Chadlite but it didn’t rly solve anything | Failed stacy talking stage | Lowest post yet & Absurdity of life

[SpectrumAesthetics3]

Still looking into last hardmaxxes for an end of summer Turkey trip to get me to low chad range or so. But this existential situation does not go away if u are full chad

On slower days with no social media use no caffeine use no dopamine blur and hyper-stimulation, I can just get crushed by the absurdity of life and the world

Being good looking can indeed help one derive certain specific advantages in the world and ofc particularly opens the opportunity to warrant interest from girls, yet it does not at all solve the fundamental meta-issues here discussed

If life feels like climbing stairs then it feels engaging and optimistic and exciting and everything, but if it feels like / one conceptualizes it as a treadmill, then things are very different

Also it by no means helps that I was just able to talk with this girl for a week like hours most days and then the pull-back happens and unless vibe ends up returning will probably amount to nothing in the end; probably the only girl SA3 has truly enjoyed talking with, someone with this really specific combo of things that make her a once in a lifetime find that SA3 is just not going to happen across again

As in, was literally someone from my Stacy album (lmao) with hrs engaging convo a few days on end, and note that this is as someone who has mostly stopped talking to guys bc there’s no real resonance and it isn’t appealing to, let alone with girls, who have always been on a diff planet and required exhaustingly faking it, which I am good at, for a time. For one to be exactly SA3’s type so so beautiful and somehow actually aspie and stalking my .org posts and vids and then who is engaging to talk to for hrs without having to fake a personality for once, this was NOT something I at all thought possible since I had kind of mentally listed out the things before that would have to be in place to possibly truly be into a girl "as a person" (instead of their personhood being more of an inconvenience that has to be tolerated because they are attractive) and then said “yeah that’s not fucking happening, faking it with girls short-term is the only option”, but then this did seem to happen and threw me for such a fucking loop I can’t get my mind off of and will never forget it. There’s just certain things that don’t happen twice

Overall I haven’t felt like leveraging my looks with girls, it’s just hard to be bothered. You could say I am wasting the state that I fought so hard to ascend to for yrs against all odds; perhaps this is why even the Turkey trip stuff in a couple months to truly establish myself at a really elite looks level feels more and more pointless


But yeah, the will can make life exciting by giving us things to strive toward and making them seem appealing, i.e. wanting to post content or help people or be a figure in the looksmaxxing space for some reason, but then it can remove the dopamine from those things such that they are no longer possible to pursue and instead direct u to pursue some other goal/vision/illusion next. Where u used to go to great lengths to help ppl but now feel dead to responding to comments or DMs

Makes u wonder what happens if the will is just “done” altogether and there is nothing compelling ahead. Since will collapse would literally necessitate the end of life when life continuance and activity is predicated on the striving and illusions of the will. This this specific moment, life is just bare continuity with little engaging or appealing before me

And yes, ik it is bizarre to have written that as though the will and the “self that obeys it” are separate things when obviously we are a single entity doing what we must per the law of the most compelling motive, with that + our disposition + our starting point mechanically steering (determining) our entire life course from the beginning to the end of consciousness

On these days, ppl just out n about doing their stuff - it is just like they are gears turning in a giant machine, both in the sense that it is mechanical and in the sense that it is repetitive

And on the repetition front, that is where it really gets absurd to think about things, how one year or decade is traversed just so we can be one year/decade older and have to face that subsequent year/decade. And to have to see any friends or loved ones be less healthy and uglier and just more and more a shadow of their vibrant and charged selves from when u met them

Ppl here didn’t / don’t get Amnesia and I see he hasn’t posted in 3 months now. And he was talking abt starting content on TikTok/YouTube, showing IRL cold approaches and rejections in stuff, even getting footage for it. And then before the full launch, I kinda wonder if his unique psyche just did NOT quite allow him to do it. That he knows it is purposeless in the end and won’t get validation from it since that is from girls or the self (or just from the memories of girls when you have such a high bc and w some high-tier girls too as is the case w him)… that it would just be a lot of work and perhaps not the exciting idea it was whenever some neurochemical higher state made social media launch feel like a cool idea to him before. But we only exist in terms of our present neurochemical state, after all

It is just all no good and there’s been some days that have been lower than ever. It has been a while since feeling like “myself” and yet the “self” is not a constant stable entity and is just a result of biological/neurochemical processes after all anyways

The fact that youth seems like literally everything doesn’t help this. That the younger period of life is what contains all the charge and excitement and good things and yet every year that passes means a year being closer to the end of that. Youth is the essence of what living can be and the rest of the monotonous decades seem like pitiful torture where it’s like the bill that is exacted in exchange for having to have been young before.
But my mind didn’t allow me to be thoughtless enough to really enjoy the teen years of innocence like others get to, anyways. Bc lucidity and meta-awareness become a curse

It doesn’t seem like there is anything out there to “do” or “accomplish”, no “purpose” that absolutely matters and isn’t self-referential, and no, someone can not just “pick XYZ as their purpose” either since this is not something anyone has on a logical ground but is a matter of what their will/disposition just strongly drives them to want to do and to strive for, so ofc not something one “picks” or can “choose to have”. Which yes, means indeed that someone does not pick whether they have compelling reason to live or not

I killed a spider while writing this and it just hits me how I’m really not “more important” than that spider. I crushed it, it’s gone, that’s that, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. The human entity has this “ego” this “self” that in normal circumstances makes “us” feel important and like life is “worthwhile”, and sure it is “worthwhile” as long as the mind is offering us predominantly positive neurochemical states. All things like “purpose” and “fulfillment” and “enjoyment” refer to dopamine/norepinephrine/serotonin/oxytocin, etc. And nothing more, since these brain chemicals are ofc the substrate of all human experience

Last evening I was not far from getting hit by a van as a result of jaywalking having been fasted all day and out of it and sleep deprived and just in one of those states of existing where things are a blur and having the sense that everything around just hardly even feels real. And if it happened that I went out onto the street 2 seconds later, that very well could have put an immediate total end to all of my story/aspirations/memories/selfhood for good. No end of summer Turkey hardmaxxes. I can’t say it affected me at all, as in not really even a cortisol or adrenaline spike from it

I kinda more just thought of how it is the smallest things, be it in seconds or word choices or a 0.1% difference in your genetics or whatever other small increment of something, that determine everything sometimes, just as with near-death experiences

And it’s really the foreknowledge of death that is the issue; if someone dies without warning then they don’t EXIST to be sad about it or or worry about it or lament not being able to do more stuff in the world; it is more about the mind-breaking awareness of death in the context of us having memories and present awareness and some sort of future hopes that really gets us

I think some people are wired to be here for a shorter period and do what they need to do and then to step away from life once they know there is nothing else compelling and their mind stops manufacturing illusions to coerce them into persisting through decades of decay and repetition just so they can get to an end state of being a 90yo person repulsive in appearance and worth nothing to the world besides maybe to family and who must mentally subsist entirely off memories of youth

We didn’t choose our birth + genetics + circumstances, and so the idea that everyone must be enslaved to living all the way to a horrific elderly age just because they were born is just absurd and retarded. And ofc the great thinkers of the ages had much more mature views regarding those who pick their life endpoint, views that were along these lines and completely opposite the shallow NPC-culture ethos that apparently everyone needs to strive for old age and can not get off this treadmill earlier

People talking about “how to cope with X in life” or “how to cope WITH LIFE” in general: But if something requires AVOIDING LUCIDLY THINKING ABOUT IT WITHOUT COPES it in order to TOLERATE it, then how good or worthwhile can it really be, anyway?

 

[Whatsamaxilla__]

View attachment 5108580
View attachment 5108586
View attachment 5108582

Still looking into last hardmaxxes for an end of summer Turkey trip to get me to low chad range or so. But this existential situation does not go away if u are full chad

On slower days with no social media use no caffeine use no dopamine blur and hyper-stimulation, I can just get crushed by the absurdity of life and the world

Being good looking can indeed help one derive certain specific advantages in the world and ofc particularly opens the opportunity to warrant interest from girls, yet it does not at all solve the fundamental meta-issues here discussed

If life feels like climbing stairs then it feels engaging and optimistic and exciting and everything, but if it feels like / one conceptualizes it as a treadmill, then things are very different

Also it by no means helps that I was just able to talk with this girl for a week like hours most days and then the pull-back happens and unless vibe ends up returning will probably amount to nothing in the end; probably the only girl SA3 has truly enjoyed talking with, someone with this really specific combo of things that make her a once in a lifetime find that SA3 is just not going to happen across again

View attachment 5108592

As in, was literally someone from my Stacy album (lmao) with hrs engaging convo a few days on end, and note that this is as someone who has mostly stopped talking to guys bc there’s no real resonance and it isn’t appealing to, let alone with girls, who have always been on a diff planet and required exhaustingly faking it, which I am good at, for a time. For one to be exactly SA3’s type so so beautiful and somehow actually aspie and stalking my .org posts and vids and then who is engaging to talk to for hrs without having to fake a personality for once, this was NOT something I at all thought possible since I had kind of mentally listed out the things before that would have to be in place to possibly truly be into a girl "as a person" (instead of their personhood being more of an inconvenience that has to be tolerated because they are attractive) and then said “yeah that’s not fucking happening, faking it with girls short-term is the only option”, but then this did seem to happen and threw me for such a fucking loop I can’t get my mind off of and will never forget it. There’s just certain things that don’t happen twice

Overall I haven’t felt like leveraging my looks with girls, it’s just hard to be bothered. You could say I am wasting the state that I fought so hard to ascend to for yrs against all odds; perhaps this is why even the Turkey trip stuff in a couple months to truly establish myself at a really elite looks level feels more and more pointless


But yeah, the will can make life exciting by giving us things to strive toward and making them seem appealing, i.e. wanting to post content or help people or be a figure in the looksmaxxing space for some reason, but then it can remove the dopamine from those things such that they are no longer possible to pursue and instead direct u to pursue some other goal/vision/illusion next. Where u used to go to great lengths to help ppl but now feel dead to responding to comments or DMs

Makes u wonder what happens if the will is just “done” altogether and there is nothing compelling ahead. Since will collapse would literally necessitate the end of life when life continuance and activity is predicated on the striving and illusions of the will. This this specific moment, life is just bare continuity with little engaging or appealing before me

And yes, ik it is bizarre to have written that as though the will and the “self that obeys it” are separate things when obviously we are a single entity doing what we must per the law of the most compelling motive, with that + our disposition + our starting point mechanically steering (determining) our entire life course from the beginning to the end of consciousness

On these days, ppl just out n about doing their stuff - it is just like they are gears turning in a giant machine, both in the sense that it is mechanical and in the sense that it is repetitive

And on the repetition front, that is where it really gets absurd to think about things, how one year or decade is traversed just so we can be one year/decade older and have to face that subsequent year/decade. And to have to see any friends or loved ones be less healthy and uglier and just more and more a shadow of their vibrant and charged selves from when u met them


View attachment 5108665
Ppl here didn’t / don’t get Amnesia and I see he hasn’t posted in 3 months now. And he was talking abt starting content on TikTok/YouTube, showing IRL cold approaches and rejections in stuff, even getting footage for it. And then before the full launch, I kinda wonder if his unique psyche just did NOT quite allow him to do it. That he knows it is purposeless in the end and won’t get validation from it since that is from girls or the self (or just from the memories of girls when you have such a high bc and w some high-tier girls too as is the case w him)… that it would just be a lot of work and perhaps not the exciting idea it was whenever some neurochemical higher state made social media launch feel like a cool idea to him before. But we only exist in terms of our present neurochemical state, after all

It is just all no good and there’s been some days that have been lower than ever. It has been a while since feeling like “myself” and yet the “self” is not a constant stable entity and is just a result of biological/neurochemical processes after all anyways

The fact that youth seems like literally everything doesn’t help this. That the younger period of life is what contains all the charge and excitement and good things and yet every year that passes means a year being closer to the end of that. Youth is the essence of what living can be and the rest of the monotonous decades seem like pitiful torture where it’s like the bill that is exacted in exchange for having to have been young before.
But my mind didn’t allow me to be thoughtless enough to really enjoy the teen years of innocence like others get to, anyways. Bc lucidity and meta-awareness become a curse

It doesn’t seem like there is anything out there to “do” or “accomplish”, no “purpose” that absolutely matters and isn’t self-referential, and no, someone can not just “pick XYZ as their purpose” either since this is not something anyone has on a logical ground but is a matter of what their will/disposition just strongly drives them to want to do and to strive for, so ofc not something one “picks” or can “choose to have”. Which yes, means indeed that someone does not pick whether they have compelling reason to live or not

I killed a spider while writing this and it just hits me how I’m really not “more important” than that spider. I crushed it, it’s gone, that’s that, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. The human entity has this “ego” this “self” that in normal circumstances makes “us” feel important and like life is “worthwhile”, and sure it is “worthwhile” as long as the mind is offering us predominantly positive neurochemical states. All things like “purpose” and “fulfillment” and “enjoyment” refer to dopamine/norepinephrine/serotonin/oxytocin, etc. And nothing more, since these brain chemicals are ofc the substrate of all human experience

Last evening I was not far from getting hit by a van as a result of jaywalking having been fasted all day and out of it and sleep deprived and just in one of those states of existing where things are a blur and having the sense that everything around just hardly even feels real. And if it happened that I went out onto the street 2 seconds later, that very well could have put an immediate total end to all of my story/aspirations/memories/selfhood for good. No end of summer Turkey hardmaxxes. I can’t say it affected me at all, as in not really even a cortisol or adrenaline spike from it

I kinda more just thought of how it is the smallest things, be it in seconds or word choices or a 0.1% difference in your genetics or whatever other small increment of something, that determine everything sometimes, just as with near-death experiences

And it’s really the foreknowledge of death that is the issue; if someone dies without warning then they don’t EXIST to be sad about it or or worry about it or lament not being able to do more stuff in the world; it is more about the mind-breaking awareness of death in the context of us having memories and present awareness and some sort of future hopes that really gets us

I think some people are wired to be here for a shorter period and do what they need to do and then to step away from life once they know there is nothing else compelling and their mind stops manufacturing illusions to coerce them into persisting through decades of decay and repetition just so they can get to an end state of being a 90yo person repulsive in appearance and worth nothing to the world besides maybe to family and who must mentally subsist entirely off memories of youth

We didn’t choose our birth + genetics + circumstances, and so the idea that everyone must be enslaved to living all the way to a horrific elderly age just because they were born is just absurd and retarded. And ofc the great thinkers of the ages had much more mature views regarding those who pick their life endpoint, views that were along these lines and completely opposite the shallow NPC-culture ethos that apparently everyone needs to strive for old age and can not get off this treadmill earlier

People talking about “how to cope with X in life” or “how to cope WITH LIFE” in general: But if something requires AVOIDING LUCIDLY THINKING ABOUT IT WITHOUT COPES it in order to TOLERATE it, then how good or worthwhile can it really be, anyway?

I will read

 

[Whatsamaxilla__]

View attachment 5108580
View attachment 5108586
View attachment 5108582

Still looking into last hardmaxxes for an end of summer Turkey trip to get me to low chad range or so. But this existential situation does not go away if u are full chad

On slower days with no social media use no caffeine use no dopamine blur and hyper-stimulation, I can just get crushed by the absurdity of life and the world

Being good looking can indeed help one derive certain specific advantages in the world and ofc particularly opens the opportunity to warrant interest from girls, yet it does not at all solve the fundamental meta-issues here discussed

If life feels like climbing stairs then it feels engaging and optimistic and exciting and everything, but if it feels like / one conceptualizes it as a treadmill, then things are very different

Also it by no means helps that I was just able to talk with this girl for a week like hours most days and then the pull-back happens and unless vibe ends up returning will probably amount to nothing in the end; probably the only girl SA3 has truly enjoyed talking with, someone with this really specific combo of things that make her a once in a lifetime find that SA3 is just not going to happen across again

View attachment 5108592

As in, was literally someone from my Stacy album (lmao) with hrs engaging convo a few days on end, and note that this is as someone who has mostly stopped talking to guys bc there’s no real resonance and it isn’t appealing to, let alone with girls, who have always been on a diff planet and required exhaustingly faking it, which I am good at, for a time. For one to be exactly SA3’s type so so beautiful and somehow actually aspie and stalking my .org posts and vids and then who is engaging to talk to for hrs without having to fake a personality for once, this was NOT something I at all thought possible since I had kind of mentally listed out the things before that would have to be in place to possibly truly be into a girl "as a person" (instead of their personhood being more of an inconvenience that has to be tolerated because they are attractive) and then said “yeah that’s not fucking happening, faking it with girls short-term is the only option”, but then this did seem to happen and threw me for such a fucking loop I can’t get my mind off of and will never forget it. There’s just certain things that don’t happen twice

Overall I haven’t felt like leveraging my looks with girls, it’s just hard to be bothered. You could say I am wasting the state that I fought so hard to ascend to for yrs against all odds; perhaps this is why even the Turkey trip stuff in a couple months to truly establish myself at a really elite looks level feels more and more pointless


But yeah, the will can make life exciting by giving us things to strive toward and making them seem appealing, i.e. wanting to post content or help people or be a figure in the looksmaxxing space for some reason, but then it can remove the dopamine from those things such that they are no longer possible to pursue and instead direct u to pursue some other goal/vision/illusion next. Where u used to go to great lengths to help ppl but now feel dead to responding to comments or DMs

Makes u wonder what happens if the will is just “done” altogether and there is nothing compelling ahead. Since will collapse would literally necessitate the end of life when life continuance and activity is predicated on the striving and illusions of the will. This this specific moment, life is just bare continuity with little engaging or appealing before me

And yes, ik it is bizarre to have written that as though the will and the “self that obeys it” are separate things when obviously we are a single entity doing what we must per the law of the most compelling motive, with that + our disposition + our starting point mechanically steering (determining) our entire life course from the beginning to the end of consciousness

On these days, ppl just out n about doing their stuff - it is just like they are gears turning in a giant machine, both in the sense that it is mechanical and in the sense that it is repetitive

And on the repetition front, that is where it really gets absurd to think about things, how one year or decade is traversed just so we can be one year/decade older and have to face that subsequent year/decade. And to have to see any friends or loved ones be less healthy and uglier and just more and more a shadow of their vibrant and charged selves from when u met them


View attachment 5108665
Ppl here didn’t / don’t get Amnesia and I see he hasn’t posted in 3 months now. And he was talking abt starting content on TikTok/YouTube, showing IRL cold approaches and rejections in stuff, even getting footage for it. And then before the full launch, I kinda wonder if his unique psyche just did NOT quite allow him to do it. That he knows it is purposeless in the end and won’t get validation from it since that is from girls or the self (or just from the memories of girls when you have such a high bc and w some high-tier girls too as is the case w him)… that it would just be a lot of work and perhaps not the exciting idea it was whenever some neurochemical higher state made social media launch feel like a cool idea to him before. But we only exist in terms of our present neurochemical state, after all

It is just all no good and there’s been some days that have been lower than ever. It has been a while since feeling like “myself” and yet the “self” is not a constant stable entity and is just a result of biological/neurochemical processes after all anyways

The fact that youth seems like literally everything doesn’t help this. That the younger period of life is what contains all the charge and excitement and good things and yet every year that passes means a year being closer to the end of that. Youth is the essence of what living can be and the rest of the monotonous decades seem like pitiful torture where it’s like the bill that is exacted in exchange for having to have been young before.
But my mind didn’t allow me to be thoughtless enough to really enjoy the teen years of innocence like others get to, anyways. Bc lucidity and meta-awareness become a curse

It doesn’t seem like there is anything out there to “do” or “accomplish”, no “purpose” that absolutely matters and isn’t self-referential, and no, someone can not just “pick XYZ as their purpose” either since this is not something anyone has on a logical ground but is a matter of what their will/disposition just strongly drives them to want to do and to strive for, so ofc not something one “picks” or can “choose to have”. Which yes, means indeed that someone does not pick whether they have compelling reason to live or not

I killed a spider while writing this and it just hits me how I’m really not “more important” than that spider. I crushed it, it’s gone, that’s that, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. The human entity has this “ego” this “self” that in normal circumstances makes “us” feel important and like life is “worthwhile”, and sure it is “worthwhile” as long as the mind is offering us predominantly positive neurochemical states. All things like “purpose” and “fulfillment” and “enjoyment” refer to dopamine/norepinephrine/serotonin/oxytocin, etc. And nothing more, since these brain chemicals are ofc the substrate of all human experience

Last evening I was not far from getting hit by a van as a result of jaywalking having been fasted all day and out of it and sleep deprived and just in one of those states of existing where things are a blur and having the sense that everything around just hardly even feels real. And if it happened that I went out onto the street 2 seconds later, that very well could have put an immediate total end to all of my story/aspirations/memories/selfhood for good. No end of summer Turkey hardmaxxes. I can’t say it affected me at all, as in not really even a cortisol or adrenaline spike from it

I kinda more just thought of how it is the smallest things, be it in seconds or word choices or a 0.1% difference in your genetics or whatever other small increment of something, that determine everything sometimes, just as with near-death experiences

And it’s really the foreknowledge of death that is the issue; if someone dies without warning then they don’t EXIST to be sad about it or or worry about it or lament not being able to do more stuff in the world; it is more about the mind-breaking awareness of death in the context of us having memories and present awareness and some sort of future hopes that really gets us

I think some people are wired to be here for a shorter period and do what they need to do and then to step away from life once they know there is nothing else compelling and their mind stops manufacturing illusions to coerce them into persisting through decades of decay and repetition just so they can get to an end state of being a 90yo person repulsive in appearance and worth nothing to the world besides maybe to family and who must mentally subsist entirely off memories of youth

We didn’t choose our birth + genetics + circumstances, and so the idea that everyone must be enslaved to living all the way to a horrific elderly age just because they were born is just absurd and retarded. And ofc the great thinkers of the ages had much more mature views regarding those who pick their life endpoint, views that were along these lines and completely opposite the shallow NPC-culture ethos that apparently everyone needs to strive for old age and can not get off this treadmill earlier

People talking about “how to cope with X in life” or “how to cope WITH LIFE” in general: But if something requires AVOIDING LUCIDLY THINKING ABOUT IT WITHOUT COPES it in order to TOLERATE it, then how good or worthwhile can it really be, anyway?

DNR i got bored, how can you be chadlite when you hide your eyes?

 

[Deleted member 359227]

This is a looksmaxing section, not an offtopic section. The topic was posted in the wrong section.

 

[SpectrumAesthetics3]

This is a looksmaxing section, not an offtopic section. The topic was posted in the wrong section.

Can u help me tag a mod to move to right place and right prefix

 

[horseman.]

Not cl and dnr

 

[SpectrumAesthetics3]

Can u help me tag a mod to move to right place and right prefix

@Aryan Incel @Gargantuan @Gengar’s Ghost

 

[Seeyenar]

This is a looksmaxing section, not an offtopic section. The topic was posted in the wrong section.

We got the .org police over here

 

[Seeyenar]

I guess you just gotta “live” in those periods of distraction in which your mind allows you to forget about the brutality of it all.

 

[SpectrumAesthetics3]

I guess you just gotta “live” in those periods of distraction in which your mind allows you to forget about the brutality of it all.

I guess it goes back to the last part of the post where if the entire way to get thru life is via distraction then at the minimum that’s hardly a compliment to life. But the diversion itself I guess IS “life” just like dwelling on first principles or the overall trajectory and tragedy of life is also “life”
It really is all about neurochemistry since there are happy enough normies but then someone can look great and have a mind in agony due to a combo of hyper perception and intelligence

 

[ivan.kuk]

You need to stop looking at porn and start retaining your semen. 300+ Days free here.

 

[SpectrumAesthetics3]

You need to stop looking at porn and start retaining your semen. 300+ Days free here.

I mean yeah this is good but it’s really no PMO not actual SR imo

 

[ivan.kuk]

You are starting to see through this material world. There is yet heights to reach for you soldier. The real climb only started.

 

[SpectrumAesthetics3]

You are starting to see through this material world. There is yet heights to reach for you soldier. The real climb only started.

Idk that I can see thru it anymore man
Been thinking as I do currently for a long time

 

[yaxifty]

View attachment 5108580
View attachment 5108586
View attachment 5108582

Still looking into last hardmaxxes for an end of summer Turkey trip to get me to low chad range or so. But this existential situation does not go away if u are full chad

On slower days with no social media use no caffeine use no dopamine blur and hyper-stimulation, I can just get crushed by the absurdity of life and the world

Being good looking can indeed help one derive certain specific advantages in the world and ofc particularly opens the opportunity to warrant interest from girls, yet it does not at all solve the fundamental meta-issues here discussed

If life feels like climbing stairs then it feels engaging and optimistic and exciting and everything, but if it feels like / one conceptualizes it as a treadmill, then things are very different

Also it by no means helps that I was just able to talk with this girl for a week like hours most days and then the pull-back happens and unless vibe ends up returning will probably amount to nothing in the end; probably the only girl SA3 has truly enjoyed talking with, someone with this really specific combo of things that make her a once in a lifetime find that SA3 is just not going to happen across again

View attachment 5108592

As in, was literally someone from my Stacy album (lmao) with hrs engaging convo a few days on end, and note that this is as someone who has mostly stopped talking to guys bc there’s no real resonance and it isn’t appealing to, let alone with girls, who have always been on a diff planet and required exhaustingly faking it, which I am good at, for a time. For one to be exactly SA3’s type so so beautiful and somehow actually aspie and stalking my .org posts and vids and then who is engaging to talk to for hrs without having to fake a personality for once, this was NOT something I at all thought possible since I had kind of mentally listed out the things before that would have to be in place to possibly truly be into a girl "as a person" (instead of their personhood being more of an inconvenience that has to be tolerated because they are attractive) and then said “yeah that’s not fucking happening, faking it with girls short-term is the only option”, but then this did seem to happen and threw me for such a fucking loop I can’t get my mind off of and will never forget it. There’s just certain things that don’t happen twice

Overall I haven’t felt like leveraging my looks with girls, it’s just hard to be bothered. You could say I am wasting the state that I fought so hard to ascend to for yrs against all odds; perhaps this is why even the Turkey trip stuff in a couple months to truly establish myself at a really elite looks level feels more and more pointless


But yeah, the will can make life exciting by giving us things to strive toward and making them seem appealing, i.e. wanting to post content or help people or be a figure in the looksmaxxing space for some reason, but then it can remove the dopamine from those things such that they are no longer possible to pursue and instead direct u to pursue some other goal/vision/illusion next. Where u used to go to great lengths to help ppl but now feel dead to responding to comments or DMs

Makes u wonder what happens if the will is just “done” altogether and there is nothing compelling ahead. Since will collapse would literally necessitate the end of life when life continuance and activity is predicated on the striving and illusions of the will. This this specific moment, life is just bare continuity with little engaging or appealing before me

And yes, ik it is bizarre to have written that as though the will and the “self that obeys it” are separate things when obviously we are a single entity doing what we must per the law of the most compelling motive, with that + our disposition + our starting point mechanically steering (determining) our entire life course from the beginning to the end of consciousness

On these days, ppl just out n about doing their stuff - it is just like they are gears turning in a giant machine, both in the sense that it is mechanical and in the sense that it is repetitive

And on the repetition front, that is where it really gets absurd to think about things, how one year or decade is traversed just so we can be one year/decade older and have to face that subsequent year/decade. And to have to see any friends or loved ones be less healthy and uglier and just more and more a shadow of their vibrant and charged selves from when u met them


View attachment 5108665
Ppl here didn’t / don’t get Amnesia and I see he hasn’t posted in 3 months now. And he was talking abt starting content on TikTok/YouTube, showing IRL cold approaches and rejections in stuff, even getting footage for it. And then before the full launch, I kinda wonder if his unique psyche just did NOT quite allow him to do it. That he knows it is purposeless in the end and won’t get validation from it since that is from girls or the self (or just from the memories of girls when you have such a high bc and w some high-tier girls too as is the case w him)… that it would just be a lot of work and perhaps not the exciting idea it was whenever some neurochemical higher state made social media launch feel like a cool idea to him before. But we only exist in terms of our present neurochemical state, after all

It is just all no good and there’s been some days that have been lower than ever. It has been a while since feeling like “myself” and yet the “self” is not a constant stable entity and is just a result of biological/neurochemical processes after all anyways

The fact that youth seems like literally everything doesn’t help this. That the younger period of life is what contains all the charge and excitement and good things and yet every year that passes means a year being closer to the end of that. Youth is the essence of what living can be and the rest of the monotonous decades seem like pitiful torture where it’s like the bill that is exacted in exchange for having to have been young before.
But my mind didn’t allow me to be thoughtless enough to really enjoy the teen years of innocence like others get to, anyways. Bc lucidity and meta-awareness become a curse

It doesn’t seem like there is anything out there to “do” or “accomplish”, no “purpose” that absolutely matters and isn’t self-referential, and no, someone can not just “pick XYZ as their purpose” either since this is not something anyone has on a logical ground but is a matter of what their will/disposition just strongly drives them to want to do and to strive for, so ofc not something one “picks” or can “choose to have”. Which yes, means indeed that someone does not pick whether they have compelling reason to live or not

I killed a spider while writing this and it just hits me how I’m really not “more important” than that spider. I crushed it, it’s gone, that’s that, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. The human entity has this “ego” this “self” that in normal circumstances makes “us” feel important and like life is “worthwhile”, and sure it is “worthwhile” as long as the mind is offering us predominantly positive neurochemical states. All things like “purpose” and “fulfillment” and “enjoyment” refer to dopamine/norepinephrine/serotonin/oxytocin, etc. And nothing more, since these brain chemicals are ofc the substrate of all human experience

Last evening I was not far from getting hit by a van as a result of jaywalking having been fasted all day and out of it and sleep deprived and just in one of those states of existing where things are a blur and having the sense that everything around just hardly even feels real. And if it happened that I went out onto the street 2 seconds later, that very well could have put an immediate total end to all of my story/aspirations/memories/selfhood for good. No end of summer Turkey hardmaxxes. I can’t say it affected me at all, as in not really even a cortisol or adrenaline spike from it

I kinda more just thought of how it is the smallest things, be it in seconds or word choices or a 0.1% difference in your genetics or whatever other small increment of something, that determine everything sometimes, just as with near-death experiences

And it’s really the foreknowledge of death that is the issue; if someone dies without warning then they don’t EXIST to be sad about it or or worry about it or lament not being able to do more stuff in the world; it is more about the mind-breaking awareness of death in the context of us having memories and present awareness and some sort of future hopes that really gets us

I think some people are wired to be here for a shorter period and do what they need to do and then to step away from life once they know there is nothing else compelling and their mind stops manufacturing illusions to coerce them into persisting through decades of decay and repetition just so they can get to an end state of being a 90yo person repulsive in appearance and worth nothing to the world besides maybe to family and who must mentally subsist entirely off memories of youth

We didn’t choose our birth + genetics + circumstances, and so the idea that everyone must be enslaved to living all the way to a horrific elderly age just because they were born is just absurd and retarded. And ofc the great thinkers of the ages had much more mature views regarding those who pick their life endpoint, views that were along these lines and completely opposite the shallow NPC-culture ethos that apparently everyone needs to strive for old age and can not get off this treadmill earlier

People talking about “how to cope with X in life” or “how to cope WITH LIFE” in general: But if something requires AVOIDING LUCIDLY THINKING ABOUT IT WITHOUT COPES it in order to TOLERATE it, then how good or worthwhile can it really be, anyway?

I think fasting aka starving yourself puts you in a worse neurochemical state which then negatively effects your thinking. As you probably know our thoughts are reflections of our chemical state and these thoughts can not be controlled just like our desires cant be. So I think being too low body fat and in a state of heightened cortisol will feed bad thoughts indirectly. Being in a better chemical state wont obviously change the conclusion about life that you have, but it will be alot easier to cope with it atleast. If you think about how different percentiles of the population deal with life, there is not a super tiny subset that thinks about i like you. And then we can analyze how they deal with it. Some may end their life, others try to find more meaningfull goals. Some just try to reduce pain and maybe distract themselves. If there is nothing that feels meaningfull then the only conclusion from then on is pretty much coping through pleasure or pain avoidance. From a biological perspective it seems many find meaning in having a family and raising kids. You could think about that. That alone carries people for decades through the repetition of life. But I think its important to understand that many people are less happy than they may seem. Life is generally regarded as difficult by alot of people and yet they are compelled to keep going perhaps because it aswell is part of our biological imperative to stay alive. Its just that being too intelligent can become dangerous to that state because you question it too much. Other animals simply exist without questioning. We also need to categorize how people derive joy from life. If someone has a reward system biased towards simple things they are going to have a much easier time. ambitious people usually do not have that so they need goals to keep them moving so i understand once there is no more goals there is no more reward because life for the ambitious person is boring by default. Then we loop back to coping. Its brutal honestly, you can either cope with pleasure or die or find some new form of meaning/goal within urself like a family for example. anyways you are an interesting Person, msg me on discord if you want a new friend, name is yaxifty.

 

[yaxifty]

I think fasting aka starving yourself puts you in a worse neurochemical state which then negatively effects your thinking. As you probably know our thoughts are reflections of our chemical state and these thoughts can not be controlled just like our desires cant be. So I think being too low body fat and in a state of heightened cortisol will feed bad thoughts indirectly. Being in a better chemical state wont obviously change the conclusion about life that you have, but it will be alot easier to cope with it atleast. If you think about how different percentiles of the population deal with life, there is not a super tiny subset that thinks about i like you. And then we can analyze how they deal with it. Some may end their life, others try to find more meaningfull goals. Some just try to reduce pain and maybe distract themselves. If there is nothing that feels meaningfull then the only conclusion from then on is pretty much coping through pleasure or pain avoidance. From a biological perspective it seems many find meaning in having a family and raising kids. You could think about that. That alone carries people for decades through the repetition of life. But I think its important to understand that many people are less happy than they may seem. Life is generally regarded as difficult by alot of people and yet they are compelled to keep going perhaps because it aswell is part of our biological imperative to stay alive. Its just that being too intelligent can become dangerous to that state because you question it too much. Other animals simply exist without questioning. We also need to categorize how people derive joy from life. If someone has a reward system biased towards simple things they are going to have a much easier time. ambitious people usually do not have that so they need goals to keep them moving so i understand once there is no more goals there is no more reward because life for the ambitious person is boring by default. Then we loop back to coping. Its brutal honestly, you can either cope with pleasure or die or find some new form of meaning/goal within urself like a family for example.

I think fasting aka starving yourself puts you in a worse neurochemical state which then negatively effects your thinking. As you probably know our thoughts are reflections of our chemical state and these thoughts can not be controlled just like our desires cant be. So I think being too low body fat and in a state of heightened cortisol will feed bad thoughts indirectly. Being in a better chemical state wont obviously change the conclusion about life that you have, but it will be alot easier to cope with it atleast. If you think about how different percentiles of the population deal with life, there is not a super tiny subset that thinks about i like you. And then we can analyze how they deal with it. Some may end their life, others try to find more meaningfull goals. Some just try to reduce pain and maybe distract themselves. If there is nothing that feels meaningfull then the only conclusion from then on is pretty much coping through pleasure or pain avoidance. From a biological perspective it seems many find meaning in having a family and raising kids. You could think about that. That alone carries people for decades through the repetition of life. But I think its important to understand that many people are less happy than they may seem. Life is generally regarded as difficult by alot of people and yet they are compelled to keep going perhaps because it aswell is part of our biological imperative to stay alive. Its just that being too intelligent can become dangerous to that state because you question it too much. Other animals simply exist without questioning. We also need to categorize how people derive joy from life. If someone has a reward system biased towards simple things they are going to have a much easier time. ambitious people usually do not have that so they need goals to keep them moving so i understand once there is no more goals there is no more reward because life for the ambitious person is boring by default. Then we loop back to coping. Its brutal honestly, you can either cope with pleasure or die or find some new form of meaning/goal within urself like a family for example.

Like what im saying is yes we cant choose desires but maybe you havent discovered something that you would desire that would then give you meaning. so its worth to keep looking. Before moving onto other options.

 

[yaxifty]

Also to me suicide would just be a waste of potential positives. From a selfish perspective why would the subject want to end itself without having gained all the benefits and pleasures that life has to offer first, it would be a waste of potential. Just seems pretty illogical to me. And then they argue it doesnt matter when your dead but how can you enter that state of death knowing you are missing so many pieces of life..

 

[distortionsd]

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Still looking into last hardmaxxes for an end of summer Turkey trip to get me to low chad range or so. But this existential situation does not go away if u are full chad

On slower days with no social media use no caffeine use no dopamine blur and hyper-stimulation, I can just get crushed by the absurdity of life and the world

Being good looking can indeed help one derive certain specific advantages in the world and ofc particularly opens the opportunity to warrant interest from girls, yet it does not at all solve the fundamental meta-issues here discussed

If life feels like climbing stairs then it feels engaging and optimistic and exciting and everything, but if it feels like / one conceptualizes it as a treadmill, then things are very different

Also it by no means helps that I was just able to talk with this girl for a week like hours most days and then the pull-back happens and unless vibe ends up returning will probably amount to nothing in the end; probably the only girl SA3 has truly enjoyed talking with, someone with this really specific combo of things that make her a once in a lifetime find that SA3 is just not going to happen across again

View attachment 5108592

As in, was literally someone from my Stacy album (lmao) with hrs engaging convo a few days on end, and note that this is as someone who has mostly stopped talking to guys bc there’s no real resonance and it isn’t appealing to, let alone with girls, who have always been on a diff planet and required exhaustingly faking it, which I am good at, for a time. For one to be exactly SA3’s type so so beautiful and somehow actually aspie and stalking my .org posts and vids and then who is engaging to talk to for hrs without having to fake a personality for once, this was NOT something I at all thought possible since I had kind of mentally listed out the things before that would have to be in place to possibly truly be into a girl "as a person" (instead of their personhood being more of an inconvenience that has to be tolerated because they are attractive) and then said “yeah that’s not fucking happening, faking it with girls short-term is the only option”, but then this did seem to happen and threw me for such a fucking loop I can’t get my mind off of and will never forget it. There’s just certain things that don’t happen twice

Overall I haven’t felt like leveraging my looks with girls, it’s just hard to be bothered. You could say I am wasting the state that I fought so hard to ascend to for yrs against all odds; perhaps this is why even the Turkey trip stuff in a couple months to truly establish myself at a really elite looks level feels more and more pointless


But yeah, the will can make life exciting by giving us things to strive toward and making them seem appealing, i.e. wanting to post content or help people or be a figure in the looksmaxxing space for some reason, but then it can remove the dopamine from those things such that they are no longer possible to pursue and instead direct u to pursue some other goal/vision/illusion next. Where u used to go to great lengths to help ppl but now feel dead to responding to comments or DMs

Makes u wonder what happens if the will is just “done” altogether and there is nothing compelling ahead. Since will collapse would literally necessitate the end of life when life continuance and activity is predicated on the striving and illusions of the will. This this specific moment, life is just bare continuity with little engaging or appealing before me

And yes, ik it is bizarre to have written that as though the will and the “self that obeys it” are separate things when obviously we are a single entity doing what we must per the law of the most compelling motive, with that + our disposition + our starting point mechanically steering (determining) our entire life course from the beginning to the end of consciousness

On these days, ppl just out n about doing their stuff - it is just like they are gears turning in a giant machine, both in the sense that it is mechanical and in the sense that it is repetitive

And on the repetition front, that is where it really gets absurd to think about things, how one year or decade is traversed just so we can be one year/decade older and have to face that subsequent year/decade. And to have to see any friends or loved ones be less healthy and uglier and just more and more a shadow of their vibrant and charged selves from when u met them


View attachment 5108665
Ppl here didn’t / don’t get Amnesia and I see he hasn’t posted in 3 months now. And he was talking abt starting content on TikTok/YouTube, showing IRL cold approaches and rejections in stuff, even getting footage for it. And then before the full launch, I kinda wonder if his unique psyche just did NOT quite allow him to do it. That he knows it is purposeless in the end and won’t get validation from it since that is from girls or the self (or just from the memories of girls when you have such a high bc and w some high-tier girls too as is the case w him)… that it would just be a lot of work and perhaps not the exciting idea it was whenever some neurochemical higher state made social media launch feel like a cool idea to him before. But we only exist in terms of our present neurochemical state, after all

It is just all no good and there’s been some days that have been lower than ever. It has been a while since feeling like “myself” and yet the “self” is not a constant stable entity and is just a result of biological/neurochemical processes after all anyways

The fact that youth seems like literally everything doesn’t help this. That the younger period of life is what contains all the charge and excitement and good things and yet every year that passes means a year being closer to the end of that. Youth is the essence of what living can be and the rest of the monotonous decades seem like pitiful torture where it’s like the bill that is exacted in exchange for having to have been young before.
But my mind didn’t allow me to be thoughtless enough to really enjoy the teen years of innocence like others get to, anyways. Bc lucidity and meta-awareness become a curse

It doesn’t seem like there is anything out there to “do” or “accomplish”, no “purpose” that absolutely matters and isn’t self-referential, and no, someone can not just “pick XYZ as their purpose” either since this is not something anyone has on a logical ground but is a matter of what their will/disposition just strongly drives them to want to do and to strive for, so ofc not something one “picks” or can “choose to have”. Which yes, means indeed that someone does not pick whether they have compelling reason to live or not

I killed a spider while writing this and it just hits me how I’m really not “more important” than that spider. I crushed it, it’s gone, that’s that, it’s nothing in the grand scheme of things. The human entity has this “ego” this “self” that in normal circumstances makes “us” feel important and like life is “worthwhile”, and sure it is “worthwhile” as long as the mind is offering us predominantly positive neurochemical states. All things like “purpose” and “fulfillment” and “enjoyment” refer to dopamine/norepinephrine/serotonin/oxytocin, etc. And nothing more, since these brain chemicals are ofc the substrate of all human experience

Last evening I was not far from getting hit by a van as a result of jaywalking having been fasted all day and out of it and sleep deprived and just in one of those states of existing where things are a blur and having the sense that everything around just hardly even feels real. And if it happened that I went out onto the street 2 seconds later, that very well could have put an immediate total end to all of my story/aspirations/memories/selfhood for good. No end of summer Turkey hardmaxxes. I can’t say it affected me at all, as in not really even a cortisol or adrenaline spike from it

I kinda more just thought of how it is the smallest things, be it in seconds or word choices or a 0.1% difference in your genetics or whatever other small increment of something, that determine everything sometimes, just as with near-death experiences

And it’s really the foreknowledge of death that is the issue; if someone dies without warning then they don’t EXIST to be sad about it or or worry about it or lament not being able to do more stuff in the world; it is more about the mind-breaking awareness of death in the context of us having memories and present awareness and some sort of future hopes that really gets us

I think some people are wired to be here for a shorter period and do what they need to do and then to step away from life once they know there is nothing else compelling and their mind stops manufacturing illusions to coerce them into persisting through decades of decay and repetition just so they can get to an end state of being a 90yo person repulsive in appearance and worth nothing to the world besides maybe to family and who must mentally subsist entirely off memories of youth

We didn’t choose our birth + genetics + circumstances, and so the idea that everyone must be enslaved to living all the way to a horrific elderly age just because they were born is just absurd and retarded. And ofc the great thinkers of the ages had much more mature views regarding those who pick their life endpoint, views that were along these lines and completely opposite the shallow NPC-culture ethos that apparently everyone needs to strive for old age and can not get off this treadmill earlier

People talking about “how to cope with X in life” or “how to cope WITH LIFE” in general: But if something requires AVOIDING LUCIDLY THINKING ABOUT IT WITHOUT COPES it in order to TOLERATE it, then how good or worthwhile can it really be, anyway?

The "will" is a parasite that pilots you to reproduce, it doesn't care about your happiness but only its' continuance. You're at the crux of things, life is not good or worthwhile by default. uve gone all in on engineering a part of your life and the "will" rugpulled you, i get it man. I wish the goal of life was to get better looking and engineer that part, but there's a beauty in it not being that simple. Everything we go incredibly deep into (which is a blessing btw, almost everyone is surface level) comes with a series of tradeoffs, you've gone so hard into a vector and obviously you're feeling the hedonic treadmill burn and you've got nothing else in ur life to strive or aspire towards. Tough luck, but this is life, and there's truly beauty in this, and you have the luck of being someone to reach the end of a striving, which demonstrates you're able to engineer your will quite well, and that YOU HAVE the ability to be rugpulled by the dissatisfaction at all.

Only a few people get far enough in any endeavor to face this(think prodigies, insane businessmen). The truth is, you've reached this point early and still have so long to go. I would rather face the tradeoffs of winning a field rather than the combined tradeoffs of not trying anything at all (and becoming a dopamine zombie like 99.9% of the world) - truth is metabolically insanely expensive, we all run on narratives of cope, and seeing how the world TRULY is is incredibly hard on the soul, and everyone opts out, even in the moments where you distract yourself from things, that is opting out. From this position you have the ability to start any kind of story you want to (something i've always wanted to do if I was chad was to hit college campuses, lie and say I went there and tear shit up), you've hit the wall. This is the life of the outlier (i'm personally high MTN but NW low 7figs at 20), you're not the first, and you're not the last. Civilization is inherently a mass domestication mechanism, and stepping outside that means you pay the price for truth. it's table stakes to real life, and YOU'RE the lucky one to be able to pay it at all.

GL feel free to DM

 

[yasuoh]

w8 arent u on tt? or am i confusing u with someone else?

 

[HypergamyHater667]

You should read noted from undergound by dostoyvesky, it speaks about alot of similar ideas as you have in here.