mulattocel
Neotenous low-dimo mtn
- Joined
- May 31, 2022
- Posts
- 4,235
- Reputation
- 6,877
(Reposted from Reddit)
Good lord dating is awful
Boys I don't think I can do it anymore. Dating is just awful. I've been making a serious attempt to date for 4 years now after a loooong period of being single and working on myself, and I have not had a single good experience. I'm 40, and this is what the last year ONE YEAR of dating has looked like for me:
1. One woman I met after two weeks of texting, she was a catfish using photos from 2019 and looked entirely different, also didn't reveal until the date that she had 3 kids, was recently divorced, and had no source of income
2. The next woman hid the fact that she was 6’10” before the date (her profile said 6’) and then it was just a really bad date, the restaurant she suggested was terrible and she spent the entire time talking about her 9 pets without even giving me opportunities to reply.
3. Then I met someone who actually seemed cool. We hung out about 6 times in two months, she even discussed going to get tattoos together (not matching, just going together because we both independently wanted a tattoo with the same subject matter). But she refused to actually go out on dates, all she wanted to do was come to my place. Then I found out she was still with the guy she was referring to as “my ex”.
4. The next woman made fun of me on our first date for being in therapy and for loving my cats. I thought she was joking at first, but she was serious. She genuinely could not understand how someone could have empathy for a cat.
5. Another woman came back to my apartment after our second date, saw a box of cat insulin syringes on the counter (the box literally says PetRX and had a picture of a cat on it, and I had told her my cat is diabetic) immediately said “nope, I don't date junkies” and left.
6. Next was a woman I dated for a month and really liked until she dumped me out of the blue. She told me it was because her horoscope said she should seek new opportunities, and she didn’t understand why I thought that was a weird thing to do.
7. After that was a woman I also really liked, we went on three very cute dates. Then she said “I've spent my entire life dating shitty men thinking I just needed to find a good one, and now that I found a good one, I'm realizing men aren't what I'm attracted to.”
8. Then there was another woman I liked that I went on two dates with. She came back to my place after the second date, we sat on the couch for a few minutes then she suddenly panicked and left. She later told me it was because she recently had a miscarriage and didn’t feel comfortable being alone with a man, and then ghosted me.
9. Most recently was a woman who was a therapist. After a week of texting we made plans to meet. The day we were planning to meet, I mentioned that I'm about to start seeing a new therapist because my old one was closing her practice. This woman immediately told me she could never date someone “going through a transitional period in life” and ghosted me.
Some experiences from over the last 4 years: One woman ended things because I didn’t invite her back to my place after the first date, she said she wouldn’t have said yes but the fact that I didn’t invite her turned her off. So the next woman I went out with, I made the token invite after the first date, she said no, and then she later ended things because she was offended that I didn’t try to change her mind. Another woman ended things because I made the token first date invite and she said it felt like I was rushing things (I didn’t even want her to say yes!). There was another one who accused me of blocking her after I didn’t respond to a text for an hour (on the second day we were talking) and started sending a bunch of insecure accusatory messages. There was a married woman lying about being in an open relationship whose husband started angrily texting me before we ever met. Multiple women who seemed to only be on dating apps to collect mens' phone numbers and sign them up for left-wing political campaigns (I am EXTREMELY progressive and very open about that, there's no reason to do this to me!) One woman I talked to for a few days, then one day she asked if I’d get a coffee with her that night. I told her I was having dinner with my parents that night and asked if we could do another day, she replied “fuck you” and blocked me. One woman straight up told me on our first date that our relationship would only last for as long as I could keep affording to buy her new designer bags every month (she literally said “nothing crazy expensive, just like, Louis Vuitton and stuff.”)
It’s a nonstop barrage of these kinds of experiences where it never feels like there was anything I could have done differently, there’s never a lesson for me to learn. The most hurtful part is that several of these experiences are based on them misunderstanding something and immediately making a judgment about it (the cat syringes for example) and they literally will not allow me to explain the misunderstanding because “Men always lie”. At this point I’ve lost sight of how a relationship could even enrich my life and I’m realizing how much time and money I’ll have for my own passions if I stop dating :’).
Good lord dating is awful
Boys I don't think I can do it anymore. Dating is just awful. I've been making a serious attempt to date for 4 years now after a loooong period of being single and working on myself, and I have not had a single good experience. I'm 40, and this is what the last year ONE YEAR of dating has looked like for me:
1. One woman I met after two weeks of texting, she was a catfish using photos from 2019 and looked entirely different, also didn't reveal until the date that she had 3 kids, was recently divorced, and had no source of income
2. The next woman hid the fact that she was 6’10” before the date (her profile said 6’) and then it was just a really bad date, the restaurant she suggested was terrible and she spent the entire time talking about her 9 pets without even giving me opportunities to reply.
3. Then I met someone who actually seemed cool. We hung out about 6 times in two months, she even discussed going to get tattoos together (not matching, just going together because we both independently wanted a tattoo with the same subject matter). But she refused to actually go out on dates, all she wanted to do was come to my place. Then I found out she was still with the guy she was referring to as “my ex”.
4. The next woman made fun of me on our first date for being in therapy and for loving my cats. I thought she was joking at first, but she was serious. She genuinely could not understand how someone could have empathy for a cat.
5. Another woman came back to my apartment after our second date, saw a box of cat insulin syringes on the counter (the box literally says PetRX and had a picture of a cat on it, and I had told her my cat is diabetic) immediately said “nope, I don't date junkies” and left.
6. Next was a woman I dated for a month and really liked until she dumped me out of the blue. She told me it was because her horoscope said she should seek new opportunities, and she didn’t understand why I thought that was a weird thing to do.
7. After that was a woman I also really liked, we went on three very cute dates. Then she said “I've spent my entire life dating shitty men thinking I just needed to find a good one, and now that I found a good one, I'm realizing men aren't what I'm attracted to.”
8. Then there was another woman I liked that I went on two dates with. She came back to my place after the second date, we sat on the couch for a few minutes then she suddenly panicked and left. She later told me it was because she recently had a miscarriage and didn’t feel comfortable being alone with a man, and then ghosted me.
9. Most recently was a woman who was a therapist. After a week of texting we made plans to meet. The day we were planning to meet, I mentioned that I'm about to start seeing a new therapist because my old one was closing her practice. This woman immediately told me she could never date someone “going through a transitional period in life” and ghosted me.
Some experiences from over the last 4 years: One woman ended things because I didn’t invite her back to my place after the first date, she said she wouldn’t have said yes but the fact that I didn’t invite her turned her off. So the next woman I went out with, I made the token invite after the first date, she said no, and then she later ended things because she was offended that I didn’t try to change her mind. Another woman ended things because I made the token first date invite and she said it felt like I was rushing things (I didn’t even want her to say yes!). There was another one who accused me of blocking her after I didn’t respond to a text for an hour (on the second day we were talking) and started sending a bunch of insecure accusatory messages. There was a married woman lying about being in an open relationship whose husband started angrily texting me before we ever met. Multiple women who seemed to only be on dating apps to collect mens' phone numbers and sign them up for left-wing political campaigns (I am EXTREMELY progressive and very open about that, there's no reason to do this to me!) One woman I talked to for a few days, then one day she asked if I’d get a coffee with her that night. I told her I was having dinner with my parents that night and asked if we could do another day, she replied “fuck you” and blocked me. One woman straight up told me on our first date that our relationship would only last for as long as I could keep affording to buy her new designer bags every month (she literally said “nothing crazy expensive, just like, Louis Vuitton and stuff.”)
It’s a nonstop barrage of these kinds of experiences where it never feels like there was anything I could have done differently, there’s never a lesson for me to learn. The most hurtful part is that several of these experiences are based on them misunderstanding something and immediately making a judgment about it (the cat syringes for example) and they literally will not allow me to explain the misunderstanding because “Men always lie”. At this point I’ve lost sight of how a relationship could even enrich my life and I’m realizing how much time and money I’ll have for my own passions if I stop dating :’).
Well isnt that right my fellow piglings.,why cant we comorehend simple things? 
