you can't outlift your personality.

[Orc]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

you could argue that it's contextual, and that what's perceived as positive in one place can be negative in another, and vice versa, but the reality is that you're unlikely to wander very from far from where you're born, your family lives there after all, if you're not in the position to pack up and move to some magically more accepting place, and your wiring doesn't match the social norms around you, then you're stuck, there's no way out of this mismatch, and there will be constant friction for the rest of your life.

culture isn't some abstract idea, it's the rules of the game you're forced to play by every day, and if your brain or personality doesn't match those rules you'll feel wrong just for existing, especially if you're introverted, neurodivergent, or grew up poor or with bad parents, or any combo of the above things like 'just move' or 'just find your people' or 'be yourself' are completely hollow, it's like saying 'just climb out' to someone at the bottom of a pit with no ladder.


even in online spaces that say they're inclusive or neurodivergent friendly, or alternative there's still unspoken rules, social hierarchies, in-groups, and ways you're expected to behave and express yourself, and if you don't vibe the right way, if you're too blunt, too intense, too emotionally flat, too cynical, too realistic, even the 'accepting' spaces will push you out, maybe not directly, but through silence, avoidance and passive hostility.

everyone wants you to join their community until it stops being cute or convenient for them.

you cannot fundamentally change your core traits so you can't actually 'work on your personality' most of your traits are stable, and unchanging over your lifetime, you will never be able to flip a switch and become someone else.


most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you, but you're still not being understood, and it isn't actually you, it's just elaborate theatrics, you didn't become a better person, you just tricked people into believing you are while you feel the same way inside because your wiring hasn't actually changed at all.

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

any relationship you'll have, every friend you'll make, are friends with your mask, and not with you.

 

[goyimslayer]

Let me cope in peace, bro.

 

[sub5outsider]

my upbringing was bad i really never stood a chance no self improvement for non normally working brain

 

[Serial Coomer]

mirin rep

 

[Orc]

Let me cope in peace, bro.

no more copes.

my upbringing was bad i really never stood a chance no self improvement for non normally working brain

same.

all there is to it, is accept that you will be alone for the rest of your life based on a galactic roll of the dice you didn't have any say in.

 

[Snicket]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

you could argue that it's contextual, and that what's perceived as positive in one place can be negative in another, and vice versa, but the reality is that you're unlikely to wander very from far from where you're born, your family lives there after all, if you're not in the position to pack up and move to some magically more accepting place, and your wiring doesn't match the social norms around you, then you're stuck, there's no way out of this mismatch, and there will be constant friction for the rest of your life.

culture isn't some abstract idea, it's the rules of the game you're forced to play by every day, and if your brain or personality doesn't match those rules you'll feel wrong just for existing, especially if you're introverted, neurodivergent, or grew up poor or with bad parents, or any combo of the above things like 'just move' or 'just find your people' or 'be yourself' are completely hollow, it's like saying 'just climb out' to someone at the bottom of a pit with no ladder.


even in online spaces that say they're inclusive or neurodivergent friendly, or alternative there's still unspoken rules, social hierarchies, in-groups, and ways you're expected to behave and express yourself, and if you don't vibe the right way, if you're too blunt, too intense, too emotionally flat, too cynical, too realistic, even the 'accepting' spaces will push you out, maybe not directly, but through silence, avoidance and passive hostility.

everyone wants you to join their community until it stops being cute or convenient for them.

you cannot fundamentally change your core traits so you can't actually 'work on your personality' most of your traits are stable, and unchanging over your lifetime, you will never be able to flip a switch and become someone else.


most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you, but you're still not being understood, and it isn't actually you, it's just elaborate theatrics, you didn't become a better person, you just tricked people into believing you are while you feel the same way inside because your wiring hasn't actually changed at all.

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

any relationship you'll have, every friend you'll make, are friends with your mask, and not with you.

Perhaps you're right Orc but it's inherently human to fight against your own nature.

 

[goyimslayer]

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

 

[greycel]

most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you

Your personality will be perceived to be different though
That’s what matters

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

Everyone hides their true self to some degree. What is classed as masking?
Moving in the positive direction, even slightly, is growth… and will be beneficial for you in many indirect ways

Everybody is wearing a mask
Very very few people are low inhib/pure enough that they roam in society without one, which will end up doing them a disservice

Your mask is your protection

 

[sigmamogger]

What

 

[ToryToad]

Then it's over for me

 

[kazama]

so Im just a mask?? Actually, this thing confuses me. Idk what I am, I just am

 

[emeraldglass]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

you could argue that it's contextual, and that what's perceived as positive in one place can be negative in another, and vice versa, but the reality is that you're unlikely to wander very from far from where you're born, your family lives there after all, if you're not in the position to pack up and move to some magically more accepting place, and your wiring doesn't match the social norms around you, then you're stuck, there's no way out of this mismatch, and there will be constant friction for the rest of your life.

culture isn't some abstract idea, it's the rules of the game you're forced to play by every day, and if your brain or personality doesn't match those rules you'll feel wrong just for existing, especially if you're introverted, neurodivergent, or grew up poor or with bad parents, or any combo of the above things like 'just move' or 'just find your people' or 'be yourself' are completely hollow, it's like saying 'just climb out' to someone at the bottom of a pit with no ladder.


even in online spaces that say they're inclusive or neurodivergent friendly, or alternative there's still unspoken rules, social hierarchies, in-groups, and ways you're expected to behave and express yourself, and if you don't vibe the right way, if you're too blunt, too intense, too emotionally flat, too cynical, too realistic, even the 'accepting' spaces will push you out, maybe not directly, but through silence, avoidance and passive hostility.

everyone wants you to join their community until it stops being cute or convenient for them.

you cannot fundamentally change your core traits so you can't actually 'work on your personality' most of your traits are stable, and unchanging over your lifetime, you will never be able to flip a switch and become someone else.


most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you, but you're still not being understood, and it isn't actually you, it's just elaborate theatrics, you didn't become a better person, you just tricked people into believing you are while you feel the same way inside because your wiring hasn't actually changed at all.

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

any relationship you'll have, every friend you'll make, are friends with your mask, and not with you.

People are like chameleons we all wears masks. And we’re constantly shaped by outside influences, most of the time without even realizing it. Almost no one is exactly how they present themselves, whether they seem good or bad socially. And over time, character can completely change. It’s rare, but it happens.

 

[sub5outsider]

Then it's over for me

View attachment 3652552

 

[Orc]

That’s what matters

it matters to everyone else, not to you, you're still inside of your head staring through the glass, you're an observer if you're not able to interact with the world without masking, they're interacting with your puppet and not with you.

masking to me is when you hide or alter parts of yourself to fit into what others expect or want to see, it's like constantly editing or filtering how you come across acting a certain way so you’re accepted or to avoid conflict, but it’s exhausting because it’s not actually you, it's the small adjustments you make every day, the things you hide or exaggerate to blend in or please others, even if it's against what feels right to you, over time, it becomes automatic, and you don’t even notice you’re doing it anymore, but it still weighs on you, because you’re never truly being yourself


as for the idea of growth, sure, moving in a positive direction is great on paper, but if you feel like you’re doing it just to keep up with the game or to keep others happy, it doesn’t feel like growth, it feels like a performance, and even if it benefits you in some way, it feels hollow, real growth, the kind that’s about you, not about fitting a mold, would mean being able to drop that mask for even a second and feel safe enough to just exist as you are, without all the pressure

i do agree with the idea that everyone wears some kind of mask, it’s just how much of yourself you hide and for what purpose, i just feel like i’ve been hiding so much for so long, it’s hard to imagine what it would even feel like to take it off, it’s like, yeah, i get that there’s supposed to be some positive movement or whatever, but that doesn’t really solve the problem of never being seen for who you really are, right? you can move a little, but when you’re forced to hide your true self every day, it’s hard to feel like the direction is really forward, it’s like moving in place while pretending you’re going somewhere

 

[KT-34]

Great you've discovered social hypocrisy and why most people are dishonest

Since middle school where groups start forming people lie to fit in, it's a social instinct

You can't control what you like or hate but you can control how you react on the outside, and since everyone here knows that outside is all that matters, then you can indeed uplift your personality

 

[ryuken]

no

 

[playxiing]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

you could argue that it's contextual, and that what's perceived as positive in one place can be negative in another, and vice versa, but the reality is that you're unlikely to wander very from far from where you're born, your family lives there after all, if you're not in the position to pack up and move to some magically more accepting place, and your wiring doesn't match the social norms around you, then you're stuck, there's no way out of this mismatch, and there will be constant friction for the rest of your life.

culture isn't some abstract idea, it's the rules of the game you're forced to play by every day, and if your brain or personality doesn't match those rules you'll feel wrong just for existing, especially if you're introverted, neurodivergent, or grew up poor or with bad parents, or any combo of the above things like 'just move' or 'just find your people' or 'be yourself' are completely hollow, it's like saying 'just climb out' to someone at the bottom of a pit with no ladder.


even in online spaces that say they're inclusive or neurodivergent friendly, or alternative there's still unspoken rules, social hierarchies, in-groups, and ways you're expected to behave and express yourself, and if you don't vibe the right way, if you're too blunt, too intense, too emotionally flat, too cynical, too realistic, even the 'accepting' spaces will push you out, maybe not directly, but through silence, avoidance and passive hostility.

everyone wants you to join their community until it stops being cute or convenient for them.

you cannot fundamentally change your core traits so you can't actually 'work on your personality' most of your traits are stable, and unchanging over your lifetime, you will never be able to flip a switch and become someone else.


most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you, but you're still not being understood, and it isn't actually you, it's just elaborate theatrics, you didn't become a better person, you just tricked people into believing you are while you feel the same way inside because your wiring hasn't actually changed at all.

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

any relationship you'll have, every friend you'll make, are friends with your mask, and not with you.

and you are autistic

 

[Orc]

and you are autistic

autism affects all aspects of your personality and guarantees that you're unbearable and insufferable.

 

[widdi]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

Heritability doesn’t mean non malleability. The problem with those studies is that anyone who significantly changes their environment by changing their location or cutting off a large portion of people they know are lost from the study or have a level of agency that is abnormal. If you are genuinely in the self improvement space, chances are you also have a level of agency that is abnormally high. Most normies never think about self improvement; they are completely happy with their mediocre lives as is. Because of this, studies done on them are kinda useless. How would personality change when you don’t make a concerted effort to?

Also before you say that they are just masking, there’s no way that those studies would differentiate masking from real personality either. It’s just filling out surveys. If they are showing that no change is happening even when they aren’t trying to control for masking, that’s not a reason for the high heritability of personality as found from those studies.

 

[R@m@]

If youre being yourself 100% youll probably end up homeless

 

[Orc]

Heritability doesn’t mean non malleability. The problem with those studies is that anyone who significantly changes their environment by changing their location or cutting off a large portion of people they know are lost from the study or have a level of agency that is abnormal. If you are genuinely in the self improvement space, chances are you also have a level of agency that is abnormally high. Most normies never think about self improvement; they are completely happy with their mediocre lives as is. Because of this, studies done on them are kinda useless. How would personality change when you don’t make a concerted effort to?

Also before you say that they are just masking, there’s no way that those studies would differentiate masking from real personality either. It’s just filling out surveys. If they are showing that no change is happening even when they aren’t trying to control for masking, that’s not a reason for the high heritability of personality as found from those studies.

I was a part of a study that filled out those questionnaires for years, what happens is that you just end up changing your answers to get less questions afterwards, rather than actually changing yourself, and it's not much different in interactions, you just pretend you're something that you're not.

 

[Loruki]

I grew up antisocial and psychotic. I would draw and write scary ass shit & would get in trouble for it being too violent.

I’ve eventually broke free of being completely antisocial, but I still have anxiety no matter how much I try to make it seem like I don’t. My dad probably passed on this personality to me.

The psychotic thing eventually went away because of my parents and teachers belittling my ideas. (e.g. killing, raping, bombing.) I honestly had no idea where these came from. Was always thinking about death.

 

[Loruki]

I took a online test and got dark triad for being manipulative and narcy

 

[Orc]

I grew up antisocial and psychotic. I would draw and write scary ass shit & would get in trouble for it being too violent.

I’ve eventually broke free of being completely antisocial, but I still have anxiety no matter how much I try to make it seem like I don’t. My dad probably passed on this personality to me.

The psychotic thing eventually went away because of my parents and teachers belittling my ideas. (e.g. killing, raping, bombing.) I honestly had no idea where these came from. Was always thinking about death.

a lot of your traits tend to mellow out with age and become less extreme but that doesn't mean you've lost them.

I largely have the same shitty personality as my great grandfather, sadly.

 

[R@m@]

If youre being yourself 100% youll probably end up homeless

This is probably what happens with lots of homeless people, mental illness where your social mask dissapears and lack of inhibitions where you dont care about how youre perceived

 

[Lookologist003]

all there is to it, is accept that you will be alone for the rest of your life based on a galactic roll of the dice you didn't have any say in.

Life is funny like that. You could just have been born galley slave, live shit life then become forgotten on your death. So many have. Human's have a bias and remember, if at all, only the richest lives of exceptional people who are often born with exceptional traits, like IQ, Looks, family status or inherited wealth. Survivorship bias is the type of bias. Men never stop for one minute and actually think about a man who died hung over barbed wire of a trench and how he was conscripted to die or some shit. We take it all for granted.

 

[Orc]

I took a online test and got dark triad for being manipulative and narcy

I score exceptionally low in those.

 

[R@m@]

I grew up antisocial and psychotic. I would draw and write scary ass shit & would get in trouble for it being too violent.

I’ve eventually broke free of being completely antisocial, but I still have anxiety no matter how much I try to make it seem like I don’t. My dad probably passed on this personality to me.

The psychotic thing eventually went away because of my parents and teachers belittling my ideas. (e.g. killing, raping, bombing.) I honestly had no idea where these came from. Was always thinking about death.

Im also something like that deep down but less extreme than you and I also dont know where that came from

I feel like society gives me lots of anxiety because I have to hide this savage side of me and be someone else

 

[Loruki]

@Orc I used to be social as a kid in preschool. But that shifted to being antisocial when I went to elementary up until middle school.

I think it’s the feeling of not wanted to leave or be left by my old companions.

 

[Loruki]

Im also something like that deep down but less extreme than you and I also dont know where that came from

I feel like society gives me lots of anxiety because I have to hide this savage side of me and be someone else

I feel that too

 

[Lookologist003]

This is probably what happens with lots of homeless people, mental illness where your social mask dissapears and lack of inhibitions where you dont care about how youre perceived

Homeless people were sometimes drug addicts before they became homeless. There is a difference between being abstinent and true in social conduct and being in dome dangerous fury on bath salts, damaging your lease on a house or not being able to perform your job any longer. Either mode of behaviour does not bode well for your livelihood anyhow. Saying what you really think can hurt feelings and relations with your parents, boss, friends, roommates. If even once you have jeopardised your livelihood that way, you become wisened and from then on keep up pretenses.

One of my HS teachers laid that out to me while I was in under his detention. I didn't appreciate it at the time. I think you have to actually put your livelihood in the ballance for it to set in.

 

[SwissArms]

not a word

 

[greycel]

it matters to everyone else, not to you, you're still inside of your head staring through the glass, you're an observer if you're not able to interact with the world without masking, they're interacting with your puppet and not with you.

masking to me is when you hide or alter parts of yourself to fit into what others expect or want to see, it's like constantly editing or filtering how you come across acting a certain way so you’re accepted or to avoid conflict, but it’s exhausting because it’s not actually you, it's the small adjustments you make every day, the things you hide or exaggerate to blend in or please others, even if it's against what feels right to you, over time, it becomes automatic, and you don’t even notice you’re doing it anymore, but it still weighs on you, because you’re never truly being yourself


as for the idea of growth, sure, moving in a positive direction is great on paper, but if you feel like you’re doing it just to keep up with the game or to keep others happy, it doesn’t feel like growth, it feels like a performance, and even if it benefits you in some way, it feels hollow, real growth, the kind that’s about you, not about fitting a mold, would mean being able to drop that mask for even a second and feel safe enough to just exist as you are, without all the pressure

i do agree with the idea that everyone wears some kind of mask, it’s just how much of yourself you hide and for what purpose, i just feel like i’ve been hiding so much for so long, it’s hard to imagine what it would even feel like to take it off, it’s like, yeah, i get that there’s supposed to be some positive movement or whatever, but that doesn’t really solve the problem of never being seen for who you really are, right? you can move a little, but when you’re forced to hide your true self every day, it’s hard to feel like the direction is really forward, it’s like moving in place while pretending you’re going somewhere

I understand how you feel

I used to be bullied as a kid, so it became more of a reason to morph myself into a fluid of low viscosity. Something that can conform easily to many groups of people. I had to understand not just the mask but the person behind, and mentally note similarities and differences between one group and another, and then by how much are they similar/different, relative to a third group.. etc

I do possess ADD, but fortunately no autism, so over time I did manage to achieve changing my image.
It did feel overwhelming, living a lie, being a clown of sorts to appease the other guy. Why should I have to prioritise the other person?
Why can’t he prioritise me in this tug of war?
I never asked myself that. I did in a way, as I was told. Told by society and how they act with each other. I just assumed it to be the case, we should strive to fit in.

Something switched in me when I started getting older, and seeing extremes of society (e.g homeless people/ old people who’ve lived a long life/ etc). They had the sort of straightforwardness that now I think about it, likely could’ve been from the environment they were brought up in -- but I at the time thought of it as them having changed.. made growth voluntarily, from being a validation seeking jester like me, to being free.
Over time, I started testing the boundaries. Any social norms I was a slave to, I would see how far I can go treading over the line with no repercussions.
The opposite of what I thought was going to happen, happened. People started giving me more respect. They’d elevate me in social situations. I’d have lower requirements, compared to others.
Think of the guy who says “k” and nobody bats an eye. Others will have to write a full sentence every time. I was becoming the dude who could just get away with a “k”.

So, that’s when I personally realised society was bullshit. Everybody is weak, and will eventually let go of the rope in that tug of war, if you pull hard enough.
You pull too quick and it can end a friendship. You pull too slow, and the other guy thinks he has a chance to disrespect you and will start pulling faster. It’s about finding the ideal balance.

All those bullies who reached the top of the social hierarchy had found the balance, amongst the other kids.. who opted to reside in that range of acceptance, out of fear of ostracization.

As for is this game worth playing?
People with autism, I feel, are forced into this question. They are incapable of morphing their mask to match the other in front. So they overthink and shift to question why the game exists..
But like I said above, you don’t have to morph shit. Have others morph themselves to you.

I personally have given up all of this a while ago. The only time I engage in this dance of illusion, is if I have something to gain from the other person.
I’d rather keep my dignity, than change myself to be an amicable bitch. My quality of life is good, and I’ve learnt through trial and error how to find balance in different situations.
I surround myself with good humans, and none of us really bother hiding our true selves. I’ve lost a few old “friends”, some family, and potential life experiences.. but I’m currently happy with the people I have.

Having a hyper masculine face and physique means you already have a physical presence. You don’t have to bother with changing yourself for others. People are more likely to adjust to you.
Just don’t let this feed into your ego

 

[t4s1r]

Perhaps you're right Orc but it's inherently human to fight against your own nature.

That’s actually really smart if you think about it that’s the core foundation for most religions

 

[stuntstuntstunt]

bookmarked

 

[Everythingislaw]

autism afects all aspects of your personality and guarantees that you're unbearable and insufferable.

why do people even think you are insufferable bro ? You seem like nice, funny and knowledgeble guy. What is unbearable about it.

 

[lifeless]

thanks retard
you really cracked the code on this one!

 

[albanianblackguy]

why do people even think you are insufferable bro ? You seem like nice, funny and knowledgeble guy. What is unbearable about it.

i can kinda imagine how he is irl from reading his posts and i understand why people think he is insufferable, knew some autistic guys and they were annoying even tho i felt pity for them and knew why they are like that

 

[sluttysuzy420]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

you could argue that it's contextual, and that what's perceived as positive in one place can be negative in another, and vice versa, but the reality is that you're unlikely to wander very from far from where you're born, your family lives there after all, if you're not in the position to pack up and move to some magically more accepting place, and your wiring doesn't match the social norms around you, then you're stuck, there's no way out of this mismatch, and there will be constant friction for the rest of your life.

culture isn't some abstract idea, it's the rules of the game you're forced to play by every day, and if your brain or personality doesn't match those rules you'll feel wrong just for existing, especially if you're introverted, neurodivergent, or grew up poor or with bad parents, or any combo of the above things like 'just move' or 'just find your people' or 'be yourself' are completely hollow, it's like saying 'just climb out' to someone at the bottom of a pit with no ladder.


even in online spaces that say they're inclusive or neurodivergent friendly, or alternative there's still unspoken rules, social hierarchies, in-groups, and ways you're expected to behave and express yourself, and if you don't vibe the right way, if you're too blunt, too intense, too emotionally flat, too cynical, too realistic, even the 'accepting' spaces will push you out, maybe not directly, but through silence, avoidance and passive hostility.

everyone wants you to join their community until it stops being cute or convenient for them.

you cannot fundamentally change your core traits so you can't actually 'work on your personality' most of your traits are stable, and unchanging over your lifetime, you will never be able to flip a switch and become someone else.


most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you, but you're still not being understood, and it isn't actually you, it's just elaborate theatrics, you didn't become a better person, you just tricked people into believing you are while you feel the same way inside because your wiring hasn't actually changed at all.

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

any relationship you'll have, every friend you'll make, are friends with your mask, and not with you.

Exceptionally insightful post. best ive seen on this sight so far. Bookmarked

 

[autistic_tendencies]

Yes you can actually
Read the book becoming supernatural
The way you think can influence your health and behaviour

 

[AstroSky]

personality is heavily influeced by genetics and early environments, traits like your temperament, emotional reactivity, and even tendencies towards things like introversion or sensitivity are largely inherited, and a lot of your social conditioning happens when you're too young to really choose much for yourself, you don't get to decide your starting point in life, or how others get to perceive it either, you're stuck with this.

you could argue that it's contextual, and that what's perceived as positive in one place can be negative in another, and vice versa, but the reality is that you're unlikely to wander very from far from where you're born, your family lives there after all, if you're not in the position to pack up and move to some magically more accepting place, and your wiring doesn't match the social norms around you, then you're stuck, there's no way out of this mismatch, and there will be constant friction for the rest of your life.

culture isn't some abstract idea, it's the rules of the game you're forced to play by every day, and if your brain or personality doesn't match those rules you'll feel wrong just for existing, especially if you're introverted, neurodivergent, or grew up poor or with bad parents, or any combo of the above things like 'just move' or 'just find your people' or 'be yourself' are completely hollow, it's like saying 'just climb out' to someone at the bottom of a pit with no ladder.


even in online spaces that say they're inclusive or neurodivergent friendly, or alternative there's still unspoken rules, social hierarchies, in-groups, and ways you're expected to behave and express yourself, and if you don't vibe the right way, if you're too blunt, too intense, too emotionally flat, too cynical, too realistic, even the 'accepting' spaces will push you out, maybe not directly, but through silence, avoidance and passive hostility.

everyone wants you to join their community until it stops being cute or convenient for them.

you cannot fundamentally change your core traits so you can't actually 'work on your personality' most of your traits are stable, and unchanging over your lifetime, you will never be able to flip a switch and become someone else.


most of what people call 'self improvement' or even the results of therapy, is just masking, you're becoming more tolerable for people so they don't have to make any effort to understand you, but you're still not being understood, and it isn't actually you, it's just elaborate theatrics, you didn't become a better person, you just tricked people into believing you are while you feel the same way inside because your wiring hasn't actually changed at all.

and masking is soul crushing, it's not growth, it's just erasing who you are.

if you aren't a likable person, fundamentally, then you will never genuinely be liked for the rest of your life, if anyone tolerates you at all it's because you're cosplaying as someone else.

any relationship you'll have, every friend you'll make, are friends with your mask, and not with you.

Have you ever had shrooms?

And if you had, did you do it for a while? Did you stick it through for the long term? Have you seen the studies that it physically rewires your brain? Most people that take a few mushroom trips don't do it long enough to actually get the positive effects of it. Actually, you should be micro dosing it. It gives a chance for your brain to be more plastic, like a child. A lot of the reasons why people don't actually change is their brains are rigid. Their habits are formed. And as you get older, it gets worse and worse.

I got quite a few opinions to what you just said, but I feel like I'd rather not get into it, I'd rather just make the statement like I said above.

 

[Pablo56]

This post ruined my day

 

[AstroSky]

This post ruined my day

It shouldn't. Nothing in this world is black or white really. It's gray. It "depends" sometimes.