some random HTN nigga in the middle of the lounge (in front of everyone) and how I lacked specific features that make a man.

Women often show fake interest in me just to get a laugh from their group, and when I walk past groups of girls, they go silent and abruptly burst into laughter.

My friend, who has shared some of the same problems (with women, confidence, and stature), shared how pinning completely changed the trajectory of his life. He claimed he literally felt like a GOD. After doing some research on how people felt after their first (test) pin, I feel like pinning might be the answer I've been looking for. I wanted to get a variety of opinions, and I don't have much to work with for obvious reasons. I got my doctor to test my levels yesterday so I can see if there's been any change (since my condition has gotten drastically worse), and I'm hoping to get some sort of diagnosis, but I'm almost sure that I am suffering from secondary hypogonadism. Even if I don't get a prescription, I have found what seems like a reliable source for Test Enanthate, so I will be able to pin regardless of my levels. So I need your guys' opinions and expertise. Will pinning save my life?

Test is best no reason not to take it

 

[skibidisigma6741]

It sounds like anything would be better than how it is right now. I would pin probably. And eat more. Youre not doing yourself any favours by starving yourself

 

[blackmf]

You should get off this sub and get your head right. Get sleep, exercise routine and diet locked in. Try to increase how much human interaction you have also.

I've been on here for almost 3 years now; there's no going back. I'm trying, though, and everything else I got.

 

[blackmf]

I don't remember if I mentioned it before, but my labs came back, and my total test is 800. However, they didn't provide a free test of SHBG on paper, so I need to find time to go in and get it.

 

[160cmcurry]

go ahead

maybe it’ll blunt your emotions and fear receptors

 

[dachi101]

I started off with 25ius of HGH and worked my way up to 40ius and i did that for about a year i went from 5'4.75-5'11 at age 15-16, and also start blasting test immediately 700mg test 400mg tren, good luck

 

[CalulArgintiu59]

im scared of dut and fin because of post fin syndrome plus it fucks with dht

Not being scared of test, but then fearmongering fin/dut is insane

 

[Mo3452]

I'm 19 years old, hard stuck at 130 lb and 5'7 1/2" (According to doctors)

Little about myself:
Scroll down for the main context on the main question

I have been the smallest in school and in public for as long as I can remember. I was always bullied no matter what (school, summer camp, by other family members, etc.) I have always been small and weak, and I was treated as such. Pushed around, constantly talked over, and bullied, and women don't respect me. I also am sub-5 (I don't even bother putting my face on here; I already know my place). Essentially, no matter what environment I enter, I have (literally) always been treated and looked at as a cuck and a bitch.

It got so bad that at 15 years old, I started doing a minimum of 300 push-ups every day + 100 weighted jump squats on top of my normal workouts. At the time, I wasn't eating enough because I was scared of estrogenic food and ruining my testosterone, and my mom would always make soy and shit, so I ate around 500 calories (not knowing that would make my test worse). This was also during puberty, so you can guess what years of eating like that did to me long-term.

About a year or so ago, after some crazy shit went down in my life, I moved in with my dad, and things were actually taking a turn for the better. Unfortunately, I didn't see the opportunity and blessings that came with living with my dad. He provided me with nutritious food (that wouldn't fuck with my T), a stable two-parent household (his girlfriend lived with him), healthy relationships with family (Dad's side), and most importantly, guidance only a father can give.

You might be wondering, how could I have fucked this life-changing opportunity up? Well, back then, I wasn't sub 5, with a harsh rating; I was most likely around MTN. This was good enough for me to have some interaction with women. I met this one junkie girl I really liked back when I was smoking weed, and long story short, I fell deeply in love with her and decided I would let her ruin my life. I ended up doing a shitload of psychedelics and hallucinogens with her and destroying my mental state. I lost complete touch with reality, and of course, she ended up leaving me for this basketball player. She started gaslighting me that she and he were "just friends," and eventually, she cut all contact with me because of him. I lost my fucking mind and started coping with more drugs, which caused me to reach peak psychosis and leave my dad's house. My reasoning came from an exaggeration of the only downside to living with him, and that was the lack of freedom. I could barely go out, and he lived on a side of town that was secluded from my friends and social events. I moved back in with my mom, and things got even worse than the first time I lived with her.

(I am no longer allowed back at my dad's house.)
Start here for info related to the question; scroll down further to the huge text for the question

Now that I have moved back to my mom's, my mental health is at an all-time low.

I got diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder. I'm having mild hallucinations and extreme paranoia, and a variety of delusions.

I contemplate suicide every day, and I can't seek support from any of my friends. I always have thoughts lingering in the back of my head that they are making fun of me and that they aren't real friends.
I have been off drugs for months, but I feel even worse than when I was on them, and while trying to get off them, the first 30 days were the worst.

My symptoms are so bad that I can't go a day without using ChatGPT as a therapist and getting it to talk me into not killing myself. I can't sleep and always have to remind myself to eat because I stopped feeling hungry. It's rare that I eat over 600 calories in a day.

I'm getting treated more like a bitch by people at school than ever before.

Women dare to talk down on me like I'm a little boy, and the guys make fun of me every day (mind you, this is in college).

They treat me like an actual subhuman, and it's because I can't do anything about it at my stature.

I had one girl say to my face I don't even look like a man. She decided to publicly humiliate me by comparing me to some random HTN nigga in the middle of the lounge (in front of everyone) and how I lacked specific features that make a man.

Women often show fake interest in me just to get a laugh from their group, and when I walk past groups of girls, they go silent and abruptly burst into laughter.

My friend, who has shared some of the same problems (with women, confidence, and stature), shared how pinning completely changed the trajectory of his life. He claimed he literally felt like a GOD. After doing some research on how people felt after their first (test) pin, I feel like pinning might be the answer I've been looking for. I wanted to get a variety of opinions, and I don't have much to work with for obvious reasons. I got my doctor to test my levels yesterday so I can see if there's been any change (since my condition has gotten drastically worse), and I'm hoping to get some sort of diagnosis, but I'm almost sure that I am suffering from secondary hypogonadism. Even if I don't get a prescription, I have found what seems like a reliable source for Test Enanthate, so I will be able to pin regardless of my levels. So I need your guys' opinions and expertise. Will pinning save my life?

genuinely rly sorry
take any medicine that helps with your bipolarity

 

[Sixatheconqueror]

I'm 19 years old, hard stuck at 130 lb and 5'7 1/2" (According to doctors)

Little about myself:
Scroll down for the main context on the main question

I have been the smallest in school and in public for as long as I can remember. I was always bullied no matter what (school, summer camp, by other family members, etc.) I have always been small and weak, and I was treated as such. Pushed around, constantly talked over, and bullied, and women don't respect me. I also am sub-5 (I don't even bother putting my face on here; I already know my place). Essentially, no matter what environment I enter, I have (literally) always been treated and looked at as a cuck and a bitch.

It got so bad that at 15 years old, I started doing a minimum of 300 push-ups every day + 100 weighted jump squats on top of my normal workouts. At the time, I wasn't eating enough because I was scared of estrogenic food and ruining my testosterone, and my mom would always make soy and shit, so I ate around 500 calories (not knowing that would make my test worse). This was also during puberty, so you can guess what years of eating like that did to me long-term.

About a year or so ago, after some crazy shit went down in my life, I moved in with my dad, and things were actually taking a turn for the better. Unfortunately, I didn't see the opportunity and blessings that came with living with my dad. He provided me with nutritious food (that wouldn't fuck with my T), a stable two-parent household (his girlfriend lived with him), healthy relationships with family (Dad's side), and most importantly, guidance only a father can give.

You might be wondering, how could I have fucked this life-changing opportunity up? Well, back then, I wasn't sub 5, with a harsh rating; I was most likely around MTN. This was good enough for me to have some interaction with women. I met this one junkie girl I really liked back when I was smoking weed, and long story short, I fell deeply in love with her and decided I would let her ruin my life. I ended up doing a shitload of psychedelics and hallucinogens with her and destroying my mental state. I lost complete touch with reality, and of course, she ended up leaving me for this basketball player. She started gaslighting me that she and he were "just friends," and eventually, she cut all contact with me because of him. I lost my fucking mind and started coping with more drugs, which caused me to reach peak psychosis and leave my dad's house. My reasoning came from an exaggeration of the only downside to living with him, and that was the lack of freedom. I could barely go out, and he lived on a side of town that was secluded from my friends and social events. I moved back in with my mom, and things got even worse than the first time I lived with her.

(I am no longer allowed back at my dad's house.)
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Now that I have moved back to my mom's, my mental health is at an all-time low.

I got diagnosed with manic bipolar disorder. I'm having mild hallucinations and extreme paranoia, and a variety of delusions.

I contemplate suicide every day, and I can't seek support from any of my friends. I always have thoughts lingering in the back of my head that they are making fun of me and that they aren't real friends.
I have been off drugs for months, but I feel even worse than when I was on them, and while trying to get off them, the first 30 days were the worst.

My symptoms are so bad that I can't go a day without using ChatGPT as a therapist and getting it to talk me into not killing myself. I can't sleep and always have to remind myself to eat because I stopped feeling hungry. It's rare that I eat over 600 calories in a day.

I'm getting treated more like a bitch by people at school than ever before.

Women dare to talk down on me like I'm a little boy, and the guys make fun of me every day (mind you, this is in college).

They treat me like an actual subhuman, and it's because I can't do anything about it at my stature.

I had one girl say to my face I don't even look like a man. She decided to publicly humiliate me by comparing me to some random HTN nigga in the middle of the lounge (in front of everyone) and how I lacked specific features that make a man.

Women often show fake interest in me just to get a laugh from their group, and when I walk past groups of girls, they go silent and abruptly burst into laughter.

My friend, who has shared some of the same problems (with women, confidence, and stature), shared how pinning completely changed the trajectory of his life. He claimed he literally felt like a GOD. After doing some research on how people felt after their first (test) pin, I feel like pinning might be the answer I've been looking for. I wanted to get a variety of opinions, and I don't have much to work with for obvious reasons. I got my doctor to test my levels yesterday so I can see if there's been any change (since my condition has gotten drastically worse), and I'm hoping to get some sort of diagnosis, but I'm almost sure that I am suffering from secondary hypogonadism. Even if I don't get a prescription, I have found what seems like a reliable source for Test Enanthate, so I will be able to pin regardless of my levels. So I need your guys' opinions and expertise. Will pinning save my life?

Bro 130lb is not that skinny. It's def underweight but not shocking