iblameb
Currently drifting through life
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Holy shit. All I have to say. I just finished reading this book ,,Wired Differently". Anonymous author, a guy talking about his experience having ASPD (psychopathy). here is teh link if any of y'all want to read it, highly recommend:
Going into this I imagined being written by a 40yr phylosopher but its a dude just like me, prolly in his 20s. Teen experiences, girls, how it feels to love for someone whose emotions are fading, almost not there.
Made me acknowledge few things, relate to some. Here is sum I liked. Trying to kind quote it but from what I remember. "When I see someone screaming I lose respect for them. It means they already lost. Becasue someone in control doesnt need to shout." I always see teachers yelling. Pathetic human who has to raise his voce to be listened to by 16yr olds.
As a ND I highly related to some pages. Also something the author talked about in the book I liked. As a kid u try to find yourself, ask "Who am I?". Discover yourself. But in adolescence that shifts from who am i to "Why am I like this?". I first experienced this I think in 2nd grade when the teacher pulled me aside to ask why Im not playing like the other kids. I brushed it off first being a kid until I got in the 7th grade where I started being lonely, not fitting with other anymore, isolating myself more. The 9th and 10th grade hit hardest cuz the discrepancy between normal kids and someone different starts to feel. U start thinking about how u behave, how u interact, what to do to please others, how to get what u want. And that shift from trying to discover yourself to acknowledging u are different and trying to understand why is huge.
Also a important part in the book is where he talks about his love life. Only emotion is when something is not within ur reach. Its impossible to achieve, that make sit desirable. Having a single girl its easy but winning the one with a boyfriend that is willing to break her morals, loyalty whatever, that makes it like a win. Not especially because u enjoyed being bad and making her cheat but because u proved u could make her step on principals.
He talked about a part I really enjoyed. A 10/10 girl had a bf. He tried hard for 2 months to get her, it made hr desirable. One night she texted him, went out and kissed for 10 long minutes. Then she said she broke up with her gf. That was the breaking point. He lost. She won, on her terms. She didnt lose, didnt cheat, broke up and chose him. She bent the rules in her favor.
In my experience, I never went to a psychiatrist to get a diagnose, though Im pretty sure there is something with me. When I was in the 7th, 9th grade I thought I had ASPD because i couldnt sit normally in class, had no energy or need to talk to people. Now Im considering myself autistic cuz I have a hard time understanding simple things in people or conversations. Ive been using this as an excuse to not take responsability for my actions and just say "oh im nd, im autistic, im not the one to blame for being stupid".
his ig account, tho still anonymous "subject064"
great quotes from the book: "Or maybe meeting yourself is the one thing you cant do while youre still busy being everyone else";
"I do care, but on my own terms. Conditional. Egoistic. The kind of love that says, "I'll give you everything, but its because I want to, not because I'm built to";
Very good book. I strongly recommend. Please dont type "MUH, DNR
. TALES. MUH DNR". Dont be that braindead dick who just comments to have more posts.
@Brava @Centurion_Hunter @Whiteboard7 @OldSpice u guys one of the few I know who could maybe understand this. Imagine I went to school to talk to classmates or teachers about this.
Going into this I imagined being written by a 40yr phylosopher but its a dude just like me, prolly in his 20s. Teen experiences, girls, how it feels to love for someone whose emotions are fading, almost not there.
Made me acknowledge few things, relate to some. Here is sum I liked. Trying to kind quote it but from what I remember. "When I see someone screaming I lose respect for them. It means they already lost. Becasue someone in control doesnt need to shout." I always see teachers yelling. Pathetic human who has to raise his voce to be listened to by 16yr olds.
As a ND I highly related to some pages. Also something the author talked about in the book I liked. As a kid u try to find yourself, ask "Who am I?". Discover yourself. But in adolescence that shifts from who am i to "Why am I like this?". I first experienced this I think in 2nd grade when the teacher pulled me aside to ask why Im not playing like the other kids. I brushed it off first being a kid until I got in the 7th grade where I started being lonely, not fitting with other anymore, isolating myself more. The 9th and 10th grade hit hardest cuz the discrepancy between normal kids and someone different starts to feel. U start thinking about how u behave, how u interact, what to do to please others, how to get what u want. And that shift from trying to discover yourself to acknowledging u are different and trying to understand why is huge.
Also a important part in the book is where he talks about his love life. Only emotion is when something is not within ur reach. Its impossible to achieve, that make sit desirable. Having a single girl its easy but winning the one with a boyfriend that is willing to break her morals, loyalty whatever, that makes it like a win. Not especially because u enjoyed being bad and making her cheat but because u proved u could make her step on principals.
He talked about a part I really enjoyed. A 10/10 girl had a bf. He tried hard for 2 months to get her, it made hr desirable. One night she texted him, went out and kissed for 10 long minutes. Then she said she broke up with her gf. That was the breaking point. He lost. She won, on her terms. She didnt lose, didnt cheat, broke up and chose him. She bent the rules in her favor.
In my experience, I never went to a psychiatrist to get a diagnose, though Im pretty sure there is something with me. When I was in the 7th, 9th grade I thought I had ASPD because i couldnt sit normally in class, had no energy or need to talk to people. Now Im considering myself autistic cuz I have a hard time understanding simple things in people or conversations. Ive been using this as an excuse to not take responsability for my actions and just say "oh im nd, im autistic, im not the one to blame for being stupid".
his ig account, tho still anonymous "subject064"
great quotes from the book: "Or maybe meeting yourself is the one thing you cant do while youre still busy being everyone else";
"I do care, but on my own terms. Conditional. Egoistic. The kind of love that says, "I'll give you everything, but its because I want to, not because I'm built to";
Very good book. I strongly recommend. Please dont type "MUH, DNR
. TALES. MUH DNR". Dont be that braindead dick who just comments to have more posts. @Brava @Centurion_Hunter @Whiteboard7 @OldSpice u guys one of the few I know who could maybe understand this. Imagine I went to school to talk to classmates or teachers about this.
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