NylyDaGOAT
Tariq, The Loneliest Looksmaxxer
- Joined
- Mar 7, 2026
- Posts
- 78
- Reputation
- 110
I'm a man and I been struggling with body dysmorphia ever since I was 15 years old (2022).
It started right when I was taking a bus home from school and two girls my age from the same school were smiling at me and looking at me the whole time.
So I went home, feeling good about myself, telling myself that they probably like me, that's why they're smiling at me, so I started planning how I'm going to approach them and it's going to work out and be great.
Next day, the same bus home, I was standing much closer to them, but I didn't have the courage to approach them, they were sitting, facing me directly and I was about 4 feet away just standing and looking outside the windows, I could feel them smiling and giggling at me, thinking that they really have to like me.
When suddenly one of the girls yelled out at me "HORSE FACE" and bursted out laughing. I looked at them completely confused not knowing what is going on when suddenly they started going off more and more about how ugly and "inhuman looking I am".
I froze.
Got home and first thing that I did was grab the mirror and start inspecting my looks to the depth.
I spent the whole day looking in the mirror.
Every single second realizing how disgusting looking I am. Then, I went on the internet and that's how it all started.
After weeks of researching, crying myself to sleep, cutting my face with razor out of desperation and putting literal ducktape over night on my face, thinking that the pulling force would reposition the muscles on my face for more appropriate looking.
I hated the way my nose looks. The way my zygos are pronounced. The way my chin is sharp. The way my philtrum is longer.
At 15 years old I started mass emailing plastic surgeons, planning to drop out the school to get multiple part time jobs to get money as soon as possible for multiple procedures: rhinoplasty (radix augmentation), lip lift procedure, zygo shaving. - All of the surgeons I talked to deadass thought I was joking. But I wasn't. I was extremely desperate and depressed, wanting to do anything it takes to be and feel pretty. I didn't understand masculine beauty, none of that, but I thought if I had a straight nose and downward face projection (I was logically deducting from observing my peers, they all looked recessed yet they had multiple relationships) - I thought if I looked like them, somebody would finally love me. So I started mimicking their facial downward growth by letting my chin rest down so that my face looks more narrow than wide. I wanted to get my zygos shaved (glad the surgeons didn't take me seriously and that the few that did - I didn't have money to get it done)
Now I'm 19 years old, I still struggle with this to this day. I hate being around people. Whenever I take a picture, I can't believe what I'm seeing - how can I look pretty in a mirror but so different in a picture?
It gotten to a point where I have no clue what I look like. It feels like my appearance changes every day. I look different in a mirror than in a picture. Nobody understands me. I'm afraid of going outside because I don't know how do people see me. Everybody always tells me how beautiful I am when I send a snap, but I feel like they're lying or making fun of me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to overcome this.
I don't even know of why am I making this post in first place.
I guess I just... Want to know if there are people like me out there, to know that I'm not crazy. I swear I don't know what I look like. I can't enjoy social events because I have to keep rechecking the mirror or my reflections anywhere to see if I'm not ugly again.
We went to a zoo and I literally spent more time observing myself through the reflections than watching the animals. It was a total mental torture to me.
Am I broken in my head or is it possible for people to see me differently than I see myself? Is it possible that I see myself as good looking but people see me as ugly? Or to see myself as ugly looking but people see me as pretty?
It started right when I was taking a bus home from school and two girls my age from the same school were smiling at me and looking at me the whole time.
So I went home, feeling good about myself, telling myself that they probably like me, that's why they're smiling at me, so I started planning how I'm going to approach them and it's going to work out and be great.
Next day, the same bus home, I was standing much closer to them, but I didn't have the courage to approach them, they were sitting, facing me directly and I was about 4 feet away just standing and looking outside the windows, I could feel them smiling and giggling at me, thinking that they really have to like me.
When suddenly one of the girls yelled out at me "HORSE FACE" and bursted out laughing. I looked at them completely confused not knowing what is going on when suddenly they started going off more and more about how ugly and "inhuman looking I am".
I froze.
Got home and first thing that I did was grab the mirror and start inspecting my looks to the depth.
I spent the whole day looking in the mirror.
Every single second realizing how disgusting looking I am. Then, I went on the internet and that's how it all started.
After weeks of researching, crying myself to sleep, cutting my face with razor out of desperation and putting literal ducktape over night on my face, thinking that the pulling force would reposition the muscles on my face for more appropriate looking.
I hated the way my nose looks. The way my zygos are pronounced. The way my chin is sharp. The way my philtrum is longer.
At 15 years old I started mass emailing plastic surgeons, planning to drop out the school to get multiple part time jobs to get money as soon as possible for multiple procedures: rhinoplasty (radix augmentation), lip lift procedure, zygo shaving. - All of the surgeons I talked to deadass thought I was joking. But I wasn't. I was extremely desperate and depressed, wanting to do anything it takes to be and feel pretty. I didn't understand masculine beauty, none of that, but I thought if I had a straight nose and downward face projection (I was logically deducting from observing my peers, they all looked recessed yet they had multiple relationships) - I thought if I looked like them, somebody would finally love me. So I started mimicking their facial downward growth by letting my chin rest down so that my face looks more narrow than wide. I wanted to get my zygos shaved (glad the surgeons didn't take me seriously and that the few that did - I didn't have money to get it done)
Now I'm 19 years old, I still struggle with this to this day. I hate being around people. Whenever I take a picture, I can't believe what I'm seeing - how can I look pretty in a mirror but so different in a picture?
It gotten to a point where I have no clue what I look like. It feels like my appearance changes every day. I look different in a mirror than in a picture. Nobody understands me. I'm afraid of going outside because I don't know how do people see me. Everybody always tells me how beautiful I am when I send a snap, but I feel like they're lying or making fun of me. I don't know if I'll ever be able to overcome this.
I don't even know of why am I making this post in first place.
I guess I just... Want to know if there are people like me out there, to know that I'm not crazy. I swear I don't know what I look like. I can't enjoy social events because I have to keep rechecking the mirror or my reflections anywhere to see if I'm not ugly again.
We went to a zoo and I literally spent more time observing myself through the reflections than watching the animals. It was a total mental torture to me.
Am I broken in my head or is it possible for people to see me differently than I see myself? Is it possible that I see myself as good looking but people see me as ugly? Or to see myself as ugly looking but people see me as pretty?
. I've stopped going out since then. It's a good thing that I have a little sibling who I can instruct to run errands for me. So, I feel you, deeply
